Miscellaneous: Today, while laying out, I kept feeling something misty, like... - FML

By layout - United States

Today, while laying out, I kept feeling something misty, like a spray bottle. Curious as to what it was since it kept coming, I looked up, only to see the painters were peeing over the side of the house, and the heavy breeze was turning their piss into a refreshing mist for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63783

You deserved it

4046

Tweet

Share

BO Central

Taking stock

Sorry grandma

By cat_loser

Today, I agreed to catsit for a friend. Her cat rode back to my house sitting on my shoulder in the car. As soon as I opened the door, he jumped out and ran off into the woods. It's been 2 1/2 hours and not even food will entice him back to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8658

You deserved it

3304

Tweet

Share

By Lyingboyfriend - Canada

Today, my boyfriend said he couldn't come to my grandfather's funeral because he was at his cottage and couldn't make it. Later that day, when driving home from the graveyard I saw him walking down the street, with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57608

You deserved it

3328

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Tobyhanna

Today, I had to explain to my father that when my friends sleep over, it's not acceptable to sneak into my room in the middle of the night and dig through their stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55100

You deserved it

4421

Tweet

Share

By UltraHoe69 - United States

Today, in gym class, we were forced to learn the "Hoedown Throwdown" dance, by Miley Cyrus. This will actually be counted toward my grade. I'm in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43065

You deserved it

4390

Tweet

Share

By Impressionist - United Kingdom

Today, I made quite an impression on my new bin men by forgetting to put the bin out 'til the last minute. I'm sure they enjoyed a good laugh at the woman in shorts, tank top and slippers struggling with a brolly as she slipped and slid while dragging her bin up a hill in a downpour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12434

You deserved it

2349

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Israel - Petah Tiqwa

Today, I was showing the Instagram of my crush to my cousin. He double-tapped the picture, thinking it would zoom it in. It was posted 5 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6555

You deserved it

1489

Tweet

Share

By really_dad?

Today, I came out to my parents. After we had a talk about them accepting me, my dad said "now get out of here you little duck sucker." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3761

You deserved it

649

Tweet

Share

By uncleaning - United States

Today, after I cleaned out the fridge of things that expired months ago, my roommate got angry and insisted upon pulling all the moldy dairy products out of the garbage and putting them back because "they weren't mine and I shouldn't throw out other people's food." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45410

You deserved it

4568

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, another "gentleman" called and asked for my "services". This is happening a lot lately, because apparently I have the old number of a prostitute. I told him I'm not who he's looking for, to which he replied that I sound like a "sexy lady" and that he wanted to have some fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46505

You deserved it

3380

Tweet

Share

By dynomyte - United States

Today, as I sat on the table in my gynecologist's office for my yearly checkup, I realized that was the most action I got in the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43878

You deserved it

8130

Tweet

Share

By Nudge23 - Australia

Today, I cleared out the messages in my voicemail. Of the 50+ messages, most were from my mother wanting to know when I'd be home. I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27728

You deserved it

4643

Tweet

Share

By Seriouslynow - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up at 6:30 this morning, but I didn't have to be at work till 11. I walked the dog, made breakfast and read for a little bit. I then woke up again at 11:30. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11838

You deserved it

2998

Tweet

Share

By DMStarsky - United States

Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30509

You deserved it

4671

Tweet

Share

By soldiergirl - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me because he "can't date someone who supports the war". We started dating because he thought I looked cute in my uniform. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36004

You deserved it

3789

Tweet

Share

By

Just once

Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1837

You deserved it

175

Tweet

Share

By Sorry - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, it's my birthday. I've spent most of it apologizing to my parents for the "hassle" of "having" to arrange a simple birthday dinner. Sorry I was born, guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38186

You deserved it

3245

Tweet

Share

By hungryman - Canada

Today, my girlfriend's mom pulled me aside and started telling me about how her daughter was extremely depressed and suicidal before she met me, and how happy her family is because of me. I was planning on breaking up with her within the next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54511

You deserved it

9079

Tweet

Share

By poopEVERYWHERE - United States

Today, I heard my dad screaming in the hallway. Thinking he was having a heart attack I ran to the hall without looking where I was going. I slipped and slid towards my dad in what turned out to be a mass quantity of diarrhea from one of my two dogs. He was screaming because he stepped in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40872

You deserved it

4313

Tweet

Share

By shadow - United States - Osceola

Today, my mother-in-law told my fiancé that I had to leave and wasn’t allowed to live there anymore. I own the house. She’s mad because I locked the door so she couldn't walk in anytime she wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5784

You deserved it

339

Tweet

Share

By BustedEgo - United States - Norway

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52665

You deserved it

7293

Tweet

Share

By MissYouPieceOfSkin - United States - Kirkland

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

I agree, your life sucks

35827

You deserved it

16622

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was texting this guy i've liked for a really long time, because of how nice and sentimental he is. We were sending each other things like "You make me smile" and "You're so damn cute" when finally he said "Let's just stop texting and hook up already." So much for sentimental. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14393

You deserved it

42712

Tweet

Share

By Ilovelife07 - United States

Today, I snuck out of work 2 hours early. As I was speeding away so I wouldn't be seen, I rear-ended my boss as he was leaving the lower parking lot for a late lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6716

