Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I lost a bet with friends and now have to sit and watch all the Twilight movies. FML
Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML
Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the three books. FML
Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML
Today, I realized I'd lost my wallet when paying for groceries. I had to put all the items back and leave the store feeling so embarrassed in front of everyone. FML
Today, I walked two miles to the store, filled my cart with groceries, and got to the cashier… only to find I had forgotten my wallet. I tried to explain but got the nastiest stank-eye from the cashier, the manager, and everyone in line behind me. I walked two miles home, hungry and embarrassed. FML
Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML
Today, I went to the supermarket to buy my weekly groceries and only realized after a long queue at the checkout, then having the cashier scan my entire cart, that I'd forgotten my purse. I had to leave everything behind and walk out empty-handed, while everyone in line behind me gave me dirty looks. FML
Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML
Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML
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Top comments
JennNoVa 8
I would have made you buy a tube of K.Y. Jelly too. Be grateful.
iOceanus 18
She will obviously be make a salad to eat while reading.
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Comments (170)
Alastrina_fml 20
That is genius!
mycatsaysmeow 7
That's actually pretty hilarious.
lonerbitch 6
Without any lub? You, sir are pervert.
SiriusBlack97 17
this is possibly the best FML ever published
badbaby_87 5
You should have asked her if she thought it was big enough.
WickedWolf 11
Well, it may have sucked for you, but if you ever worked at a supermarket, you know the incredible boredom you saved the clerk from, if only for a moment. :3
blueknight1st 26
You think that's bad, two days ago I had to buy lube, condoms and a plunger. The look I got from the cashier was one of horror.
world_on_fire 4
hahaha
onorexveritas 24
that is truly hilarious
whY402Jay 12
Would have been funnier if you were a guy.