Work: Today, I learned that in Japan there are monkeys that wait tables... - FML

By slickboy0023 - 16/03/2010 15:30 - United States

Today, I learned that in Japan there are monkeys that wait tables and work at a tavern. Literally, I have a job a monkey can do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 907

You deserved it 5 620

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 23/03/2011 11:50 - United States

Today, I was let go from my balloon-selling job at the zoo. They put a new monkey cage in my designated spot. I was literally fired so a monkey could take my place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 052

You deserved it 5 074

By LennyComa - 19/03/2017 00:00

Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 581

You deserved it 932

Help!

By send help - 07/03/2017 02:00

Today, at the Japanese restaurant I work for, we have 95 reservations and three servers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 431

You deserved it 405

By Anonymous - 05/01/2010 12:49 - India

Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 258

You deserved it 5 395

Is that even legal?

By Monkeys aren't pets - 07/12/2020 23:04 - United States - Millersville

Today, I found out in addition to the ADHD teenager they scream at, my boyfriend's parents are planning on getting a monkey. I work at an animal shelter, so now I'm obligated to have a long conversation with them about what a crap idea that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 93

Dumbo's jumbo dungo

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 20:00 - Australia

Today, I learned not to get a job as an elephant keeper at the zoo when the water at home is out for a week for renovations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 181

Food flight

By ashley_skillz06 - 24/01/2010 05:21 - France

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant. While the chef was throwing food at us, I was getting ready for my turn. He tossed a piece of broccoli at me, I leaned back to catch it, completely falling off my chair. I knocked everything over and had the packed restaurant laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 358

You deserved it 7 397

By Anonymous - 14/05/2009 12:40 - Australia

Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant I work at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 321

You deserved it 15 926

By foojew93 - 09/08/2009 17:41 - United States

Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 303

You deserved it 3 819

Do it again!

By immy504 - 30/11/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, at my job as a waitress, I fell, landed on my ass, managing not to spill the drinks or drop the food in my hands. A little boy yelled, "NINJA WAITRESS!" Everyone at work has been calling me that all day, and purposely been trying to trip me to see if I could do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 303

You deserved it 5 934

Next

Top comments

aback 4

Tuesday 16 March 2010 19:45

"They took our jobs!"

velvel 7

Tuesday 16 March 2010 19:40

I want to be waited on by a monkey!!

Comments

RKftw 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 7:16

does getting fecal matter thrown at someone cost extra or do you do that for free?

mjolene 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 8:03

@ ilovedrugs - I love drugs too. and sex. yep, that's about it.

bugmenotmofo 34

Wednesday 17 March 2010 8:21

OP is a Cracked reader... i think my other comment disappeared... hmmm...

Tabbykat9698 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 10:03

I'm a server and I LOVE my job. Its mindless but tons of money. I'm a college dropout and plan on going back, but for the time being I make as much or more as my college grad friends.

chadb1520 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 12:52

lol bob and Tom had that on there show

CaptenAwesomeXD 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 18:28

dude... that's one KICKASS monkey, or, many kickass monkeys I guess, since there were many of them...aaanyways... that's pretty damn cool :D

kazumaslayer666 3

Wednesday 17 March 2010 18:34

I saw this on world's dumbest

joangar 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 19:19

well what do you expect, youre a waiter.

zachhasse 0

Thursday 18 March 2010 4:18

do you know how to spank your monkey

Meathook 0

Friday 19 March 2010 2:38

I see you too read cracked.com.

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The Top

Today, my boss made me run yet another stupid errand. When I delivered the paperwork to his office, I saw an email printout on his desk. Apparently, he has a plan in the works to get me "fried" next month. I'm not sure whether to give him a letter of resignation or a bottle of barbecue sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 359

You deserved it 2 739

Today, I set aside a weekend to spend time with a friend. I learned that someone else is staying there: a fat, unemployed man-child who talks shit about us on Facebook, while his manipulative wife pays his bills. He got evicted from his last home when he pretended to be a ninja and cut up his neighbor's garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 72

The Top

Today, at work, our grease traps were getting cleaned out. My desk is right next to the vent for outside air, and veryone thought I crapped myself and wouldn't go near me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 882

You deserved it 475

Today, I got an e-mail regarding an IT support job I applied to. The e-mail had numerous formatting errors due to bad code, and typos all over the place. It said I wasn't qualified for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 839

You deserved it 3 296

Today, I learned that not only is my husband having an affair with my own mother, but my whole family knew. They were keeping it a secret from me for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 366

You deserved it 370

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 1 827

Today, I went out on a date with a guy significantly older than myself. I told him I really liked him because I can have an intelligent conversation with him, unlike most guys my age. He told me he just wanted to get into my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 347

You deserved it 11 000

Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 867

You deserved it 5 239