Love: Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 90

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 43

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 25

31/12/2013 17:47

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 934

You deserved it 3 860

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Leave us alone

Business school of business school

05/08/2015 17:35

Today, my boyfriend tried to claim it was my fault that he cheated on me, all because I "deprived" him of sex for two weeks last month when I went on a family vacation. If his mental gymnastics were physical, I swear he'd be able to suck his own cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 273

You deserved it 2 538

19/01/2010 07:58

Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me for six months with my best friend of five years. After asking him what she had that I didn't, he responded with one word - "Boobies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 776

You deserved it 4 606

14/09/2016 02:15

Today, I found out that my son thinks it's acceptable to use words like "on fleek" in high school level essays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 905

You deserved it 1 401

08/05/2015 17:40

Today, I found out that maggots can live inside of a saxophone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 528

You deserved it 4 338

Puke is good for you

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 07:57

Today, there's a campaign in my country advertising natural dog food. Apparently, nobody amongst the creators speaks English. How do I know? The hashtag they came up with is #SimplyBarf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 87

25/11/2011 16:24

Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 045

You deserved it 2 473

10/08/2016 20:53

Today, the guy I've been crushing on at work finally asked me out to lunch. I was nervous we wouldn't have anything to talk about. He spent the entire hour talking about how amazing his new girlfriend is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 288

You deserved it 1 222

Mind your beeswax, Karen

By Anonymous - 22/06/2020 02:02

Today, I was carrying some bags out of a store, and my shirt had scooted up a little. I had no free hands, so I ignored it. A woman stopped me to tell me that bare midriffs are only attractive on skinny girls, "not fat ones." I'm 6 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 661

You deserved it 136

10/07/2009 19:20

Spicy

Today, my younger brother, who is 15, had to show me the quickest way to take off a woman's bra. I'm 12 years older than he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 338

You deserved it 13 742

03/08/2011 16:46

Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 187

You deserved it 3 218

11/05/2009 23:14

Today, I walked into Best Buy to buy a 42" widescreen TV I'd been saving up for many months. As I walked in, a man stopped me and handed me my wallet that I'd accidentally dropped. I thanked him. 5 minutes later at the checkout, I opened up my wallet to realize it was empty. He had stolen everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 644

You deserved it 11 982

11/08/2013 15:35

Spicy

Today, while I was hanging out with a cute girl, I slapped her ass playfully. She told me that she was going to get me back. She slapped my ass later that night unexpectedly while I was holding in a huge fart... It came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 081

You deserved it 24 719

16/07/2012 08:12

Today, my thoughts that I'm going crazy were confirmed when I got into the shower with my socks on. The worst part is that I didn't realize it for a good five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 247

You deserved it 5 450

26/01/2012 04:18

Today, my husband thought it would be "funny" to put laxatives in the cakes for my son's 7th birthday party. Over 40 kids came to the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 516

You deserved it 4 090

Chill out, Bugs

By trex_life - 14/03/2021 20:00

Today, I bought my sister a bunny and all it does is try to bang my cat, and shit and piss in my room to mark its territory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 481

30/10/2012 04:05

Today, I bought a new car, and before I left, the dealer offered to help me set up the sync. I agreed, but I really wish I'd remembered that my Bluetooth name is TitsMcGee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 698

You deserved it 27 625

Animalistic

By 00anon00 - 02/07/2020 02:01

Today, I was fired from my local animal shelter. I was a volunteer and am currently in school for veterinary technology. My education made the paid staff at the shelter feel threatened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 611

You deserved it 141

17/04/2012 01:59

Spicy

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 820

You deserved it 7 426

17/04/2011 01:06

Today, my dog ate a $2,000 check. My credit card bill gets taken out of my bank account tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 220

You deserved it 9 972

17/02/2019 04:00

Today, it’s the third month of my diet. Every dream I’ve had since I started has been entirely about junk food. Every. Single. One. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 037

You deserved it 278

The Omen 4

By jensoulstealer - 16/03/2020 20:17

Today, my year and a half old daughter has discovered the joy of temper tantrums. She is now throwing them constantly. Everywhere. Anytime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 321

17/02/2016 21:36

Today, my boss told me that people from work have been complaining about me. Apparently, I'm not doing part of their jobs for them, and the other manager sometimes does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 997

You deserved it 1 503

06/04/2018 00:00

Today, my husband and I hosted Easter dinner. Since I was in my own home, I breastfed without a cover. My sister-in-law stormed out in a rage, screaming that I was being obscene, and equated it to shooting heroin in front of her kids. Happy Easter indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 101

You deserved it 647

Germaphobe

By AFSDALK:AFSDQWE - 23/11/2013 18:33

Today, my boss made me cover for him by working two extra hours, because he had to rush home early to deal with an "emergency". The emergency was taking a shit, because he claims to have a phobia of doing them anywhere but at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 998

You deserved it 3 773

22/05/2014 19:24

Today, my daughter admitted why her grades, which are usually straight A's, have been slipping the past few weeks. Turns out she has been deliberately failing tests to avoid becoming valedictorian, so she won't have to deliver a speech at graduation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 830

