Today, I introduced my kind and amazing Iranian boyfriend to...

By Anonymous - 5/3/2016 06:58 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I introduced my kind and amazing Iranian boyfriend to my mother. When he went to use the rest room, she warned me to "knock it off with this Bin Laden fetish" or she'll have me put on psychiatric hold. FML

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Love

This is us

Fairytale ending

Hello everyone!

By Anonymous - 21/8/2012 16:45 - United States - Lititz

Today, after months of job searching, I finally got a call about one of my applications. I wasn't able to answer it, but he left a voicemail. I've listened to it over and over, and I can't understand the contact information. He called from a restricted number. FML

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By rollercoaster - 25/10/2009 19:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me. Completely crushed, I spent an hour gathering up everything he ever gave me. Then he calls back to say how stupid he was and how he wanted me back. I was ecstatic. An hour later he figured out he was okay with his first decision. FML

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By kinkyapparently - 22/10/2015 14:47 - United States - San Juan Capistrano

Today, my husband broke his toe after tripping over a dog toy. Instead of telling the doctors what happened, he said it was "sex related". I had to sit there, beet red with embarrassment, getting weird looks while he giggled to himself. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2015 16:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my school's theater production was canceled. Not because of budget, but because my co-star fell in love with me and asked me out. When I pointedly declined, he refused to act alongside me since it was "awkward." Everyone's blaming me for it. FML

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By Red - 4/12/2014 16:31

Today, my girlfriend found out that I secretly watch porn while she sleeps, but she seemed to be fine with it. That's until the next day, when she got on my Facebook account and publicly shared every porn page I visit. My father even commented, "Poor choice in porn, son". FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2010 16:32 - United States

Today, my husband is completely convinced that his taking a massive dump after being constipated is exactly like the time I gave birth to our twins. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2018 06:05

Today, I went to the phone store to get a new SIM card. The store manager went on my browser to see if my data was working. Two pages of porn popped up. FML

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By iVaughtTV - 28/2/2012 22:44 - United States

Today, I learned that lemonade and urine look very similar to one another. I also learned that they taste very different. FML

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By thanatophobia - 15/3/2010 00:20 - France

Today, my deranged co-worker sent me a text message containing a picture that she just took of her uncle. It was his funeral. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2010 14:57 - United States

Today, I'm spending the night with the guy I've been interested in for a while. Instead of sleeping in the same bed together, he insists that I sleep in another room because he "doesn't want to be tempted to do anything." So, I'm alone, in my best lingerie, in his little brother's room. FML

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By NoHamForMeThanks - 9/3/2015 02:36 - United States - Oak Ridge

Today, I was told that I need to learn to "let things go" by a woman who held a four-month grudge over a ham sandwich. FML

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By jgboy - 14/9/2014 15:32 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML

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By swimmonster81 - 25/12/2015 21:22

Today, my mother told me how she managed to afford all of the expensive Christmas presents we got. She took out extra money when applying for my student loans. FML

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By Robert - 1/7/2009 09:37 - United States

Today, I got two viruses on my laptop. One was a fake anti-spyware program that cluttered the screen with pop-ups. The other opened explorer repeatedly, each time to a generic porn site. This all conveniently happened at work, on a projector and during a meeting. FML

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By fenris - 30/8/2016 17:36 - United Kingdom - Saint Austell

Today, whilst at work, I was serving a customer when her kid runs up to me and throws up. It was a 10-hour shift, I was one hour in. FML

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By blackchin III - 20/6/2014 21:00 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, a fly landed on my face. Before I could even react, my brother "helpfully" punched it hard enough to both kill the fly and knock me out. FML

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By J-Sauce - 20/6/2016 14:54 - Canada - Salmon Arm

Today, I went to a club with 6 girls thinking it would be awesome. As soon as we got there, they all said they wanted to go dance and asked if I could watch their purses. FML

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By stillfuckingcrying - 24/2/2013 21:20 - Sweden - Kristdala

Today, my boyfriend made me play Slender. I was so terrified, I stopped playing 10 minutes in. Tonight, I kept hearing noises outside. When I peered out through the window, a bald figure in a suit was staring back at me. I shrieked in absolute terror; he burst out laughing. It was my boyfriend. FML

