Today, I sprained my ankle while playing soccer. I still have... - FML

By snidpea - 31/1/2010 17:07 - France

Today, I sprained my ankle while playing soccer. I still have to walk home. In the rain. FML

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Great boyfriend

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

Peaky Bladders

By bthms - 31/1/2010 14:46 - France

Today, I was standing in a queue when an old lady turned, looked straight at me, and asked me to hold her bag. Confused, I took a hold of it. She started screaming for help claiming I was stealing her shopping. Turns out, she was talking to her husband behind me. FML

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By anon - 14/4/2015 00:51 - United States

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is not a screamer nor a moaner, she's a biter. My arm is getting stitches right now. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2011 20:28 - United States

Today, I hit a parked car which was sticking out in the road and practically unavoidable. I left a note on the windshield saying, "You deserved to get hit - you park like an asshole." Later I realized that the paper I tore to write on was the back of my bank statement, name and address included. FML

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By baddriver - 31/1/2012 17:17 - United States

Today, I went to the DMV to get my license. I almost ran over my evaluator as he was walking to get in the car. FML

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By duhasiangirl - 15/11/2012 00:48 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML

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By twiggy24 - 5/2/2012 02:51 - United States

Today, I learned that my "cash back rewards" for credit card purchases are mailed with the monthly statement. The same monthly statement that goes straight into the shredder or fireplace because I prefer to do my banking online. FML

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By Lotje13 - 1/1/2012 00:19 - Hungary

Today, I was sleeping over at a friend's house. I went and took a shower, and as I tried to get out, the door jammed. I called my friend for help, and after much tugging, the glass shattered all over me. She panicked and sent her dad to rescue me. It was the first time he and I had met. FML

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By Margaret - 26/12/2018 02:00

Today, I saw some random iTunes charge on my bank account so I called who I thought was iTunes customer support to figure out the $5 charge, then got scammed into buying $1,400 worth of gift cards. The man on the phone was not with iTunes and took all my money. FML

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By Yup - 13/6/2010 07:48 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's mom's house for the first time. They had a cook-out so I got to meet his whole entire family. I went into the kitchen to find a huge picture of his ex-girlfriend on his mom's fridge. FML

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By michael - 14/2/2012 02:55 - United States

Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to take a dump out of a second-story window is a very bad idea. FML

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By Jilly - 8/8/2011 06:45 - Australia

Today, I found out that my son had sold his house key to one of his friends for half a packet of gum. Now there is someone out there who I have never met with full access to my house. My son is 16. FML

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By unholy shit - 23/1/2012 22:33 - United States

Today, my parents boarded the fad wagon and became Juggalos. FML

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By talt - 10/12/2018 12:30

Today, I went to the hospital for taking to many anxiety meds cause of a panic attack over my finals. They decided the best way to fix this will be to involuntarily commit me to psychiatric treatment for 72 hours... missing all my finals. FML

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By Married Life 101 - 16/5/2019 02:41

Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML

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By simpleasjam - 19/9/2016 14:27 - United Kingdom - Worcester Park

Today, I screamed at a taxi driver to not run over a hedgehog. He got a fright and ended up pulling over. I hopped out and ran to the middle of the road to pick up the hedgehog and leave him on the grass by the path. As I got closer and went to pick up said hedgehog, I realised it was a pinecone. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/2/2015 00:20 - Canada - Toronto

Today, the doctor let me know I have an autoimmune disease. The disease results in ulcers in my colon which bleed when I poop. I cried, but only when I was told that I wouldn't be allowed to eat cheese anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/3/2012 14:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I got on the train with my bike, leaning it up against the wall. After a while, it began to slide down the wall and wobble, so I dashed out to catch it. As I ran for it, I slipped and crashed into it, knocking it into an old man and busting the rear brake. FML

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By Mary - 16/12/2013 05:14 - United States

Today, I called a pest control company to ask them to come over to my place to help get rid of rats. The person on the phone told me to "be a man and stop acting like a girl". I'm a woman. FML

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By CzechMeOut - 4/8/2009 13:19 - United Kingdom

Today, while visiting family in the Czech Republic, I was told on two separate occasions that I looked like a Czech TV star. Flattered, I asked what the TV show was called. Turns out there's a Czech version of 'Ugly Betty'. FML

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By mastel07 - 10/12/2014 12:59 - United Kingdom - Stevenage

Today, I found a very light blonde long hair on my marital bed's pillow. I confronted my husband about it and after hours of arguments and me throwing his stuff out of the house, I found another. Attached to my head. My husband isn't having an affair, I'm just going grey. FML