You deserved it 6 670

03/10/2009 18:41

Today, I was on a date with a guy having a great time. I went up to go to the ladies' room, but as I walked back to the table, I heard some giggles. I looked and found out why. My skirt was tucked into my underwear. I was wearing my lucky Star Wars-themed panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 730

You deserved it 15 093

24/06/2011 04:46

Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 857

You deserved it 4 881

09/09/2012 17:02

Today, I walked downstairs with a couple of bags full of stuff, in preparation for a sleepover at my friend's house. My nine-year-old cousin looked at me and said, "Where're you going? Fat camp?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 493

You deserved it 4 031

19/05/2012 08:03

Today, I woke up early for an important team meeting I needed to attend. I washed, got changed, and sat down to eat breakfast... I then woke up again, an hour late and covered in cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 522

You deserved it 4 526

Chronic

By sick not siiiick - 02/08/2021 18:01

Today, after years of being unable to work because of chronic illness, I finished my second week of a new job. I'm so utterly and completely wiped out, I don't know if I can continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 93

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 11:02

Spicy

Today, I had a family reunion and there were a lot of people there that I didn't know. The person that I'd been sleeping with for about 7 months showed up. He's my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 263

03/06/2019 02:05

Today, I got up at 3:15 a.m. to be ready for work at 5 a.m. I get to my work station to find absolutely no work to do. After talking with my boss, I was sent home with no pay. If I'd been employed there 3 weeks longer, I would've been paid for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 681

You deserved it 138

13/01/2015 08:28

Today, a council worker showed up on my doorstep for the final pool installation inspection, which was scheduled 10 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 654

You deserved it 2 433

06/02/2016 20:52

Spicy

Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 828

You deserved it 5 084

Winner

By Anonymous - 09/01/2020 20:00

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 999

You deserved it 950

Partaaaaaaaay !

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 23:01

Today, being unemployed and under lockdown, my idea of a party is driving to the dentist and turning the sound system up in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 100

13/07/2009 09:17

Spicy

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 598

You deserved it 88 940

15/04/2014 21:55

Today, I realized that the only female who shows any sexual interest in me at all is my 70-year-old neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 771

You deserved it 4 624

Alexa, play "These Things Take Time" by The Smiths

By p0isonOreo68 - 08/11/2020 08:03

Today, I broke my glasses, so I scheduled an appointment to get a new pair. The soonest available appointment? November 21st. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 79

Great prank ideas #47

By Anonymous - 02/09/2021 23:01

Today, I went to a baseball game with my wife. During intermission, the kiss cam chose my wife and me. So, what do you expect, I kissed her, but she decided to slap me and pretend she didn't know me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 139

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Top comments

skilova4lifezzz 19

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:16

"I could say the same about your dick"

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:13

Well that's very rude of him, sorry to hear that OP

Comments

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:13

Well that's very rude of him, sorry to hear that OP

Robbieisadowg 16

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 5:12

(Sarcasm) At least he's honest........

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 11:50

Maybe he meant to say awesomely shaped.

flashback.miss 28

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:14

a little tact wouldn't have killed him.

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Thursday 2 January 2014 5:01

What is that on the eye in your profile pic?

skilova4lifezzz 19

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:16

"I could say the same about your dick"

Trym 7

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:17

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:19

I think it's pretty obvious he meant she's oddly shaped.

ThomasBombadil 31

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:19

Wait a week or two and when he seems or looks especially self conscious...return the favor and walk away.

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 2:28

She could leave it and be the bigger woman, because he probably feels bad about it already

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 2:48

I think she shouldn't leave things like that alone. Not saying she needs to get into huge arguments over the comment, but he needs to understand what he said hurt her feelings. If he thinks she is unattractive naked, then that is something he could have kept to himself.

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:20

That's mean...

abhi95 31

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 1:38

Oh.. I don't see how!

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:21

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:26

Or maybe he is just a dickwad

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:26

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:29

Men's ideals arn't always the most guided things.. Don't let him ge you down OP.

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 0:04

You obviously don't know anything about men.

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 2:41

I've actually Been through a few who focused more on looks than heart. I'd say I know a little bit. OP's boyfriend, though we don't know what happened after or what kind of relationship they have, shouldn't care about her body shape if he loves her. It might have just been a wayward comment and/or joke. That's a girls take on this. Sorry if I offended anyone with my comment, but it is true. Why do you think girls try so hard to look perfect?

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 4:21

Actually usually attraction comes first and that leads to falling in love.

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 5:00

And after a few guys like that you come to the conclusion that men in general think that way.

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Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:29

How is one awkwardly shaped in the first place?

mcm_3 16

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 19:48

By having an 'awkward' body shape

ironmany_fml 23

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Wednesday 1 January 2014 21:17

how does one define an "awkward" body shape... ? which shape is awkward.. n which is not?

littlemissdqgirl 8

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Friday 3 January 2014 6:12

Maybe he's a guy that watches too much porn and thinks all girls have hourglass figures. Some guys have this "ideal" in their head and anything else just falls short. I'm more so wondering why he's with the op if he has a problem with how she looks? Op- Sorry he made such a d!ckhead comment:/ Sounds like he was born without a filter.