Love: Today, my dad called me for the first time in weeks. All he wanted...

By anonymous - 01/11/2009 13:37 - France

Today, my dad called me for the first time in weeks. All he wanted to tell me was that Ashlee Simpson got fired from Melrose Place. Then he hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 410

You deserved it 2 585

Love

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Mama's boy

The virus claims another victim

By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 12:43 - Australia

Today, I got a new laptop for Christmas. The picture on the box showed a woman balancing it on one finger to show how light it was, so I tried it myself. I dropped my laptop, breaking the hard drive and putting a massive crack down the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 014

You deserved it 100 381

By Duped - 27/11/2009 08:09 - United States

Today, I received the sweetest love letter from my boyfriend after having a bad day. After gushing about it and reading it to my friends, they said it reminded them of a letter that they'd seen online. He got it from a fill-in-the-blank love letter generator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 421

You deserved it 5 480

By jojolee68 - 28/02/2015 19:53 - United States

Today, I'm stuck in a taxi cab while the driver listens to a radio show about sex fetishes. Can't wait to look him in the eye as I pay him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 831

You deserved it 2 786

By soupduped - 06/12/2009 03:37 - United States

Today, I opened up a can of tomato soup I'd taken from my parents' house recently. After eating the whole can, I started feeling a little off, so I checked the expiration date. It expired 12 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 811

You deserved it 38 247

By InsomniacToBe - 19/07/2012 15:55 - United States - Saint George

Today, I had a dream that my ex-boyfriend had become a vicious serial killer and was hunting me down because I broke up with him. I don't know what scares me more: the way he hunted me in my sleep, or the fact that it wouldn't surprise me if it actually happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 915

You deserved it 3 852

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 05:26 - Canada

Today, I was chastised by the CEO in the middle of a management meeting for showing up late to work every day, despite being in my office before 9:00am every morning. It was my 5th day on the job and no one had bothered to tell me that the office opens at 8:00am, and not 9:00am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 399

You deserved it 39 834

By longtriphome - 15/07/2011 02:22 - United States

Today, I met my long distance girlfriend after two years of being separated by 900 miles. She brought her short distance boyfriend to the meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 203

You deserved it 7 279

By Ugly - 22/08/2013 23:40 - United States - Jerseyville

Today, I went to my high school reunion. Someone walked up to me and said, "Wow, you look so different!" She then followed it up with, "You used to be so pretty, what happened?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 081

You deserved it 3 486

By Patoose - 16/08/2016 20:54 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I had surgery done to fix an ingrown toenail. When the doctor started cutting the nail, my toe wasn't entirely frozen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 846

You deserved it 1 420

By gerbilmaster - 09/07/2015 21:12 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I had 3 teeth pulled. Due to the anaesthesia, my mom came along to drive me home. Halfway through my surgery, she decided to leave and go shopping with her friend. She even left a note with the receptionist, saying that I needed to take on my own adult responsibilities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 264

You deserved it 1 828

By kinlin - 02/06/2018 19:00

Today, an attractive woman looked in my direction and smiled. My wife saw this and stomped on my foot, and I screamed like a little girl from the pain. People turned and stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 979

You deserved it 901

By T-Pain - 22/04/2009 17:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend stopped making out with me to watch a thirty minute infomercial on the Topsy-Turvy upside down tomato planter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 303

You deserved it 7 078

Restrictions

By TheHam - 05/09/2019 18:00 - Sweden

Today, the school called my dad telling him they want to put me on a diet, because they're worried about my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 362

You deserved it 590

By anonymous - 16/09/2013 05:35 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, a lady stormed into the pharmacy I work at and chewed me out because the medicine I sold her the day before gave her horrible diarrhea as a "side effect". I checked, and it was the medicine she asked for - laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 977

You deserved it 2 694

By ImNotFat - 07/08/2013 06:04 - United States - Havertown

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 776

You deserved it 15 487

By raiyne - 11/01/2011 13:34

Today, while parallel parked, a car stopped next to me, backed up, and hit the woman behind him. When she pulled off to the side to check for damage, she slammed into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 608

