Health: Today, I hit the gym. With my car. FML - FML

By SnapeIsGood - 08/11/2016 09:44 - Germany - Kornwestheim

Today, I hit the gym. With my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 303

You deserved it 1 829

This Charming Man

Stop talking!

Good kid

Wobbly

By CheddarJack89 - 01/12/2012 08:35 - United States - Manchester

Today, after doing inventory at my job, I was approached by a co-worker who I had always thought was cute. I tried talking to her, but it was hard as I kept trembling and stuttering from spending two hours in a meat locker. Now she assumes that I'm "special". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 781

You deserved it 2 462

By Anonymous - 08/06/2016 02:09 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was eating breakfast when my little brother goes, "Mommy, what do you do for a living?" and my mom says "I'm a headmaster", and my dad goes, "Oh yeah she is." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 119

You deserved it 2 295

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 05:26 - United States - Burbank

Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 286

You deserved it 2 451

By smiler - 17/03/2010 16:59 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I had my wisdom teeth removed. The sympathetic words from my boyfriend asked if this meant I could open my mouth a bit wider for him now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 483

You deserved it 5 643

By facepalm - 05/02/2013 03:30 - United States - Sayreville

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 248

You deserved it 9 445

By fat - 07/01/2014 12:41 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I mentioned to my boyfriend that I want to start working out and get rid of my holiday weight. His response? "Okay, just don't join a gym. People will have to see you there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 137

You deserved it 4 968

By Anonymous - 21/07/2019 16:15

Today, the neighbors' kid got a new airhorn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 961

You deserved it 78

By lifesucks0925 - 06/09/2013 07:01 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 700

You deserved it 2 808

By WhyGodWhy - 18/10/2016 06:33 - United States - Addison

Today, I spent the first night in my new home as a first-time homeowner. I was relaxing and enjoying the feeling of having my own space when I reached over to get my glasses and came back with a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 583

You deserved it 795

By Anonymous - 06/06/2009 16:01 - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend of 5 months runs a website where men can submit nude or semi nude pictures of their ex's for revenge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 772

You deserved it 5 606

By jemstuff - 22/08/2010 06:28 - United States

Today, at work, I stopped in my boss/boyfriend's office to find him getting intimate with a girl. He then tells me that he is cheating on me, that he is dumping me, and that I am fired. Oh, and he is keeping the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 053

You deserved it 6 563

Gratitude walks

By funnywoe - 19/07/2020 20:01

Today, my uncle is staying with my family and he just gave me the weirdest 'gift' I've ever gotten. He gave me his used shaver. He said he realized that it's for women, but I find this disgusting. I could maybe sanitize it, but then I would have to touch the hairs on it. I had to pretend to be truly grateful for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 160

By Mrs. W. - 11/08/2015 00:32 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, a kid on a bike passed me and commented on my "big fat butt." Recognizing him from the neighborhood, I told my husband to go speak to his parents about the inappropriate comment. It turns out his father is the man who yesterday commented on my "big bouncing tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 355

You deserved it 2 369

By imawesomeokay - 20/07/2013 05:53 - Mexico - Zapopan

Today, I went to watch a movie. In the middle of it, I accidentally fell asleep. Minutes later, I awoke on a stranger's shoulder. He was caressing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 152

You deserved it 10 922

By Hreyes - 15/09/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I overheard my boss stressing out over finding a replacement for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 421

You deserved it 2 137

By Forever alone - 01/05/2015 14:24 - United States - Lincoln

Today, I told my friends I was kissed by a girl. They said "Yeah, probably by your mom." The sad thing is, they were right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 658

You deserved it 12 455

Bashing

By ZiggyTink - 09/07/2015 03:24 - United States - North Branch

Today, my boyfriend's brother and his fiancée decided to preach to me about how I need to read the Bible because I'm agnostic. I'd be fine, if it wasn't coming from two 19-year-olds who dated for 5 months, got pregnant, got engaged, lost the baby, and still wanna get married, "so they don't look bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 564

You deserved it 2 375

By Samsonites - 28/03/2009 03:15 - United States

Today, I finally decided to tell him I love him. He told me that he loved me too... like a sister! The love of my life has been sleeping with his "sister" for three months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 896

You deserved it 5 604

Lookin' good

By Sleeping Beauty - 19/12/2015 19:20 - United States - Jamestown

Today, I took a nap on the couch. Apparently, my wife decided to put makeup all over my face as I slept. She didn't tell me until after I went to the gas station to grab some beer. Looks like I will have to find a new place to buy beer from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 993

You deserved it 3 754

By bwoolf96 - 10/09/2015 12:32

Today, in the early hours of the morning, I woke up in sleep paralysis, hallucinating the sight of children hanging from the ceiling. Now I'm scared to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 863

You deserved it 1 851

By amidreaming?? - 11/06/2012 21:45 - United Kingdom - Bushey

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 394

You deserved it 3 842

By moikristine - 21/05/2013 10:24 - Norway - Fagerstrand

Today, I got an email saying the gift I'd ordered for my boyfriend of three years had been sent. I ordered it a couple of days ago because I thought he needed cheering up. I guess he found a better way of doing so himself; he broke up with me yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 603

You deserved it 3 194

By What the fuck, son? - 11/05/2013 16:21 - Netherlands - Amerongen

Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 360

You deserved it 7 811

By Anonymous - 20/05/2018 01:30

Today, I sneezed without knowing I had a nosebleed. Despite turning my head, a fine blood spray shot out all over my fiancée’s white dress as we were standing at the altar. She refused to say “I do” because she was so mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 976

