Miscellaneous: Today, I learned that my boyfriend hides valuables in the washing...

By washed - 11/10/2009 23:30 - United States

Today, I learned that my boyfriend hides valuables in the washing machine under dirty clothes when leaving town for the weekend. I learned this AFTER I'd done a load of laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 977

You deserved it 3 366

Miscellaneous

Leave us alone

Walk the line

What have you got yourself into?

Tasty!

By Anonymous - 25/02/2010 16:28 - United States

Today, I was driving with my mom. She had some soda with her from earlier, and even though it was probably warm, I was thirsty. I ask for a sip, she hands it to me and says sure. And I get a mouthful of ash-and-cigarette-butt-filled soda. Apparently she didn't feel the need to mention this to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 065

You deserved it 3 665

By disciplinaryaction - 21/11/2011 07:02 - United States

Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 667

You deserved it 3 339

By thepokemonkid - 27/02/2013 05:03 - United States - Avon

Today, I finally made a Facebook account after being home-schooled my entire life. I friended people that I know and their friends, and subsequently sparked a debate on whether or not I exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 253

You deserved it 4 124

By f03_f0r_l1f3 - 26/06/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. Driving her home, we got stuck in a construction zone. I waited half an hour with with my ex-girlfriend bawling her eyes out in the passenger seat as I watched the traffic lady eat her lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 151

You deserved it 65 645

By Anonymous - 27/09/2014 03:30 - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend tried to be dominant during sex. It was so out of character for him, I couldn't help but break into hysterical laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 550

You deserved it 12 022

By olive_costume - 05/12/2009 01:16 - Australia

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 652

You deserved it 8 038

The definition of irony

By Rastaa_Reyes - 16/05/2019 23:52

Today, I went to Wal-Mart with my mom. She kept telling me to put my keys away so I wouldn't lose them. After a few times, I got annoyed and yelled at her. When we got back to her house, I realized I'd lost my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 2 887

By Bladerunner - 01/12/2011 09:49 - United States

Today, my car was towed. After taking a cab all the way to the lot for $45 and paying the $250 fee to get my car back, my car broke down in the impound lot and needed to be towed to the nearest shop, where it took another $200 to fix, and $50 for the towing. I still have a 3 hour drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 079

You deserved it 3 512

By dieders - 21/11/2016 06:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and opened my curtains to see my gardener up a ladder in front of my window tending to the plants growing up the side of the wall. This would've been fine if his ballsack wasn't hanging out his shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 750

You deserved it 1 129

By shark - 27/11/2012 03:03 - United States - Houston

Today, I was separating my notes into two piles: one to save for exam studying and one to throw out. I finished separating, picked up the junk pile and absentmindedly shredded it. Afterwards, I looked down to see the junk pile still completely intact. Goodbye, passing grades. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 622

You deserved it 31 792

By abonde29 - 24/05/2018 20:30

Today, I got a text from my cousin saying he's gay. I was thrilled and told him I'm bisexual. He later texted me saying that his friend took his phone and said that. He also told all of our relatives. I accidentally came out to my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 225

You deserved it 541

By sharky - 20/01/2012 21:17 - United States

Today, I was at Disneyland with a friend. We were watching the light show, and when Tinkerbell came out, we both started crying. Some guy noticed and called us "fucking pussies". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 528

You deserved it 45 658

Same

By Anonymous - 08/01/2015 14:24 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets more pleasure out of using a Q-tip than he does having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 867

You deserved it 6 052

By Squid - 21/02/2017 07:00 - Canada - Parksville

Today, my older boyfriend and I went shopping together. When we arrived at the till, the cashier looked at me and asked, "Is this your pop?" I replied "No, this is my boyfriend, but we get that a lot." She paused, pointed at the case of Coke in the cart and said again, "Is this your pop?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 572

You deserved it 3 012

By Anonymous - 28/06/2009 18:25 - Israel

Today, I woke up late. My grandparents had slept over the night before but they usually left early. I heard someone in the kitchen and thinking it was my brother, I said "Thank god, the geriatric crew is FINALLY gone." My grandma responds, "No we're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 462

You deserved it 73 924

How d'you think I look so good?