You deserved it 1 982

By Gregory - 28/11/2008 10:28 - France

Today, while shopping for a pair of shoes, I saw a pair I really liked lying around, so I sat down to try them on. Then, a man came up to me and pointed out that they were actually his shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 371

You deserved it 6 313

By Anonymous - 19/06/2012 10:51 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I found out that my husband and my cat have something in common; they both like to lick themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 206

You deserved it 2 728

That sucks

By Rich - 09/08/2021 23:01 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst having a bath, I sucked a cup and it stuck to my face, as I’m sure others have done, right? However, the genius I am sucked it too hard and for too long, and managed to give myself a love bite goatee. The next week at school is going to be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 873

By Lovestupid - 03/11/2009 09:25 - Australia

Today, I woke up extremely hungover next to a guy I have been in love with for a while but hadn't seen for ages. Turns out he had a bet going with his mates. He bet he could get me to sleep with him straight away even after not calling me for a month. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 988

You deserved it 29 014

By bf - 19/12/2013 02:59 - Canada - London

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Dinner was going well until her dad secretly fed the asparagus to the dog under the table, and then "discovered" what a childish thing I had done. My girlfriend believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 127

You deserved it 2 985

By kittyfiddlernono - 23/06/2013 19:39 - Bulgaria - Pernik

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly really awesome guy. It went quite well, until dessert came and he started telling me why bestiality "isn't really so wrong, you know?" Riiiggghhttt. Looks like I'm still single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 095

You deserved it 4 356

By liilii - 30/08/2014 16:40 - India - Trivandrum

Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 636

You deserved it 6 666

Useful information of the day

By billy - 27/04/2021 08:01

Today, I learned that "unskilled labor" does not mean people who are bad at their jobs. I’m 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 878

By alsayslegit - 25/05/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, I was at a party, and I sat down on a chair. While conversing with friends, I shifted places on the chair, and broke it. Embarrassed, I then stood up and change chairs. After moving to the next chair, I broke that one too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 139

You deserved it 21 446

By professionalmedicineman - 11/08/2016 19:25 - United States - Arlington

Today, it was my first day at my new job as a receptionist at a small doctor's office. When the doctor's wife called and asked if he'd stepped out, I forgot the word "Doctor" and instead replaced it with, "medicine man". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 027

You deserved it 2 896

By houdini - 03/02/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 881

You deserved it 11 627

By Anonymous - 08/12/2011 11:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that the mother of his children, from whom he is not divorced yet, is moving back into his house because she broke up with her boyfriend and has nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 548

You deserved it 8 324

By failing - 28/04/2017 01:00 - Pakistan - Lahore

Today, after searching frantically for my economics notes for a week, I asked my friend to send me pictures of her's. I recognised my handwriting on the pictures she sent me and she admitted she "borrowed" them. The exam is in three days and she refuses to meet me and give my notes back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 426

You deserved it 358

By Taylor - 20/07/2012 18:23 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wear makeup much. Expecting him to say something about my natural beauty, I replied with an honest "no." His smiled softly, gently squeezed my shoulder, and said, "Maybe you should." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 290

You deserved it 3 717

By Anonymous - 26/11/2014 16:42 - United States - Flushing

Today, what few friends I have won't talk to me anymore. My ex told them she dumped me because I abused her. I never abused her. What really happened is that she dumped me in a rage after I refused to give her money for drugs. Nobody's even asked for my side of the story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 434

You deserved it 2 784

By embarassed - 08/08/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, I went for a hike with my new boyfriend on a fairly deserted trail my ex-husband had shown me awhile back. In all my hikes there, I've never seen another person and figured it would be okay to get intimate. Guess who came hiking past? That's right, my ex-husband. And our 8yr old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 078

You deserved it 72 894

By Wickls - 18/12/2008 08:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought "Angus, thongs and perfect snogging" on DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 099

You deserved it 29 264

By embarrassed niece - 09/07/2013 16:15 - United States - Cumming

Today, my aunt had the wonderful experience of hearing my boyfriend and I have a very "satisfying" encounter after we stupidly forgot to turn off the baby monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 791

