Miscellaneous: Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling,...

By Anonymous - 05/01/2010 12:49 - India

Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 196

You deserved it 5 380

Miscellaneous

Stop talking!

Pee is stored in the balls

Love is blind

By toastedguy - 01/12/2009 05:00 - United States

Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." After the girl stole my hat, I grabbed her phone. While trying to get it back, she held a lighter to me, threatening me. Next thing I know my beard is on fire, so not only did I have to sit through horrible acting, I got burnt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 572

You deserved it 13 120

By thegrandchawhee - 29/08/2015 17:13 - United States - Yakima

Today, I was scheduled to fill in at the customer service counter where I work. Today was also the day that I allegedly accused a customer of being a thief, sold her a fraudulent money order, and will be sued for defamation of character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 985

You deserved it 1 790

By sickyandiknowit - 08/11/2014 07:36 - United States - Eugene

Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 048

You deserved it 4 833

By dasbooot - 30/04/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 632

You deserved it 4 564

By Anonymous - 14/12/2013 07:24 - Canada - Milton

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 364

You deserved it 7 965

By Nezje - 08/08/2018 18:30

Today, I didn't get my driver's license even though I didn't make any mistakes because my examiner said it was only my first time taking the exam, so it wouldn't matter if I failed. Now I have to pay another €240 for a second exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 698

You deserved it 156

By didn't notice for 2 years - 10/06/2015 23:14 - United States - Goodyear

Today, my sister told me that the only reason I like one guy is because he looks exactly like the guy that dumped me. I showed her two pictures to argue against it, and ended up proving her right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 063

You deserved it 5 783

Don't go to Sunn O))) concerts, kids

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 12:01 - United States - Mount Jackson

Today, my doctor told me that the intense, non stop ringing in my ears, which started suddenly at the beginning of the year, has no cure, no treatment options, and I just need to learn to live with it. I have severe auditory sensory issues, and have barely been getting by. I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 73

By Moanie - 15/03/2009 22:45 - United States

Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 233

You deserved it 29 460

By Tee - 11/12/2009 09:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying in his bed. I was watching the Terminator on T.V. A commercial came on in the middle of the movie. We just started having sex when the movie came back on he said "I'll be back." in the Arnold Schwartzenegger accent and rolled over to watch the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 738

You deserved it 4 579

By Anonymous - 26/08/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, a customer at work made threats against me and my two-month old son. Instead of following policy by notifying the police, my manager apologized to him and told me to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 038

You deserved it 126

By j0j0 - 19/11/2008 03:44 - France

Today, I tried demonstrate to my little brother that, unlike what he sees in cartoons, it is impossible to slip on a banana peel. I'm not too sure he's convinced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 007

You deserved it 36 750

By failingyetagain - 20/07/2015 22:17 - United Kingdom - Barrow Upon Soar

Today, I was doing my first shift waitressing in a café. Not an hour in, I'd already spilt tea over somebody and dropped two whole meals. Looks like this won't last much longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 272

You deserved it 4 497

By regrub - 10/01/2010 09:14 - United States

Today, ignoring the unspoken rule of not entering the bus when the driver's not inside, I went in while he was taking a break. As I stepped inside, he reached in the window and pressed the "close-door" button. It closed on my hand. Everyone at the bus stop laughed as I yelped in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 356

You deserved it 29 623

Breaking news

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 20:00

Today, my stepfather woke me up at two in the morning just to tell me he bought a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 449

You deserved it 123

By Old and Ugly - 23/04/2015 09:04 - United States

Today, at work as a bank teller, an angry customer complained that the payments on his two credit cards had been messed up the previous month, with the wrong amount being credited to each account. I asked if he knew who'd helped him. He said, "Well, it wasn't you - she was younger and prettier!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 908

You deserved it 2 483

By mikey51 - 10/03/2012 01:56 - Australia

Today, I was taking a dump, when my dad shouted for me to go wash the dishes. Fed up with his constant shit, I told him to bite me. He took this as an invitation to wedge the bathroom door shut for nearly two hours, despite all my pleas and apologies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 593

You deserved it 41 472

By hoggypig - 23/04/2012 13:00

Today, I was walking across a pedestrian crossing and waved at the driver of the car who'd stopped, just to say thank you. She stuck her middle finger up at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 531

You deserved it 2 869

By Deirbhile - 03/05/2009 16:40 - United States

Today, I overheard my dad's friend complaining to my dad that his new baby boy is a ginger. I continued listening, and heard my dad saying, "Yeah, there's nothing worse than having a ginger." I'm his daughter. I'm a ginger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 716

You deserved it 7 051

There's an app for everything

By Anonymous - 09/04/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend told me that he could predict my periods because he keeps track of when I'm at my bitchiest each month. This wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so accurate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 367

You deserved it 631

By hungry? - 22/07/2012 06:34 - United States - Talbott

Today, some friends told me that my natural body odor smells like cooked beef and roasted onions. I'm disgustingly delicious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 580

You deserved it 4 443

By Anonymous - 12/08/2009 07:39 - Australia

Today, at the breakfast table my mum asked me what I thought about the plumber who came to our place a couple of weeks ago. I told her that I thought he was really cute and how hard I tried to flirt with him, she nodded and told me that he is her new boyfriend and might move in with us soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 188

You deserved it 5 950

By ihatedogs - 22/06/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, my brother came down to my house, bringing his untrained puppies with him. As we were eating dinner, I dropped part of my sandwich in a liquid that was on the tablecloth. Thinking it was water, I ate it. As I chewed, I realized the liquid wasn't water. My sandwich was dipped in dog urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 835

You deserved it 19 867

By GoldenSteve - 05/11/2015 15:31 - United States - Humble

Today, my gym teacher ranted about how the government should put all the death row inmates in a coliseum and film them fighting. I guess he lied when he said he only drinks at the weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 397

You deserved it 2 520

By dontbadouche - 01/02/2010 13:45 - Senegal

Today, I heard the sound of footsteps in the basement. Thinking it was burglars I grabbed a baseball bat and hurried down the stairs. I then tripped on the stairs, fell down them and smacked my head on the bat. The sound of footsteps I heard? It was my cat playing in some cardboard boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 669

You deserved it 7 220

By chinesef000d - 29/08/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, I was sleeping in my apartment when I woke up to the smell of smoke. Alarmed, I ran out to the kitchen to find my roommates trying to put out a fire on the stove. As soon as they saw me, they ran for it, informing me that it was my problem now. They used my good frying pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 908

You deserved it 3 172

By anonymous - 25/10/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, I was so bored at my job as a receptionist that I actually got excited when the phone rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 257

You deserved it 3 445

By calidumbass - 14/01/2011 19:43 - United States

Today, I had a rude awakening after a traffic accident the day before. I'd fled the scene to avoid having to pay hefty damage fines. I would have gotten away with it too, if my license plate hadn't fallen off and incriminated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 646

You deserved it 121 390

By Anonymous - 08/12/2015 20:24 - United States - Knoxville

Today, while giving my final speech, a bump that had been growing on my arm popped. Pus leaked through my white dress sleeve, and it smelled like death. Everyone noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 821

You deserved it 2 510

Are you experienced?

By Karenfast17 - 03/03/2021 14:58 - Hong Kong - Kowloon

Today, I have to write my resume, and my teacher asked me about my secondary school activities. I'd never joined in any activities at that time, did no work experience, no volunteer work, except for two activities that I did in an institution centre this year. This all means I'm good at NOTHING. FML

I agree, your life sucks 615

You deserved it 310

By Sammy - 27/04/2011 17:07 - United States

Today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My husband, the father of the baby, got a birdie on the golf course at the exact same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 740

You deserved it 5 533

By AboutToBeHomeless - 03/11/2016 13:16

Today, I received a letter from my landlord's attorney. It said my landlord is terminating my "verbal" lease with him. Ten years ago, the deal began as rent to own. My landlord is my grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 833

You deserved it 727

By NoRespect - 22/05/2011 19:50 - United States

Today, I spent an hour setting up a delicate display stand at work. Not five minutes later, a woman barged in with her little kid, who immediately went up to the display and tipped the whole thing over. When I called attention to the mother, she just scoffed, "Isn't this your job?" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 581

You deserved it 3 244

By Anonymous - 01/11/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, driving home, my girlfriend and I decided we were finally going to have sex. We got in the backseat, then I opened my condom to find it was already broken. We ended up playing connect four instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 629

You deserved it 5 638

By btswc - 21/05/2011 07:18 - United States

Today, I asked my husband, of only a year, why we don't have sex anymore. He said it's because he masturbates. When I asked how often he did it, he replied "Every day that we don't have sex..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 997

You deserved it 9 649

By tooembarassed - 03/02/2012 20:47 - United States

Today, I got a date for Valentine's Day. The date is with my orthodontist; he's going to tighten my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 488

You deserved it 3 588

By Anonymous - 01/12/2015 09:49 - Australia - Corrimal

Today, I couldn't see my car in a crowded car park. I pressed unlock on my keys and saw the lights flash. As I walked over I also saw someone run from my car with an armful of my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 660

You deserved it 6 578

By Unknown - 15/12/2016 22:49 - Canada

Today, I turned off my boyfriends Xbox while he was playing because I wanted to talk to him about getting more serious with our relationship. As I did so, he said, "that's not the only thing you just turned off" and promptly broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 764

You deserved it 14 118

Follow the instructions

By mala_19 - 18/03/2020 20:14 - Sweden - Skellefte?