You deserved it 540

By SickandTired - 22/03/2011 16:59 - Australia

Today, I went to work despite having a nasty cold. I didn't call up sick because last week when I called in, my boss said I was being "unprofessional and unacceptable." My boss sent me home with a written warning today, claiming that coming to work sick was "unprofessional and unacceptable." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 676

You deserved it 3 755

By plzdontclapme - 01/07/2012 23:03

Today, I tripped on the way back from collecting a prize in front of 600 students and their parents. I got more applause than I did when collecting the prize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 566

You deserved it 2 284

By Anonymous - 01/03/2015 19:03 - United States - Springfield

Today, my sister came out of the closet. By which I mean she came out as the pregnant mother of my boyfriend's child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 776

You deserved it 3 008

By AlphaKappa - 12/07/2018 19:00

Today, my work is doing a legal investigation about whether they can avoid paying me maternity benefit. According to my sleazy boss, "You notified us too late." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 898

You deserved it 270

By fuglyphotographer - 23/10/2011 18:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I uploaded my latest picture onto a photography website. It only got one comment, and even that was from someone advising me to never use the same hideous model ever again. It was a self-portrait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 139

You deserved it 4 657

By Anonymous - 21/08/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend would not ride in my convertible with the top down because he "didn't want to mess up his hair." My boyfriend is prissier than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 402

By Me - 05/01/2010 07:16 - France

Today, I was rejected for a job I really wanted, they said I didn't have enough experience. I designed the systems they are implementing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 712

You deserved it 2 059

By fijiflu - 05/11/2015 21:31

Today, at work in a call center, I went into my locker to get my pain pills from a recent surgery. When I opened the bottle, half my pills spread all over the floor. My boss walked by and said, "I knew it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 473

You deserved it 1 516

By Username - 23/11/2010 20:53

Today, at work, I handed an old man his drink, and our fingers accidentally brushed. He gave me a creepy wink and a smile, but I ignored it. He's now been sitting in the store for two hours watching me. Only 4 hours to go until I get off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 762

You deserved it 2 463

By Anonymous - 27/03/2009 13:05 - Austria

Today, I was outside searching for "treasures" with my son using small plastic shovels. All of a sudden he starts screaming. He dug up the bones of our old dog. I told him that we had sent him away to live on a farm, I even helped my son write letters to the farm owners. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 971

You deserved it 93 087

By Anonymous - 23/05/2012 17:20 - Switzerland - Wildberg

Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 711

You deserved it 4 349

By Fatty - 27/12/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 423

You deserved it 4 152

By avocadopurse - 09/07/2018 19:00

Today, I told my grandmother I was planning a trip to take my newborn son to meet his great-great-grandfather before it was too late. She had a guilty expression on her face. My great-grandfather died 4 months ago and my family forgot to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 833

You deserved it 243

By NotANaturist - 01/01/2010 14:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from a new years party wearing a shower curtain and nothing else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 788

You deserved it 41 831

By reallydevonte - 01/08/2016 17:30 - United States - Memphis

Today, I went to the eye doctor with my little brother. There were only three chairs and one was occupied by a woman. I sat at the far end, but as soon as I sat down, I heard my little brother yell out loud, "I DON'T WANT TO SIT NEXT TO THE FAT LADY!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 765

You deserved it 1 104

By iamfab - 06/06/2015 05:52 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I asked my boyfriend to come hang out with me. He said he was busy and had to do homework. Since he never studies, I got suspicious and went to check up on him. I found him playing dress-up with his cat. He's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 182

You deserved it 5 047

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 19:03

And now I'm imagining somebody slowly pulling into a parking spot, feeling a dull thud as their car comes to an unexpected stop, and thinking: "Oh, fuck, I just hit the gym! My car—wait, 'hit the gym'?! Haha, I hit the gym… with my car! This is gold! What's the name of that app again? Fuck My Day?"

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 18:41

I love how this is in the Health category.

Comments

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 18:41

I love how this is in the Health category.

StormfrontX33_fml 24

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 18:44

Now that must be what is called a muscle car.

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 18:47

my vote really depends on what caused the crash...

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Wednesday 9 November 2016 1:43

Or just based on the fact that he "hit the gym. With his car."

Earl_KarmasBitch 29

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Wednesday 9 November 2016 3:04

Yeah, we have no way of knowing if it was OP's stupidity, bad luck, or the actions of a 3rd party that cause it.

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Friday 11 November 2016 13:13

It's the pre-workout. It's ALWAYS the pre-workout.

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 18:47

Win!!!!!

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 18:49

damn it bumblebee this isnt the way

FalloutScrolls 25

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 18:53

Pumping brakes, pumping iron. Meh. Same thing.

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 18:58

At least you can say you been to the gym lately

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 19:03

And now I'm imagining somebody slowly pulling into a parking spot, feeling a dull thud as their car comes to an unexpected stop, and thinking: "Oh, fuck, I just hit the gym! My car—wait, 'hit the gym'?! Haha, I hit the gym… with my car! This is gold! What's the name of that app again? Fuck My Day?"

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 November 2016 21:02

Obnoxious addendum: Then an employee runs out, yelling at the OP: "Sir, you just hit the gy—Ahahaha, oh my god! You just /hit the gym/! Have you submitted that to FML?" OP responds: "Not yet. I was trying to *giggles* remember the name of the app." Employee: "It's FML, the app form of the English version of the original French site. The programmers must've been lazy because if you hold the 'Copy the FML' button to 'Share' a specific FML, it still gives you a message in French. 'Copier la VDM' or something." OP: "Weird. Okay, this exchange seems to be getting increasingly irrelevant with each response."

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 19:11

hahahahahaha... you cracked me up

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 19:35

That's not how you get a muscle car.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 6

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 60

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 42