You deserved it 49 992

By Batman - 09/09/2018 23:30

Today, I finished my 83-page thesis for my Stanford class and put it on my desk. Then, as a prank, my girlfriend hid it. She forgot where she put it. The thesis is due in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 617

You deserved it 630

By Username - 09/07/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, I realized that my wife is such a bitch normally, she's actually nicer when she is on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 431

You deserved it 8 145

Passionate

By Anonymous - 09/10/2020 02:00

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate in an alley. He pushed me up against a wall and started kissing me, but he pushed me so hard I cut open my head and needed 10 stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 058

You deserved it 439

By firecrotch - 04/06/2010 05:36 - United States

Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 771

You deserved it 35 361

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I was giving my friend sex advice when she asked me when was the last time for me. Not only did I lie but I realized that it was in November and the time before that was June. I have had sex less times this year than she has this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 422

You deserved it 12 033

By Anonymous - 05/06/2009 21:33 - Canada

Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room... where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 900

You deserved it 75 214

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Jeffler 0

Send a private message

Sunday 1 November 2009 16:14

To be fair, thats awesome news.

JohnnyChris 0

Send a private message

Sunday 1 November 2009 19:04

he. probably used it as a reason to call u. that's cool that he thought of u. but he should go visit u instead.

mysuckishlife 0

Send a private message

Sunday 1 November 2009 16:13

FIRST!!!

atvarela 0

Send a private message

Sunday 1 November 2009 16:27

that's nice

Ohnothingreally 0

Send a private message

Sunday 1 November 2009 19:54

I recently realized why saying "first" is a bad thing. You should probably just comment, and if you got first, favorite it.

testing_fml 0

Send a private message

Sunday 1 November 2009 21:41

Does anyone understand how this is an FML?

redbluegreen 40

Send a private message

Monday 2 November 2009 3:23

It's an FML because the kid's dad doesn't want to talk to them and cares more about updating them about a celebrity getting fired.

Northsidebill 4

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 November 2009 20:57

I'm guessing because this person doesnt want a gay dad...

MindlessRobot 0

Send a private message

Thursday 4 February 2010 23:31

Maybe the dad just really, really loves Ashlee Simpson?

fsebastianslife 0

Send a private message

Friday 2 April 2010 8:30

quit your bitchin OP, a phone works both ways so STFU.

Jeffler 0

Send a private message

Sunday 1 November 2009 16:14

To be fair, thats awesome news.

White667 0

Send a private message

Monday 2 November 2009 0:56

OMG? Ashlee Simpson got fired from Melrose Place?

mysuckishlife 0

Send a private message

Sunday 1 November 2009 16:24

Hey... I'm not first anymore FML.

itsmebabe 0

Send a private message

Sunday 1 November 2009 16:31

She did?!

dancingfool23 0

Send a private message

Sunday 1 November 2009 16:37

They are not replacing her, also Auggie is fired too

Wet_Dream 0

Send a private message

Sunday 1 November 2009 16:40

he was drunk !

Maxine17 8

Send a private message

Sunday 1 November 2009 16:48

I wish I was American so I could understand this fully. Was she bad on this show or good?

sammisolstice 0

Send a private message

Sunday 1 November 2009 16:57

To be honest; I have no idea. I just know that Ashlee Simpson has a bad reputation. And is someone that teenaged girls look up to. xD

sammisolstice 0

Send a private message

Sunday 1 November 2009 16:59

Ashlee Simpson's face looks like a foot. Imagine the bottom side of a foot. Then look at her face. It's a perfect match.

whooooop 0

Send a private message

Sunday 1 November 2009 17:20

she go fired? mhm she did creep me out tho :o

JackDupp 11

Send a private message

Sunday 1 November 2009 17:54

Cripes the woman can't sing and now she can't act either. How bad of an actor do you have to be to get fired from Melrose Place.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 137

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 303

Restrictions

That sucks

Useful information of the day

Passionate

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments