Health: Today, I sprained my ankle while playing soccer. I still have... - FML

By snidpea - France

Today, I sprained my ankle while playing soccer. I still have to walk home. In the rain. FML

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Our house, in the middle of our street

Live dumping

Emergency haircut

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend of 3 years in his living room when a girl barges in, sees us, and screams "I knew it!" then rushes out. My boyfriend gets up, grabs his pants and while chasing after her yells "baby she's nothing, you know I only love you!" FML

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By amy

Today, it's my birthday. I went downstairs expecting birthday greetings from my parents. Instead, they just sat on the couch saying nothing. Thinking they forgot, I casually reminded them. My mom scoffed and said, "Go do the dishes." FML

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By lukey101 - 25/6/2020 17:02

Running commentary

Today, the Snapchat that I was taking of my car being washed, including my commentary like, "Oooh yeah, get into it baby," was replayed loudly through my car via Bluetooth while the workers were inside and all around washing it. FML

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By well okay then - United States

Today, while shopping, I saw a little girl and her mom. The girl was pouting so I tried to cheer her up by asking her if she was a princess, because she was so pretty. She smiled but her mom looked at me with disgust and told me to, "Get lost, pedo." I'm a 17-year-old girl. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was bored at work, so I started doodling a big muscly arm on my notepad, including bulging veins. After I returned from lunch, my boss called me into his office. Apparently the mail clerk saw and was offended. I was asked to explain why I was drawing a person's 'private area'. FML

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By merchgirl - United States - Arlington

Today, my mother-in-law scheduled her neck surgery for the same day our baby is being born. She also fully expects my husband to drive her to the hospital and stay for her recovery. Uh, yeah no. FML

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By revalc - Canada

Today, I'm having my housewarming party and had prepared food, drink and games for all the 19 confirmed guests on Facebook. I waited till 11 but nobody showed up. I checked Facebook again and realized I had accidentally put tomorrow as the party date. I have to work the whole day tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I learned my dog had eaten a roll of vet wrap, which is like a long strip of bandage. I learned this when she tried to pass it in the yard today, and could only do so with my help. It seemed to never end. FML

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By brittney242 - United States - Stow

Today, while at a night club, I was wearing a brand new outfit that I absolutely loved. I was enjoying myself until I felt something wet drop onto my head and body from above. It was puke from a drunk guy in the V.I.P. section. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my Dad and I killed a cockroach with a large metal pole. It was the most bonding experience we have ever had. FML

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By h0308 - United Kingdom

Today, I got to work feeling slightly unwell. A couple of hours later, an extremely attractive customer came to my till, at which point my body decided it would be a good idea to vomit last night's dinner all over myself and the customer. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend was in the midst of giving me head when she got lockjaw. My dick was stuck inside her mouth as she bit down on it for over an hour. FML

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By Labelme - United States

Today, I learned that instead of discarding expired products at my work, we change the label to make them 'expire' later. FML

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By Fire_Crotch - Canada

Today, I turned the shower on the hottest setting so it would warm up quickly. I started to sing and dance around the bathroom. I got too carried away and pelvic thrusted the water, which I hadn't turned back down. FML

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By Jussy - 26/1/2021 17:01

Report card

Today, while assisting my kindergartener with distance learning, it became apparent what an incompetent bumbling mess his teacher is. In-person learning resumes next week, and I'm terrified to leave my child in a classroom with this man. FML

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By wlisy

Drugged?

Today, I went to spend time with friends. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bed with several blocked contacts and text messages, saying that what I did was unacceptable. No drugs or alcohol were involved, and I have no memory of this. FML

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By nurse4life - United States - Moultrie

420 BLAZE IT BRO!!!

Today, a patient at the hospital where I work asked me if he and his son could light up a joint. He was on oxygen, and serious. FML

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By fugachumi - United States

Today, I discovered that every morning at around 3:00 my dad takes a monumental dump in my bathroom. When I confronted him about it he denied it. He still does it. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, my girlfriend bought herself a brand new iPad and iPod Touch, and returned my aging iPod and Kindle, which she constantly steals for her own use. She considers it my Valentine's Day present. FML