Today, I used a menstrual cup for the first time. When I took it out, a big chunk of dog hair came with it. I think I'm too grossed out to ever use it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 355

You deserved it 410

By brittney242 - 17/12/2016 10:03 - United States - Stow

Today, while at a night club, I was wearing a brand new outfit that I absolutely loved. I was enjoying myself until I felt something wet drop onto my head and body from above. It was puke from a drunk guy in the V.I.P. section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 569

You deserved it 632

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Top comments

MasterHurricane 0

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Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:03

next time, dont take shit from anyone.

blazingman311 1

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Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:02

I hope you threw your poo back?

blazingman311 1

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Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:02

I hope you threw your poo back?

PirateMan 0

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:23

POOOOOOO FIGHT!

thetallone 0

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Friday 8 January 2010 15:07

If you have any poo...fling it now!

ryguy1997 0

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Wednesday 31 March 2010 6:10

SUPER MONKEY POOP FIGHT! (Thats actualy an online game)

iLoveTeraaa 0

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Sunday 25 April 2010 5:56

fakeeeeee omfgggg

coolboy6 0

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Thursday 19 August 2010 6:16

no it could be tru monkeys are good at poo flinging:)

Youser 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 15:59

I agree with 84 I'm calling this faaaaaakkkkeee

MasterHurricane 0

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Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:03

next time, dont take shit from anyone.

polico_wolf 0

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Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:06

win

dknight_fml 0

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 11:43

win (x2)

kpo216 0

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Sunday 7 February 2010 7:55

and this is also bullshit

himoonkey 8

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Saturday 18 September 2010 15:49

lololol pun I think I'm retarted

ViviChenny 19

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Tuesday 28 June 2016 7:38

Unless it's from a monkey.

CallMeHush 0

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Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:09

I think he likes you.

razorp 0

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Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:09

in a situation like that you absolutly have to throw shit back, otherwise you are the monkeys bitch

allen20 0

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Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:13

Lmao i saw a monkey throwing poo at peiple at a zoo! haha xD

dudeitsdanny 9

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Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:19

I saw a monkey picking at its butt, and then sniffing his finger... Right before he stuck it in its mouth. LA Zoo chimps sure are something.

quinnteh 0

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 3:27

I saw an orang utan jacking off while gazing at one of my female friends in Adelaide Zoo.

emadee 0

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 8:34

hahah at the la zoo i saw a chimp shit in his hand then eat it, they absolutely sure are something

hahaohwell 0

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Sunday 10 January 2010 5:46

at the zoo i saw a monkey suck his on cock

pussymonsterr 0

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Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:17

hahaha ownage

ragsy 7

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Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:25

Now that you are covered in shit, you smell like everything else in India.

Towelie_31 0

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Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:46

lol its funny cause its true

Sungazing 0

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Tuesday 5 January 2010 23:57

hey India is not all stinky, its just the space we give to stinky foreigners that stinks...just to give a silent message you see :p

DeathStar_fml 0

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:01

just like your mom

riplikethat 0

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 5:59

What is interesting is that this ragpicker guy managed to smell every Indian to post his fact and then this towel came in to wipe his ass and confirm the fact.

beyoh 0

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 6:32

Have you ever even BEEN to India? Coz I have and it's not skanky or dirty.

shek1608 11

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 10:40

Ragsy, u are so god damn ignorant : You should know better than to post derogatory comments about a particular race,country,ethnicity or whatsoever. Get your facts right.

toaster468 0

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Friday 9 April 2010 4:53

stfu indians smell bad, get over it.

onlyoncamera 0

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Wednesday 25 July 2012 8:51

81, so ignorant, so stereotypical, like we havent heard that one before. It's 2012, times have changed, I think it's time for you to leave your racism in the past.

hellokimmiee 5

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Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:28

Hahahahahahaha "SHIT HAPPENS"

ColdGold 6

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Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:36

You were supposed to add it to your journal. Press it between the pages like a rose.

YayAmerica 0

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Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:37

Monkeys are pretty much known for that. There's no way you didn't realize it was a risk if you've been studying there for very long. Still sucks, though.