Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling,...

By Anonymous - 5/1/2010 12:49 - India

Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML

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Miscellaneous

Instadrama

All in the family

Time for the ER

By shawnsmuffins - 20/3/2015 02:23 - United States - Tampa

Today, after telling my parents that I want to be a vegetarian, I got grounded. Apparently, "black people can't be vegetarians" and, I'm "crazy for even suggesting something like that." FML

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By ZombieLicker - 25/11/2009 20:25 - United States

Today, I was walking into the building I hoped to work in someday with my resume, ready to be interviewed. As I walked through the doors I had to sneeze, so lifted my hands and sneezed a huge bloody booger right in the middle of the cover page. Turns out future employers don't like that. FML

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By Luke - 10/9/2015 05:56 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was robbed. I didn't know how the robber got in, as there was no clear signs of forced entry. I later found out that my psycho ex had written my address on the key I lent her when we were going out. And then purposely left it on a table in a café. FML

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By Arizonagirl - 6/11/2016 07:31 - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed because hers is ,"reserved for sleeping only". FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2011 21:24 - United States

Today, I was kicked in the crotch. The girl who did it thought I was her ex-boyfriend. I'm a girl. FML

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By Rai - 24/3/2009 16:11 - Canada

Today, I got up extra early to curl my hair because I wanted to look nice at school for a change. After coming downstairs my mom yells at me and says, "See, when you don't wake up on time your hair looks like that. You could have atleast combed it!" FML

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By anon - 26/12/2013 12:08 - Australia

Today, I watched "Time of the Doctor" and I'm pretty sure my love of Doctor Who slithered out through my ear and shamefully lodged itself in the darkest corner of the room, crying. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2013 21:48 - United States

Today, my co-worker and I played a game where we give each other the bird in whatever creative manner we could come up with. Deciding to be sneaky, I hid behind a wall with my middle finger up as I heard him walking into the office. It was my boss. FML

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By Jeezus - 16/2/2016 03:00 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, after a week of waiting to hear something about my stolen car, I got a letter in the mail saying it had been impounded the same day I reported it stolen, but they don't share a database with the police so they never called. Now the impound wants $900 plus $120 for the tow to release it. FML

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By PghSportsNation - 2/9/2011 14:56 - United States

Today, I awoke to my cat with micro pellets all over him. He'd destroyed a pillow containing them, and now there are thousands of these pellets throughout the entire house. My vacuum is broken. FML

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By raiden - 17/8/2018 20:30

Today, it's my first day of high school. It's also my first day of a three-day in-school suspension. The reason? I sat next to a girl and she immediately got up and told the teacher that she didn't "feel safe". FML

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By onefishtwofishes - 23/5/2013 20:15 - United States - Washington

Today, the communications expert I'm forced to work with added the line "as they can catch bigger fishes" to a film script. She does not believe me when I tell her that the plural of fish is "fish." This idiot not only has the final word, she makes twice what I do. FML

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By OneYearMistake. - 22/7/2009 23:35 - United Kingdom

Today, for our one year anniversary, my boyfriend decided to make me a patchwork blanket. The thing is, the patches were stains from bedsheets from where the 'wet spot' was. He thought it was romantic. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2015 18:29 - United States - South Burlington

Today, I found out that turkeys can fly. I also found out how much a new windshield costs. FML

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By givingup - 30/1/2012 05:37 - United States

Today, I was left at the altar. For the second time. By the same man. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2017 18:00 - Canada - Westerose

Today I started a new job, I found out that my employer doesn't follow the labour laws and my new co-workers are planning on reporting the owner of the company. The owner is my father, and I want to help them report him. FML

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By anon - 27/11/2015 20:21 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my stepmom asked me to bake pies for a dinner party she was having. Since I love baking, I said yes. When I went to deliver the pies, I found out they were for a family dinner I wasn't invited to. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2009 11:13 - Switzerland

Today, I was having sex with a girl. Things were getting pretty hot, so I decided to smack her butt. I missed. I smacked my balls instead. Real hard. FML

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By lauren555 - 27/3/2009 03:38 - United States

