Today, I sprained my ankle while playing soccer. I still have... - FML

By snidpea - France

Today, I sprained my ankle while playing soccer. I still have to walk home. In the rain. FML

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Don't give up

Weird kid

Sewer monster

By Noname - Canada

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was afraid our future children would be fat and ugly. He reassured me, saying that he was sure our spawn would take on after him. FML

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By Professionally Curtious

Today, I was offered my dream job. When I gave my current employer my 2+ weeks notice so they'd have time to find a replacement, I was told to pack up and leave immediately. Now I'm out a month's pay because I gave notice instead of just leaving. FML

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By kneesarethenewdesk - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend jumped, naked, onto my computer desk, with the intention of having sex on it. A new, £250 computer desk, broken beyond repair. And we didn't even have sex. FML

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By Ticklish - United States - Marion

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

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By rachel - Germany - K?ln

Today, my little brother told me to give him my phone so he could play a game on it. I said no, because I was taking a call from a friend at the time. He then walked over to the wall, headbutted it, burst into tears, then told my parents that I punched him. They believed him. FML

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By projectfain - United States - Akron

Today, I e-mailed the on-line instructor for my job, telling her that I had fallen behind in my work due to my grandmother's passing and the subsequent funeral arrangements, but that I would catch up this week. Her reply? "OK. Hope your grandmother gets better soon." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rockville

Today, I sliced my finger on a frozen chicken cutlet. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the first thing my fiancé did when he walked in the door was to loudly announce all the hot kinky stuff he was about to do to me on the kitchen table. Unfortunately for him my dad, mother and both my brothers had just dropped in for a visit and heard every word he said. FML

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By rejected - United States - Milpitas

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while I was proposing. FML

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By Malakai

Today, after taking a massive shit, I flushed the toilet and it clogged. It flooded to the brim and the shit came rising to the top. I didn't know what to do so I grabbed some toilet paper and picked it up, ran to my balcony, and launched it. It landed on my neighbor's car. FML

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By paid to scoop ice cream not nana-sit - United States - Fall River

Today, I was working when my boss left briefly, leaving me with her elderly, senile mother. Not only did I have to chase her when she ran after a stranger on the road, I turned my back for 5 seconds to do my actual job and she walked off. When my boss returned, I had to tell her I lost her mother. FML

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By Binkplugged

Today, I woke up to my husband chuckling. When I asked him what was so funny. He told me that during the night I attempted to shove one of the kids' pacifiers in his mouth. I don't remember this, at all. He thinks it's hysterical. I'm not sure what to think. FML

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By powerless - United States

Today, a soccer ball hit my car while I was going 75 mph on the freeway during my drive home. I still don't know how to explain it. FML

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By Anonymous

I miss the hungry years…

Today, my cat let a mouse sit on his paws for several minutes, then just sat and watched as it scurried into a crack in the drywall. My cat is only 4. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, unbeknownst to me, my wife cancelled our airplane tickets because she didn't want to face her fear of flying like we had agreed. Now, we're going to have to take another week off so I can drive 3000 miles cross country, while she sleeps in the shotgun seat because her licence expired. FML

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By - France

Today, when I saw a big box that looked like a playstation, I got really excited and my parents were there and everything looked like it really was something big, so I start to open the wrapper and surprise... it was a lamp. FML

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By ohmyx3 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house.I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says "we know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML

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By Ashley

Fire…?

Today, two out of our three smoke detectors were going off. My grandpa won't call the fire department because he thinks our house will be condemned. The alarms are still going off. FML

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By soy_un_perderdor - United States

Today, it's Saturday. While all my friends go out to have fun, I get my excitement thinking about how I'll be sleeping with a new pillow. FML

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By Weirdo - United States

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML

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By stupidteacher - China - Guiyang

Today, I gave a presentation in class. I felt pretty good about it, until afterwards when I was told I lost points for communication because I'd been chewing gum. I wasn't, I just have a speech impediment. FML

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By S3R1AL K1LL3R X - United States

Today, in my college class, our teacher asked us what we wanted to do when we get out of college. I guess being a U.S. Marine gets you a lecture for the whole class to hear that I'm a war hungry pig, and should get a real job that requires a brain. My job field is Aircraft repair. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML

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By jerry Jerry Jerry - 15/5/2020 17:00

All in the family

Today, I found out the truth about my parents’ divorce and why our family is so distant. Turns out my dad had an affair with not one, but two of my mom’s sisters. And that my youngest cousin is also my half-sister. FML

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By Wade - United States

Today, I was sitting under a tree at a park. The dirt felt a little damp, so I assumed it was dew from the night. A homeless man walks over and asks me to move, then starts to pee under the tree, followed by another man. I was sitting in their bathroom. FML

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By kelscait - United States

Today, I had my first kiss with this guy that I really liked. We started making out and he stopped and had this bizarre look on his face. I thought he was liking it, so I said, "You're a good kisser, you wanna go to the bedroom?" He replied with, "I'll pass, you have really bad breath". FML

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By Moosh - Australia

Today, my stepdad did a crap in the shape of the number 2, took a picture of it and showed it to all my friends at my party, while we were eating. FML

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By myself - Canada

Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML

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By orangechicken - United States - New Hudson

Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML

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By fffemaleee - United States - Waterford

Today, my phone got stolen at church. FML

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By LadyGrey

Today, returning home from a party, I realised I'd forgotten my keys. My roommate was sleeping so soundly that after an hour of throwing gravel and ringing the doorbell, I had to give up and get a room at the hotel over the road. For €85 I had a view of my room. FML