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By shewhopoopsinlitterboxes - 25/7/2014 15:54 - United States - Downingtown

Today, there are people working in my bathroom. I have the shits. The only place I could think to go was in my cats litter box. I've used it twice and am now contemplating using it a third time. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/3/2018 09:00 - United States - Stamford

Today, my boss entrusted me with his car to run an errand, as I usually take the bus. I managed to get there and back safely before someone slammed into me while I was re-entering the lot, causing major damage. It was his wife, who thought I was a car thief. FML

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By Nox - 6/1/2010 07:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend accused me of not having any friends. So I sent out a mass text saying "Hey, what's up?" to prove her wrong. I didn't get any replies. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2014 16:38 - Ghana - Accra

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

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By InsultToInjury - 28/12/2018 04:00

Today, I had a one night stand. After her laying there without moving for ages, she impatiently asked if I'd finished. Once she got bored and told me to just finish myself off, her song playlist began playing "Never Gonna Dance Again". Very romantic. FML

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By Levi2411 - 21/11/2018 17:30

Today, I jokingly told my mother to "go fall down a hole" during a mock argument we always have. Not even 10 minutes later, our basement stairs gave out. When I said that, I didn't want her to break both her arms or to actually fall into a gaping hole. FML

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By Anon - 8/4/2016 22:28 - United States - Omaha

Today, I proudly told my family I lost 15 pounds. My dad looked me up and down and said, "Well, you've got a looooong way to go." FML

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By myeyesburn - 28/10/2019 14:00 - Canada

Dangleberries

Today, I got up from bed after a good night's sleep, and walked outside. The first thing I saw was my 60-ish year-old neighbor bent over, picking up a newspaper. He was wearing nothing but a way too short bathrobe and a pair of rubber boots. FML

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By wheelchairgirl - 16/12/2016 01:21 - Denmark

Today, I was watching a beautiful flock of birds flying overhead while walking in the street. The guy next to me was lucky enough to catch bird poop with his forehead. I was lucky enough to get distracted by it, trip, and break my ankle. FML

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By longlostkid556 - 5/6/2011 04:14 - United States

Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML

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By sweet - 26/3/2009 18:08 - United States

Today, I was taking the metro into DC for my internship. Two guys came in and started talking to each other in Arabic. One boy turned to the other said "Do you think shes cute?" The other responded "Her face is hideous but she has nice tits." I am fluent in Arabic. They were looking at me. FML

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By Sad Mom - 25/7/2015 02:04 - United States - Wylie

Today, I pulled several socks from under my son's bed. I spent far too long trying to figure out why they were so stiff before I finally realized. FML

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By sickbaby - 11/6/2011 13:06 - Singapore

Today, my parents grounded me and took away my phone, iPod and door. That's right, my door. They think that because I was stumbling and couldn't walk straight last night, I must have been out drinking. They know I suffer from chronic vertigo, but don't believe I was having an attack. FML

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By CJune24 - 22/10/2014 21:24 - United Kingdom - Huddersfield

The Great Pretender

Today, I tried to seduce my boyfriend so I mounted him and began kissing him. He immediately pretended to snore into my mouth and rolled over, making me fall off of the bed. FML

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By whoops - 2/9/2016 14:49 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I accidentally sent my boss an explicit text message. She replied saying, "Very detailed, if only you put that much effort into your work". FML

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By will - 14/8/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, my 6-year-old son apparently decided to make a game out of clogging the toilet with toilet paper. He won, and now the whole basement is flooded. FML

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By buckerooo - 3/12/2019 20:00

Too much feeling!

