Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my neighbour called to say a crazy drunk man was breaking into my house. Thankfully, the police were already there, questioning me about “attempted unlawful entry” into my own house. My keys had been taken from a friend so I wouldn’t drive. It's 1°C and I still haven’t gotten inside. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML
Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML
Today, I was arrested for breaking into a house. This is what happens when I lose my key. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called the cops on me and told them I wasn’t letting him in the house. His keys were in the door, he was just too drunk to unlock it. FML
Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML
Today, I woke up extremely hungover. I couldn't find my car keys so I went out to my car to see if I had locked them inside. I walked back to the door of my apartment barefoot and empty handed, only to find that I had locked myself out of the apartment. FML
Today, I was over at a friend's place until very late. He had stolen my keys as a joke at some point, but by the time I noticed, he was too drunk to remember where he'd hidden them. FML
Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML
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Top comments
ruben7467 0
it happens. thank god you have concerned neighbors. not a fml
allmidnighteyes 11
At least they cared enough to notice.
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Comments (103)
americayay 0
And then what? Nothing happened? That's what I thought.
Veritas143 0
And then he said the cops were racist and had beers with Obama..duh!
epic_fail_guy 0
I dread getting "busted" every time I have to climb in through a window in my own house too. YDI for being drunk, but props for not driving drunk.
TherinOak 0
You're so lucky to have such nice neighbors. So many people don't say anything. If your house actually is robbed, you know you're surrounded by a wonderful community who would say something. I hope you appreciate them and return the favor if the need ever arises.
toastnbuttrcheng 0
I wasn't trying to be racist ._. just sounds an awful lot like the Harvard professor.
rebeluke 1
Maybe if he makes a big enough deal of it, he will be invited to the white house for a beer
mirage24_fml 0
I logged on to ask if you are a Harvard professor.
your_face 15
...So now you know how easy it is to break into your house, and you should make sure not to leave the windows open next time. You got lucky this time, having a way to get in, but next time it could be a burglar hitting the jackpot.
Brooklynxman 0
Where is the fml? Answer the door, explain, thank your neighbors in the morning (explaining to them is optional, depends on how poorly they'd look at you for being drunk off your ass).
Exiro2 0
This. Being suspected of being a burglar is not a bad thing unless you actually are a burglar.
the_stereotype 0
all i read was, drunk, and pretty much figured out the entire scenario. op, you're a tard.
happyemokid8181 0
FAILURE AT LIFE! how do you lose your keys? They're the jingling things in your pocket... Your story is the reason why I don't drink..... FAILURE! sorry I had to say it again to get my point across. Also, your house must have been really easy to break into because drunk people don't usually get anywhere without falling on their asses. Lock up next time....
Envy_fml 0
Alright, in their defense, I've lost my keys tons of times while sober.
RedBaron 0
The bible camp brigade strikes again! Seriously you straight-edge ***** are hating on alcohol? I've become accustomed to plenty of shit talking on FMLs involving cigs or bud, but alcohol is the most socially acceptable inebriant (I don't know why though). "alcohol is bad, drunks are stupid, whine whine whine." Shut. The. ****. Up
Whydoyouask 11
Damn dude, chill out. And just to be fair, don’t start stereotyping people just because someone went crazy over an FML. You seriously had some issues with christians, but geez, this person didn’t even mention that they were christian! Why don’t you do everybody a favor and calm down. And even though alcohol is the most socially acceptable inebriant, I’m pretty sure getting drunk isn’t the most socially acceptable thing…Although, I have to agree with #66, I’ve lost my keys plenty of times too. OP- I fail to see the FML, this should be more of a “thank goodness I have considerate neighbors” kind of thing.
Vonuc 0
The real FML in here is that your neighbors were probably watching you through some bush and noticed someone casually making their way into a window. They just don't know that all holes are entrances.
redbluegreen 41
Is that what you tell your girlfriend? (;
Vonuc 0
Lol. I sort of mistyped. Can you imagine someone looking through a bush to spy one someone?
xOpheliacx 0
being drunk automatically = YDI. Just be happy you have neighbors that would call the cops for you.