Creep - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 81

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 1 159

Creep

By Anonymous - 06/08/2019 04:00

Spicy

Today, I found out that the guy I've been anonymously sexting with through an adult website is the seriously creepy stalker-ish front desk worker from our office building, who also happens to be the building owner's son. Shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 316

You deserved it 1 850

Age difference

The smell detective is on the case

Mother of the year

14/05/2012 10:31

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend started laughing during sex because my boobs are slightly different. He then broke up with me after I pointed out that his nuts aren't exactly even either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 488

You deserved it 6 394

17/03/2010 09:22

Today, I bullied a kid at school, just so someone would talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 030

You deserved it 80 229

Hangry

By Broke as hell - 07/04/2020 23:00

Today, after being robbed last week, I had no money to go to the store for food. Instead, my dinner consisted of two Tums chewables in tropical fruit flavors. After not eating all day, I thought they actually tasted pretty good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 939

You deserved it 138

13/07/2019 02:30

Today, I played a harmless joke on my neighbors by pointing a laser pointer out of my window onto their wall. Apparently, my neighbors don't take jokes lightly as one of the sons pointed at my window while screaming and swearing, then took out a gang bandana and wrapped it around his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 2 406

Move, bitch! Get out the way!

By FlatFoot - 05/10/2017 07:00

Today, my dad ran over my foot with his work truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 884

You deserved it 305

31/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was sitting with my best friend and we were watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 2 986

02/11/2015 19:05

Today, I asked a guy out. He told me no. Well, his exact words were "I would never go out with a whale, sorry." Then he went on to make whale noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 930

You deserved it 4 182

19/09/2011 15:56

Today, I was fired for being a very happy and perky employee. According to my boss, it freaks both the customers and my co-workers out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 940

You deserved it 6 788

01/08/2016 17:30

Today, I went to the eye doctor with my little brother. There were only three chairs and one was occupied by a woman. I sat at the far end, but as soon as I sat down, I heard my little brother yell out loud, "I DON'T WANT TO SIT NEXT TO THE FAT LADY!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 765

You deserved it 1 104

08/07/2013 23:54

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer because her entrée was too fishy. I'm not the chef, just the waiter and I work at a fish grill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 234

You deserved it 2 832

14/04/2009 04:44

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he dates me. He immediately responded, "Well, TV shows are boring and predictable, so you're a good source of fresh and interesting drama." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 965

You deserved it 31 508

14/12/2009 17:00

Today, my boyfriend bought me a voice personalized build-a-bear. I thought he was going to propose to me through it, only to press the foot of the bear and hear "we should break up" instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 277

You deserved it 3 815

23/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was sternly told that if I didn't pass more students, I would be out of a job. I then went to my class to collect papers, and was stymied by how I could be giving passing grades to the 12 of 24 who didn't turn anything in. College students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 406

You deserved it 158

03/03/2015 01:42

Today, I got a new job and told everyone about it. A few hours later, I got an email from the executive saying I actually don't have the job anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 728

You deserved it 2 725

25/04/2012 04:50

Today, I was so lonely that I had a conversation with myself on my way home. It was only when I reached my apartment complex that I discovered that my neighbour had been walking behind me, laughing to himself the whole way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 019

You deserved it 10 415

31/10/2016 00:33

Today, I got yelled at by a customer for saving them money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 477

You deserved it 895

05/02/2017 07:00

Today, I start my second shift at my new job. Apparently, I'm closing by myself. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 859

You deserved it 508

22/02/2009 03:23

Spicy

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 277

You deserved it 7 810

19/12/2013 22:13

Today, I saw a guy in the street drawing caricatures, and I decided to pay him to do one of me. Being a caricature, I looked pretty monstrous in it. When I showed it to my mum later, she shuddered and said, "Yeah, looks just like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 831

You deserved it 4 325

02/06/2019 06:00

Today, I had to get my picture taken for a volunteer badge at the hospital. My sister came home and told my parents that she had a horrible day at work. They showed her my picture to cheer her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 141

20/05/2013 20:36

Today, I walked in on my husband making out with his accountant, the same woman who comforted me when he cheated on me the year before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 857

You deserved it 19 560

07/11/2008 07:14

Today, I found out my "best friends" have gone on a crazy weekend and they didn't invite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 255

You deserved it 4 822

14/06/2009 05:42

Today, my adorable 8 year old son told me he no longer wanted me to pick him up from school. When I asked why, he said, "I told everyone at school my mommy is pretty... and I don't want people to know I lied." FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 408

