Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant...

By Anonymous - 14/5/2009 12:40 - Australia

Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant I work at. FML

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Work

KoBabe

Breaking Badly

Bad news

By liz1234 - 23/3/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. His mom called to him from the next room telling him dinner would be ready soon, he needed to move his car, etc. They had a 5 minute conversation...while he was still inside me. FML

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By gayvsgay - 6/3/2016 15:31 - Germany - V?lklingen

Today, my dad posted on Facebook, apologizing to anyone he'd texted the night before. He said he'd gotten wasted and didn't mean anything he said. So much for that first ever "I'm proud of you" then. FML

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By burgerpants - 8/5/2018 19:30 - United States - Stamford

Today, I was feeling down so I thought I'd order a burger to cheer myself up. The website I ordered from featured Instagram pics of their customers. My ex and the guy she cheated on me with were front and center. FML

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By Karansuni - 14/10/2013 10:38 - Germany

Today, my boss told me that my attitude to work is awesome and that he'd follow my example of coming in half-an-hour early every day from now on. I relish those 30 minutes as the only time I can get work done without him constantly interrupting me. So much for that. FML

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By steve - 23/12/2011 03:02 - United States

Today, I ran full speed into a brick wall because I saw a tiger. On the other side of a zoo cage. FML

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By sillybrohos - 15/2/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I spent 2 minutes struggling to cork a wine bottle for one of my tables only to have them eventually point out to me that the bottle was a twist-off. FML

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By ChloeisaDoll - 21/7/2019 06:01

Today, I was told I have a brother… By a stranger in a parking lot, while leaving my grandfather's wake. FML

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By Sh.H - 23/2/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, before a big formal banquet, I went tanning because I wanted to look good in my cocktail dress. I got out of the tanning bed only to realize that I had left my socks on. FML

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By beenawhile - 20/9/2019 04:03 - United States - Boston

Fair point

Today, my 17 year-old brother asked me if I used birth control. When I told him I did, he responded, "Isn't that like using an inhalor when you don't have asthma?" FML

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By ReComatosed242 - 9/3/2016 00:29 - Bahamas - Eleuthera

Today, my co-worker and I got into an argument. It ended with him threatening me to roll my balls with a paint roller until they looked like "fresh, popping doughs". FML

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By UuuuUUUUhhgghghghGHh - 9/2/2013 17:21 - Kenya

Today, the office coffee machine was relocated next to my desk. My co-worker insists on making several cups of the stuff per day, but instead of drinking it, he stands next to me, audibly swishes it through his teeth, gargles, and drools it back into the cup. I retch every single time. FML

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By TubaAssassin - 28/11/2017 06:00

Today, I came home to find that my roommate had picked my lock and stolen my new laptop. When I tried to take it back, he called the police. They sided with him since he had also taken the receipt, which was "proof" that it was his. FML

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By me - 21/2/2012 23:56 - United States

Today, while driving, I slowed down and made sure I safely went by a pedestrian, and in the process rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

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By Nickname - 12/10/2011 20:05 - United States

Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML

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By Pimp Daddy - 30/4/2017 20:00

Today, my husband put "sexual favors" on the memo line for my contractor's check. His wife saw it and he had to quit mid-job. I'm stuck with a half-finished house and my husband thinks it's funny. FML

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By howcanihelpyou - 14/8/2018 20:45 - United States - Wantagh

Today, while working as a receptionist at a doctor's office, my boss asked me to check in one more patient before I left. He paid his $50 copay in nickels and dimes. FML

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By Kelly - 2/4/2012 18:44 - United States - Roseville

Today, I found out that all the things I've lent to my best friend over the last few years that have never been returned were actually pawned off so she could pay her cable bill. FML

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By Shady_Soldier - 31/10/2013 08:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to get over my lifelong fear of Michael Jackson. I went to have my photo taken with a statue of him. Little did I know, for Halloween week they replace the statues with real people. It jumped out at me; I'm never getting over this fear. FML

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By Jan - 27/2/2013 04:50 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML

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By DocKreso - 28/6/2013 21:59 - Croatia - Split

Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got in an argument so intense that she left saying that we needed to spend some time apart. The argument was over what was the best PIXAR movie. FML

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By sbutler - 14/7/2011 20:14 - United States

Today, while at my job at a Christian summer camp, I overheard one of the kids swearing. I politely said, "Please, only speak as Jesus would." He paused for a moment and replied, "Go to hell." FML

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By Lucas79 - 8/10/2011 01:23 - Australia

Today, I was walking down the street on my way to work, when an old lady's walking stick caught my leg and sent me crashing to the ground. She apologised for the accident and watched me stumble to my feet. I said not to worry. Just as I turned to leave, I could swear a smirk crept over her face. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2010 23:41 - United States

Today, I was riding the public bus and a really fat, smelly guy sat next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and asked me if I was single. My stop wasn't for three more miles. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2012 17:40 - United States

Today, while walking down the hall of my old school, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. Behind the faculty parking lot where I parked my truck, two students were having sex on my tailgate. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2016 17:51 - United States - Westfield

Today, I got my grades back. I got a very poor evaluation for my lit class, which was odd because it didn't match the impression from my end-of-class meeting with the professor. It does, however, include a nod to the supposedly-anonymous negative class review I gave her, though. FML