By Anonymous - 07/06/2021 17:00

Today, I got home and my wife asked me to help yell at the kids for ruining over £1000 of her makeup supplies. I did an almost double take at the fact I had no idea she had spent over £1000 just on makeup. No wonder we’re always broke the end of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 188

You deserved it 192

By author - 15/02/2014 02:28 - United States - Sicklerville

Today, I was at the fish store asking if they were hiring. My stepdad decided to humiliate me by screaming at them repeatedly that I'm a good person and that I deserve the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 913

You deserved it 3 718

It's not me, it's you

By notjustfat - 20/04/2016 23:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said he was no longer sexually attracted to me. He then followed that with, "But don't worry, it's not because you're fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 607

You deserved it 2 312

By Anonymous - 18/08/2012 05:15 - United States

Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 895

You deserved it 2 650

By Anonymous - 11/12/2010 05:16 - Canada

Today, I went to check if my neighbours were home to return their dog, having looked after her for a few days. I looked in the window and the place was empty. They'd moved house and stuck us with their dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 477

You deserved it 3 558

By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 00:04 - United States - Mount Jackson

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 306

You deserved it 1 995

By Evalynne - 06/04/2013 12:55 - United States - New Orleans

Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 754

You deserved it 21 788

My drip

By Anonymous - 11/08/2009 15:33 - United States

Today, the dry cleaner next to my house went up in flames. I went outside to look at the fire, as I looked on in amazement I realized I had dropped off all of my work clothes at the cleaners two days before. I was supposed to pick them up today, but was too lazy to walk the 10 feet to the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 792

You deserved it 66 898

By notgoodwitholdpeople - 23/05/2014 16:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, an old lady fell in the street, and I rushed to help her. As I tried to help her to her feet, she started screaming, "She pushed me! She pushed me!" I froze up in shock, and ended up being chased by some guy who thought I'd attacked her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 743

You deserved it 3 100

By KarlwithaK - 19/05/2009 03:29 - United States

Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s. We spent most of the day with her and she didn't know who we all were. Time came for us to leave so when I gave her a hug good-bye, she whispered into my ear, "You're my type." FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 880

You deserved it 4 156

The joys of pregnancy

By Brittany Leighton - 10/12/2021 16:59

Today, I've had a cold for over a week, and I've been coughing so hard, I bruised my ribs. I'm also 8 months pregnant. Guess where my son likes to kick me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 107

By Anonymous - 13/09/2016 16:33 - United States - Orlando

Today, I eavesdropped as my friend tried hinting to my crush that I like him. He replied, "Haha, eww. She looks like a fuckin' garden gnome." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 481

You deserved it 1 723

By rabid_otaku - 20/09/2014 23:39 - United States - Sycamore

Today, I had to stop at a gas station to go to the bathroom. A sign on the door told people to knock since the door didn't lock. As I was peeing, a lady walked in on me. Rather than simply saying sorry and shutting the damn door, she opened it wider and stepped in to apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 947

You deserved it 2 905

By Anonymous - 22/06/2016 12:36 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 304

You deserved it 1 473

By grlks - 19/02/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, I told a girl I liked her. She replied, "Don't". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 034

You deserved it 5 852

By Noname - 26/10/2008 21:20 - United States

Today, while at the dinner table, my grandmother told me she backed over a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 120

You deserved it 4 435

By fmltom - 16/12/2015 02:21 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my coworker, who has a tendency to overshare, decided to tell me she has chlamydia. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Stop. I don't wanna know." A customer heard this exchange and we were both written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 684

You deserved it 1 652

By Anonymous - 24/06/2019 22:04

Today, I just got back from a party, where I spent most of the night comforting the girl I like. Why? Because the guy she likes was being grinded on by another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 423