You deserved it

46366

Tweet

Share

By McFizzy321 - United States - Merritt Island

Today, I went on a cruise. I gave my bags to a porter, and tipped him $5. Later that night, my bags still hadn't arrived at my room, and that's when I realized that I'd paid a fake porter to steal my bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27797

You deserved it

5496

Tweet

Share

By jeezy - Canada

Today, I was working my shift and my ex girlfriend came in to apply for a job. She broke up with me for another guy so i can't stand being in the same room as her. The manager talked to her and decided to hire her on the spot. I need to train her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61209

You deserved it

3274

Tweet

Share

By crazytortise - United States

Today, I was syphoning some gas from my truck to my friend's car just enough to get to the gas station. I told my friend to let me know when the gas was coming; he said, "Alright." Suddenly, I got a mouth full of gas because he was on his phone taking a video of me. He got the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10519

You deserved it

1636

Tweet

Share

By Chris - 12/3/2021 20:01

NFT FML

Today, I'm still trying to get my head around what NFTs are, even though my friend walked me through the whole thing during an hour-long conversation. I guess I'm dumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

536

You deserved it

131

Tweet

Share

By Why me? - United States - Wilmington

Today, some guys came up to me at work so they could meet me in person after talking to me on Tinder. I don't have a Tinder account, though, and I have no idea who is doing this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21221

You deserved it

1305

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46873

You deserved it

21539

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I had to explain to a customer that she can't use the bathroom while going through the drive-thru. I still don't understand what exactly she had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5721

You deserved it

420

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - Austria - Vienna

Orwellian nightmare

Today, while reading "1984" on the train, a cute guy around my age and I got into a great a discussion about the book. Just when I thought he might ask for my number, he got up, patted me on the head and said it's so nice that kids my age still took interest in real literature. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40101

You deserved it

3264

Tweet

Share

By OwMyBalls

Today, I had a debate with my girlfriend about whether giving birth or getting kicked in the balls hurts more. It ended up with her kicking me in the balls. I was the one who said giving birth hurt more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35943

You deserved it

6452

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/7/2020 05:01

Move it, now!

Today, I had just gotten out of the bath when a police officer knocked on my door. I answered in my towel, and he told me I had to leave due to a bomb scare. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1408

You deserved it

111

Tweet

Share

By Dick the Greater

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60154

You deserved it

10289

Tweet

Share

By JohnBlack - United States

Today, I was told off for not holding the door open for a woman behind me at work. Yesterday I was informed that chivalry is offensive to women, as it implies that they are not equal to men. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32348

You deserved it

3938

Tweet

Share

By zboy_123 - India

Today, I went to this meditation center which my mom suggested to get mental peace as I have been hating my job and life for some time now. I drove for an hour and then walked around in scorching Indian sun for 2 hours trying to locate the damn place. I got lost and returned home angrier than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36446

You deserved it

7130

Tweet

Share

By Anyonexx0 - United States - Washington

Today, my sister and I heard back from a job we both applied to. I had used the knowledge from my MBA degree to write a six-page essay for the application, while she just copied and pasted hers from a random website. Guess who got the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37711

You deserved it

3752

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/9/2020 08:08

Who's Afraid of Red, Yellow and Blue

Today, I spent almost two hours drawing a scenery. I was tired halfway in and took a break. Came back to my room to see it getting scribbled on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

897

You deserved it

97

Tweet

Share

By aarong - United States - Tampa

Spotified

Today, I found my daughter's "sex songs" playlist. I was more disappointed by her poor taste in music than the fact that she is already sexually active. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46389

You deserved it

7943

Tweet

Share

By Luke - United States

Today, I discovered that if you are being mugged, never tell your mugger you are going to call the police because he will come back and steal your phone too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18334

You deserved it

36294

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By luvable_loozer | 0

#272509 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:21

time to hire a new painting company.....

By ithedarkknight | 0

#272528 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:23

lmao haha golden shower

COMMENTS

By luvable_loozer | 0

#272509 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:21

time to hire a new painting company.....

Reply

DarkSeekerX94446 | 14

#5153418 - Friday 16 November 2012 2:57

Well, Urine for a lot of trouble.

By ithedarkknight | 0

#272528 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:23

lmao haha golden shower

By Dinglenuts | 0

#272534 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:24

I'd pay for one of those.

By jchag | 0

#272562 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:27

LMAO hahaha agreed with number 4! GOLDEN SHOWER :)

By Mvibes | 0

#272567 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:27

Omg that suuuucks! Did you complain to the company? you shoulda complained

By xiloveyoux3 | 0

#272573 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:28

You found piss refreshing? O.o

Reply

DragonMasterMF | 0

#395453 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 15:52

...refreshing....more like disturbing

Reply

popoman | 0

#574236 - Saturday 19 September 2009 18:10

If it feels good, don't try to stop it.

By 2496rfr | 0

#272579 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:28

Oh my damn..run for the shower..but not before cursing them out

By EmbarrassedKlutz | 0

#272588 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:30

LOL ur own free sun protection spray...
URINE!!! :D

By Playboi0505 | 0

#272594 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:31

Haha fyl.

By burrito_supreme | 0

#272597 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:31

LOL