Today, due to my boyfriend teasing me about me possibly having been conceived on a beach because I was born in Hawaii, I finally asked my mom if I really was. She said no, but then told me in detail how much sex on a beach hurts when you get sand up your ass. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML
Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML
Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML
Today, my mother thought it would be a good idea to tell me that I was conceived on an airplane toilet. FML
Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989." They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML
Today, I had to explain to my mom that the bruises I have all over my body are not due to abuse, but because I'm into really rough sex. FML
Today, my mom screamed in my face that if she could go back in time, she’d rather have put up with the 3-minute pain of being fucked in the ass like her boyfriend wanted, because then she wouldn’t have had 13 years of pain raising me. FML
Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML
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Top comments
dude1122332 9
And over there honey was the sand castle your father and I conceived your brother.(:
WCARlover 35
I honestly could give a flying crap where I was conceived...I don't see why that matters
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Comments (119)
dude1122332 9
And over there honey was the sand castle your father and I conceived your brother.(:
Tiny_Alyc 13
Hope the kid who built the castle didn't see it.. Or call his/her mommy because two big people destroyed his castle :)
BeachBoi_Alex 7
Just dont do anal on the beach, its making a bad situation worse.
VenomSiphon 13
^ What an apropos user name
JocelynKaulitz 28
This would be the only argument to the famous saying: "Doesn't matter, had sex."
thatssomeBS 9
Hawaii, eh? OP was obviously born in Kenya....
WCARlover 35
I honestly could give a flying crap where I was conceived...I don't see why that matters
zandalee 20
In fact how wonderful to be conceived on a beach...
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Don't you mean you couldn't give a flying crap...?
patrickalamo 48
Love hurts and true grit both come to mind.
AClassActx3 7
I was conceived in Canada ! Almost Canadian :) *waves* (i think this is Hilarious) I'd trade Canada for Hawaii though.
Ugi 27
I'm with #2 - why should you care where you were conceived? On a beach sounds fun!
WCARlover 35
I did mean couldn't* give, sorry, stupid phone :(
saintsrocksocks 10
Haha mistakes happen.
AssassinsCRB 0
Who would give a flying crap? I mean you don't see craps that fly very often.
sirpantselot 22
It's a pretty funny image!
pandabear125 0
It's not even that I don't care, I just don't want to know.
robotiick7 23
-48 we needed to know this why?
the_true_batman 10
At least now you know to lay down a towel.
NOOBSQUAD 0
You better lay down more than one towel because it's gonna get crumpled up pretty quick.
Krirn 21
I'd take that as a warning.
lonkite101 14
4- *******you're******** stupid. Happy now?
hockeyoceancity 13
Uhmm...? Since 4 didn't even say anything with a "y" in it i have no idea what you're trying to say.
geko911 22
49 was just being stupid because 4 wrote in his profile that he was waiting for someone to say "you're stupid" instead of "your stupid". 49 must not know that we don't really comment on profiles on FML...
StackedDeck 2
Don't ask a question when you're not ready for the answer. You may start imagining things that can't be unimagined.
brewmasterg 34
This. You asked a question that could've led to a response with similar details anyway. Don't ask for what you can't handle.
LowLives 9
Your Kitty is so cute but why is he/she attacking your face? :(
brewmasterg 34
Love bite :3
pbonham 22
That's not something to be ashamed of!!!! Conceived on a beautiful beach in Hawaii, so much more interesting than just an old bed...
zandalee 20
Beds are overrated
xXUND3ADcityXx 0
Getting the image of your parents ******* on a public beach in Hawaii...how beautiful
alyspar2 5
Better than finding out yourself I guess?
lonkite101 14
Not really !
KommanderKush420 5
OPs mom probably has sand crabs
ohSNAPyall 27
Better than land sharks.
hockeyoceancity 13
Also better then monster hamsters.
birdfreak 24
Sounds pleasant
hwkfan1 10
Bay Watch!