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By Addison - 25/6/2012 00:28 - Canada - Kingston

Today, my sister was "sexting" her boyfriend over Apple messages. Since we share an iTunes account the messages appeared on my iPod. Apparently, he shouldn't be silly, and should wrap his willy. FML

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By budgetboss - 8/6/2018 18:30 - United States - Granbury

Today, I got a call that my custom order bridesmaid dress is at the apartment complex I just moved out of. They won’t give it to me because I’m no longer a resident, but they just thought I should know. The wedding’s tomorrow. FML

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By Donewithit - 2/6/2015 13:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my class was called to the auditorium. We were told that some asshat proctor took a picture of our testing room during out test and posted it on Facebook. Someone noticed that according to the rules, we were sitting too close to each other, so now we have to retake the whole test. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2015 01:49 - United States - Saint Albans

Today, I overheard my co-workers referring to me as "Uncle Fester". This is apparently my nickname around the office, and has been for nearly three years. I had no idea. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 06:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling and telling eachother nice things. The nicest thing he could think of to say to me was "Well, I see you shaved your mustache." FML

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By PukinFireman - 17/10/2009 08:20 - United States

Today, it was my first day at the fire station. Naturally, we all went out and got lunch together. I normally don't handle spicy food well, but sucked it up. About ten minutes after we finished, I got up to do rookie duties when someone slapped me in the back. I forcefully vomited all over my new Lieutenant. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 15:35 - Romania

Today, in my journalism class, after trying hard to find some actual news to comment, we ended up talking about gay porn and fashion designers. FML

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By siikman313 - 12/9/2011 21:37 - United States

Today, my mom put me in an anger management class because I said "crap." FML

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By Victim - 27/6/2009 13:47 - United States

Today, at lifeguard class, I played a victim while my peers strapped me to the backboard in the water. When I was strapped down, I got wood in a wet swimsuit. My hands were strapped down so I could do nothing to hide it. FML

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By singledumbfuck - 22/3/2020 03:30

Eternally romantic

Today, my boyfriend proposed via text, after telling me that he'd slept with his step-sister. FML

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By failuretolaunch2 - 26/2/2015 03:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I am dating a puppy. FML

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By FakeID - 6/5/2009 20:05 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. When the police officer approached me and asked for license and registration, I accidentally gave him my fake I.D. FML

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By WishIWasADogMinder - 10/12/2015 10:47 - Australia

Today, while making less than minimum wage at McDonalds, I had to dispose of a grown man's soiled underwear that he left on the bathroom floor under a pile of toilet paper. It isn't even the grossest thing I've seen in my six months of employment. FML

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By chinchilla4404 - 2/8/2011 14:17 - United States

Today, I broke my leg while trying to show my friend how I broke my other leg. FML

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Top comments

By rukusrazor | 0

#198014 - Thursday 14 May 2009 16:19

Panda Express? I love that place.

It could be worse, you could be in a big hot dog, "Ask me about my wiener!"

By pepsie_fml | 0

#922617 - Sunday 7 March 2010 21:28

panda express?

COMMENTS

By andydawg8891 | 0

#197990 - Thursday 14 May 2009 16:16

Fail.

pepsie_fml | 0

#922617 - Sunday 7 March 2010 21:28

panda express?

hwkfan1 | 10

#976597 - Friday 9 April 2010 0:17

that's exactly what I thought lol

PoopTrainDix | 0

#1006049 - Monday 24 May 2010 23:35

that's so sick!!!

Dmars444 | 4

#2012280 - Thursday 27 January 2011 11:09

dude! pandas get all the chicks XD

PurpleMyth | 28

#6398876 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 3:32

You mean win

By leero | 0

#197991 - Thursday 14 May 2009 16:16

that's awesome.

By Raiden91 | 0

#197993 - Thursday 14 May 2009 16:16

You probably deserve it but i'm gonna say FYL since it still really sucks haha.

ItsAUnicorn | 27

#5790741 - Friday 13 December 2013 15:45

I don't really see the problem with panda's..

By antbait11 | 0

#197995 - Thursday 14 May 2009 16:16

at least you'll be anonymous! and toasty warm

By Callyn | 47

#198003 - Thursday 14 May 2009 16:18

Meh. You have a job, you obviously do a decent job at it, I don't see the FML.

By rvinno | 0

#198007 - Thursday 14 May 2009 16:19

panda's are cute though..

By thattickles | 0

#198009 - Thursday 14 May 2009 16:19

"Sexual Harassment Panda!"

head2133 | 12

#1031941 - Wednesday 16 June 2010 6:15

the don't sue people panda

By leero | 0

#198013 - Thursday 14 May 2009 16:19

after reading #4... FYL if you live in Texas.

By rukusrazor | 0

#198014 - Thursday 14 May 2009 16:19

Panda Express? I love that place.

It could be worse, you could be in a big hot dog, "Ask me about my wiener!"

By I2OI3 | 0

#198015 - Thursday 14 May 2009 16:20

THAT IS THE COOLEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD OF! AND THEY'RE PAYING YOU TO DO THAT!!? WOW! YOU SHOULD TURN THAT PANDA FROWN UPSIDE DOWN