Love: Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend... - FML

By danskinnow - 05/10/2009 02:01 - United States

Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 089

You deserved it 34 616

Mama's boy

Walk on the wild side

Dysfunctional

By Just me - 09/09/2011 23:48 - United States

Today, I found out that the man who offered to put up the woman I love in exchange for me helping out with his rent, has in fact been her "other" boyfriend since before she moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 568

You deserved it 4 444

By MaryJane - 07/08/2019 02:00

Today, my best friend told me she didn't want to be my friend anymore, because she wanted to start afresh in college and have pretty friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 070

You deserved it 107

By Anonymous - 05/10/2010 09:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at work on a smoke break. I work at a truck stop, and it was around 2am. This old man pulls in and asks me if I would like to join him for some dinner. I said no, and told him I was working. He replies, "How much do you charge?" Apparently, even in sweats I look like a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 002

You deserved it 6 659

Help

By whyme - 08/12/2010 06:26

Today, feeling so depressed to the point of having suicidal thoughts, I texted a girl I had a crush on. Her response? "Can you please delete my number, you're getting annoying." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 438

You deserved it 19 729

By Courtney - 07/11/2011 06:49 - United States

Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on the toilet, and then had to give my boss a valid reason for why I was late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 991

You deserved it 5 200

Fashion Week, Bitch

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 21:02

Today, I found out that my blazer was not in fact lost. How did I find this out? The girl who'd "lost it" was wearing it. She now denies it was ever mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 127

By resurrected - 04/09/2013 15:59 - United Kingdom - Worthing

Today, I collected my new timetable at college only to find I've been dropped from all my classes. I've been listed as deceased. I'm definitely not dead and have no idea how I supposedly died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 019

You deserved it 2 969

Demonic attack!

By zombie mommy - 27/06/2020 17:02

Today, my 10-month-old kept me up all night after a gruelling day. I finally fell asleep with her at about 2 a.m., and I woke up half an hour later to her hands on my throat, and her biting my nose. Startled, I took a big breath through my nose and snorted an ungodly amount of slobber. I’m awake now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 383

You deserved it 208

By Balls - 27/05/2017 22:00 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, for my family, my most impressive quality is I can make spaghetti and meatballs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 375

You deserved it 513

It's up there somewhere

By Anonymous - 15/09/2021 06:57 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Spicy

Today, it was the first time my fiancé and I have been able to have sex in the daytime for ages. We have 2 kids under 2 who take up most of our time, so when we had the opportunity, we grabbed a condom and pounced. Everything was going well until he pulled out… and left the condom inside. Now we can’t find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 173

By secret - 11/03/2010 05:18 - United States

Today, I found out the electric bill I have been paying was on my old house. I found this out when they shut off the power to my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 828

You deserved it 20 215

By lamed - 04/12/2009 22:01 - United States

Today, I stopped by the gun store to pick up a new concealed weapon for protection. As I was leaving the store, a man came up behind me, hit me with a crowbar, and stole my gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 110

You deserved it 14 717

By nobffs - 01/01/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, my sister-in-law asked why I wasn't out partying with my friends to celebrate the new year. My mom then asked "What friends?". Ah, the new year begins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 412

You deserved it 2 948

By Anonymous - 24/09/2013 16:16 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, my online order arrived earlier than I expected. I opened it to find some kind of anal sex toy. Whoever this is for is going to be disappointed when they get my 3DS game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 596

You deserved it 3 019

By Anonymous - 04/02/2013 01:20 - United States

Today, I was given a wedgie by a complete stranger in a crowded bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 421

You deserved it 3 214

By kenyaliving - 13/02/2013 22:04 - Kenya

Today, I've been living in Kenya in a nasty apartment for so long that when I looked down into my drink and saw a dead fly, I just picked it out and continued drinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 811

You deserved it 5 557

By hiker - 29/03/2011 19:00 - United States

Today, my dad said that if I walked home from school, a distance of 8 miles, he would give me $50. Two hours and four massive blisters later, I come home. When I asked for my money, he said "I was kidding." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 436

