Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I thought I was waving at my neighbor, who was also waving enthusiastically back. After smiling and gesturing, I realized she was actually cleaning her windows. I was flirting with Windex. FML
Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out of her second story bedroom window, taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned, "My baby's first kiss!" FML
Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML
Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML
Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Today, I have my bedroom window covered in tinfoil, since there is an insanely bright streetlight right outside my window and nothing else works to block it so when I brought a girl back to my place and she opened the blinds, she saw the tinfoil and stared in horror. I tried to explain but she just stared and stared. FML
Today, I got my first kiss. He had an allergic reaction to my chapstick, and broke out in hives. FML
Today, I did the "suck your finger" trick in the car to prevent my lipstick from getting on my teeth and halfway locked eyes with a random dude outside. FML
Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML
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Top comments
staymonkey 1
thats pretty pathetic.
rexmaxus 0
some people just need to be punched in the face. you are among them.
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Comments (458)
heart604 0
LOL!!!! OMG!!!! and I thought kissing posters of pop stars was pathetic!!
dravthorn6669 0
it is. now go fantasize about your pedophilestic abusive stalker
enlitenbank 0
Whoaa, women are so weak :P Hollywood can make you do tricks! XD
sharon_ellj 0
By glue i meant glitter. Hey, at least i wasn't kissing a frosted window!
Chopperman_fml 0
You use glue, then glitter. Then you sacrifice him to the Cullenist cult in hopes that he will be resurrected as a "vampussy."
Sdras 0
So sad... YDI
HuskyButt 0
You might be interested in this http://tantusinc.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TD&Product_Code=VAMP IT SPARKLES! On a different note: *facepalm*
QTp13 10
LOL
Psykotic_fml 1
...if nothing else the comments on that page are hysterical! XD
LadyDraigen 3
that link...I'm scared now.
rhodium 0
YDI for liking Twilight, YDI for kissing an iced-over window, YDI for being a complete retard and trying to cover up your idiocy. Can anyone say FAIL?
perryscherry 0
I can say fail....Fail!
Ipreferbroccoli 0
So hugging snowmans will be a whole different adventure for you. You can make an Edward angel! Popsicles. Whoa.
PandaPandaPandaX 0
Damnit you just ruined ice-cream for me.
LoHo14 0
hahahahaha
Chopperman_fml 0
Nooooo! Dammit, I'll never eat a popsicle again because of you! X(
not_my_life 0
"Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. FML" There, I fixed it.
MoonyIce 0
Jesus effing H. YDI. YDI a f**king thousand times.
kewl92 0
you're retarded