Love: Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend... - FML

By danskinnow - United States

Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML

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Understandable

Commando

Happy Birthday, I guess…

By thanks iphone - United States - Louisville

Today, I realized I wasn't getting notifications for my voicemail, so I decided to check it and found out that I had 3 job offerings that are no longer an option. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I realised yesterday was my 30th birthday. What made it worse is that my parents forgot, along with my other relatives and friends. No cards, no texts, no calls, no Facebook messages. Nothing. Happy 30th to me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to give a speech but I wasn't prepared. I decided to give it anyway. While giving the speech, I got so nervous I passed out. FML

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By Anonymous

Pick your moments, dude!

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML

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By pagvscgrac - United States

Today, I got a hand cramp from popping zits on my face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML

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By VoodooPriestess

Today, my boyfriend told me the reason he dated me was because he was lonely, and I looked lonely enough to like him. FML

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By imscrewed - Canada - Toronto

Today, I realized that my Twitter profile was very public when my business professor made fun of student tweets in class. My tweet went, "Totally bullshitting this business report" about the report I had just handed in, worth a large portion of my grade. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Killington

Today, I found a wounded turkey in our backyard. I brought it inside, put it in a cage, and tended to its wounds. I then left. When I got back home, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking. She had prepared a turkey, the one I'd rescued. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, at school, everybody wanted to be my partner for a project. This surprised me because nobody ever wants to be with me. Turns out when I was absent, my teacher promised that whoever was my partner would get extra points on the project. FML

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By Anonymous - Japan - Takarazuka

Today, as I walked out the door to head to class, my neighbour's kid threw a balloon at me, filled with some kind of foul-smelling liquid that he calls "liquid ass". I had a presentation 20 minutes later and couldn't get the smell off myself in time. FML

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By Inga44 - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend. He was at the police station for breaking into a model home to hook up with the girl he's been cheating on me with for the past 4 months. I was his one phone call. He was expecting me to bail him out. FML

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By Again - United States - Pell City

Today, I received my replacement debit card in the mail after losing my previous one. I've already lost my new one. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

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By revalc - Canada

Today, I'm having my housewarming party and had prepared food, drink and games for all the 19 confirmed guests on Facebook. I waited till 11 but nobody showed up. I checked Facebook again and realized I had accidentally put tomorrow as the party date. I have to work the whole day tomorrow. FML

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By Stacy - United States

Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in there today and there was a note that said "Little Sister, stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, my boyfriend gave me an early wedding present. I opened the box and inside was the most adorable cat I've ever seen! It got scared, jumped out, clawed my face and pissed everywhere. My wedding is tomorrow and I look like Frankenstein's bride. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Saint-hubert

Good tasting

Today, my roommate left those powdered donuts in the kitchen. Hungry, I decided to try one. Turns out, the white powder wasn't sugar. It was cocaine. FML

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By hahanosirr - United States

Today, after three unsuccessful months of trying to make me orgasm, my boyfriend finally succeeded. It came from his car bumping up and down while we drove down a pot-holed road. FML

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By xXfloatingshitlogXx - Norway - Jessheim

Today, my extremely overweight roommate decided to not only be a nudist, but also to get in shape for his new lifestyle. He's been doing naked lunges in our room for the last twenty minutes. FML

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By Bloody Nose - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I had the longest, bloodiest, bloody nose ever when I was at work. I got blood on a few materials as I was running to the restroom. I work in a food factory, so everything had to be sanitized and thrown out. Now management wants me to pay for everything we had to throw out. FML

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By catwithwatermelononhead

The gift that keeps not arriving...

Today, the $800, large capacity, professional carpet steam cleaner my husband supposedly bought me for Christmas got "lost in the mail". So did the refund. FML

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By Micmicmic - Belgium - Brussels

Today, my mom let my younger brother borrow my car. He managed to crash it through the garage door. While I was in another country. Somehow, I manage to get berated by my mom because I'm not doing enough to make my brother feel better about him having an accident involving my car and my house. FML

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By Bwberry

Today, I spent hours hand-painting an awesome design on a gift for a friend. My husband was supposed to assemble it when I finished, but when I stepped back to admire my work, he informed me that the whole thing was sideways. He watched me paint it. FML

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By kekumbas - United States

Today, 5 hours into my shift in a cafe I realized there were two stickers on my back that read: "Don't touch my no-no square" and "I wear diapers." I make food with my back to customers all day and I walk through the seating area delivering food. No one said anything. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents held a big family dinner at our house. Being the only underage person there, I had to sit there while everyone got progressively drunker and started commenting on how eerily similar I look to Shamu the whale. FML

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By Arthurie - United States - Plainview

Today, I was in the hospital. I had recently broken my arm, and had to have it re-broken. I've secretly been a lesbian for years. Guess who came out to her strict Christian parents while on anesthetics. FML

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By badeats - United States

Thanks

Today, I visited my grandma. She offered me some chips in ziploc bag. I thought they were sour cream and onion chips from the look. They tasted funny, but I didn't want to be rude and I kept eating. I looked closer after a while and noticed that what I thought were chives was actually mold. FML

