Today, I'm recovering in the emergency room. How did I get here? Intoxicated at a coed party, I saw a hole in the host's shed and thought it funny to christen it a "glory-hole", only to be bitten by what may well have been a black widow spider. FML
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Top comments
By
Harpy20
| 24
Don't stick your dick in dirty holes. Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to a doctor.
By
ks23
| 9
I feel bad for the spider. Who knows what you gave him seeing as you stick your dick in anything
COMMENTS
By
louiserosen
| 4
I actually feel bad for you. Get better soon!
Reply
_Oblivion_
| 12
You got off easy. Imagine if it was shredded metal in that hole from something stabbing the shed.
Reply
Jonaahhhh
| 12
Spiderman, Spiderman...
Reply
LolFMLnot
| 10
Spiderman spiderman take OP to the garbage can, okay i am done.
Reply
TourettesGuyFTW
| 25
As the saying goes; no guts, no glory!
Reply
dupot420
| 9
That mother fucker deserved it. Never put your tool in somewhere you don't know what's on the other side.
Reply
jjessen
| 20
(insert funny cock biting joke)
Reply
fkingstooge
| 0
LOL hahaha that's the funniest thing. Was your penis swollen/purple/blue/itchy/cast around it/no more sex for you in a couple of weeks/what brah
Reply
reddawn1985
| 12
Will they have to cut it off?
Reply
klovemachine
| 24
I've never heard a drunk story end in a good way :O
Reply
sens3sfailing
| 24
..so there I was, wasted off my ass and then...joe Cuban comes out of nowhere and gives me good stock advice, and I promptly followed it and doubled my portfolio! He also offered me a bunch of stuff for my diet Mountain Dew...didn't have the heart to tell him it was just whiskey...
Reply
botanistjessica
| 24
117, it's disturbing you wish to know all of those details.
By
dramaelf
| 37
I do hope you know you deserved this.
Reply
TourettesGuyFTW
| 25
^There's a button for that.
Reply
Jjgibbs
| 5
Op- it happens to the best of us
Reply
bazzer69
| 3
Op- it really doesn't happen to the best of us
Reply
HKCgrimmjow
| 15
Just to finish this off, OP, it happens to some of the best of us
Reply
tehcyberman
| 9
I can honestly tell you that this has never happened to me, and I'm not even the best.
So no, it doesn't happen to the best of us.
So no, it doesn't happen to the best of us.
Reply
Jjgibbs
| 5
Well good sir, i am indubitably the best, and i has indeed happened to me a time or twenty, therefore using my precise mathematical algorithms i can determine that it does happen to the best of us
Reply
dead247
| 13
So you stick your dick in random holes and get bit by random creatures?
By
kyleekay
| 25
How can you not deserve this? Are glory holes EVER a good idea?
Reply
netdemon
| 11
How are they ever NOT a good idea?
Reply
yankfan89
| 27
Apparently when you get bit by a black widow spider.
Reply
kyleekay
| 25
25- When you stick your dick through and sustain a bite from a Black Widow.
The idea of a glory hole is disgusting, anyway. I don't see the appeal in having a random stranger get you off; you have no idea where their mouth has been.
The idea of a glory hole is disgusting, anyway. I don't see the appeal in having a random stranger get you off; you have no idea where their mouth has been.
Reply
Death_Hoe_Inn
| 10
28- Or if that mouth is female or male
Reply
RvidxrKlvn
| 8
Or if they're human
Reply
TheDrifter
| 23
Treat it as a game. It's like playing name that disease with your genitals. On a side note, whether the shed was steel or wood, the hole itself could have caused serious injury.
Reply
MsMourningStar
| 22
It doesn't have to be a stranger. I've gone with my fiancé and we each went into a separate room and it was amazing. You just have to be more open minded about your sex life to enjoy such things I guess.
Reply
onlychildFTW
| 33
You have to be open to strangeness and kinkiness to enjoy a glory hole.
Reply
TheRapeTrain
| 0
I have seen a comment on like every FML ever by you kyleekay.
Reply
Carmstro
| 13
28- related story, once a guy did the glory hole thing in a stall in a men's washroom, walked out, and his dad came out of that stall...
Reply
onlychildFTW
| 33
138 - where'd you hear that? That seems far fetched.
Reply
MsMourningStar
| 22
Well yes 72, that's kind of the point. Vanilla's wouldn't go near a glory hole.
