Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend... - FML

By danskinnow - United States

Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML

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Understandable

Instadrama

Fear factor

By notacashier - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I used the self-checkout for the first time. I didn't see a slot for bills, so I tried to put them in the coin slot for a solid three minutes. There was a huge line behind me, silently judging. FML

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By ooh cat - United States - Inglewood

Today, after weeks of sorting, inspecting, and waiting, my high school's yearbooks were distributed. I'd searched carefully for photo errors and was proud to say there were none. That is, until someone told me that a boy on the last page was flipping the camera the bird. FML

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By LoadingMeows - United States

Today, I was written up. Too many customers complained that I don't wear makeup or do my hair. I got written up for being ugly. FML

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By camille - United States

Today, my dad yelled for me. It was an emergency. I ran down the stairs, tripped, fell, and limped over to my dad only to find that he wanted me to see a video of someone playing "Bohemian Rhapsody" on the ukulele. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a date, and everything was going fine- until the ride home. On the way, I starting having progressively bad stomach pains. Once she left the car, I passed the worst gas that I had ever encountered. As I began to drive, she knocked on the window. She forgot her purse in the car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while cleaning out my garage, I found a pregnant spider. I couldn't step on the spider without releasing the baby spiders, so I went inside to get a glass jar to trap it. While trying to relocate the spider, I accidentally stepped on it. I now have a bunch of baby spiders roaming around. FML

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By noononononono - United States - Sacramento

Today, my Dad came home with a $500 jacket that he'd bought himself for Christmas. I'd bought him the same one, and it's non refundable. FML

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By John Nani - United States

Today, it's Christmas day. Normally, my family would be opening gifts right now. Instead, my mom is holding our gifts hostage until we clean the house. Apparently, "The presents aren't going anywhere." FML

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By tango-c - United States - Parker

Today, I sent a cover letter in which I bragged about my exceptional attention to detail. After it was sent, I noticed the company name and address were from a different job application. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting for my food at McDonald's. I watched the most obese, sweaty man sneeze into the chips, wipe his nose on his hand and use his hand to shovel chips into a bag. They were my chips. FML

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By SleepObsessed

Today, even though I'm the most neat freak germophobe there is, I was diagnosed with scabies. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML

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By cbolig

Today, while on a first date with a guy who turned out to be twice my age, we were playing video games at the theatre before the movie started. Suddenly he falls face first while having a seizure. The EMT asked if my "dad" had a history of epilepsy. FML

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By homealone - Canada

Today, my parents left on a trip. I wanted to invite my girlfriend over for a few days so we could spend them together. Then my grandparents turn up, "just for a few days, until your parents return, so you won't be alone in this big house." FML

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By justafriend

Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML

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By Carmen VanDiest - 24/4/2020 02:00

Legit logic

Today, I asked my husband why his socks are always inside-out in the laundry basket. He replied, "So the insides get clean." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, I realised I sweat so much that I won't be able to go without sticking super pads with wings to my shirt underarms everyday. It makes supermarket trips interesting. Especially as a man. FML

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By Anonymous - Italy - Verona

Today, as I woke up, the first thing I saw was a bee on my hand. I tried not to make the slightest move, waiting for it to fly away without stinging me. The second thing I saw was my cat jumping at it. FML

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By Wow - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was on the internet playing a game. I have a speech impediment, and the guy running it told me to get off his server for making fun of disabled people. FML

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By Anonymous - Belgium

Today, in a rush to get out of my house to go to a doctor's appointment, I closed the door behind me without having my house or car keys on me. Sadly, it took me less than a minute to break into my own house. FML

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By anon - United States - Addison

Today, I went to a concert with my new boyfriend. I had a panic attack halfway through and an ambulance picked me up. My boyfriend met my parents for the first time drunk, in the emergency room. FML

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By Jen

Throw the book at him

Today, I got fired from my job at a library for hitting an old man with a book. In my defence, I had asked him about a massive water stain on a book he'd returned. He told me it was his cum, wanted to know if it excited me and then tried to touch my boobs. Dirty old pervert. FML

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By nekoneko - United States

Today, I found out my mom pretended to be me and had AIM conversations with my boyfriend. FML

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By oops... - United States

Today, as a frog biologist I was out in the field searching for a relatively rare frog species. After three hours I finally heard the frog call and I crept closer and closer to the sound until... squish... I stepped on the very frog I was trying to collect. They're endangered. FML

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By Disturbed - United States

Today, I just found out that my brother in law and his wife frequent a swingers establishment that me and the wife have visited. Which is OK I suppose (providing we never see each other there) but he told me his parents go there too. FML

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By bronieswillrule5eva - Canada - Summerside

Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, the woman I've loved for 15 years and had children with told me she's remarrying to the man she cheated on me with. Since her father passed last year, she wants me to give her away at the wedding. FML

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By y0uw1shy0ukn3wm3 - United States

Today, I was refereeing a kid's soccer game, and noticed that on the field next to me was a referee I hated working with. I told the other referee I was working with that he was the laziest and most dumbass referee I had ever worked with. She then slapped me, and told me that it was her grandpa. FML