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky when we decide to try the old 69. One thing leads to another when her clit ring went deep into my nose, and leaving me feeling like the wrong kind of bull. FML

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By Beeisc00l - 5/10/2011 18:58 - Reserved

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

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By Drunkactor - 3/8/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, my boss fired me because of my drinking problem. The reason he thinks I have a drinking problem? I was in a play he saw, in which I played a drunk person. I've been completely sober my whole life. FML

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By HiImAlfredo - 14/9/2014 18:47 - United States - Hampton

Today, I went deep-sea fishing with my friends. I told them my new phone case is waterproof, and I showed them by pouring a bit of water on it. My friend decided to throw it in the water for a better example. The case didn't float. FML

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By kat, ACT - 20/12/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, while driving, we pulled up at a set of traffic lights next to a huge truck with live animals inside. Curious as to exactly what animal, I wound down my window to see if I could hear them, just in time for the truck to take off and cow shit to fly in my face. FML

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By Jorgen - 18/12/2015 01:45 - United States

Today, at my workplace, $200 checks were given to every employee for how well the corporation was doing. The temps didn't get any. Guess who was the only temp. FML

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Top comments

By jenjen53 | 7

#6553001 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:12

Shame on her for being a bigot.

By quinn1184 | 25

#6553003 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:14

Donald Trump in disguise ?

Comments

By jenjen53 | 7

#6553001 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:12

Shame on her for being a bigot.

Iwannarock1 | 19

#6553319 - Sunday 6 March 2016 11:07

If he's Iranian, eventually he'll want her to succumb to his ways.

YuckyDuckyLucky | 17

#6553425 - Sunday 6 March 2016 16:06

Bigot

By quinn1184 | 25

#6553003 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:14

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

False_Stupidity | 41

#6553055 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:58

What would trump be doing in Israel?

zuvi9 | 21

#6553067 - Sunday 6 March 2016 1:21

*Drumpf

LT_Silva101 | 18

#6553072 - Sunday 6 March 2016 1:24

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

IronMan_Mk43 | 20

#6553293 - Sunday 6 March 2016 9:29

why y'all talkin about Israel? the bf is from Iran... Iranian = from Iran, Israeli = from Israel

IronMan_Mk43 | 20

#6553294 - Sunday 6 March 2016 9:32

oh nvm just realised OP is from Israel

BEEEEES | 15

#6553304 - Sunday 6 March 2016 10:10

He's actually a pretty chill guy.

jlmartin411 | 15

#6553737 - Monday 7 March 2016 0:27

I wish I could thumbs up this comment a million times

By redblips | 13

#6553006 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:16

Wow I'm so sorry. It sounds like you're better off with him than your own mother which I imagine is very upsetting.

By stingray112 | 24

#6553007 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:16

Put her on psychiatric hold

websphere69 | 27

#6553201 - Sunday 6 March 2016 5:30

to bad we can't do a double thumbs up....

By WCARlover | 34

#6553009 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:17

Luckily it only really matters what you think OP. It's unfortunate your mom is so ignorant and judge mental but he sounds like a great guy and if you are happy with him that's what counts

ThatHorse | 15

#6553039 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:45

Unless the mother is a psych doctor and actually tries to have her own kid committed. Then it matters a great deal with she thinks.

interesting33 | 36

#6553075 - Sunday 6 March 2016 1:27

Doesn't matter so much if her reasoning is that awful though and other people involved in the process have level heads. But if she then gives other reasons that would be harder.

By intertk555 | 11

#6553017 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:25

I thought moms were supposed to be supportive.... good luck op

By djurmel89 | 30

#6553018 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:26

Wow your mother is one ignorant person, OP. I'm really sorry about, you so not deserve this. I hope you told her to go to hell or something. This is not acceptable.

websphere69 | 27

#6553203 - Sunday 6 March 2016 5:32

isn't everyone entitled to their own opinion no matter how bigoted it may be? I don't agree with her mom but I do agree it sucks....

Sulphuric_Glue | 16

#6554016 - Monday 7 March 2016 11:47

#48 Everyone is entitled to their opinion but some opinions are, for want of a better phrase, fucking stupid

By Avi8r | 22

#6553019 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:30

Brace yourselves, here comes the "xenophobic" and "Islamophobic" comments...

By Steve97 | 32

#6553020 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:30

I can see the comments being disabled on this one

By kivutar | 6

#6553023 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:31

Damn... I was almost in your position, but my fairly racist family ended up liking my lovely Persian guy. Don't lose hope! Maybe she'll come round when she gets to know him.