Work: Today, I shaved my beard that I wanted to grow for winter, into... - FML

By Beard - 08/11/2016 11:14

Today, I shaved my beard that I wanted to grow for winter, into a goatee for a Skype interview. On the day, the interviewer only used audio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 250

You deserved it 1 774

Marriage going well is it?

Friend's best friend

GERD Gang!

By nopenopenopenope - 23/09/2016 03:28 - United States - Winston Salem

Today, I tried to have a relaxing soak in the tub. The giant wolf spider that was already in the tub didn't like me trying to set it free outside. It ran right across my feet and back into my house when I dumped it out of a cup outside. I screamed like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 628

You deserved it 2 438

By damniphone - 29/06/2013 05:31 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to change the language setting on my phone to Mandarin. Unfortunately, neither of us knows Mandarin, and we can't change it back to English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 028

You deserved it 8 690

By Prometheus - 24/03/2009 21:08 - United States

Today, a co-worker and I walked out of our office at the same time. He got in his car, which was parked right out front. I asked him what I had to do to get a sweet parking spot like that. He rolled up his pant leg and show me his prosthesis. He was in the handicapped spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 032

You deserved it 76 639

Man vs Boy

By Anonymous - 17/02/2018 19:00

Today, it was my first day at a new gym, which cost a fortune. Some skinny teen who had clearly never lifted in his life dropped a weight while I was stretching and broke my ankle. Money down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 888

You deserved it 282

Polygraphs are BS

By Anonymous - 26/09/2021 02:00 - United States

Today, I took a polygraph. The interviewer was mad at the way I was breathing and looking down once instead of straight ahead. The third test I started crying because he raised his voice, saying I was disrespecting his time. I was trying so hard but couldn't breathe with the equipment on, leaving my mind blank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 99

By Anonymous - 06/01/2012 07:47 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife of 5 years has decided to change everything: job, clothes, hair style, car, and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 172

You deserved it 3 045

By Anonymous - 16/09/2015 11:25 - Germany - Felsberg

Today, I heard my boyfriend telling a female friend that his ex was so gorgeous and out of his league that it made him feel inadequate, and so he now only dates within reach. She told him he's hot enough to have anyone he wants. 30 seconds later they were tongue-deep in each other's throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 307

You deserved it 2 005

By Anonymous - 30/09/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, when I got to work, I found out that I was being laid off. Two hours later, I found out my boss had my name on the wrong list. I was elated. I went to lunch, and on the way back was rear ended in the rain. I was an hour and a half late getting back to work. I was fired upon returning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 833

You deserved it 3 164

By Nick - 26/01/2010 21:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out I have a daughter. How did I find out? She added me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 702

You deserved it 18 093

By welly223 - 20/01/2011 06:01 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression for saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' for new ideas each afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 060

You deserved it 3 271

By verycre8tive - 21/05/2009 07:31 - Romania

Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 534

You deserved it 2 713

Ten years, going strong

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 14:00

Spicy

Today, it's the 10th anniversary of the last time I had sex, and that was a drunk pity shag down an alley that lasted less than 30 seconds, due to me getting my period and his whiskey dick. Since then, all my sexual encounters have included the internet and rechargeable batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 290

By Karen - 31/08/2009 14:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was hurrying for the bus home from work. It was raining and I had my umbrella up. As I hurried by two women, I felt my umbrella hit one of them on the head. I turned to apologise and saw her standing with her hands on her newly bald head. My umbrella had lifted her wig off her head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 799

You deserved it 4 807

By engagedmaybe - 02/02/2010 06:20 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend asked me to marry him because he could get a tax cut from buying the ring. All of this happened in front of his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 731

You deserved it 2 438

By Noname - 16/03/2009 00:49 - United States

Today, I rode in the cab on the way back to my dorm from the airport. The taxi driver was on the phone and not really paying attention. I paid him and got out of the cab, but he drove away before I could get my luggage out of the trunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 899

You deserved it 5 359

By Anonymous - 15/03/2013 18:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend found out about my severe phobia of moths. It's so bad that I sometimes pass out. He caught a moth in a jar, and put it on my bedside table. I woke up, saw it, and had a panic attack. He recorded it all and wants to upload it to YouTube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 994

You deserved it 5 344

By Chris - 22/10/2009 04:57 - Canada

Today, I was riding the bus home from college. I was standing in the aisle and there was a rather cute girl sitting next to me. The bus came to an abrupt stop, I tripped, and fell into her lap. She shrieked, "Eww! Get off me!" and shove me onto the floor of the bus. Nice to know I'm revolting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 311

You deserved it 4 843

By Anonymous - 26/01/2011 14:41 - United States

Today, I was denied food stamp assistance. Apparently, you need to work 20 hours a week while being a full time student to qualify or have a work study. I was recently suspended from my work study for calling off because my aunt died, and if I worked 20 hours a week, why would I need food stamps? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 069

You deserved it 5 849

By Confuseddad - 16/02/2016 22:17 - United Kingdom

Today, two aggressive police officers appeared at my door informing me that a complaint was filed about my 18 year-old son having "inappropriate relations" with a 16 year-old. We live in England. I had to Google the law to prove to them this was legal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 483

You deserved it 1 611

By f - 31/01/2011 05:47

Today, I was attacked by my dad because I got my hair dyed and he thought I was a robber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 229

You deserved it 7 884

By yourfault - 02/09/2013 15:10 - United Kingdom - Kingston

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend blamed me for his affair, because apparently I "should have made it clear to him" not to have sex with other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 724

