Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I thought I was waving at my neighbor, who was also waving enthusiastically back. After smiling and gesturing, I realized she was actually cleaning her windows. I was flirting with Windex. FML
Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out of her second story bedroom window, taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned, "My baby's first kiss!" FML
Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML
Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML
Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Today, I have my bedroom window covered in tinfoil, since there is an insanely bright streetlight right outside my window and nothing else works to block it so when I brought a girl back to my place and she opened the blinds, she saw the tinfoil and stared in horror. I tried to explain but she just stared and stared. FML
Today, I got my first kiss. He had an allergic reaction to my chapstick, and broke out in hives. FML
Today, I did the "suck your finger" trick in the car to prevent my lipstick from getting on my teeth and halfway locked eyes with a random dude outside. FML
Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML
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Top comments
staymonkey 1
thats pretty pathetic.
rexmaxus 0
some people just need to be punched in the face. you are among them.
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Comments (458)
Tribulations 0
"Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like." Surely that's where the FML ends?
rachel_renegade 0
Remember kids, every time you read Twilight, you are reading the sexual fantasy of a lonely, overweight, pathetic woman. Wait, that sounds like most of the fangirls.
babeyy 0
retard
Anteezy 7
What is an "Edward Cullen"? is it a fancy type of window brand? :>
SeximusPrime 0
Stupid Twitard. At least go to a convention where it wouldn't look as ridiculous.
ephilation 0
**** you.
UMAD_fml 0
**** twatlight
alex_vik 1
Please don't ever have kids.
UselessName 0
Agree
besad_fml 0
this is why I won't give twilight a chance. if I do, I might turn crazy. and I'm not just gonna like it because everybody else does, those people are stupid and need to get their own life. (tons of bad grammar, idc)
buttseckz 0
You're pathetic. Edward is a fictional character, and I hate women like you who think they need the perfect man. Guess what? There is no such thing, so get over it.