Today, I learned that the burning sensation I get on my balls isn't from when my girlfriend poured hot sauce on my balls as a prank, it's actually gonorrhea. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML
Today, I learned I don't have a yeast infection. I have herpes. FML
Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've been seeing. He confessed that he gave me chlamydia. FML
Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML
Today, I get the feeling my wife is mad at me. I have no evidence to support this, except she ran me a bath with a bath bomb and a shit load of chilli powder, so like I say, no hard evidence except the excruciating burning in my asshole, peehole, ballsack, nostril and eyes. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend put chili powder on our loo roll as a "harmless" prank. He forgot women use loo roll to wipe the sensitive parts of their bodies. I have itchy weeping sores inside my vagina and am considering sticking an ice cube up there to stop the burning. FML
Today, I had dinner with my grandparents. At the table, my grandfather openly complained about how hard it is for him to get out of their hot tub. Not because of his prosthetic leg, but because his balls somehow "get stuck". I really didn't need to know that. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, I had to listen to my best friend explain how to properly unstick one's balls from one's leg. I'm a girl. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
RichardPencil 32
She puts that shit on everything!
WinterChild 20
I was going to try and come up with something witty but "she puts that shit on everything" takes this one.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (48)
Catdragon 40
I've spilled perfume on my ****** and it burned liked satan's asshole, I cannot imagine the pain of hot sauce on the balls.
flammaefata 20
I must say I'm quite curious to find out how you managed that?
CastaP 12
Firstly: What? Secondly: Why?! Lastly: How?!
Twisted_Angel 17
i'm sure you can guess "how"
obewonstrangeone 18
Hot damn, that sucks
cuz803 46
Holy shit! That sucks, but you should've use protection
geniusness 6
"as a prank"
SneakyDeath 15
On the bright side, it is treatable. You should talk to your girlfriend and make sure she get tested for STDs.
Narutoexd 13
Maybe she put hot sauce on your balls to throw you off? Good luck op
tmj25789 23
Hot sauce sounds terrible and a horrible prank. Gonorrhea on the other hand, I would have a talk about to your girlfriend, if you contracted it from her, what is going on.
cuz803 46
Obviously unprotected sex
tmj25789 23
Obviously. Hah. Someone though gave it to the other and was unfaithful.
hanslicktenstein 21
hope you can get it cured before it eats your dick off
manuwish 9
ew..haha chili balls for those who like it spicy..sorry bout your STD..guess she's gotta go(..norrhea)