Work: Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant...

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant I work at. FML

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Work

Classic switcheroo

Congratulations!

Bodyshaming ain't cool

By pacelily - United States - San Marcos

Today, I met my new upstairs neighbors and their 4 kids all under the age of 6. I met them due to all the thudding upstairs. FML

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By thanksma - United States - Stilwell

Thanks for the heads up

Today, at his request, I met up with my brother for lunch so we could catch up. Apparently, our mother put him up to it so he could tell me our parents are getting a divorce. They didn't want to tell me themselves because I'm "too emotional." FML

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By hendrix1 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a break-up letter, using Comic Sans. FML

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36517

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By Vince - Canada

Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, it's my 21st birthday. The only person who drank with me was my elementary school principal, who I happened to run into at a bar where we were the only two people there. FML

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1803

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By sicufovoshxbsjdk - United States

Today, my grandma bought me a cemetery plot for my birthday. If that's not weird enough, it's about a 2 mile walk from where the rest of my family will be buried. FML

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36197

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By anal-retentive - United States

Today, in an attempt to spice things up a bit, my boyfriend and I discovered he takes it in the butt better than I do. FML

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15139

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I talked to my mom about hanging out with her. She got out her phone to schedule an appointment. FML

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26440

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By okaythen - United States - Arcata

Today, I got written up by HR after my new coworker told them I had an ignorant, offensive caricature of Native American people decorating my desk. It was a framed photograph of an actual Native American tribe that belonged to my history buff grandfather. FML

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22220

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home from a long day at work, and heard voices coming from my living room. I thought my house was being robbed so I called 911. Turns out I left the T.V. on. FML

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By ahhahaha - United States

Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML

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By CallaC - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

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39389

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By TheLibrarian

Today, after being jobless for 2 years, I got a call back for an interview. I was ecstatic until I saw the date. It's the same day I leave for a weeklong, nonrefundable vacation. I applied for the job 6 weeks ago, and since not hearing anything bought the vacation 2 weeks ago. FML

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2201

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my boyfriends birthday and I saw he was logged in on ooVoo. He sent me a request to video chat so I decided to take off all of my clothes to surprise him. Little did I know, his entire family was at his house and at the computer because he, "wanted to show them what a great girlfriend I am." FML

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27075

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By Clunker - United States

Today, as I was driving with my boyfriend, he pointed out what a crappy car I drive. About how the locks don't work, the vents are broken, the windshield wipers are busted, my headlights aren't bright, and a hubcap is missing. Then he said I’m a good match for my car, 'cos we have the same “personality". FML

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33830

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By GeneralElement - United States

Today, in math, I was working on an assignment and this really cute girl comes over and says my name. At this point, my heart is pumping with excitement and I'm thinking she is going to ask for my number. She said, "Did you know someone drew a penis on your back?" FML

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30817

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By Anonymous - United States - Chippewa Falls

Today, I was assigned to a group of four to brainstorm ideas for a project. One by one they listed their ideas, but when it was my turn they skipped me. They suddenly started a casual conversation with each other, oblivious of my existence, while I sat quietly between them for an hour. FML

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22945

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By Anonymous

Today, I found the special needle I needed yesterday for a school biology project. I found it by walking around barefoot at 5 am. FML

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3776

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By Anonymous - United States - Bedford

Today, I was working out and doing box jumps. My friend thought it would be funny to kick the box aside as I tried to jump onto it. Now I have 2 broken teeth. FML

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21285

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By RoxMySox - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. I got into it because I noticed a flashy new sign on the highway that read "Being an attentive driver prevents car crashes". Thanks for the notice. FML

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By notonasoccertam - 6/9/2020 10:09 - United States

Harsh

Today, I made my school's soccer team. I told the coach that since I have diabetes, I might need to sit out occasionally. He promptly erased my name and said he didn't accept "slackers." FML

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By sllaggy

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's house. I had a shower while he went downstairs. As I went to say goodbye to him, his mother muttered "slut" while pouring him orange juice. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, while out for dinner with my parents, a woman, approximately the same age as my mother, repeatedly propositioned me for sex during the course of my meal. After declining firmly several times, she only stopped after my mother convinced her I was gay. FML

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By Neednewfriends - Australia

Today, I found out that my "friends" only invite me to their parties when they need a designated driver. Apparently I'm "not fun" because I don't drink, which "ruins the party". FML

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22314

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By GreenShelves - United States - Lynchburg

Today, after staying up late all week to get work done, I arrived at my job having accomplished all my goals. In my sleep-deprived stupor, I completely forgot to bring the briefcase that had all of the evidence of that hard work. FML

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By Anon - Australia - Brisbane

At the top of desire

Today, my boyfriend told me that when I orgasm, I sound like I'm choking. Only I'm not choking, I'm just getting the wind knocked out of me by his weight when he is on top. FML

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2047

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By rplovez - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by covering my car with post-it notes that read "it's you not me." FML

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30219

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By mysea8679 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, whilst trying on wedding dresses with my mom, she told me that I looked fat and awful in the dress I liked. When I told her how hurtful she was being, she told me that I should be grateful that she told me what she thought instead of laughing at me behind my back. FML

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By fuck no! - 19/4/2020 23:00

What are you not getting?

Today, trying to be a little fun and flirty, I asked my husband if he wanted to play strip poker. He replied, "Nah. Not much fun with just two people." Not sure if he’s suggesting swinging or if he's really just that dense to what I wanted. FML

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1547

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By unlucky - United States

Today, I noticed a prospective employer I had been networking with changed her last name on her e-mail signature. I wished the aquaintence congratulations on her new marriage. Her divorce was finalized this week. FML

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By Chia - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I cancelled our date tonight. I cancelled because I had a seizure and was taken to the hospital. FML

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By David3000 - Australia

Today, I finally finished my 500 page manuscript and so went out to buy some paper to print it off. I get back home and find out my dad has infected my computer with a virus and the only way to save it was to wipe the hard drive, which he did. That script took me a year and I have no backup. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my 16-year-old son broke two of his fingers playing with Play-Doh. FML

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51917

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By fml9124 - 10/7/2020 08:01

Unreasonable

Today, my company published "return to work" procedures for when the pandemic stops. HQ is in Maryland, I live in Arizona. I have worked remotely for the last 8 years. My new boss didn't know this. He wants me to move back to Maryland or find another job. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, my girlfriend woefully admitted that she thinks of me more as a brother than as a boyfriend, all while I was still inside her. FML

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42694

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By Pixie - United States - Mckenna

Today, I was asked if the reason I didn't like the new male massage therapist was because I was no longer the most muscular person in the spa. I'm a 5'4 woman and I don't work out. FML

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5791

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By shmelly - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was unbuttoning my pants to go down on me, he looked at me and said in his best robot voice, "caution, contents may be stinky." FML

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45851

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By RosesAreRed - United States - Cape Girardeau

Today, the attractive guy I barely speak to in my statistics class gave me a rose for Valentine's Day because he remembered they were my favorite. My husband got me a roll of quarters and told me to go buy myself "something pretty." FML

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45749

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By fml9124 - 25/4/2020 20:00

Not now!

Today, the best manager I've ever had told me she was leaving to take a job at another company. I just found out my new manager is a guy that has destroyed three different departments in three years. He's the owner's nephew or something. I do not want to be looking for a new job during the Covid-19 pandemic. FML

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By ITalkGood - France

Today, I finally told my girlfriend I love her. She corrected my grammar. FML

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27729

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Top comments

By rukusrazor | 0

#198014 - Thursday 14 May 2009 16:19

Panda Express? I love that place.

It could be worse, you could be in a big hot dog, "Ask me about my wiener!"

By pepsie_fml | 0

#922617 - Sunday 7 March 2010 21:28

panda express?

COMMENTS

By andydawg8891 | 0

#197990 - Thursday 14 May 2009 16:16

Fail.

pepsie_fml | 0

#922617 - Sunday 7 March 2010 21:28

panda express?

hwkfan1 | 10

#976597 - Friday 9 April 2010 0:17

that's exactly what I thought lol

PoopTrainDix | 0

#1006049 - Monday 24 May 2010 23:35

that's so sick!!!

Dmars444 | 4

#2012280 - Thursday 27 January 2011 11:09

dude! pandas get all the chicks XD

PurpleMyth | 28

#6398876 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 3:32

You mean win

By leero | 0

#197991 - Thursday 14 May 2009 16:16

that's awesome.

By Raiden91 | 0

#197993 - Thursday 14 May 2009 16:16

You probably deserve it but i'm gonna say FYL since it still really sucks haha.

ItsAUnicorn | 27

#5790741 - Friday 13 December 2013 15:45

I don't really see the problem with panda's..

By antbait11 | 0

#197995 - Thursday 14 May 2009 16:16

at least you'll be anonymous! and toasty warm

By Callyn | 47

#198003 - Thursday 14 May 2009 16:18

Meh. You have a job, you obviously do a decent job at it, I don't see the FML.

By rvinno | 0

#198007 - Thursday 14 May 2009 16:19

panda's are cute though..

By thattickles | 0

#198009 - Thursday 14 May 2009 16:19

"Sexual Harassment Panda!"

head2133 | 12

#1031941 - Wednesday 16 June 2010 6:15

the don't sue people panda

By leero | 0

#198013 - Thursday 14 May 2009 16:19

after reading #4... FYL if you live in Texas.

By rukusrazor | 0

#198014 - Thursday 14 May 2009 16:19

Panda Express? I love that place.

It could be worse, you could be in a big hot dog, "Ask me about my wiener!"

By I2OI3 | 0

#198015 - Thursday 14 May 2009 16:20

THAT IS THE COOLEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD OF! AND THEY'RE PAYING YOU TO DO THAT!!? WOW! YOU SHOULD TURN THAT PANDA FROWN UPSIDE DOWN