Love: Today, I introduced my kind and amazing Iranian boyfriend to...

By Anonymous - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I introduced my kind and amazing Iranian boyfriend to my mother. When he went to use the rest room, she warned me to "knock it off with this Bin Laden fetish" or she'll have me put on psychiatric hold. FML

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Love

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

White knights

Eastenders

By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 20:03

No smoking

Today, my boyfriend told me he started smoking again and had smoked almost a whole pack in 3 hours. We were on the phone and I was on the bus. He knew that was the perfect time time to tell me, because he knew I wouldn't yell in public. FML

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By mydadsgonnakillme - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Battle Creek

Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The cop was hot so I flirted with him as much as I could. But when he came back to the car he still gave me a ticket. Feeling desperate I said, "I thought you didn't give tickets to pretty girls." His response: "We don't." FML

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By Missy - United States

Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML

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By redhead - United States - Lima

Well Played

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years is dating another girl. Not only do she and I share the same hair and eye color, but we also happen to have the same first name. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above my driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving my boyfriend head in the driveway. FML

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By tadam - France

Today, to my delight I discover that there is security camera in the storage room at my work. The same room where, two days ago I masturbated. FML

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By Noname - Canada

Today, I was talking to my grandmother, who was lying down on the couch under a blanket watching TV. As I was leaving, I said "See you later Nana," and patted her on the shoulder. Her shoulder was soft, and moved more than I expected. It was her boob. I felt up my grandma. FML

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By seriously - United States - Goshen

Today, I was being interviewed for an amazing job when I was asked what animal I would describe myself as. Trying to be prompt, I picked the first thing that came to me. I responded with, "I'd be a turtle because I'm really slow sometimes." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad spent 30 minutes incorrectly correcting me about our legal system. He thinks he knows more than me because he's been divorced twice. I'm a lawyer. FML

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By journey_Jeanne - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML

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By cpiro - 27/5/2020 05:00

Live from the chopper

Today, my friend borrowed my car and decided to get pulled over after a high speed chase. My car got towed in a town over 100 miles away. Choose your friends wisely. FML

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By Unfortunate - Canada

Today, my boyfriend had a Christmas party for all of our friends. He asked me not to get "too drunk". I think throwing up on the floor while simultaneously peeing your pants fit his definition. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was dressing in my apartment when I noticed I left the blinds open. Outside, a maintenance man was mowing the grass within eyeshot. I figured I'd leave the blinds open and give him a little peek of the goods. Later I found a note on my window saying, 'Next time, close the blinds'. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, his response was, "I'll start watching pregnant porn to build up an attraction to it." FML

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By bunyipp - Australia - Macquarie Park

Today, I was at work and a lady came in with a cake - I work as a nurse in a pediatrics ward. While we were eating the cake, she told us she used her breast milk instead of normal milk. Now all of us nurses have to be tested. FML

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By - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, after a 3-month dry spell because I am recovering after having a baby, I was finally in the mood to get intimate with my husband. Foreplay was great, the sex was great until my back gave out right as I was about to cum. I can't move without intense pain. I just wanted to orgasm! FML

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By ugh!! - United States

Today, I drank for every year I've been in school. While in my bed I decided I was too drunk to get up and throw up in the bathroom so I decided to just do it on my floor and clean it up later. Later on I woke up and realized I threw up on my $1000 laptop. FML

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By ChangingTheLocks

Call The Police!

Today, I came home after a long day at work to find the furniture in my living room had been rearranged by my mother-in-law. When asked how she got in, she told us she stole my husband's key and made herself a copy. She can now come here whenever she wants, unless I change the locks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ran into my serious boyfriend of two years at a restaurant. He was sitting with another girl. I went over and asked him who she was. He replied, "Who are you?" Apparently I was the secret girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Westerville

Today, after many years of being single, I finally worked up the courage to ask my coworker out. He said no and gave me "fair warning" that he's going to report me for sexual harassment. FML

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By needagoodlaugh - United States - West Linn

Today, after complaining about the clocks still being an hour ahead from daylights savings, my work finally changed the time on all the clocks in the building. Now all the clocks are two hours ahead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Danville

Today, working night shift at a nursing home, I can tell the difference between the smell of different people's urine. FML

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By Helpful Smile - United States - Davenport

Today, after my bosses excitedly told me I'm getting promoted to customer service at our grocery store, a customer called me an idiot in the parking lot for accidentally backing into the shopping cart she left in my blind spot. And so it begins. FML

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By Anonymous

Do you have an evil twin?

Today, my wife's parents came over, insisting they saw me at the bar at 1:30 p.m., talked to me, and that I left with another woman. I was at work all day. I have no idea what they are talking about, I've never done this. My wife doesn't believe me. FML

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By emonsteadman - United States - Denton

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, I told a teenager to, "Walk please." He then threw his soda at me as he ran away. We aren't allowed off stand unless it's an emergency, so I baked in that soda for 30 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was the first time in four months since our baby was born, that I could really enjoy it. After we finished up we walked into the livingroom, where my white faced brother was sitting. He said we left the baby monitor on. FML

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By BrianTheLion89 - United States

Great story, tell it again!

Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML

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By Dr. Virgin - United States

Today, while working on a medical school application, I asked my mom what she thought my greatest challenge in life had been. She replied : "Trying to lose your virginity." FML

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By Anonymous - Israel

Today, I woke up late. My grandparents had slept over the night before but they usually left early. I heard someone in the kitchen and thinking it was my brother, I said "Thank god, the geriatric crew is FINALLY gone." My grandma responds, "No we're not." FML

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By agnosticstudy - United States

Today, I met a woman that I've been emailing and trading pics with for over a month. We had a face to face, she was surprisingly overweight, and the sun hit her face in a way that radiated all her facial hair. FML

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By emoney - United States

Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML

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By bezoar10 - United States

Today, it's the five year anniversary of my father's death. I was cuddling with my boyfriend and crying about how much I missed him. He replied with, "Sometimes, I think you just like to hear yourself talk." FML

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By Chubby - Belgium

Today, I was babysitting a really annoying kid who wouldn't listen to me, and threw his food through the kitchen, so I punished him. When his mother came home he ran to her and said, "Mommy, mommy, it's not true what you told me, fat people are NOT nice!" FML

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By SOMAgirl - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to put some streamers on my bike handles, even though I knew they would probably be stolen fairly quickly. I went into a restaurant to eat, and when I came out both my wheels were gone, but at least the streamers were still there. FML

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By Anonymous - Belgium

Today, my mother used global warming as an excuse for not remembering my birthday. FML

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By Em - France

Today, my boyfriend accidentally called me from his pocket. I thought it would be funny to see what him and his friends were talking about. I laughed when I heard him talking about us fooling around until I realized it wasn't me. FML

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By GreenScar - United States

Today, my brother's new girlfriend, who is blind, asked to feel my face so she could tell what I look like. She said I was "unique". A blind chick just told me I was ugly. FML

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Top comments

By jenjen53 | 7

#6553001 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:12

Shame on her for being a bigot.

By quinn1184 | 25

#6553003 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:14

Donald Trump in disguise ?

COMMENTS

By jenjen53 | 7

#6553001 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:12

Shame on her for being a bigot.

Iwannarock1 | 19

#6553319 - Sunday 6 March 2016 11:07

If he's Iranian, eventually he'll want her to succumb to his ways.

YuckyDuckyLucky | 17

#6553425 - Sunday 6 March 2016 16:06

Bigot

By quinn1184 | 25

#6553003 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:14

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

False_Stupidity | 41

#6553055 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:58

What would trump be doing in Israel?

zuvi9 | 21

#6553067 - Sunday 6 March 2016 1:21

*Drumpf

LT_Silva101 | 18

#6553072 - Sunday 6 March 2016 1:24

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

IronMan_Mk43 | 20

#6553293 - Sunday 6 March 2016 9:29

why y'all talkin about Israel? the bf is from Iran... Iranian = from Iran, Israeli = from Israel

IronMan_Mk43 | 20

#6553294 - Sunday 6 March 2016 9:32

oh nvm just realised OP is from Israel

BEEEEES | 15

#6553304 - Sunday 6 March 2016 10:10

He's actually a pretty chill guy.

jlmartin411 | 15

#6553737 - Monday 7 March 2016 0:27

I wish I could thumbs up this comment a million times

By redblips | 13

#6553006 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:16

Wow I'm so sorry. It sounds like you're better off with him than your own mother which I imagine is very upsetting.

By stingray112 | 24

#6553007 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:16

Put her on psychiatric hold

websphere69 | 27

#6553201 - Sunday 6 March 2016 5:30

to bad we can't do a double thumbs up....

By WCARlover | 34

#6553009 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:17

Luckily it only really matters what you think OP. It's unfortunate your mom is so ignorant and judge mental but he sounds like a great guy and if you are happy with him that's what counts

ThatHorse | 15

#6553039 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:45

Unless the mother is a psych doctor and actually tries to have her own kid committed. Then it matters a great deal with she thinks.

interesting33 | 36

#6553075 - Sunday 6 March 2016 1:27

Doesn't matter so much if her reasoning is that awful though and other people involved in the process have level heads. But if she then gives other reasons that would be harder.

By intertk555 | 11

#6553017 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:25

I thought moms were supposed to be supportive.... good luck op

By djurmel89 | 30

#6553018 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:26

Wow your mother is one ignorant person, OP. I'm really sorry about, you so not deserve this. I hope you told her to go to hell or something. This is not acceptable.

websphere69 | 27

#6553203 - Sunday 6 March 2016 5:32

isn't everyone entitled to their own opinion no matter how bigoted it may be? I don't agree with her mom but I do agree it sucks....

Sulphuric_Glue | 16

#6554016 - Monday 7 March 2016 11:47

#48 Everyone is entitled to their opinion but some opinions are, for want of a better phrase, fucking stupid

By Avi8r | 22

#6553019 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:30

Brace yourselves, here comes the "xenophobic" and "Islamophobic" comments...

By Steve97 | 32

#6553020 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:30

I can see the comments being disabled on this one

By kivutar | 6

#6553023 - Sunday 6 March 2016 0:31

Damn... I was almost in your position, but my fairly racist family ended up liking my lovely Persian guy. Don't lose hope! Maybe she'll come round when she gets to know him.