Today, I was let go from my balloon-selling job at the zoo. They put a new monkey cage in my designated spot. I was literally fired so a monkey could take my place. FML

Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML

Help!

Today, at the Japanese restaurant I work for, we have 95 reservations and three servers. FML

Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML

Is that even legal?

Today, I found out in addition to the ADHD teenager they scream at, my boyfriend's parents are planning on getting a monkey. I work at an animal shelter, so now I'm obligated to have a long conversation with them about what a crap idea that is. FML

Dumbo's jumbo dungo

Today, I learned not to get a job as an elephant keeper at the zoo when the water at home is out for a week for renovations. FML

Food flight

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant. While the chef was throwing food at us, I was getting ready for my turn. He tossed a piece of broccoli at me, I leaned back to catch it, completely falling off my chair. I knocked everything over and had the packed restaurant laughing at me. FML

Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant I work at. FML

Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML

Do it again!

Today, at my job as a waitress, I fell, landed on my ass, managing not to spill the drinks or drop the food in my hands. A little boy yelled, "NINJA WAITRESS!" Everyone at work has been calling me that all day, and purposely been trying to trip me to see if I could do it again. FML