By Anonymous

Creep

Today, I found out that the guy I've been anonymously sexting with through an adult website is the seriously creepy stalker-ish front desk worker from our office building, who also happens to be the building owner's son. Shit. FML

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1302

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Instadrama

Uninvolved

Damn squares!

By ccgundum - Canada - Vancouver

Today, someone hit my parked car. The impact caused the front of the car to go up onto the sidewalk, and I got a ticket for parking there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52204

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3984

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By Can you say "bandwagon"? - United States

Today, my neighbors discovered Gangnam Style. Ever since I moved in, they've had an obsession with getting wasted by noon and blasting out shitty music all through the evening. I could just about deal with their dubstep fixation before, but now I just want to blow my own head off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24323

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4676

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend what celebrity I look like. He thought long and hard, then said "Sarah Jessica Parker." I gasped and told him that I find her extremely hideous. He replied "So do I." FML

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36349

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8870

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By Alex - United States

Today, I had to run a mile in gym class for fitness training. If it takes longer than 10 minutes to run the stretch, you have to re-take it. My time was 10:02. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40932

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20372

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By Anonymous

Today, my boss reprimanded me for a huge screw-up that he was responsible for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12709

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829

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By Death By Parent - United States

Today, I was browsing the People of Walmart site, chuckling at all the weirdos on there, when I came across a picture of my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55864

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7883

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By f*cks_sake - United States

Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd of people staring at me in disgust. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, developed a boner, and started french-kissing the air. I had to sit through both the surveillance tapes and a grand bollocking from security in the aftermath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43254

You deserved it

11019

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By Allie - United States

Today, I was texting my crush. I tried to say, "I need a nap," but my iPhone changed it to "I need anal." I sent it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49933

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26416

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By Anonymous - United States - Reno

Today, my grandpa moved into the house to live with my family. Along with having to share a room with him, he swears that having the AC on will give him pneumonia, and he keeps saying he's "freezing" when the temperature inside gets below 85. We live in Nevada. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46684

You deserved it

3513

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By dancerr2210 - United States

Today, after making out with my boyfriend for the first time, it took me an hour to convince him he was still a virgin. FML

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53035

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6932

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By don’tletthembite - 4/5/2020 02:00

Gifts for the whole family

Today, my trucker husband brought home roses for me, toys for the kids and bedbugs for the whole house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1623

You deserved it

114

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By mickstinator - United States

Today, I was parking my car outside of my apartment, but the big truck next to the spot went over the line. I squeezed in anyway. Later, I discovered the truck had left and someone keyed my car. They left a note saying, "Good parking job, asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43188

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7206

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By hungry n hypoglycemic - 6/1/2021 17:01

We live in a society!

Today, after standing in line for most of my lunch break just to buy food, some asshole with a cart full of stuff cut in front of me. He claimed that he was there the whole time, and the whole line, plus the cashier backed him up. I missed lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

804

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By steve - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28995

You deserved it

5327

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By Anonymous - Canada - Surrey

Thanks

Today, while walking to work with my best friend, he broke down in tears. I asked what was wrong, and he told me his mom passed away last night. All I could think to do was give him a hug and say I was sorry. Then some assclown walking past said "GAAAYYY!" and walked away laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29379

You deserved it

1671

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By uninspired - United States

Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27294

You deserved it

2244

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By Anonymous

Today, I have a gigantic zit inside my left nostril. Good news: no one can see it and no need for makeup on it. Bad news: my nose really itches, and I constantly feel like I'm about to sneeze it out like a foreign object. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5567

You deserved it

410

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2021 08:01

Drawing a blank

Today, I sat my end of year assessment. I was quite pleased that nothing I learned in my syllabus came up on the test. FML

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754

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By JillianJuneBug - United States - Elmira

Today, I was listening to music on my phone. I activated Siri by mistake, which stopped the music. I told Siri to, "turn the damn music back on." She replied, "Now calling Afton." Afton is my ex. While trying to quickly end the call, my phone froze and the buttons stopped working. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8227

You deserved it

1413

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By "catty_13"

Today, thanks to my estranged husband, I had three seizures at work. I came home yesterday to find that my seizure medications were completely gone. He'd flushed them down the toilet because he thinks I'm psychotic and "read on the internet" that it's because of the meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4004

You deserved it

254

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By Catie - United States

Today, my husband and I went to the state fair. The entire time, he complained about all the money we were losing because of the high prices of both rides and food. Towards the end of the night, we counted the cash we had left and found we were $50 short. Apparently, it fell out of his pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31816

You deserved it

4482

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By :( - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23249

You deserved it

62201

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my wife accused me of cheating. Why? Because I recently started working out, and according to her, no married man tries to improve his physique unless he's trying to look good for other women. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25317

