Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend... - FML

By danskinnow - 5/10/2009 02:01 - United States

Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML

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Understandable

Who's a good boy?

British Broadcasting Corporation

By Fauna - 9/5/2019 04:00

Today, I started to make a protein shake to have a healthy breakfast. It exploded. Turns out, my mom lost the rubber gasket and put the blender back, so it looked ready to use. By the time I cleaned it all up, it was time for me to leave for work. I'm now eating chips from the vending machine. FML

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By pimplesapparently - 18/2/2016 20:17 - United States - New York

Today, I sent my friend a snapchat without any makeup on. She asked what filter I used because it made my face look all red and blotchy. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2011 18:43 - United States

Today, after being yelled at by our boss because the office computer server has yet another virus, my co-worker and I did a bit of investigating. Apparently, the viruses aren't coming from client emails as we previously assumed. It seems that the problem is really our boss's porn addiction. FML

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By fuckedover - 26/2/2013 16:43 - United States

Today, a guy I went on one date with asked me out again via text. Being honest, I texted back, politely saying that he was a good guy but I wasn't really interested. He came over to my house, screaming about how awful I was for "text message breaking up with him" and then cracked my windshield. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 18:00

Fishing

Today, I was looking at my boyfriend's rarely-used Facebook page as he was next to me. Last time he was online over a year ago, he had something up that said, "Still looking for that perfect girl." I jokingly said he should update it. He responded, "Why? It's still true." FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, at work, the prizes were given to the employee of the month. They come in to surprise the winner and give prizes. They come over to my cubicle and cover me with silly string. Jokingly, I said: "Do you guys have the wrong cubicle? " They did. The guy in the next cubicle won. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2013 14:04 - United States - Midlothian

Today, during parent/teacher conferences, my mom told my Chemistry teacher that I have an intense crush on him. There are still 7 months left in the school year. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2011 08:43 - United States

Today, my 23 year old boyfriend of 2 years was forced to dump me, over the phone, by his mother. FML

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By Karate Kid - 25/5/2012 06:29 - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML

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By tjcl - 28/11/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2015 05:03

Today, I received a beautiful, heart-felt text from my boyfriend detailing all the ways he loved me. He probably should have emphasized just how big his heart is though because he sent the text to three other women too. Thank you, group messaging. FML

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By Sassers - 3/12/2009 21:08 - United States

Today, I heard a loud crashing noise. I ran into the kitchen to see what it was. My cat had knocked over my fish bowl and had my Beta in her mouth. After scolding her and rescuing it, I decided to clean its bowl. When I went to dump some of the water in the sink, my fish went down the drain. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2014 17:04 - United States - Louisville

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 10:17 - United States

Today, I started my new job at a small business. I was pretty excited to finally be working, until I found out the big boss is a creeper and sees no problem making comments such as "You're way more interesting than the rest of these slope-eyed fucks." FML

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By anonymous - 22/12/2017 15:00

Today, I took the bus home after visiting a friend. Standing in front of my house, I realized that I had forgotten my keys. They were still in my car, which I had parked at my friend's place and forgotten. FML

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By Coolkid. - 14/6/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I was accidentally tagged in a photo of a group of people by a 'friend' on Facebook. She later corrected it, apparently everyone had already seen the tag and decided that the comment box below was a great opportunity to discuss how none of them would ever be caught dead hanging out with me. FML

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By OhLovely - 1/11/2012 01:39 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I found out that my over-controlling parents would be moving in next door. I'm almost 23, and moved 5,365 KM away to get away from them. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 01:19 - United States - Evansville

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, my mother asked me if my boyfriend and I were getting serious. I quickly lied and said no. She then informed me that if things ever heated up that she would take me to get birthcontrol. Wanting birthcontrol, I confessed. In turn she grounded me. I am not allowed to see my boyfriend anymore. FML

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By killmenow - 3/12/2015 05:33 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML

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By what even - 14/5/2015 22:17 - United States - Athens

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he was dating me. He replied, "Well, there's not a lot of options at this college." FML

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By letsloseweight - 13/7/2009 11:30 - Korea Republic of

Today, it started raining unexpectedly. My daughter and I didn't have an umbrella, so my daughter raised one of my big flabby arms and put it over her head to protect her from the rain. It worked. FML

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By blarp - 17/10/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom. The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort. I ignored him and finished up. I turned around to be greeted by his red swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking, "Is my penis supposed to look like this?" FML

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By idkmybffjill? - 13/2/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML

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By you're just creepy. - 11/12/2012 08:39 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, I smiled at a new kid and started a conversation with him, just to be nice. He later sent me 24 messages describing how strong his love for me is. I'm scared to go to school tomorrow. FML

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By newlyneurotic - 3/9/2017 07:00 - United States - Spokane

Today, I finally got the hearing aids that I've needed for years. My dog quickly learned that if he quietly sneaks up behind me and barks, it'll scare the hell out of me. It's now his favorite game. FML

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By TimeForANewJob - 16/1/2017 17:47

Today, at work, my colleague started to look for a new job. For me. FML

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By anonymous - 1/10/2011 14:18 - United States

Today, I used a public restroom with very shiny floors. So shiny, in fact, that I could see a clear reflection of the person in the next stall. I'm pretty sure they could see me too. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2013 19:47 - United States

Today, a guest of the private beach club I work at asked if I could do something about the water temperature in the ocean. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. She was serious and complained to my boss, saying I was absolutely no help. FML

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By pantyripper - 24/3/2014 12:39 - Australia - Essendon

Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML

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By eatmywords - 5/7/2011 07:06 - Singapore

Today, I laughed when I saw my ex-girlfriend in her overall uniform, thinking she'd got a job as a janitor. Turns out she's as professional marine welder. She's 22 years old and earns my monthly salary in three days. My current girlfriend who was there with me called me a loser in front of her. FML

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By Username - 23/6/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad has been trying to take money out of my savings account to pay for divorce fees and a hammock. FML

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By maybe time to adopt - 4/3/2018 15:00

Oops.