You deserved it 14 178

By Anonymous - 24/02/2012 19:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 702

You deserved it 37 790

By Anonymous - 28/08/2013 00:32 - United States - Omaha

Today, I came into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 566

You deserved it 2 912

By Anonymous - 04/07/2009 20:21 - United States

Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 378

You deserved it 3 125

By wellthatsucks - 05/07/2015 19:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months was showing me his new phone. He accidentally opened his gallery, which contains 3 photos: one of his motorcycle, one of his new game console, and a naked photo of his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 722

You deserved it 2 208

By Anonymous - 31/07/2018 01:30

Today, I was woken up by an overly sappy good morning text from my boyfriend, complete with kissy-face images. Before I could text him back, he sent a follow-up. "Oops. Wrong person." Wait, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 912

You deserved it 307

By don'tdrinkthat - 03/11/2013 22:27 - United States - Quincy

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 192

You deserved it 4 806

By ........................... - 25/07/2013 16:17 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I helped my buddy write a sweet love letter to his girlfriend. After reading it, she dumped him for being an "Edward Cullen wannabe", and when my girlfriend found out, she dumped me for "cheating" on her by writing the letter in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 775

You deserved it 6 117

By Anonymous - 02/12/2010 00:36 - United States

Today, my fencing team took pictures for the yearbook. We were having individual pictures with our weapons, and it was my turn. When the photographer told me to pose, I tried to be super cool by quickly putting my sabre against my chest like some sort of soldier. I poked myself in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 524

You deserved it 35 802

By Anonymous - 29/01/2013 04:44 - United States

Today, I was telling my boyfriend how proud I am of him for finding a really good job. He interrupted me to tell me that my breath smelled like his cat's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 310

You deserved it 8 827

By Wallz99 - 19/04/2013 06:00 - Pakistan - Plot

Spicy

Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 250

You deserved it 23 272

By Cat Ashes - 05/12/2013 05:18 - United States - Dewitt

Today, I received an unexpected package from my mother. It contained my cat's ashes. Apparently he died 3 weeks ago and she thought this was the best way to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 693

You deserved it 2 782

By hoggypig - 23/04/2012 13:00

Today, I was walking across a pedestrian crossing and waved at the driver of the car who'd stopped, just to say thank you. She stuck her middle finger up at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 523

You deserved it 2 868

By jessii - 09/10/2010 08:22 - United States

Today, in math class, I got an answer "wrong." The teacher yelled at me, then he realized that my answer was correct. Then he yelled at me for not correcting him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 782

You deserved it 3 106

Romantic gesture

By Anonymous - 19/01/2020 18:00

Spicy

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 218

You deserved it 251

By Anonymous - 12/12/2012 15:05 - United States - Fishers

Today, while picking up a birthday cake, I was screamed at by an upset woman for getting special attention from the bakers, and that I was nothing more than an attention-hogging slut. The bakers are my co-workers and I was picking my cake up on my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 790

You deserved it 1 931

By herpderp - 11/02/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, someone in class was making a point about premarital intercourse - "90% of teen virgins aren't saving it for marriage, they just can't get any." Another classmate pointed me out specifically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 307

You deserved it 3 589

By ShanghaiSam - 17/05/2017 04:00 - China - Shanghai

Today, I found out half of the staff at work have been spreading rumours I'm sleeping with my boss. The other half are spreading rumours I'm sleeping with my subordinate. In reality, every night I go home to an apartment so empty that I don't even have condiments, to sleep alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 122

You deserved it 359

Worker rise up!