You deserved it 6 755

Poor good boy

By Anonymous - 27/09/2009 20:54 - United Kingdom

Today, my dog died. I spent ages digging him a grave and buried him in the garden so that my dad wouldn't have to deal with the stress when he got home from work. When my dad got home he told me that he had wanted the dog to be cremated. I have just had to dig up my dog's body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 140

You deserved it 5 171

By Anonymous - 21/01/2012 14:22 - United States

Today, I went to get a nice, relaxing hot stone massage. Instead I got second degree burns on my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 618

You deserved it 3 990

By Rachael - 01/07/2011 03:08 - United States

Today, as a part of my job, I took a couple around to look at houses that are on sale. After driving them around and looking at tons of houses, the wife said, "Okay. I think we have enough decorating ideas." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 999

You deserved it 2 898

By Anonymous - 11/10/2018 13:30

Today, I was offered a position as a trainer at a great company. My manager was livid when I told her. This is after she told me I was wasting my time trying to become a trainer and if I wanted to become one, I should apply elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 793

You deserved it 195

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 00:27 - Canada

Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 561

You deserved it 51 046

By Anonymous - 03/12/2013 00:56 - Mexico - Distrito Federal

Today, I opened my heart to my father-in-law, telling him how he was a very good example for us and how his name would be great for our first born son, he interrupted, saying, "Cut the cheesy crap, now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 703

You deserved it 6 183

By indierocklove - 03/08/2011 16:55 - United States

Today, I finally started doing cardio and getting in shape. What motivated me to do it? Watching a zombie movie. The slow ones bite the dust first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 350

You deserved it 8 756

Denied!

By Hystcheria - 25/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Fredericksburg

Spicy

Today, I told my long-distance boyfriend that I'd like to throw my legs over my head and have him cram his dick deep inside me. He told me to order a pizza, "It'd be more fun." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 184

By fianceeless - 21/01/2011 01:15 - United States

Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 551

You deserved it 3 908

By Anonymous - 21/05/2011 14:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I went out with my best friend and her hot brother. Upon our exit out of the restaurant I walked right into the glass door and rebounded back off it. The whole restaurant was silent as I shamefully walked out only to trip on the curb outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 415

You deserved it 7 785

By Username - 03/02/2011 18:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went on a date with a guy, who decided to rudely text message his friend the whole time. When I got home, I realized he'd been texting the girl he was going to hookup with after our date; she happens to be my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 902

You deserved it 3 718

By assante2010 - 24/07/2011 00:09 - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 287

You deserved it 6 863

By T. - 30/09/2010 14:07 - Australia

Today, after a promotion at work, my new manager made me reset my password for a website we use. To do so, I had to answer the secret question I’d set two years prior. The question was "What is your favorite activity?" The answer I had to type out in front of my manager was "Drinking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 318

You deserved it 35 517

By pissedexworker - 18/12/2010 15:10 - United States

Today, I found out that being rushed unconscious to the hospital and missing work qualifies you for termination if you don't call in, even if you have a note from the ER doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 900

You deserved it 2 402

By iFail - 29/01/2009 17:55 - United States

Today, a guy sitting next to me in class asked me for a pen. I accidentally handed him a tampon instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 720

You deserved it 8 916

By kiki - 24/02/2010 05:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, before my date came to pick me up, I put tissues under my arms so I wouldn't leave wet marks. I forgot to remove them, and when we got physical, they fell out, looking like I'd stuffed my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 375

You deserved it 33 387

By Single forever I guess - 30/09/2018 05:00

Today, after months of hurtful and derogatory remarks from matches, I had to add the line "Not trans, just ugly." to my Tinder bio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 951

You deserved it 316

Look-alikes

By Anonymous - 24/10/2019 12:00

Today, the guy I really like told me that I look exactly like Kathy Bates. I'm only 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 170

By dan - 25/01/2010 00:50 - Canada

Today, to my surprise my girlfriend said, "I've never felt this way before." We have been dating for six months, and I knew that I loved her, so I replied, "Me neither, I love you." There was a long awkward pause. Turns out, she was talking about her abnormally painful period cramps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 395

You deserved it 4 577

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Top comments

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 17:20

Goatees are for losers anyway. I'd never be caught de—awww…

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 16:56

dude, its movember... no shaving in movember

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 November 2016 16:53

You lucked out! Goatees cost you 15 IQ points on interviews.

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Wednesday 9 November 2016 8:20

I have a goatee. today I got the job with barely doing the interview lol.

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 16:56

dude, its movember... no shaving in movember

katachristic 19

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 16:56

That sucks OP. You probably should have kept the same style but just trimmed it all to be more even and neat

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 17:04

You turned your blooming beard into a goatee? Dude, you don’t deserve a beard. Wear your goatee of shame like a ...well, "man" would be wrong. Wrong as goatees! So kill it and start all over again.

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 22:53

A lot of goatees around here... O.O

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 17:14

Let's face it, the situation just got a little less hairy.

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 17:20

Goatees are for losers anyway. I'd never be caught de—awww…

species4872 19

Tuesday 8 November 2016 17:33

there is no spoon.

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 17:41

You grew an entire beard for an interview? That's commitment, I would definitely hire someone like you good sir!

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 20:06

He was going to wear the beard for winter, but thought he would be on a video call on Skype, so bye-bye beard.

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Wednesday 9 November 2016 5:32

pay attention.

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 18:49

OMG!!! How will you survive the loss of facial hair!!!! It's not like it can grow back??? Can it?

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 19:16

Great point! You could back that up by shaving off both your eyebrows.

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 19:22

Why'd you need a goatee instead of a beard for the interview? Is the job playing Guy Fawkes at a theme park or do they just have very specific rules?

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 51

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 35

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 97