Today, after finishing a huge French essay, I realized my printer wasn't working. So, I emailed it to a guy in my class to print and then give to me. When I get to French, he said he had already turned his in early and never got my email. It turned out he used mine. I got an F on the essay. FML

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By MichiganExile - 31/1/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML

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By Jaided_Genetics - 17/8/2016 04:20 - Canada - Kingston

Today, I finally addressed why my boyfriend started calling me "love bug" since we haven't used pet names in the entirety of our 2 year relationship. His response? "because I love you but you bug the shit out of me. It seemed appropriate." FML

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By yaa - 26/5/2009 22:35 - Canada

Today, on my way out of the subway station, I noticed an older woman standing at the bottom of a flight of stairs with a large cart. I went up to her and asked if she needed help getting it up the stairs. She looks me up and down and says, "No, not from you." FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2015 09:09 - United States - Pueblo

Today, at work, a good song came on and I started dancing to it. I guess security thought my Michael Jackson crotch-grab was funny, because a printout of it is now pinned in our break room. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was 'A man running'. I didn't even get an apology. FML

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By ANON - 18/3/2016 16:04 - United States - Littleton

Today, I went straight from work to a blind date, and I decided to change in my car at the parking lot. Someone pulled up next to me as I had my ass to the window. It was my date. FML

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By awkwardpaul - 22/11/2013 10:18 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I sent a group text round to my friends asking if they wanted to hang out sometime. One of my friends thought this was aimed directly at her and confessed her love for me. FML

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By sickened - 21/9/2014 18:23 - United Kingdom - Gateshead

Today, I had a garage sale, and had amongst my clothing a few sets of underwear. A old man came up and asked to buy all of them. I'm so poor, I couldn't say no to the pervert. FML

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By Bribri - 18/11/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, my mom's "hobby" of rescuing homeless people became very real. We now have 3 more people living in our house, and none of them have a sense of personal space. I wake up to their faces in my windows. Thanks mom. FML

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By ugh - 14/6/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML

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By rj - 12/5/2012 14:42 - United States - Goddard

Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2010 07:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the couch. I got thirsty, so I got up and grabbed a metal water bottle and drank out of it. He tried to playfully touch it and spill water on me, but instead hit it hard enough to where it slammed my mouth, chipped my tooth, and cut open my lip. FML

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By Poser - 20/12/2009 04:24 - Canada

Today, I was at a bar and met this great guy. He was going outside for a smoke and I wanted to go too. Since I don't smoke, I decided to borrow one of my friends cigarettes as an excuse to go outside with him. As I was lighting the cigarette, he pointed out that I was lighting the wrong end. FML

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By kerry - 20/1/2010 05:30 - Canada

Today, I found a piece of rice in my belly button. I can't remember the last time I ate or handled rice. FML

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By chuchundra - 8/3/2014 20:06 - United States

Today, I got back from a two-week vacation. During my vacation, I had a friend from work watch my puppy. My puppy now likes him more than me, and won't stop whining sadly since he left. FML

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By notdrivinganytimesoon - 4/3/2015 02:35 - United States - Richardson

Today, I got pulled over during my driving test. FML

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By donttouchmyhair - 19/3/2014 18:14 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, a crazy woman grabbed my hair and mentioned how lovely it was. She then asked when I would donate it. I told her I didn't want to, at which point she started yelling that she was going to get some scissors and cut it all off to teach me a lesson. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2012 16:01 - United States - Port Townsend

Today, my 27 year old boyfriend chose playing with Lego over making sweet love to me. FML

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By davifilo - 26/10/2012 09:40 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I went bowling. I noticed a 10-year-old holding an iPod Touch which had the exact same customized case with my name on it as my iPod that was stolen a year ago at the same bowling centre. Even better, the parents yelled at me for accusing him. I got kicked out the bowling centre. FML

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By Sissy - 6/12/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I was standing in a long line at the Post Office when my 3 year old son starts rubbing up and down my leg. I asked him what he was doing and he said loudly. "I'm humping you like Simon humps me!" Everyone looks at me in shocked horror. Simon is our dog. FML

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By fml - 20/5/2010 21:32 - Canada

Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML

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Top comments

By MasterHurricane | 0

#757015 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:03

next time, dont take shit from anyone.