You deserved it 5 119

28/04/2012 21:21

Today, I was sent to a customer's house to switch out a washing machine. My boss had assured me that everything I'd need was already in the truck. Halfway there, I ran out of gas and I realized I didn't have the gas card. My boss says it's my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 664

You deserved it 7 501

04/10/2013 23:00

Today, my dog tore up a single book from the dozens within his reach. That book was titled "How to Train Your Dog". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 001

You deserved it 5 692

Awkward

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 02:01

Today, I saw my friend's ex and noticed she had gained a ton of weight since he dated her and had been dating someone else. It reminded me of my friend, so I messaged him and made a joke about her being unrecognizable. He informed me that they started seeing each other again last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 1 141

28/04/2011 06:22

Today, I was awakened in the middle of the night by a frantic banging on my front door. It was a guy whom I'd only been dating a few weeks, with a suitcase. He stated that his wife kicked him out for having an affair, and thought now would be a good time to move in together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 412

You deserved it 13 508

19/06/2009 01:33

Today, I was using the bathroom in a department store. When I was finished, I couldn't get the stall door open. I am claustrophobic and I freaked out and and started shouting for help. A 6 year old boy got the door open for me. It turns out I was pushing when I should have been pulling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 807

You deserved it 51 453

Fright Night

By mzgabbster - 24/10/2010 12:21

Today, I was having the most wonderful bath. The water was steaming, the bubbles were bubbly, and I was reading a really good book. I put my book down to yawn and looked to my right. My gaze was met by the lovely face of my brother's pet tarantula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 124

You deserved it 3 354

19/05/2009 06:19

Today, I was driving in my very own car that I bought and paid for myself, when I stopped at a stop light. Then I noticed the truck in front of me turn on his reverse lights. I honked desperately. He hits me, looks out the window and says "I see no damage" and drives away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 141

You deserved it 3 701

27/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was warned that I was failing too many students and it had to stop, so I showed my boss all of the easy assignments a lot of students didn't even turn in. She told me to stop using so many "big words" in them. I teach at a four year University. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 709

You deserved it 209

19/02/2013 17:05

Today, it's my first day at a new school. I transferred here halfway through the year to get away from a girl who bullies me. She's apparently bullied her mom into transferring her here as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 309

You deserved it 3 194

09/04/2009 08:44

Today, I was the first one to wear the ugly corporate shirts we received. The people in my office-all of them guys were all saying that it looked a lot better than they thought it would. Later that day I went to the toilet and saw the shirt gapes open in front and you could see my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 718

You deserved it 18 022

Self-defeating move

By Steve - 12/05/2021 11:01

Today, my dog discovered his new toilet by taking a dump on his own bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 84

13/06/2011 06:25

Spicy

Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 471

You deserved it 6 179

26/11/2013 20:00

Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 258

You deserved it 12 661

17/08/2009 23:40

Today, there were some wasps getting in my bedroom from a hole in the frame of my window. I went outside with some spray and took out their entrance. What I didnt know is that when you spray wasps, they go the other direction. I now have 60+ wasps flying around my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 251

You deserved it 25 926

02/08/2018 05:00

Today, I learned that my (ex) boyfriend has a breastfeeding fetish. How did I learn this? I found him sneaking pictures of my breastfeeding sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 457

You deserved it 247

05/06/2010 00:07

Today, I found out my sister has a nickname for me due to my recent breakouts. It's "volcano face". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 289

You deserved it 4 826

01/04/2016 00:58

Today, I planned on "breaking up" with my best friend by confessing my love for her, hoping she would feel different and move on. She reciprocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 952

You deserved it 32 846

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Top comments

TrashlifeKaylala 12

Send a private message

Tuesday 6 August 2019 5:14

Curious as to how you found out? Lol that’s the downside of using online for that. I understand its easier with complete strangers, but you never really know who you’re talking to

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Tuesday 6 August 2019 4:42

You’d better hope you’re right about “anonymously.” Otherwise, you’ll have to be his bitch.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Tuesday 6 August 2019 4:42

You’d better hope you’re right about “anonymously.” Otherwise, you’ll have to be his bitch.

TrashlifeKaylala 12

Send a private message

Tuesday 6 August 2019 5:14

Curious as to how you found out? Lol that’s the downside of using online for that. I understand its easier with complete strangers, but you never really know who you’re talking to

Mungolikecandy 19

Tuesday 6 August 2019 6:52

As long as he has not found out you are fine. Just stop doing it.

Send a private message

Tuesday 6 August 2019 14:21

What does that say about your taste in men?

Send a private message

Friday 9 August 2019 8:18

🅱️EGONE THOT