Miscellaneous: Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling,...

By Anonymous - India

Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML

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Miscellaneous

Walk on the wild side

And probably giggling

Mind your own beeswax, Amanda

By creepedout - United States - San Francisco

Today, I received a text with my last name spelled wrong. A short conversation revealed he got my number from me, through Tinder. I don't have an account, but he insisted he knew that I like it 'hard and rough'. He knew my first name. I still don't know how he got my phone number or name. FML

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By VelocityMary - United States

Today, a friend offered to have sex with me, since I'm a 19 year old virgin who's only been kissed. He then added on that I would have to give him my Wii in return. FML

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By bananagurl4242 - United States

Today, my friends told me all five of us should bring sleeping bags on our field trip; I brought mine only to find out they had told me that so they would get the four beds to themselves. They all 'forgot' to bring them and its only fair that I should sleep on the floor. We are here for a week. FML

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By namenlos - Australia

Today, on Facebook, my sister posted a ton of photos of herself wearing a skimpy bikini, commenting that she looked hideous and fat. I can't stand attention-seeking fuckballs, so I called her on it. My mother then condemned me for "mocking" my sister, and grounded me for an entire month. FML

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By idontlikebitter - Switzerland - Klingnau

Today, as I was doing my make-up, I needed a Q-tip to fix a mistake. I took one out the box and put it in my mouth to get it wet. Too bad someone had used it before to clean their ears. FML

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By Nighty-nitrogen - United States - Hollywood

Today, I was trying to sleep, when I felt someone rattling my bed from underneath. Petrified from shock, I lied there for what felt like hours, waiting for a murderer to spring out. I must've finally fallen asleep, and when I woke up in the morning, I found out it was a minor earthquake. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2021 21:30

Indeed

Today, my mother suffered a stroke and had to be hospitalized. In order to drive him to the hospital, I actually had to find my father, who never answers any phone calls or messages and is rarely home. I found out on the spot that he was cheating on my mother. What an asshole. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my 1-year-old son walked up to me with a disgusted look on his face. I could tell he had something in his mouth so I pulled it out. He'd been sucking on a piece of cat poop. FML

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By waltzy777 - United States

Today, we were having a family get together at my house. Because of this, i had to mow our lawn to make sure it looked nice. I got a little bored and decided it would be funny to cut a rather large penis into my yard. right when i finished, i ran out of gas. My 83 year old grandmother saw. FML

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By AussieGirl - Australia

Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a homeless man sucker punches me in the gut, grabs my football, and runs away laughing like a maniac. FML

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By sprainedankle - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. I slipped a ruler into it and started scratching to relieve the itch. Part of the ruler ended up snapping off inside. FML

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By doodoobref - United States - Lake Havasu City

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, my parents have kept their bet going about not turning the heat on all season. I woke up this morning to it being the same temperature inside as it was outside. It's snowing out there. FML

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By Anonymous - Norway

Today, I got a phone call from a friend, who lives in the same neighbourhood as me, wondering if it was my father she saw walking a dog by her house, wearing only his boxers. It was. FML

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By AlwaysAfraid

Today, I went on a date for the first time in almost a year. To keep things casual, he had a couple of his friends join. Oh and by a couple of friends, I mean a party of people from his church. I'm not religious. The date wasn't even half over before I was being preached to. FML

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By Uh oh....

Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML

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By damnit. - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was training a new girl at work. We're always told to find "common interests" with the people we are training to make it less awkward for them. Little did I know that our "common interest" would turn out to be my boyfriend. FML

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By a non e mouse - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I tried to unlock my house's front door by hitting the unlock button on my car keys. It took me some time to realize my mistake. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Swartz Creek

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend, and I cheekily told him about something I'd read that's supposed to feel really good during sex. I then heard his sister sarcastically say, "Yeah, that does feel pretty good". Apparently he'd had me on speaker the whole time. FML

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By cheezeits - United States

Today, my long-distance girlfriend asked me if she could see someone else on the side. FML

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By earths_venus - Australia

Today, my new coworker told me he expects me to call him King Kong and bow down to him whenever he walks past. FML

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By Useless Key

Today, my sister couldn't find the spare key I gave her for my apartment, so I had to pay a $50 fee to the leasing office. Not 30 minutes after paying, she found the key. In her purse. On her keychain. FML

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By 1DisGR8

Today, while writing a midterm, my period came unexpectedly. Too bad my male professor was the one to notice and not me. FML

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By loveloves154

Today, our toilet overflowed during the night. Over 50 gallons worth leaked through the floor and the ceiling to the room below. I am now covered in poop water. What a way to start the day. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, I graduated from college and my parents gave me an apple. Not the computer, the fruit. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I fell over a wet floor sign warning you not to fall over. The irony hurt more than the fall. FML

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By RC - United States

Today, my cousin and I were out on the boardwalk. I walked to the railing next to a man and said, "Great view isn't it?" Then I found out that the man was blind and had a seeing eye dog. FML

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By ColdStones - Norway - Bergen

Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractured my arm. As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked my pocket and took my wallet. He then said: "It's nothing personal." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had a teaching job interview. After giving my demo lesson, I was told by the director that I had given it on the wrong topic. Turns out, I never got the e-mail with the instructions for the interview. Now I'm definitely not getting the job. FML

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By arianelagolden

Today, I see our boss, visiting from USA, press the button on the coffee machine, probably thinking the cup will drop automatically. No time to explain, I grab a cup in the cupboard and put it under the now pouring coffee. Next thing I know, I'm lying on the floor, my boss's bodyguard on top of me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my husband to watch our daughter while I ran a few errands. While he treated himself to a long nap, she decided our fish needed a bubble bath, and squeezed out an entire bottle of dish soap. I came home to bubbles all over the floor, five dead fish, and one sleeping husband. FML

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By unendowed - United States - Katy

Time consumed

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML

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By anomynous - 5/4/2021 05:00

Freaked out

Today, my workplace replaced all of the toilets in the store with automatic toilets. I have an anxiety disorder, and I can't use them. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2021 21:00 - Finland

How smelly is your piss?