You deserved it 431

By ch - 04/03/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, my grandmother patched up my $300, vintage, limited edition, designer jeans because she thought I'd accidentally ripped them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 251

You deserved it 90 173

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By Anonymous - 04/11/2020 20:03 - United States - Herndon

Today, I learned that my best friend has been cheating on his girlfriend for 2 months. This is the same person who, 2 months ago, wanted to break our friendship off because he thought we "got too close" and felt like he was cheating on his girlfriend by spending too much time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 996

You deserved it 236

By Jobless - 12/03/2009 09:01 - Malaysia

Today, my boss wanted to promote me to a managerial position. I declined the position saying I don't think I'm ready and experienced enough for that role. I was then fired instead for not accepting the promotion. I was fired for being honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 625

You deserved it 26 501

The Times They Are a-Changin'

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 16:01

Today, thanks to my ex-husband's misogyny, my son is now convinced girls are inherently weaker and that if he had to, he could beat any woman in a fight, even if she was a trained martial artist or a soldier, because, "Men are the stronger gender." I can kick both their asses, husband and son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 228

By deez_nutz - 10/03/2009 12:46 - Canada

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend bought me a Nickelback CD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 491

You deserved it 29 242

By Loner - 19/09/2017 19:30 - United States - Paramus

Today, my buddy congratulated me on getting a girl's phone number written on my arm. I was too embarrassed to tell him it was the number I needed to find my furniture at IKEA . FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 875

You deserved it 468

By Username - 29/05/2011 04:41 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of something I said 2 years ago, as a joke. I guess she took a while to get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 117

You deserved it 8 174

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Top comments

DameGreyWulf 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:33

Well... certainly nobody would check, so he's a genius... albeit an unfortunate one.

iZ3r0 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:23

Yea that does suck.. what kind of things was he hideing??

zangledog 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:20

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

GreenHacker 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 14:38

I wanna say he deserves it for this one. Only a moron hides his valuable where he did. Also, knowing you do the laundry, he should inform you of his hiding spot. FYL for dating a dumbass

kemmons88 0

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Monday 20 June 2011 16:26

your gay for being first.

sonasonic 34

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Thursday 12 June 2014 0:06

Has that idiot ever heard of a safe?

iZ3r0 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:23

Yea that does suck.. what kind of things was he hideing??

moonlight_daze 8

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:26

Apparently valuable things that a washing machine is capable of damaging.

greenltrn2003 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 17:05

ionno why but this just screamed WEED to me... and that would really explain his thinking patterns too. fuckin genious.

moneypenny_fml 0

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Sunday 14 February 2010 18:26

me to

xactownife 7

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Friday 6 April 2012 2:44

Funny criticizing a person's intelligence with multiple spelling errors. Fuckin' genius

moonlight_daze 8

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:23

You live with him and don't know this? He Deserved It.

Kukua 5

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:24

Were they his valuables? Or yours? If they were yours, then FYL for sure. If they were his, then he's a mama's boy who obviously has relied on the women around him to do his laundry his whole life.

oogyboogy 6

Monday 12 October 2009 16:45

actually if he puts them there it means that he does all the laundry because he has to remember to take them out

greenltrn2003 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 17:02

haha...

FYLbutYDI 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:24

Ydi for putting landry in without checking... And iPod first

Kukua 5

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:26

The laundry was already in the washer - he hid his stuff UNDER the laundry already in the machine.

outofitall 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:29

Sounds like a smart guy.

FYLbutYDI 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:29

Ok.. So he put dirty landry in the machine and hide things under it? Wow this is really fake or he has bad hiding places...

DameGreyWulf 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:33

Well... certainly nobody would check, so he's a genius... albeit an unfortunate one.

null_fml 11

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:33

Hiding valuables is a good idea, but that's kind of a dumb place. Does he hide his alcohol in the oven when some less-than-trustworthy friends come over, or put his pet hamster in the freezer so your neighbour's dog can't get it?