Kids: Today, I insulted my younger sister's hamster. She then smashed... - FML

By HttpsHaileyy - 15/06/2015 20:02 - United States

Today, I insulted my younger sister's hamster. She then smashed me with a stool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 727

You deserved it 9 557

Clean up in aisle 3 please

Egg mode

Unreasonable

By DabTheFuckOut - 16/09/2016 19:35 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I finally said yes to a date with a guy. I was hesistant due to him being quite a bit younger than me. On our date, he dabbed 27 times. Yes, I actually kept count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 479

You deserved it 1 123

By Poopamus - 23/04/2019 14:00

Today, the police showed up at my door asking if I told this creepy guy stalking my girlfriend that I'll chop him up and bury each piece in a different country if he doesn't stop bothering my girl. I told them I did, along with an explanation. Turns out, he's been missing since that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 527

You deserved it 507

Backwards world

By Anonymous - 03/10/2020 03:02 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, my life is so messed up that when I got pulled over, the officer asked about my life and not only did I not receive a ticket, he made me write down his personal number, patrol number and to call if I ever needed a favor or to talk, telling me that I had a friend in him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 371

You deserved it 254

By teejayrn - 18/12/2012 10:03

Today, I saw my daughter dusting her furniture with the white handkerchief I gave her as a wedding present. It's been in our family for 4 generations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 902

You deserved it 5 728

By Why - 29/01/2016 22:53

Spicy

Today, I randomly got a boner while modeling a character's butt in animation class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 561

You deserved it 3 577

By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 09:04 - Australia

Today, I was walking home down a small street while listening to my iPod. I really got into the music, and started to dance really badly, only to realise there was a car following me, trying to get past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 204

You deserved it 31 616

By Lady Bloodshart of the Redwater - 15/07/2016 20:27 - United States - Arlington

Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 604

You deserved it 1 007

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 245

You deserved it 691

By minecraftwilldie - 02/06/2011 16:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, I gave my husband an ultimatum: either he could have sex with me or play Minecraft. Needless to say, he spent the rest of the evening playing Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 096

You deserved it 14 658

By monkeylover996 - 29/10/2012 01:53 - United States

Today, I had my 7 month check up for my pregnancy. The nurse weighed me and said, "I see you've gotten into the Halloween candy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 579

You deserved it 3 926

By Anonymous - 12/06/2017 02:00

Today, I learned there are people who will beat you up if you don't give them your spot on a bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 499

You deserved it 303

By babymine - 09/03/2012 04:45 - United States

Today, I was boarding a plane and a woman's bag started to fall. In the spur of the moment I thrust my arm up to catch it. I didn't catch the bag, but I did catch her boob. I had to sit next to her for the rest of the flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 987

You deserved it 2 939

By Anonymous - 09/01/2010 05:58 - United States

Today, my sister and I bought new cell phones. We both wanted the same phone in red, but the guy told us that there was only one red phone left. Flirting with him, I said "You should give the prettier sister the red phone." My new phone is black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 174

You deserved it 44 298

By college parking sucks - 30/09/2015 17:16 - United States - Deltona

Today, for the first time this semester, I was able to get parking in time for my Wednesday class. The professor was sick and class was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 397

You deserved it 2 141

Get well soon

By Anonymous - 07/02/2021 08:02

Today, I'm in hospital after having surgery for a broken leg. I’m maxed out on Endone and still in pain. Work have said that I’m on the roster next week and I’ll be fired if I’m not there. My wife said that she is going to have some "me time" for a few days when I get home from my "holiday". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 036

You deserved it 58

By Anonymous - 31/05/2014 20:04 - United States - Brandon

Today, I spent several hours downtown with my violent grandma, after she was arrested for threatening a guy with a gun. His crime? "Trespassing" by ringing the doorbell and asking if she was interested in donating to charity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 820

You deserved it 3 870

Big tongue logging on

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 23:01 - United States - Norwich

Today, I spent seven dollars to find out I’m allergic to kiwi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 153

By Noname - 04/02/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I discovered my mom has over 20 sites bookmarked on her laptop, all having to do with 'How To Boost Your Insecure Teen's Confidence' or 'How To Help Your Overweight Teen Have A Positive Self Image'. Thanks, mommy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 598