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By Still Dry - United States

Today, I went to a water park, and the fee to get in was $39.95. Once I got in I was really thirsty, so I got a soda and then I hear over the intercom that the park is closing due to a clog in the cleaning system. I paid 43.67 for a soda. FML

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By NotSteve - United States

Today, I was walking home from when I passed an old woman sitting on the curb of Walmart begging for change. I gave her my last dollar and felt good about it. Five minutes later I saw the same woman driving away in a car. I don't even own a car. FML

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By flea-bitten - United States

Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML

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By Pill popping zit monster

Today, my period has given to me 4 giant zits, 3 screaming shits, 2 stomach ulcers, and a fever blister on my lips. A few days until Christmas and the gifts keep coming. FML

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By zachadams - United States - Buffalo

Today, at a family party, my uncles were complimenting my mom on her pies. I cooked them. She took all the credit. FML

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By soph511 - France - Hy?res

Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML

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By starbird - United States

Today, I went to the Doctors and the nurse asked if I was married, in which I responded "yes". Then she asked if I was sexually active... "no". FML

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By gasbrain - 5/9/2020 20:06

Buyer's market

Today, after being unemployed for a couple of months, I got a call back from a security job I did for a week. But with a new condition: besides the security work, one day in the week they want me to cut grass, paint and clean up the grounds for the same minimum wage. FML

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By Ari - United States

Today, a man came up to me and punched me in the face. He turned out to be the guy my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with. Apparently, she told him we broke up because I used to beat her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, it wasn't until I heard something fly off the roof of my car and hit the trunk, then asphalt, that I remembered where I left my phone while unlocking the car door. FML

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Top comments

By BlinkOnceForYes | 0

#604533 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:26

If she wanted you to wear a thong, she should buy you a thong.

By Rx_man1 | 0

#604511 - Monday 5 October 2009 9:54

#3 chill the fuck out it's not even your life and u get all crazy ha ha loser

COMMENTS

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#604494 - Monday 5 October 2009 9:43

Your life is fucked because you decided to buy a thong, and some complete stranger knew?

You're getting laid. Quit yo bitchin'

Reply

darkshadow_fml | 0

#604803 - Monday 5 October 2009 15:13

I question the correctness of his Girlfriends state of mind if she wants him in a man thong

Reply

White667 | 0

#605122 - Monday 5 October 2009 19:16

I also wonder why he didn't just buy one at a more lingerie based store, that way you know everyone there is buying the same sorta thing.

Reply

fudgnugget | 0

#814345 - Monday 1 February 2010 3:24

gross

By Hellcrapdamn | 0

#604498 - Monday 5 October 2009 9:44

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

maichido | 0

#606227 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 9:14

Someone has anger issues. o.o
Clam down, jeez.

Reply

sillygurl6418 | 6

#4203197 - Friday 23 March 2012 3:43

Calm your tits. Its not like any of this matters

Reply

ambear26 | 14

#4769488 - Friday 3 August 2012 22:28

A thong that spontaneously catches on fire huh. You have a creative mind there.

Reply

ambear26 | 14

#4769490 - Friday 3 August 2012 22:28

A thong that spontaneously catches on fire huh. You have a creative mind there.

Reply

Cory123125 | 3

#5683768 - Saturday 21 September 2013 22:37

Believe it or not 1/6 of people in America have herpes and it isn't that bad. If you have ever had a Cole sore you have herpes. It has a seasonal dormant and active period which explains why it only acts up once in a while.

Reply

rawr_ily96 | 24

#5897579 - Thursday 27 March 2014 20:36

Cold sores are a different strain of herpes that has no effect on the genital area. A cold sore or oral herpes are caused by a virus named HSV-1, which only effects the mouth. Genital herpes is caused by HSV-2, and only effects the genitalia.

By Rx_man1 | 0

#604511 - Monday 5 October 2009 9:54

#3 chill the fuck out it's not even your life and u get all crazy ha ha loser

By cuteguyoO | 0

#604521 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:06

.

By bre_zip_it_up13 | 11

#604523 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:09

atleast you devoted -!-

By BlinkOnceForYes | 0

#604533 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:26

If she wanted you to wear a thong, she should buy you a thong.

Reply

aero_fml | 0

#605350 - Monday 5 October 2009 21:57

Yeah. For sure.

By Iwannabetreo | 11

#604534 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:27

Thongs for men FTW!

Reply

sven25 | 0

#605148 - Monday 5 October 2009 19:42

For Real! I'm gay and even I think a thong is gross.... LOL
Wait... did I just self hate?

By IndigoKitty | 3

#604542 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:31

YDI. who cares if someone sees what your buying? do you get all embarassed about buying condoms too?

By shangrilaa | 0

#604565 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:47

YDI for caring! It's not like you know anyone.

By muffinsareyummy | 1

#604576 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:54

a man in a thong. ew. not attractive.