Today, I learned that the burning sensation I get on my balls isn't from when my girlfriend poured hot sauce on my balls as a prank, it's actually gonorrhea. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML
Today, I learned I don't have a yeast infection. I have herpes. FML
Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've been seeing. He confessed that he gave me chlamydia. FML
Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML
Today, I get the feeling my wife is mad at me. I have no evidence to support this, except she ran me a bath with a bath bomb and a shit load of chilli powder, so like I say, no hard evidence except the excruciating burning in my asshole, peehole, ballsack, nostril and eyes. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend put chili powder on our loo roll as a "harmless" prank. He forgot women use loo roll to wipe the sensitive parts of their bodies. I have itchy weeping sores inside my vagina and am considering sticking an ice cube up there to stop the burning. FML
Today, I had dinner with my grandparents. At the table, my grandfather openly complained about how hard it is for him to get out of their hot tub. Not because of his prosthetic leg, but because his balls somehow "get stuck". I really didn't need to know that. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, I had to listen to my best friend explain how to properly unstick one's balls from one's leg. I'm a girl. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
She puts that shit on everything!
WinterChild 20
I was going to try and come up with something witty but "she puts that shit on everything" takes this one.
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Comments (48)
LyricaSilvan 30
I know the main point is that you discovered you have an STD, but...what the hell is wrong with your girlfriend? What kind of psychopath pours hot sauce on someone's genitals, prank or not? That's mildly horrifying.
khiiirsty 14
That sucks man
Evanclendening 6
I wonder what the 600+ people are thinking when they think, finding out burning wasn't hot sauce just gonorrhea, can happen to anyone. I mean shit maybe my life is just boring.
creditless 14
well... seems like the joke's on her too ?
jbivens1992 17
I know its been said...but what in the hell was she doing putting hot sauce on your genitals? The **** kind of prank wars do you guys play? And what's wrong with you allowing that to happen? If I ever approached a mans downstairs with hot sauce I would do so only with a death wish.
foxyfly 4
Dude I think you have bigger things to worry about now then hot sauce
juggalo2 22
Prank level 9000.
Theheckisgoingon 4
You know, I made an account solely to comment on this post. First off, why is there no YDI option. Second, you let her put hot sauce on your genitals, which depending on the the spiciness of it, sure it could be like the hot portion of icy hot. But to not realize after however long that it's not the same thing... Sorry op, and I'm sure that I'll get plenty of down votes for bringing up valid points, but YDI.
Anngelll 8
What's a gonorrhea? My girlfriend said she had one right before we had sex for the first time, and was asking if I was still sure I wanted to have sex.
diego92 13
Eww