You deserved it 7 218

By ewwy - 10/10/2010 06:54 - United States

Today, I returned a friends jacket after borrowing it. I made sure to wash it and keep it clean. When he went to put it on, a pair of my granny panties fell out of the sleeve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 941

You deserved it 7 635

By :( - 19/03/2013 20:12 - United States - Hilton Head Island

Today, we started our 17 hour drive to Michigan for spring break. My mom decided to go to Target to buy some music CDs. All she bought was three Nicki Minaj CDs. She has already replayed the first CD four times. 14 hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 835

You deserved it 4 024

By "mysteryguy3039" - 07/08/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend gave me a two weeks' notice for our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 643

You deserved it 357

By Anonymous - 27/09/2009 04:10 - Canada

Today, I went to the bar to celebrate my friend's birthday party. I gave the bouncer my ID and he kicked me out, saying that I should at least use an ID card with the correct gender. I'm 22 and female, he thought I was an underage boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 426

You deserved it 3 965

Cosy chat

By sick and awkward - 20/05/2012 06:11 - United States - Silver Spring

Spicy

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 230

You deserved it 3 556

By FuglyBetty - 24/02/2016 22:48 - Norway - Arendal

Today, while doing the grocery shopping with my boyfriend we came across another woman also out shopping, who looked shockingly like me despite her being another race, hair color and the like. The second he saw her, he blurted out, ''Oh, it's a pretty version of you!'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 989

You deserved it 1 703

By Fred - 20/03/2015 01:06 - United States - Kingston

Spicy

Today, I gave my friend condoms since he didn't have any and he was planning on "getting lucky." Little did I know he was planning on "getting lucky" with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 533

You deserved it 5 779

By notyourfriend - 09/09/2014 01:26 - Canada - Peterborough

Today, my horrible boss sent me a Facebook friend request for the fifth time, in her attempt to not only bother me at work, but also through social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 342

You deserved it 3 440

By Anonymous - 02/12/2011 06:36 - United States

Today, I received a few new fish for my aquarium as presents for my birthday. It just so happened that these fish were carrying diseases that left me with a tank full of dead fish. Happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 703

You deserved it 2 913

By brokenrelicslost - 08/01/2010 20:06 - United States

Today, I realized that I have completely fallen for this incredible guy, and that I am really looking forward to where our relationship will take us. He just informed me that he will be doing jail time following his court date Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 959

You deserved it 5 810

By Apple - 12/06/2011 17:54 - United States

Today, I was at my friend's house, and I asked if I could try on one of her dresses. It was a little snug, but I got it on. When it came time to take it off though, it wouldn't budge. My friend and her mom had to cut it off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 491

You deserved it 34 743

By Anonymous - 25/05/2016 16:38 - United States - Astoria

Today, a stranger nearly beat the crap out of my boyfriend for being a pedo. I ended up showing the guy my driving license to prove I'm not a pre-teen and that I'm just freakishly young looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 390

You deserved it 980

By fuck my eyeballs - 01/12/2013 23:07 - United States - Rancho Palos Verdes

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 038

You deserved it 22 201

Time flies by

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 16:59

Today, long after ten years ago when I answered the door to someone asking if my mummy and daddy were home, and I was 24 and it was my house, I just now got asked if my 30 year-old sister was my daughter. Time has not been kind to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 97

By oddbrien - 13/12/2016 03:34 - United States - Baltimore

Today, while at the club, I started dancing with a girl who I had noticed throughout the night. When she turned around she firmly stated, "I'd much rather dance by myself". FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 466

You deserved it 4 319

By 21! - 03/07/2012 01:53 - United States - Schenectady

Today, while walking around my college campus, I passed by a dorm where a drunk guy was peeing out one of the top floor windows while his drunk friends cheered him on. That guy is my boyfriend. Lucky me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 300

You deserved it 6 826

By Studying is for crazy people. - 22/11/2014 04:36 - United States - Stockton

Today, I was studying for my Spanish midterm nonstop. After I closed my book, I was so tired that I thought that my cat was asking me questions in Spanish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 562

You deserved it 3 899

By Anna - 02/07/2009 13:31 - United States

Today, I called back a number I recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was the number of my boyfriend's fiancé. I've been with him 4 years, he's been with her for 6. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 017