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By Sarah - United States - Hampton Bays

Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML

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By My eyes were on the prize

Today, at work, the most handsome guy walked in. Starstruck, I went to greet him and then take him to the owner's office, only to promptly walk really hard into the corner of the door frame, smacking my forehead. I have a massive bruise and my boss won't stop laughing. FML

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By Llamadroid - United States - Los Angeles

Today, out of my whole class, I received no awards. All my teachers thought that I would get plenty from the others. Now people think I'm stupid. I have a 3.66 GPA and they won't believe me. FML

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By imgay - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, I discovered that most of my family is homophobic while discussing Orange Is The New Black. I've only come out to my sister. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

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By nevercatchabreak - United States - Burgettstown

Today, tired of everyone forgetting my birthday, I traveled half way around the world to spend my 40th at a five star resort just to try and make it special. The hotel brought me a cake with someone else's name on it. FML

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By fml7458364838 - United States

Today, I was texting the girl I am in love with. I was dropping hints about liking someone who I didn't know if they liked me back. Flirting a little. And just when I thought she'd say she liked me too, she said "Don't worry, if you were straight, I would definitely date you!". FML

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By kayin - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a tour for parents who wanted to send their kids to our school. One of the parents had a kid on crutches with what appeared to be a broken leg, so I asked him how he broke it. He replied, "I was born like this." FML

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By Roomie pay rent plz - United States - Hicksville

Today, my roommate's shopping addiction reached a whole new level. He bought a box of tampons just because they were 40% off. Yes, he. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2020 02:12

Falling Down

Today, I woke up in hospital. Apparently, I fell down the stairs, broke 3 ribs, one toe, and hit my head so much that 12 stitches were needed. I also blacked out for an hour before my husband found me covered in blood. Recovery should take about a month and a half. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I asked my daughter to buy me two pints of milk. Apparently, the shop only had four-pints, so she got that and poured half down the drain. FML

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By lily389

Today, my boyfriend had a bad dream that a horse was biting his fingers off. He punched the horse in the neck, and in real life punched me in the spine. Twice. FML

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By ramble ramble - United States - Monroe

Today, I was taking a leisurely stroll through the woods in the nice cool weather, when a mountain biker came out of nowhere and tore past, barely missing me. As I counted my luck, another biker followed the first and crashed right into me. FML

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By JEalmon12

Today, I was bored at my office, so I started flicking my pencils at my door. My boss walked in right then to give me a raise for my "outstanding" work. She scared me so much when she walked in that I flicked a pencil right at her face. FML

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By BMike - United States

Today, I moved into my new house. I went over to my neighbors' house to introduce myself. As they opened the door I saw a telescope pointed at my house. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, a highly intoxicated man came into my workplace and complained that the medicine that I'd prescribed for his dog almost choked him. I work at Blockbuster. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

New one

Today, I closed my eyes while my boyfriend was fingering me, and I felt a cold liquid inside me. I opened my eyes, and he was pouring yogurt into me. He said “I wanted to try something new.” FML

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By MGZ - United States

Today, I told my 13 year old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML

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By oh lord - Canada - Oshawa

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I've been working on a novel for the past six months, and what would have been mid-way through, I accidentally said the main character's name instead of my boyfriend's. FML

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By that girl. - United States

Today, instead of having my friends come pick me up, my dad drove me over to visit them. He insisted on walking me up to the door, hugging me goodbye, and making sure my friends were appropriate enough to hang out with. I'm in college. FML

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By Not turnt - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, I realized the only reason my mom trusts me to stay home alone for long periods of time is because I don't have enough friends to throw a party. FML

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Top comments

By karrdesw | 0

#813631 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:36

You still have to walk home... present tense? Better get to it! You'll catch pneumonia!

By freya08 | 0

#813640 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:39

I feel your pain. I sprained mine a year ago, and I had to get a cast and everything. It was really awful. I can't play soccer anymore because of it ._.

COMMENTS

By dingdong666 | 0

#813615 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:31

unlucky

Reply

Shystai | 0

#813658 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:45

I understand how you feel. Same thing happened to me. During a small sand storm, but a swollen ankle

Reply

firecopy | 6

#813660 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:46

true, go football!

