Miscellaneous: Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I...

By FailedEngineer - 20/10/2009 21:31 - Australia

Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 266

You deserved it 35 647

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Same thing different taste

Let em in

By Anonymous - 29/07/2022 10:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, my neighbour called to say a crazy drunk man was breaking into my house. Thankfully, the police were already there, questioning me about “attempted unlawful entry” into my own house. My keys had been taken from a friend so I wouldn’t drive. It's 1°C and I still haven’t gotten inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 222

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 627

You deserved it 34 411

Party girl

By Abby - 11/11/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 078

You deserved it 39 588

By Sparks - 13/03/2011 07:39 - United States

Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 732

You deserved it 14 979

By Matthew - 27/11/2011 02:33 - United States

Today, I was arrested for breaking into a house. This is what happens when I lose my key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 882

You deserved it 4 579

Drunk dick

By Anonymous - 07/10/2019 20:00

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called the cops on me and told them I wasn’t letting him in the house. His keys were in the door, he was just too drunk to unlock it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 840

You deserved it 175

By Sebastian20 - 08/05/2013 11:05 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 324

You deserved it 15 609

Stuck

By crap - 19/06/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, I woke up extremely hungover. I couldn't find my car keys so I went out to my car to see if I had locked them inside. I walked back to the door of my apartment barefoot and empty handed, only to find that I had locked myself out of the apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 878

You deserved it 44 892

By doneanddone - 28/02/2009 17:33 - United States

Today, I was over at a friend's place until very late. He had stolen my keys as a joke at some point, but by the time I noticed, he was too drunk to remember where he'd hidden them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 767

You deserved it 8 738

Stuck

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 347

You deserved it 5 231

ruben7467 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 1:31

it happens. thank god you have concerned neighbors. not a fml

allmidnighteyes 10

Wednesday 21 October 2009 1:33

At least they cared enough to notice.

Comments

americayay 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 1:48

And then what? Nothing happened? That's what I thought.

Veritas143 0

Thursday 22 October 2009 0:20

And then he said the cops were racist and had beers with Obama..duh!

epic_fail_guy 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 2:01

I dread getting "busted" every time I have to climb in through a window in my own house too. YDI for being drunk, but props for not driving drunk.

TherinOak 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 2:02

You're so lucky to have such nice neighbors. So many people don't say anything. If your house actually is robbed, you know you're surrounded by a wonderful community who would say something. I hope you appreciate them and return the favor if the need ever arises.

toastnbuttrcheng 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 2:06

I wasn't trying to be racist ._. just sounds an awful lot like the Harvard professor.

rebeluke 1

Wednesday 21 October 2009 4:08

Maybe if he makes a big enough deal of it, he will be invited to the white house for a beer

mirage24_fml 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 4:27

I logged on to ask if you are a Harvard professor.

your_face 15

Wednesday 21 October 2009 2:10

...So now you know how easy it is to break into your house, and you should make sure not to leave the windows open next time. You got lucky this time, having a way to get in, but next time it could be a burglar hitting the jackpot.

Brooklynxman 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 2:22

Where is the fml? Answer the door, explain, thank your neighbors in the morning (explaining to them is optional, depends on how poorly they'd look at you for being drunk off your ass).

Exiro2 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 22:07

This. Being suspected of being a burglar is not a bad thing unless you actually are a burglar.

the_stereotype 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 2:24

all i read was, drunk, and pretty much figured out the entire scenario. op, you're a tard.

happyemokid8181 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 2:34

FAILURE AT LIFE! how do you lose your keys? They're the jingling things in your pocket... Your story is the reason why I don't drink..... FAILURE! sorry I had to say it again to get my point across. Also, your house must have been really easy to break into because drunk people don't usually get anywhere without falling on their asses. Lock up next time....

Envy_fml 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 6:21

Alright, in their defense, I've lost my keys tons of times while sober.

RedBaron 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 8:37

The bible camp brigade strikes again! Seriously you straight-edge ***** are hating on alcohol? I've become accustomed to plenty of shit talking on FMLs involving cigs or bud, but alcohol is the most socially acceptable inebriant (I don't know why though). "alcohol is bad, drunks are stupid, whine whine whine." Shut. The. ****. Up

Whydoyouask 11

Wednesday 21 October 2009 9:40

Damn dude, chill out. And just to be fair, don’t start stereotyping people just because someone went crazy over an FML. You seriously had some issues with christians, but geez, this person didn’t even mention that they were christian! Why don’t you do everybody a favor and calm down. And even though alcohol is the most socially acceptable inebriant, I’m pretty sure getting drunk isn’t the most socially acceptable thing…Although, I have to agree with #66, I’ve lost my keys plenty of times too. OP- I fail to see the FML, this should be more of a “thank goodness I have considerate neighbors” kind of thing.

Vonuc 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 2:42

The real FML in here is that your neighbors were probably watching you through some bush and noticed someone casually making their way into a window. They just don't know that all holes are entrances.