Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML
Today, a wild squirrel managed to get into my house. I can't see him… but I can hear him in the walls. FML
Today, I went to use a public restroom. I walked into the first stall and found it occupied… by a raccoon. It hissed at me, and in my panic, I backed into a janitor's cart, knocking over the mop and bucket. I had to leave the bathroom drenched in dirty water while a crowd of people watched. FML
Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML
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Top comments
chevygirl23 17
Call animal control
Trym 7
Hiss back! Display your dominance!
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Comments (157)
Keiren 14
We've got raccoons that come by from time to time to steal cat food, but they're easy to scare away... Except for the huge fat one that taps the empty bowl and then the patio door when he sees me. He knows I'm the one that feeds the cats. /facepalm
moshpit11 8
Shoot them
Cleu 12
Make a can filled with pennies, beans, anything that can make a loud rattle and shake it from inside your house
bv2332 10
Just leave... Stop being a wimp
chriisteex 10
Shouldn't your apartment management be dealing with the pest problem?
BreezyBgirl 8
Be glad they're just sitting outside of your door, rather than opening up the door. They can do that stuff. And if they did, you'd be screwed!
cnparks1990 9
they are doin a gang bang. XD
Erzebet_fml 7
You're semi-right. There has to be an alternate exit in case of emergencies such as fires. It doesn't have to be a door, but it needs to be at a different area of the house than the door so it wouldn't be blocked by the same fire as the door. If there isn't an alternate exit, the apartment would not pass fire code, and wouldn't be legal to rent out. This mainly applies to second floor (and above) apartments as you couldn't just jump out of any random window like you could on a ground level apartment.
BradTheBrony 19
Punt one of them, show it who's boss! Just kidding please don't hurt me
The_Hula_Monster 10
You only have one door? That, sir, is a fire hazard.