Today, after my wife and I have been trying for a baby for 2 years, I found out she's still on the pill. Apparently when she was a teen she had bad period cramps, so her doctor gave her the pill for the pain. She never realized it stops pregnancy. FML

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By Asirual - 2/5/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, while handing out business cards to promote my new dog grooming business, I stopped to talk to a potential client. She let me get all the way through my 15 minute speech, before bothering to tell me she didn't have a dog. FML

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By brylynn - 26/8/2012 01:58 - United States

Today, I fainted during my sister's wedding because my dress was too tight. When I woke up, she slapped me hard across the face. Why? Because I "took all the attention away" from her. FML

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By Yoooooo0 - 29/11/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML

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By Greg - 28/9/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, I talked to a girl on the phone who had previously told me her last relationship "ended very badly." I said, "So let me guess, that jerk cheated on you?" She paused for a few moments and finally replied, "No, he died in a motorcycle accident." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2011 14:36 - United States

Today, I kissed a boy I have liked since the first day of university. I was thrilled until he followed it with, "Right, I don't think we should tell anyone this happened. Not that they'd believe it anyway." He then patted my ass and walked away. FML

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By Curt - 6/9/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, I discovered that I don't have Herpes or Genital warts. I have acne on my penis. FML

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By johncabbot25 - 23/12/2011 10:53 - Canada

Today, I had my first kiss with the woman I've been in love with for two years. Right as I kissed her, some guys drove by in a car and threw some soggy spaghetti at me, yelling, "Noob!" FML

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Top comments

By BlinkOnceForYes | 0

#604533 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:26

If she wanted you to wear a thong, she should buy you a thong.

By Rx_man1 | 0

#604511 - Monday 5 October 2009 9:54

#3 chill the fuck out it's not even your life and u get all crazy ha ha loser

COMMENTS

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#604494 - Monday 5 October 2009 9:43

Your life is fucked because you decided to buy a thong, and some complete stranger knew?

You're getting laid. Quit yo bitchin'

Reply

darkshadow_fml | 0

#604803 - Monday 5 October 2009 15:13

I question the correctness of his Girlfriends state of mind if she wants him in a man thong

Reply

White667 | 0

#605122 - Monday 5 October 2009 19:16

I also wonder why he didn't just buy one at a more lingerie based store, that way you know everyone there is buying the same sorta thing.

Reply

fudgnugget | 0

#814345 - Monday 1 February 2010 3:24

gross

By Hellcrapdamn | 0

#604498 - Monday 5 October 2009 9:44

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

maichido | 0

#606227 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 9:14

Someone has anger issues. o.o
Clam down, jeez.

Reply

sillygurl6418 | 6

#4203197 - Friday 23 March 2012 3:43

Calm your tits. Its not like any of this matters

Reply

ambear26 | 14

#4769488 - Friday 3 August 2012 22:28

A thong that spontaneously catches on fire huh. You have a creative mind there.

Reply

ambear26 | 14

#4769490 - Friday 3 August 2012 22:28

A thong that spontaneously catches on fire huh. You have a creative mind there.

Reply

Cory123125 | 3

#5683768 - Saturday 21 September 2013 22:37

Believe it or not 1/6 of people in America have herpes and it isn't that bad. If you have ever had a Cole sore you have herpes. It has a seasonal dormant and active period which explains why it only acts up once in a while.

Reply

rawr_ily96 | 24

#5897579 - Thursday 27 March 2014 20:36

Cold sores are a different strain of herpes that has no effect on the genital area. A cold sore or oral herpes are caused by a virus named HSV-1, which only effects the mouth. Genital herpes is caused by HSV-2, and only effects the genitalia.

By Rx_man1 | 0

#604511 - Monday 5 October 2009 9:54

#3 chill the fuck out it's not even your life and u get all crazy ha ha loser

By cuteguyoO | 0

#604521 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:06

.

By bre_zip_it_up13 | 11

#604523 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:09

atleast you devoted -!-

By BlinkOnceForYes | 0

#604533 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:26

If she wanted you to wear a thong, she should buy you a thong.

Reply

aero_fml | 0

#605350 - Monday 5 October 2009 21:57

Yeah. For sure.

By Iwannabetreo | 11

#604534 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:27

Thongs for men FTW!

Reply

sven25 | 0

#605148 - Monday 5 October 2009 19:42

For Real! I'm gay and even I think a thong is gross.... LOL
Wait... did I just self hate?

By IndigoKitty | 3

#604542 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:31

YDI. who cares if someone sees what your buying? do you get all embarassed about buying condoms too?

By shangrilaa | 0

#604565 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:47

YDI for caring! It's not like you know anyone.

By muffinsareyummy | 1

#604576 - Monday 5 October 2009 10:54

a man in a thong. ew. not attractive.