Today, I peed myself in the dressing room after work when I sneezed. Someone else just walked in as I was trying to dry off my jeans with paper, and probably smelled that I had peed myself. FML

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733

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By sleepy125 - United States

Today, the first guy I've ever loved is going to a fancy rush party with my best friend. He did tell me he needed space to think about us this whole weekend. I guess I know what he's been thinking. FML

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By fredfredburger - United States - Imperial

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML

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By IAMALITAHA - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I had a job interview where I was interrupted for using the word creative because there is "only one creator". FML

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By Gale - United States

Today, I threw a rock in the air and watched it soar. And watched it come back down and hit me in the face. Gravity. FML

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By rink.attendant.6 - Canada - Dryden

Today, I saw my crush working the only open till at the grocery store. When she saw me approach her queue, she immediately called for more cashiers. FML

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Top comments

By MasterHurricane | 0

#757015 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:03

next time, dont take shit from anyone.

By blazingman311 | 1

#757013 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:02

I hope you threw your poo back?

COMMENTS

By blazingman311 | 1

#757013 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:02

I hope you threw your poo back?

PirateMan | 0

#757339 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:23

POOOOOOO FIGHT!

thetallone | 0

#762161 - Friday 8 January 2010 15:07

If you have any poo...fling it now!

ryguy1997 | 0

#971702 - Wednesday 31 March 2010 6:10

SUPER MONKEY POOP FIGHT! (Thats actualy an online game)

iLoveTeraaa | 0

#984492 - Sunday 25 April 2010 5:56

fakeeeeee omfgggg

coolboy6 | 0

#1266899 - Thursday 19 August 2010 6:16

no it could be tru monkeys are good at poo flinging:)

Youser | 0

#1427076 - Sunday 19 September 2010 15:59

I agree with 84 I'm calling this faaaaaakkkkeee

By MasterHurricane | 0

#757015 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:03

next time, dont take shit from anyone.

polico_wolf | 0

#757026 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:06

win

dknight_fml | 0

#758214 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 11:43

win (x2)

kpo216 | 0

#832575 - Sunday 7 February 2010 7:55

and this is also bullshit

himoonkey | 8

#1422877 - Saturday 18 September 2010 15:49

lololol pun I think I'm retarted

ViviChenny | 19

#6638181 - Tuesday 28 June 2016 7:38

Unless it's from a monkey.

By CallMeHush | 0

#757032 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:09

I think he likes you.

By razorp | 0

#757034 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:09

in a situation like that you absolutly have to throw shit back, otherwise you are the monkeys bitch

By allen20 | 0

#757043 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:13

Lmao i saw a monkey throwing poo at peiple at a zoo! haha xD

dudeitsdanny | 9

#757057 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:19

I saw a monkey picking at its butt, and then sniffing his finger... Right before he stuck it in its mouth.
LA Zoo chimps sure are something.

quinnteh | 0

#757665 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 3:27

I saw an orang utan jacking off while gazing at one of my female friends in Adelaide Zoo.

emadee | 0

#758047 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 8:34

hahah at the la zoo i saw a chimp shit in his hand then eat it, they absolutely sure are something

hahaohwell | 0

#765469 - Sunday 10 January 2010 5:46

at the zoo i saw a monkey suck his on cock

By pussymonsterr | 0

#757048 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:17

hahaha ownage

By ragsy | 7

#757069 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:25

Now that you are covered in shit, you smell like everything else in India.

Towelie_31 | 0

#757099 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:46

lol its funny cause its true

Sungazing | 0

#757277 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 23:57

hey India is not all stinky, its just the space we give to stinky foreigners that stinks...just to give a silent message you see :p

DeathStar_fml | 0

#757288 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:01

just like your mom

riplikethat | 0

#757866 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 5:59

What is interesting is that this ragpicker guy managed to smell every Indian to post his fact and then this towel came in to wipe his ass and confirm the fact.

beyoh | 0

#757911 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 6:32

Have you ever even BEEN to India? Coz I have and it's not skanky or dirty.

shek1608 | 11

#758170 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 10:40

Ragsy, u are so god damn ignorant : You should know better than to post derogatory comments about a particular race,country,ethnicity or whatsoever. Get your facts right.

toaster468 | 0

#976679 - Friday 9 April 2010 4:53

stfu indians smell bad, get over it.

onlyoncamera | 0

#4730155 - Wednesday 25 July 2012 8:51

81, so ignorant, so stereotypical, like we havent heard that one before. It's 2012, times have changed, I think it's time for you to leave your racism in the past.

By hellokimmiee | 5

#757074 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:28

Hahahahahahaha "SHIT HAPPENS"

By ColdGold | 6

#757087 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:36

You were supposed to add it to your journal. Press it between the pages like a rose.

By YayAmerica | 0

#757091 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:37

Monkeys are pretty much known for that. There's no way you didn't realize it was a risk if you've been studying there for very long. Still sucks, though.