By Username - 04/08/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, I came to terms with the fact that my boss owns my soul for the bare minimum wage, and has me so whipped that he probably will for the rest of eternity, or until his ancient, withered, necromantic ass dies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 950

You deserved it 25 298

By NotBridezilla - 17/12/2016 16:15 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, after waiting 3 months until my friend's wedding was done being celebrated, I announced my engagement. My newlywed friend bitched me out for "stealing" all of the attention and being selfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 800

You deserved it 786

By omfgitburns - 06/01/2011 14:54

Today, I had a plaster cast removed from my arm. After telling the nurse it felt like the saw was cutting my skin, she tells me there is no way that it could touch my skin and that I was being paranoid. She cracked open the cast. Burns, blisters and bleeding skin were revealed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 392

You deserved it 2 852

Art

By Anonymous - 06/06/2019 02:01

Today, I was at my job as a fitting room attendant and I checked a woman and her young son in. After several minutes, they left, saying there was lipstick on the mirror. Not only was it all over two mirrors, but also on the wall, the floor and the carpet. The whole place smelled of lip-balm and I was left to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 654

You deserved it 125

By BigBallah93 - 07/07/2009 12:20 - China

Today, I began my job volunteering at an orphanage in Beijing, China, working with 7-year-olds who just started learning english. We played a game where, if you got caught, you had to sing a song. I got caught, so I chose the ABCs. They all knew the song perfectly, I missed 3 letters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 850

You deserved it 78 688

By thatCanadianGuy7 - 29/06/2009 19:55 - Canada

Today, I got beaten up by my ex-girlfriend's older brother who does mixed martial arts, because my ex saw me making out with another girl. We broke up over 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 854

You deserved it 5 026

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Top comments

BlinkOnceForYes 0

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Monday 5 October 2009 10:26

If she wanted you to wear a thong, she should buy you a thong.

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Monday 5 October 2009 9:54

#3 chill the fuck out it's not even your life and u get all crazy ha ha loser

Comments

allmidnighteyes 10

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Monday 5 October 2009 9:43

Your life is fucked because you decided to buy a thong, and some complete stranger knew? You're getting laid. Quit yo bitchin'

darkshadow_fml 0

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Monday 5 October 2009 15:13

I question the correctness of his Girlfriends state of mind if she wants him in a man thong

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Monday 5 October 2009 19:16

I also wonder why he didn't just buy one at a more lingerie based store, that way you know everyone there is buying the same sorta thing.

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Monday 1 February 2010 3:24

gross

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Monday 5 October 2009 9:44

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 9:14

Someone has anger issues. o.o Clam down, jeez.

sillygurl6418 6

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Friday 23 March 2012 3:43

Calm your tits. Its not like any of this matters

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Friday 3 August 2012 22:28

A thong that spontaneously catches on fire huh. You have a creative mind there.

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Friday 3 August 2012 22:28

A thong that spontaneously catches on fire huh. You have a creative mind there.

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Saturday 21 September 2013 22:37

Believe it or not 1/6 of people in America have herpes and it isn't that bad. If you have ever had a Cole sore you have herpes. It has a seasonal dormant and active period which explains why it only acts up once in a while.

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Thursday 27 March 2014 20:36

Cold sores are a different strain of herpes that has no effect on the genital area. A cold sore or oral herpes are caused by a virus named HSV-1, which only effects the mouth. Genital herpes is caused by HSV-2, and only effects the genitalia.

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Monday 5 October 2009 9:54

#3 chill the fuck out it's not even your life and u get all crazy ha ha loser

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Monday 5 October 2009 10:06

.

bre_zip_it_up13 11

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Monday 5 October 2009 10:09

atleast you devoted -!-

BlinkOnceForYes 0

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Monday 5 October 2009 10:26

If she wanted you to wear a thong, she should buy you a thong.

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Monday 5 October 2009 21:57

Yeah. For sure.

Iwannabetreo 11

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Monday 5 October 2009 10:27

Thongs for men FTW!

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Monday 5 October 2009 19:42

For Real! I'm gay and even I think a thong is gross.... LOL Wait... did I just self hate?

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Monday 5 October 2009 10:31

YDI. who cares if someone sees what your buying? do you get all embarassed about buying condoms too?

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Monday 5 October 2009 10:47

YDI for caring! It's not like you know anyone.

muffinsareyummy 1

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Monday 5 October 2009 10:54

a man in a thong. ew. not attractive.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 32

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 275