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By jenA - 21/8/2012 13:04 - United States - Russellville

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

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By shorty - 11/4/2011 17:36 - United States

Today, I found out that if I were 2 inches shorter, I would have to sit in a booster seat in the car. I'm about to turn 22. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2019 02:00

Today, I stubbed my toe, and as I was hopping about clutching my toe and swearing like a drunken sailor, I turned and saw my boss, our CEO and pretty much the entire board of directors through the boardroom's open door. FML

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By sadmama - 23/2/2018 15:00

Today, I found out that while my mother-in-law claimed to be babysitting my son, she was actually dropping him off at an unlicensed “day care” in a shady part of town so she could go out. How did I find out? The house was raided by police. FML

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By Unemployed - 16/10/2011 07:15 - United States

Today, while reading over my sent application email to a job I have been trying to get, I found out my brother had put "Heil Hitler!" as my signature. FML

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By AlwaysGottaFML - 20/8/2011 07:26 - United States

Today, I found out that instead of being stationed in Afghanistan, my husband of 9 years has been "stationed" at his other girlfriend's house. FML

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By Saberwolf - 13/2/2011 21:14 - United States

Today, I got a text from a girl that I've had a crush on for a long time, asking me out to dinner. I agreed and went to the restaurant. Not long afterwards, I got text from her saying something had come up, so she couldn't make it. As I was walking back to my car, I saw her walk into the same restaurant with another guy. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2018 19:30 - United States - Bellerose

Is that even possible?

Today, I realized my sleepwalking habit has reached new heights. How? I woke up in the bathroom. On a plane headed to California. FML

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By maggieyokoi - 15/6/2015 19:11

Today, I had to explain to my little brother yet again that no, socks don't count as toilet paper. FML

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By kdubz23 - 17/2/2014 22:41 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, the parent of a student called to ask me about a homework assignment. At the end of the call, she told me that I seem to be losing my "Asian accent" from when she first talked to me in the summer. I was born in the US, grew up in NJ and speak perfect English. FML

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By pocahontas - 26/10/2010 01:47 - United States

Today, one of my coworkers called to remind me about the annual costume day at work this morning. I dressed as Pocahontas. There is no annual costume day. I was fired for dressing inappropriately in front of customers. FML

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By lucas_urev - 15/9/2014 22:19 - United States - Cold Spring Harbor

Today, I had made a cup of my favorite coffee, which I had recently found to be discontinued. To accompany this last cup, I went to get a muffin. As I turned around, I see my son pouring the cup out because I out put it next to the sink and he thought it was dirty. FML

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By ForeverAlone - 16/4/2011 00:52 - United Kingdom

Today, after watching over my drunken mother all last night to make sure she didn't choke on her own vomit, I came to the conclusion that at the age of 53, she's more of a party animal than I ever will be. I'm a 22 year old man. FML

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By Sittinginthecorner - 20/1/2016 05:42 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I got a new roommate. He's from Mongolia. He has had 5 friends over for the last 7 hours, all speaking Mongolian. This is the most awkward party I have ever been to. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/6/2020 02:00

Freak out

Today, we ended the night with a yellow jacket queen trying to make a home in our apartment's kitchen. FML

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By anonymous - 14/10/2016 03:46 - United States - Manchester

Today, I was babysitting, and the family dog was unable to move, so I had texted the mother about it. We put the small dog on the couch to make it comfortable while the mother was on her way to get the dog and take it to the vet. Turns out, we sat with a dead dog for about ten minutes. FML

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By speechless - 13/7/2013 14:32 - United States - Mitchell

Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML

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By ohgodwhy - 20/4/2012 20:24 - United States

Today, I spent hours baking an apple pie to impress my future mother-in-law. I was especially proud of the fact I'd made the crust and filling myself. When I served it to her, she picked off the crust and, between mouthfuls, bitched that it was nothing like canned pie filling. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/3/2011 18:25 - United States

Today, as I couldn't get the airplane seat buckle to buckle, I faced the fact that I've been in denial about how fat I have become. The people in my row faced it too as I began to sob uncontrollably. FML

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By alternativefacts - 10/7/2017 14:28

Today, I confronted my neighbor because he'd been telling my kids that global warming was a myth. He responded with, "Whine all you want, but the swamp is draining and your bullshit liberal narrative is finally going down." He then dumped his trash on my lawn and retreated to his house. FML

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Top comments

By karrdesw | 0

#813631 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:36

You still have to walk home... present tense? Better get to it! You'll catch pneumonia!