Reply
Carmstro
| 13
152- it could have easily been a coincidence. A very disturbing coincidence.
Reply
skittle_QUEEN_YO
| 15
Or if they even have a mouth....
All dat slenderman assssss...... XD
All dat slenderman assssss...... XD
By
Harpy20
| 24
Don't stick your dick in dirty holes. Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to a doctor.
Reply
Noxialis
| 9
Pretty solid guideline to live by, #4. The doctor part.
Reply
negb
| 30
My new motto...
Reply
Inheritance
| 10
Always ask your doctor if its right for you!
Reply
alycion
| 38
It was a one in a million shot doc, one in a million.
Reply
WritingWrongs
| 8
-75, Love the Seinfeld reference, haha!
Reply
Sandman366
| 6
Well, if your doctor is DocBastard, then OP probably isn't the worst case to be heard of.
Reply
dupot420
| 9
Damn you fine as fuck.
Reply
ardencred
| 7
What if OP is a girl?
Reply
Harpy20
| 24
164-are you retarded?
Reply
brackaman
| 18
164 That was one of the few times my jaw has dropped just from pure stupidity.
Reply
rinzlerkitty94
| 31
#164 I gave that a thumbs up only because I laughed so hard I vomited after reading that.
By
ks23
| 9
I feel bad for the spider. Who knows what you gave him seeing as you stick your dick in anything
Reply
Sandsh8rk
| 36
Yeah, that bites.
Reply
klovemachine
| 24
"spider dies after biting dick" is a headline you won't find in any newspaper :)
Reply
sartrow
| 7
Black WIDOW, not a him, but good comment :)
By
Shadowvoid
| 33
I see that as a widow problem, but you will be ok. In spider your actions, you will hopefully recover soon.
Reply
txbelle210
| 5
Your play on words is actually quite clever
Reply
Shadowvoid
| 33
Thank you, sir or madam
Reply
Pretty_reckless_fml
| 18
Hole-d on a sec OP, maybe you shed think about the consequences of your actions beforehand :P
Reply
lmbachman
| 23
lol shadowvoid--best response yet!!
Reply
Queen_of_Night
| 20
This wouldn't have happened had he been more recluse.
Reply
Shadowvoid
| 33
If there had been a brown recluse involved... Well, his "member" may fall off and no longer be a member of his body.
Reply
Shadowvoid
| 33
77- have you read my responses before? Usually they are hidden in 5-10 seconds...
By
MedKits
| 9
I want to say YDI, but I can't. No one deserves to have their dick bitten by a spider.
Reply
fuzion50
| 6
#21 you obviously don't understand cuz ur not a guy. I don't wanna sound sexist, but spider-dick is a cock-shriveling terror.
By
Link7130
| 4
Not the brightest crayon in the box are you?
Reply
SurfSnowSkate7
| 7
Or should you say, not the sharpest tool in the shed.
Reply
lmbachman
| 23
Yes! That's awesome!
Reply
Sandman366
| 6
Sharpest knife in the drawer, brightest bulb in the pack...I've heard of those. Brightest crayon, however, is a new one...
By
yoyoyowhatup
| 11
How does the coed part have anything to do with it?
Reply
sammisweets93
| 12
usually a straight male wants a girl, maybe idk what it has to do.
Reply
kyleekay
| 25
Assuming OP is a male, it was probably meant to imply that he didn't want another dude to be on the opposite end of the glory hole.
Reply
ks23
| 9
The op is male. Considering he has a dick to stick in a glory hole
Reply
doctorhook86
| 24
What people are forgetting is that glory holes started as a way for gay men to have random sex in bathrooms.
Reply
CallMeMcFeelii
| 13
I didn't forget that 89, why else do you think I have a hole cut out in my bathroom door? Haha.
Reply
chickenflem
| 8
So no one answered 9. I was wondering the same thing. How would this be different if it were a all guys party and OP was gay? That wouldn't stop him from getting intoxicated and sticking his penis into the hole.
Reply
ChaoticBacon
| 6
How did your comment have anything to do with this post? Hmm, yoyo?
By
kleider1
| 9
Why!? That's a stupid thing to do. You should count yourself lucky for bot ending up dead if it was a black widow
Reply
TheOnlyKittyKat
| 15
Actually you have a 99% chance of surviving a black widow bite.
Reply
kleider1
| 9
I didn't know that. And I didn't think I was gonna learn anything today.