Reply

nazooer | 11

#813715 - Sunday 31 January 2010 23:14

How is it the same thing if your ankle was swollen and it was during a sandstorm?

Reply

MF12 | 0

#813941 - Monday 1 February 2010 0:54

still an ankle problem and still bad weather

Reply

paid2think | 0

#814682 - Monday 1 February 2010 5:29

FYL I love Soccer

Reply

yzaldana | 0

#815011 - Monday 1 February 2010 8:24

Couldn't you ask anybody for a ride??? Or maybe a taxi?? Or just wait for the rain to stop at least... o.O

Reply

nyc718 | 0

#815192 - Monday 1 February 2010 10:16

OP ydi. Play a real sport like beer pong. :-)

Reply

toxic10uhc | 0

#817909 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 6:01

op deservers it for playing a gay sport, that's not unlucky that's karmic justice lmao

Reply

bellaamariee | 0

#1952777 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 2:00

aww, I would have given you a ride home(:

Reply

Evan2297 | 0

#3358492 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 4:59

Put the phone down and start walking!! :D Just joking, but I hope you made it back fine.

Reply

dirtbiker267 | 0

#3562905 - Wednesday 9 November 2011 15:28

Your calling the op gay when you have a pokemon for our background

By DogmaT_fml | 4

#813622 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:32

Don't stop believing

Reply

firecopy | 6

#813663 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:47

wrong fml

Reply

th3_godfath3r | 0

#813756 - Sunday 31 January 2010 23:34

WRONG FML!!!!!

Reply

Secret_Fire_King | 0

#814935 - Monday 1 February 2010 7:24

WTF, OP?

Why include a weather report?

Maybe including the distance would have made it a better FML..

Reply

hsshae | 0

#871378 - Friday 19 February 2010 5:56

soccer is the #1 sport in the world but yeah fyl

Reply

MrDanimal | 0

#1473899 - Wednesday 29 September 2010 17:26

WTF is wrong with rain you damned racist!!!

By karrdesw | 0

#813631 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:36

You still have to walk home... present tense? Better get to it! You'll catch pneumonia!

Reply

PATastrophy102 | 0

#813783 - Sunday 31 January 2010 23:48

it says "sent from a mobile version"

Reply

MURIKKA | 11

#4603010 - Saturday 23 June 2012 7:55

Classic soccer player here. Whine whine whine whine whine

By freya08 | 0

#813640 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:39

I feel your pain. I sprained mine a year ago, and I had to get a cast and everything. It was really awful. I can't play soccer anymore because of it ._.

By Erindub | 0

#813653 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:44

Uphill? With no shoes?

By Ginathy | 0

#813665 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:51

Ask for a ride home.

By badbowtie | 0

#813680 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:58

That's what you get for playing a dumb gay sport. Homo.

Reply

Freeze_fml | 16

#813691 - Sunday 31 January 2010 23:00

Soccer kicks balls. Don't diss.

Reply

shoguu | 0

#813865 - Monday 1 February 2010 0:30

win and a half.

Reply

ILIEKGIRLS | 5

#814844 - Monday 1 February 2010 6:35

+1 internets to you, ma'am.

By Enoch134 | 0

#813700 - Sunday 31 January 2010 23:07

at least u didn't pass out while walking home from taco bell and wake up 9 hrs later with no taco

By Enoch134 | 0

#813704 - Sunday 31 January 2010 23:09

I love lacs what position are you mid or d

Reply

Gumblebum100 | 0

#814601 - Monday 1 February 2010 5:03

that happened to you?!?!? man that would be ……… weird

Reply

Austino713 | 0

#814744 - Monday 1 February 2010 5:47

wtf to the taco bell and no taco thtd suk id be
pissed

By mckkayua | 0

#813719 - Sunday 31 January 2010 23:15

that happened to me it hurt so bad! hope ur ankle feels better:)

Reply

nevergo | 10

#2306402 - Thursday 7 April 2011 2:01

uphill both ways?