By freya08 | 0

#813640 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:39

I feel your pain. I sprained mine a year ago, and I had to get a cast and everything. It was really awful. I can't play soccer anymore because of it ._.

COMMENTS

By dingdong666 | 0

#813615 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:31

unlucky

Reply

Shystai | 0

#813658 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:45

I understand how you feel. Same thing happened to me. During a small sand storm, but a swollen ankle

Reply

firecopy | 6

#813660 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:46

true, go football!

Reply

nazooer | 11

#813715 - Sunday 31 January 2010 23:14

How is it the same thing if your ankle was swollen and it was during a sandstorm?

Reply

MF12 | 0

#813941 - Monday 1 February 2010 0:54

still an ankle problem and still bad weather

Reply

paid2think | 0

#814682 - Monday 1 February 2010 5:29

FYL I love Soccer

Reply

yzaldana | 0

#815011 - Monday 1 February 2010 8:24

Couldn't you ask anybody for a ride??? Or maybe a taxi?? Or just wait for the rain to stop at least... o.O

Reply

nyc718 | 0

#815192 - Monday 1 February 2010 10:16

OP ydi. Play a real sport like beer pong. :-)

Reply

toxic10uhc | 0

#817909 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 6:01

op deservers it for playing a gay sport, that's not unlucky that's karmic justice lmao

Reply

bellaamariee | 0

#1952777 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 2:00

aww, I would have given you a ride home(:

Reply

Evan2297 | 0

#3358492 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 4:59

Put the phone down and start walking!! :D Just joking, but I hope you made it back fine.

Reply

dirtbiker267 | 0

#3562905 - Wednesday 9 November 2011 15:28

Your calling the op gay when you have a pokemon for our background

By DogmaT_fml | 4

#813622 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:32

Don't stop believing

Reply

firecopy | 6

#813663 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:47

wrong fml

Reply

th3_godfath3r | 0

#813756 - Sunday 31 January 2010 23:34

WRONG FML!!!!!

Reply

Secret_Fire_King | 0

#814935 - Monday 1 February 2010 7:24

WTF, OP?

Why include a weather report?

Maybe including the distance would have made it a better FML..

Reply

hsshae | 0

#871378 - Friday 19 February 2010 5:56

soccer is the #1 sport in the world but yeah fyl

Reply

MrDanimal | 0

#1473899 - Wednesday 29 September 2010 17:26

WTF is wrong with rain you damned racist!!!

By karrdesw | 0

#813631 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:36

You still have to walk home... present tense? Better get to it! You'll catch pneumonia!

Reply

PATastrophy102 | 0

#813783 - Sunday 31 January 2010 23:48

it says "sent from a mobile version"

Reply

MURIKKA | 11

#4603010 - Saturday 23 June 2012 7:55

Classic soccer player here. Whine whine whine whine whine

By freya08 | 0

#813640 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:39

I feel your pain. I sprained mine a year ago, and I had to get a cast and everything. It was really awful. I can't play soccer anymore because of it ._.

By Erindub | 0

#813653 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:44

Uphill? With no shoes?

By Ginathy | 0

#813665 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:51

Ask for a ride home.

By badbowtie | 0

#813680 - Sunday 31 January 2010 22:58

That's what you get for playing a dumb gay sport. Homo.

Reply

Freeze_fml | 16

#813691 - Sunday 31 January 2010 23:00

Soccer kicks balls. Don't diss.

Reply

shoguu | 0

#813865 - Monday 1 February 2010 0:30

win and a half.

Reply

ILIEKGIRLS | 5

#814844 - Monday 1 February 2010 6:35

+1 internets to you, ma'am.

By Enoch134 | 0

#813700 - Sunday 31 January 2010 23:07

at least u didn't pass out while walking home from taco bell and wake up 9 hrs later with no taco

By Enoch134 | 0

#813704 - Sunday 31 January 2010 23:09

I love lacs what position are you mid or d

Reply

Gumblebum100 | 0

#814601 - Monday 1 February 2010 5:03

that happened to you?!?!? man that would be ……… weird

Reply

Austino713 | 0

#814744 - Monday 1 February 2010 5:47

wtf to the taco bell and no taco thtd suk id be
pissed

By mckkayua | 0

#813719 - Sunday 31 January 2010 23:15

that happened to me it hurt so bad! hope ur ankle feels better:)

Reply

nevergo | 10

#2306402 - Thursday 7 April 2011 2:01

uphill both ways?