You deserved it 4 945

By lacucarcha - 15/10/2015 21:47 - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, my boyfriend flamboyantly proposed to me in a packed restaurant. I promptly had a panic attack and fainted in front of at least fifty people and a full mariachi band. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 006

You deserved it 2 253

By mathhhh - 26/02/2010 17:57 - United States

Today, I missed points on a math quiz because I thought 2 times 5 was 20. I'm a math major. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 045

You deserved it 38 309

By Puzzlepiece - 28/06/2014 14:08 - Australia - Lakemba

Today, I spent the whole day doing a 500 piece puzzle. The last piece didn't fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 158

You deserved it 6 585

Easy fix

By failure - 13/10/2010 06:18 - Australia

Today, I rang my girlfriend to make sure she made it home alright. She told me to check my Facebook. Nothing was different so I hit refresh. We were no longer in a relationship. I got dumped via Facebook whilst on the phone to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 335

You deserved it 3 073

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Top comments

Stillo 25

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Monday 15 June 2015 23:47

That's not a very polite hamster she's got there

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Monday 15 June 2015 23:45

why would you insult a hamster? still not a good reason to hit you though

Comments

wheresthesafety 31

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Monday 15 June 2015 23:45

I thought you said I smashed my sister's hamster for a second...

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Tuesday 16 June 2015 1:18

You're the one who sounds smashed.

feven 32

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Tuesday 16 June 2015 2:14

I thought the hamster smashed OP with a stool at first

Ava_Darkflame 26

Wednesday 17 June 2015 5:29

#51 I laughed way more than I should have at that...

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Monday 15 June 2015 23:45

why would you insult a hamster? still not a good reason to hit you though

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Tuesday 16 June 2015 0:01

Hamsters can make a whole room stink no matter how much you clean the cage.

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Tuesday 16 June 2015 0:59

Well, whatever the reason, I only have one piece of advice: never, ever, EVER insult her real kids when or if she ever has any. She will drop a fridge on your head and deep-fry your toenails. You have been warned.

Zebediabolical 39

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Tuesday 16 June 2015 1:13

Never insult her real kids unless you've slipped her some stool softener first! <<--FIX'D!

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Tuesday 16 June 2015 1:32

I'm more curious on 'how' she insulted a hamster.

Arwen_Evenstar 37

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Tuesday 16 June 2015 1:36

Like my mother always told me, there's never a good excuse to insult a hamster. Wait, maybe I'm mixing this up...

Brandi_Faith 33

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Tuesday 16 June 2015 4:40

Your sister is nuts to hit you with a stool. However, with that said, you partially deserve it as you obviously only insulted the hamster to bug your sister. My brothers say mean things about my dog just to bug me and it drives me nuts. So although you didn't deserve to be hit with a stool, you do deserve something for bugging your sister in the first place. Obviously she was going to retaliate.

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Tuesday 16 June 2015 14:01

Hamster are fucking annoying :/

Dreamsorrow93 24

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Monday 15 June 2015 23:45

What a little rodent!

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Tuesday 16 June 2015 1:26

I bet it was a dwarf hamster, because she told that rat OP to pick on somebody her own size.

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Monday 15 June 2015 23:46

Smash back

Stillo 25

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Monday 15 June 2015 23:47

That's not a very polite hamster she's got there

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Monday 15 June 2015 23:49

That's another way of looking at the story, I like your thoughts

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Tuesday 16 June 2015 1:01

I love this

SpartyOnWayne 18

Monday 15 June 2015 23:47

If she reacts that way when you insult her hamster, I wonder what she reacts like when you insult her..

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Monday 15 June 2015 23:47

why'd you insult a hamster? why not just insult your sister instead

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Monday 15 June 2015 23:47

What did the hamster ever do to you?

AnnoC 10

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Monday 15 June 2015 23:48

you should've smashed her hamster

confused_wandere 26

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Tuesday 16 June 2015 1:00

What the hell is wrong with you? Psycho...

littleking94 14

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Tuesday 16 June 2015 5:30

Some one should smash you.......pussy

Ethan_Anonymous 28

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Monday 15 June 2015 23:53

Don't fuck with her hamster

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 37

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 98

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 768