By blazingman311 | 1

#757013 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:02

I hope you threw your poo back?

Comments

By blazingman311 | 1

#757013 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:02

I hope you threw your poo back?

PirateMan | 0

#757339 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:23

POOOOOOO FIGHT!

thetallone | 0

#762161 - Friday 8 January 2010 15:07

If you have any poo...fling it now!

ryguy1997 | 0

#971702 - Wednesday 31 March 2010 6:10

SUPER MONKEY POOP FIGHT! (Thats actualy an online game)

iLoveTeraaa | 0

#984492 - Sunday 25 April 2010 5:56

fakeeeeee omfgggg

coolboy6 | 0

#1266899 - Thursday 19 August 2010 6:16

no it could be tru monkeys are good at poo flinging:)

Youser | 0

#1427076 - Sunday 19 September 2010 15:59

I agree with 84 I'm calling this faaaaaakkkkeee

By MasterHurricane | 0

#757015 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:03

next time, dont take shit from anyone.

polico_wolf | 0

#757026 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:06

win

dknight_fml | 0

#758214 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 11:43

win (x2)

kpo216 | 0

#832575 - Sunday 7 February 2010 7:55

and this is also bullshit

himoonkey | 8

#1422877 - Saturday 18 September 2010 15:49

lololol pun I think I'm retarted

ViviChenny | 19

#6638181 - Tuesday 28 June 2016 7:38

Unless it's from a monkey.

By CallMeHush | 0

#757032 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:09

I think he likes you.

By razorp | 0

#757034 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:09

in a situation like that you absolutly have to throw shit back, otherwise you are the monkeys bitch

By allen20 | 0

#757043 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:13

Lmao i saw a monkey throwing poo at peiple at a zoo! haha xD

dudeitsdanny | 9

#757057 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:19

I saw a monkey picking at its butt, and then sniffing his finger... Right before he stuck it in its mouth.
LA Zoo chimps sure are something.

quinnteh | 0

#757665 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 3:27

I saw an orang utan jacking off while gazing at one of my female friends in Adelaide Zoo.

emadee | 0

#758047 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 8:34

hahah at the la zoo i saw a chimp shit in his hand then eat it, they absolutely sure are something

hahaohwell | 0

#765469 - Sunday 10 January 2010 5:46

at the zoo i saw a monkey suck his on cock

By pussymonsterr | 0

#757048 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:17

hahaha ownage

By ragsy | 7

#757069 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:25

Now that you are covered in shit, you smell like everything else in India.

Towelie_31 | 0

#757099 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:46

lol its funny cause its true

Sungazing | 0

#757277 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 23:57

hey India is not all stinky, its just the space we give to stinky foreigners that stinks...just to give a silent message you see :p

DeathStar_fml | 0

#757288 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:01

just like your mom

riplikethat | 0

#757866 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 5:59

What is interesting is that this ragpicker guy managed to smell every Indian to post his fact and then this towel came in to wipe his ass and confirm the fact.

beyoh | 0

#757911 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 6:32

Have you ever even BEEN to India? Coz I have and it's not skanky or dirty.

shek1608 | 10

#758170 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 10:40

Ragsy, u are so god damn ignorant : You should know better than to post derogatory comments about a particular race,country,ethnicity or whatsoever. Get your facts right.

toaster468 | 0

#976679 - Friday 9 April 2010 4:53

stfu indians smell bad, get over it.

onlyoncamera | 0

#4730155 - Wednesday 25 July 2012 8:51

81, so ignorant, so stereotypical, like we havent heard that one before. It's 2012, times have changed, I think it's time for you to leave your racism in the past.

By hellokimmiee | 5

#757074 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:28

Hahahahahahaha "SHIT HAPPENS"

By ColdGold | 6

#757087 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:36

You were supposed to add it to your journal. Press it between the pages like a rose.

By YayAmerica | 0

#757091 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:37

Monkeys are pretty much known for that. There's no way you didn't realize it was a risk if you've been studying there for very long. Still sucks, though.