Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I thought I was waving at my neighbor, who was also waving enthusiastically back. After smiling and gesturing, I realized she was actually cleaning her windows. I was flirting with Windex. FML
Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out of her second story bedroom window, taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned, "My baby's first kiss!" FML
Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML
Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML
Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Today, I have my bedroom window covered in tinfoil, since there is an insanely bright streetlight right outside my window and nothing else works to block it so when I brought a girl back to my place and she opened the blinds, she saw the tinfoil and stared in horror. I tried to explain but she just stared and stared. FML
Today, I got my first kiss. He had an allergic reaction to my chapstick, and broke out in hives. FML
Today, I did the "suck your finger" trick in the car to prevent my lipstick from getting on my teeth and halfway locked eyes with a random dude outside. FML
Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML
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Top comments
staymonkey 1
thats pretty pathetic.
rexmaxus 0
some people just need to be punched in the face. you are among them.
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Comments (458)
GreenRupee 0
Fangirl alert, run like HELL.
QTp13 10
I just feel really bad for Rob Pattinson. Imagine how he must feel - having freaky fans like that O.O And to OP: You can be glad that your neighbor didn't call a shrink, declare you a mental patient, lock you up and put you in a straight jacket.
frostie 0
LOOOL !!!!
i_luv_cheese 0
wow...im speechless...
Skett_fml 0
You do realise that guys who sparkle aren't generally into girls right?
polico_wolf 0
yeah but what if you were born pink? would that make you gay?
tessie1423 0
If i was born pink, i think i would cry, then promptly decide to hang myself with the umbilical cord.
snowstorm_fml 0
This is getting a little out of hand. Edward Cullen is not real. Whatever you think of him just remember a woman wrote the script. I mean I like twilight but I'm not going to let going to let a fake guy run my life you wierdo.
LoHo14 0
Considering I'm up in Canada and we haven't really had any frost or anything I really doubt you've had any....therefore fake FML! Which makes you look even more desperate. YDI
polico_wolf 0
they are in america... in Iowa...
Envy_fml 0
I'm also in Canada, and we have.
Envy_fml 0
I'm also in Canada, and we have. P.S. It definitely snowed in New Mexico a few weeks ago. EDIT: Sorry for the double comment. My original wasn't showing up.
jane99 2
I live in Iowa, and there is frost on my windows some mornings, although I don't kiss and lick them.
LoHo14 0
agreed...especially since there hasn't been any ICE yet this year?!
Baroness542 6
What the ****, man. I like how your screen name is very fitting. It saddens me that people like you are how others see our generation. Although, I'm HOPING that you're at least a few years younger than me... Please don't reproduce. Although, I'm fairly certain that your chances of ever getting a boyfriend are rather slim at this point. Unless you find a guy that's into that shit. Then you should keep him, because nobody else wants him. Oh, and just in case you haven't figured it out by now, EDWARD CULLEN IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER.
killurbeer 0
hahahahahahahahaha! how lame can you be