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By unbirthday - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I came downstairs to a cake that said "Happy 8th Birthday Bella!" My name is Sarah and I'm 16. Bella is our dog whose birthday is next month. FML

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By Biggie - United States

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend when she began skipping ahead of me and out in to the street. I saw a car coming right at her so I tackled her to the ground to save her. Turns out the car was stopping and was never going to hit her, and my girlfriend doesn't appreciate concussions. FML

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By Sharon - United Kingdom - Heckmondwike

Today, my own dog bit me quite severely when I was in the middle of teaching a dog obedience class. Everyone had a good laugh at me and in the past few hours 4 of them have contacted me to let me know they won't be attending future lessons and that they'd like to get their money back. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML

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By kkkk

Today, the company I applied for called up congratulating me in getting the job. I was ecstatic. Quickly enough I texted a few mates that I'd got the job. Twenty minutes later they called again saying the trainee had accidentally called the wrong applicant. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to treat my yeast infection over the counter to avoid going to the doctor. Too bad I didn't read the directions. Now I have to go to the doctor to get the tip of the applicator removed. FML

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By oh my fucking god - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my fiancée has been saying, "Shit's gone cray-cray" for over a week. I finally snapped. When I was done ranting, she murmured, "Baby, don't be cray-cray". FML

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By lonelyharts86 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I was offered coffee and a donut. It was going well until I took a bite of the donut and started choking on it. I coughed so hard I ended up vomiting into his garbage can. FML

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By unwantedforlife - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me but wanted to make sure that we were still friends, so he could still use my Netflix. FML

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By scfead - United States

Today, I was walking home when a man passed me and stopped. Thinking he was staring at my butt, I asked him kindly to stop. He then laughed and grabbed my wallet that was in my back pocket, and ran. He wasn't staring at my butt, and found it funny that I thought he was. FML

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By Mike

Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted". Well, at least they all laughed. FML

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By flying13 - United States

Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML

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Top comments

By BlinkOnceForYes | 0

#604533 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:26

If she wanted you to wear a thong, she should buy you a thong.

By Rx_man1 | 0

#604511 - Monday 5 October 2009 9:54

#3 chill the fuck out it's not even your life and u get all crazy ha ha loser

COMMENTS

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#604494 - Monday 5 October 2009 9:43

Your life is fucked because you decided to buy a thong, and some complete stranger knew?

You're getting laid. Quit yo bitchin'

Reply

darkshadow_fml | 0

#604803 - Monday 5 October 2009 15:13

I question the correctness of his Girlfriends state of mind if she wants him in a man thong

Reply

White667 | 0

#605122 - Monday 5 October 2009 19:16

I also wonder why he didn't just buy one at a more lingerie based store, that way you know everyone there is buying the same sorta thing.

Reply

fudgnugget | 0

#814345 - Monday 1 February 2010 3:24

gross

By Hellcrapdamn | 0

#604498 - Monday 5 October 2009 9:44

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

maichido | 0

#606227 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 9:14

Someone has anger issues. o.o
Clam down, jeez.

Reply

sillygurl6418 | 6

#4203197 - Friday 23 March 2012 3:43

Calm your tits. Its not like any of this matters

Reply

ambear26 | 14

#4769488 - Friday 3 August 2012 22:28

A thong that spontaneously catches on fire huh. You have a creative mind there.

Reply

ambear26 | 14

#4769490 - Friday 3 August 2012 22:28

A thong that spontaneously catches on fire huh. You have a creative mind there.

Reply

Cory123125 | 3

#5683768 - Saturday 21 September 2013 22:37

Believe it or not 1/6 of people in America have herpes and it isn't that bad. If you have ever had a Cole sore you have herpes. It has a seasonal dormant and active period which explains why it only acts up once in a while.

Reply

rawr_ily96 | 24

#5897579 - Thursday 27 March 2014 20:36

Cold sores are a different strain of herpes that has no effect on the genital area. A cold sore or oral herpes are caused by a virus named HSV-1, which only effects the mouth. Genital herpes is caused by HSV-2, and only effects the genitalia.

By Rx_man1 | 0

#604511 - Monday 5 October 2009 9:54

#3 chill the fuck out it's not even your life and u get all crazy ha ha loser

By cuteguyoO | 0

#604521 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:06

.

By bre_zip_it_up13 | 11

#604523 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:09

atleast you devoted -!-

By BlinkOnceForYes | 0

#604533 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:26

If she wanted you to wear a thong, she should buy you a thong.

Reply

aero_fml | 0

#605350 - Monday 5 October 2009 21:57

Yeah. For sure.

By Iwannabetreo | 11

#604534 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:27

Thongs for men FTW!

Reply

sven25 | 0

#605148 - Monday 5 October 2009 19:42

For Real! I'm gay and even I think a thong is gross.... LOL
Wait... did I just self hate?

By IndigoKitty | 3

#604542 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:31

YDI. who cares if someone sees what your buying? do you get all embarassed about buying condoms too?

By shangrilaa | 0

#604565 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:47

YDI for caring! It's not like you know anyone.

By muffinsareyummy | 1

#604576 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:54

a man in a thong. ew. not attractive.