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By goodtiming - Canada

Today, I finally got a job interview, and I thought it went amazing. They were supposed to call me today or tomorrow with the news. Today is also the day that my phone company decided to cut my phone off. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after storing it for a year, driving it 750 miles to a new home, and waiting a week for a wall mount to come in, I was ready to hang the hand-painted, decorative window my brother gave me. The chain snapped as I picked it up and it shattered when it hit the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad has discovered selfies and my mom has discovered taking pictures of food. Now I'm at a restaurant, suffering through it all and not being able to eat anything until my mom has taken pictures of it. FML

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By "AR Good" - United States - Hawthorne

Today, my husband is pissed off, withholding affection, and not speaking to me. Why? I don't want to have sex with random men while he watches. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I was telling my boyfriend about how self conscious I am and how I obsess about my weight. He said, "Don't be ridiculous, you don't need to lose that much weight." FML

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By GladYoureConcerned - United States - Glendale

Today, after we had sex, my boyfriend told me how my orgasms used to make him think I was having a seizure. FML

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By Yikes - United States - Cumberland

Today, I finally found the single flaw in my perfect boyfriend. It's herpes. Genital herpes. FML

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Top comments

By karrdesw | 0

#813631 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:36

You still have to walk home... present tense? Better get to it! You'll catch pneumonia!

By freya08 | 0

#813640 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:39

I feel your pain. I sprained mine a year ago, and I had to get a cast and everything. It was really awful. I can't play soccer anymore because of it ._.

COMMENTS

By dingdong666 | 0

#813615 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:31

unlucky

Reply

Shystai | 0

#813658 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:45

I understand how you feel. Same thing happened to me. During a small sand storm, but a swollen ankle

Reply

firecopy | 6

#813660 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:46

true, go football!

Reply

nazooer | 11

#813715 - Sunday 31 January 2010 23:14

How is it the same thing if your ankle was swollen and it was during a sandstorm?

Reply

MF12 | 0

#813941 - Monday 1 February 2010 0:54

still an ankle problem and still bad weather

Reply

#814682 - Monday 1 February 2010 5:29

FYL I love Soccer

Reply

yzaldana | 0

#815011 - Monday 1 February 2010 8:24

Couldn't you ask anybody for a ride??? Or maybe a taxi?? Or just wait for the rain to stop at least... o.O

Reply

nyc718 | 0

#815192 - Monday 1 February 2010 10:16

OP ydi. Play a real sport like beer pong. :-)

Reply

toxic10uhc | 0

#817909 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 6:01

op deservers it for playing a gay sport, that's not unlucky that's karmic justice lmao

Reply

bellaamariee | 0

#1952777 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 2:00

aww, I would have given you a ride home(:

Reply

Evan2297 | 0

#3358492 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 4:59

Put the phone down and start walking!! :D Just joking, but I hope you made it back fine.

Reply

dirtbiker267 | 0

#3562905 - Wednesday 9 November 2011 15:28

Your calling the op gay when you have a pokemon for our background

By DogmaT_fml | 4

#813622 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:32

Don't stop believing

Reply

firecopy | 6

#813663 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:47

wrong fml

Reply

th3_godfath3r | 0

#813756 - Sunday 31 January 2010 23:34

WRONG FML!!!!!

Reply

Secret_Fire_King | 0

#814935 - Monday 1 February 2010 7:24

WTF, OP?

Why include a weather report?

Maybe including the distance would have made it a better FML..

Reply

hsshae | 0

#871378 - Friday 19 February 2010 5:56

soccer is the #1 sport in the world but yeah fyl

Reply

MrDanimal | 0

#1473899 - Wednesday 29 September 2010 17:26

WTF is wrong with rain you damned racist!!!

By karrdesw | 0

#813631 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:36

You still have to walk home... present tense? Better get to it! You'll catch pneumonia!

Reply

PATastrophy102 | 0

#813783 - Sunday 31 January 2010 23:48

it says "sent from a mobile version"

Reply

MURIKKA | 11

#4603010 - Saturday 23 June 2012 7:55

Classic soccer player here. Whine whine whine whine whine

By freya08 | 0

#813640 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:39

I feel your pain. I sprained mine a year ago, and I had to get a cast and everything. It was really awful. I can't play soccer anymore because of it ._.

By Erindub | 0

#813653 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:44

Uphill? With no shoes?

By Ginathy | 0

#813665 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:51

Ask for a ride home.

By badbowtie | 0

#813680 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:58

That's what you get for playing a dumb gay sport. Homo.

Reply

Freeze_fml | 16

#813691 - Sunday 31 January 2010 23:00

Soccer kicks balls. Don't diss.

Reply

shoguu | 0

#813865 - Monday 1 February 2010 0:30

win and a half.

Reply

ILIEKGIRLS | 5

#814844 - Monday 1 February 2010 6:35

+1 internets to you, ma'am.

By Enoch134 | 0

#813700 - Sunday 31 January 2010 23:07

at least u didn't pass out while walking home from taco bell and wake up 9 hrs later with no taco

By Enoch134 | 0

#813704 - Sunday 31 January 2010 23:09

I love lacs what position are you mid or d

Reply

Gumblebum100 | 0

#814601 - Monday 1 February 2010 5:03

that happened to you?!?!? man that would be ……… weird

Reply

Austino713 | 0

#814744 - Monday 1 February 2010 5:47

wtf to the taco bell and no taco thtd suk id be
pissed

By mckkayua | 0

#813719 - Sunday 31 January 2010 23:15

that happened to me it hurt so bad! hope ur ankle feels better:)

Reply

nevergo | 10

#2306402 - Thursday 7 April 2011 2:01

uphill both ways?