You deserved it

4623

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By jo1429 - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. While getting my things out of the car to bring into the tow truck, I noticed the handcuffs from my Halloween costume were still in the trunk. The tow truck driver noticed before I did, because he smiled, winked, and asked if I needed any more help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26434

You deserved it

5313

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By heartbroken - United States - Huntington

Today, I took an exam in order to apply for a graduate program I want to get into. Last night, my boyfriend decided it was a good time to break up with me out of the blue. I broke down three times in the middle of the test, and I just barely failed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46638

You deserved it

6104

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By demotivator - Romania - Timisoara

Today, I finally got off my lazy ass and start studying for my upcoming exam. It was going pretty well, until my classmate called and after I proudly told him about my sudden motivation, the only thing he had to say was, "You got the date wrong, the exam was on thursday." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23066

You deserved it

27468

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By CalebNotShomo - United States - Houston

Today, my boss sent me a text message saying, "You're fired. Merry Christmas!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35272

You deserved it

2812

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By wife of a shithead - Norway - Oslo

Today, my over-protective husband went into an extreme fit of jealousy at the sight of me breast-feeding our newborn baby boy. He's trying to make me bottle-feed our boy, because apparently it's "wrong" to let another guy touch my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47238

You deserved it

4738

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By stephiew - United States

Today, I got a nose bleed in the ladies bathroom. An old lady comes out of a stall and says, "Oh, your nose is bleeding. Well I shit my pants. I'm sure it'll come out in the wash." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27597

You deserved it

2514

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10134

You deserved it

40424

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By Dumped

Today my boyfriend of one year dumped me. When I started crying, he said, “want to know something that will make you hate me so you won’t be so sad?” and then told me he’s been cheating on me with multiple women, the entire time we’ve been dating. He thought that would comfort me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2445

You deserved it

175

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By Creep - United States

Today, I discovered my new plug-in air freshener smells exactly like my ex-boyfriend's cologne. My friends noticed this, and nobody will believe me when I say it smelled different on the scratch-and-sniff. Now I'm considered a creep. A nostalgic, obsessed creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31681

You deserved it

6066

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By MrDanito - Czech Republic - Lysa Nad Labem

Today, I never thought I would see a blowjob from the perspective of the viewer, but it happened, in our open-space office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16411

You deserved it

1638

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 14:00

Spreading it around

Today, I overheard my co-worker talking about how she's going to Panama City, Florida this weekend and is going to "get lit." It's the middle of the pandemic, and she's going to go party on a beach. She'll be back at work Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1573

You deserved it

216

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Early show

Today, I was at work, working on a new play. In the final dress rehearsal, I heard some of the crew laughing so I looked down at the very revealing costume to see that my left testicle was hanging out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2404

You deserved it

480

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By hamburglar - United States - Irving

Today, I ordered two double cheeseburgers from McDonald's and asked for one of them without pickles so they would think I was ordering for two people. Both burgers were for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10484

You deserved it

8418

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Wakefield

You made them use coasters, Monica

Today, I was checking my friends' posts on Facebook and all of them were complaining what a boring night they had. They were all just at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1453

You deserved it

179

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By Were do we go... - United States

Today, I played a game with my boyfriend. The point of the game is to write down everything you like about someone. I put down at least ten things for him. He had one thing down for me: my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28998

You deserved it

6000

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By Emily - United States - Hayward

Today, while sitting in a waiting room, a man assured me "The safety's on" after he handed his kid his BB gun. A minute later, I practically had a hole in my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24918

You deserved it

2949

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By fucked five ways to friday - United States - Stayton

Today, someone sent my boss a CD full of documents for an upcoming trial. It's my job to sort through the evidence, so he gave it to me. I looked on the CD. There's only one file; a 1020-page PDF of all the documents we need, and the pages weren't scanned in order. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33608

You deserved it

2438

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Top comments

By TrashlifeKaylala | 12

#7829014 - Tuesday 6 August 2019 5:14

Curious as to how you found out? Lol that’s the downside of using online for that. I understand its easier with complete strangers, but you never really know who you’re talking to

By RichardPencil | 30

#7829010 - Tuesday 6 August 2019 4:42

You’d better hope you’re right about “anonymously.” Otherwise, you’ll have to be his bitch.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7829010 - Tuesday 6 August 2019 4:42

You’d better hope you’re right about “anonymously.” Otherwise, you’ll have to be his bitch.

By TrashlifeKaylala | 12

#7829014 - Tuesday 6 August 2019 5:14

Curious as to how you found out? Lol that’s the downside of using online for that. I understand its easier with complete strangers, but you never really know who you’re talking to

By Mungolikecandy | 19

#7829031 - Tuesday 6 August 2019 6:52

As long as he has not found out you are fine. Just stop doing it.

By bobsanction | 16

#7829093 - Tuesday 6 August 2019 14:21

What does that say about your taste in men?

By Takegami | 22

#7829889 - Friday 9 August 2019 8:18

🅱️EGONE THOT