By stupid me - 28/10/2020 06:02 - Israel

Freudian slip

Today, while hugging my sister's husband, I accidentally let out a "Mmm…" sound in front my whole family. FML

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376

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963

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Proactive

Serious times

The road to hell…

By givemestrength - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boss expects me to conduct a meeting with a client, give him all the info he needs, and manage his campaign. This is because he fired the "expensive" marketing director and wants me, the intern, to continue his work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39408

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3261

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By LyricalTragedy

Today, I saw my father for the first time in two years. He felt compelled to tell me about how he got involved with a BDSM group and got an STD because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9936

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716

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By confusedcatlover - United Kingdom - London

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57110

You deserved it

6192

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By Hoobfoob

Today, my car was totaled. It was so new, I haven't even made the first payment on it yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4600

You deserved it

565

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By frenchgirlll - United States

Today, I was giving my crush a lift home from a mutual friend's house. When he got in the car, my mom asked in French, "Is this the guy you won't stop talking about? You can do so much better!" Of all the things I've told about him to my mom, I forgot to mention he's French as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61791

You deserved it

12622

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2020 14:01

Geyser Söze

Today, I found out why my B&B host looked so pissed this morning. I remember having too much red wine and puking out the window last night. Turns out the lampshade underneath the window spread my puke all over the freshly painted wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

386

You deserved it

1768

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By nick - United States

Today, I came home to find a note on my door from the neighbor saying "I saw a coyote eat your dog, but was afraid it was rabid." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32943

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2602

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By torkx3 - United States

Today, a resident went missing at our nursing home. When I found him, a man in a blue shirt and red pants, he started yelling at me in confusion. I just thought it was his alzheimers. When I brought him to my administrator, I was told the missing resident was wearing a red shirt and blue pants. Wrong guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19712

You deserved it

40069

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By WtfDidIPayYouForThen - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I asked my dermatologist why my acne has been getting worse, despite following her directions and spending hundreds of dollars on medicine. She just shrugged and told me they can't actually cure my acne. However, they can prescribe me a bunch of stuff and hope one works. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52108

You deserved it

5521

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By Anonymous - United States - Owensboro

Today, I was at my boyfriend's grandmother's house meeting her for the first time. I excused myself to the restroom and as I walked out of the room I heard her say, "You could do a lot better. She's fat." Then I heard my boyfriend reply, "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50668

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5559

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By feckingnasty

Today, I watched my husband pick his dead foot skin and say, "That's a keeper!" before putting it in his mouth. FML

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4535

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456

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, on my way to work I swerved to avoid hitting a dead animal. Too bad I ended up hitting a live one instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31845

You deserved it

8970

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By ishoweredincorpsewater

Today, our hot water tank got replaced because all our hot water had been smelling old and musty for a month now. There was a dead seagull in the tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4216

You deserved it

278

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By Nadaz - United States - Charlotte

Today, while talking to my girlfriend, the subject of Darth Vader came up. That's when she asked me, "Aren't Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker the same person?" I don't know what's worse, the fact that she asked me that, or the fact that I got upset over her lack of Star Wars knowledge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25236

You deserved it

13502

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By WELL FUCK YOU KINDLY, MA'AM - United States - Endicott

Today, I had to forcibly separate a boy from my daughter after he grabbed her and started shoving her around. I complained to his mother, only to have her shout, "mind your fucking business" and say that her son can do whatever the hell he wants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33752

You deserved it

1913

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By itssdianaa - United States

Today, I was home alone, and I thought I heard someone breaking in through the side gate at my house. I was terrified, so I called the police. It turned out it was the gas company checking the meter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11906

You deserved it

27791

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By mustache girl - Canada - Magog

Today, I waxed my upper lip hair. My boyfriend later told me that he missed my mustache rubbing onto his. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51011

You deserved it

6032

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2020 23:00

Yummy

Today, I decided to have some bagels. It was only after I ate them that I looked at the cream cheese and discovered that it expired 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

470

You deserved it

1771

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By Sad_Happy_Gorl

Today, after getting together with the guy who I like, and who actually likes me back, he finally kissed me. Unfortunately, he kisses like he’s trying to suck out my soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1616

You deserved it

191

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a few people in my class used calculators on the math final exam, even though it clearly stated at the top that they weren't allowed. The teacher found out, and now everyone has to retake the 200-question exam. I didn't even use a calculator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7606

You deserved it

477

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, while on the bus, a small child asked me if I was having a baby, and I replied "Yes." I'm not. I was just too ashamed to admit I was fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23637

You deserved it

10683

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By farmingman - United States

Today, I was hauling cow shit. I had a car following me very closely, so I turned on the spreader to get them to back off. It was a cop. I got pulled over in a tractor for spraying cow shit on a cop car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10919

You deserved it

25265

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By what have i done with my life - United States - Akron

Today, I jokingly told my friend that when a tree seems to sway in the wind, it's really just having an orgasm. Not only did she believe me, she's been smugly informing everyone we know. She's 26. I seem to be friends with an absolute idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43543

You deserved it

5981

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By DeeGirlMon - Canada - Calgary

Today, the coworker I've had a crush on for the past few months asked me if I was busy Friday night. I was so excited, I immediately replied, "I thought you'd never ask!" He gave me a funny look and said, "Good, because I need you to take my shift." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27424

You deserved it

5967

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By Anonymous - United States - Meridian

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57158

You deserved it

4959

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By anonymous - Australia

Today, an unknown number left me a lengthy voicemail of what sounds like two people having sex. This is the closest I've gotten to real-life sex in 2 years. I listened to it three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32045

You deserved it

10187

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By failure - United States - Shreveport

Today, my fiancée of 2 years and mother of my son, who is also pregnant with our second son, commented on how lucky two friends getting married were to have found each other. I said that we're just as lucky. She responded, "No. They actually love each other." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50490

You deserved it

4598

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By Anonymous - United States - Erie

Today, I went to the restaurant where my date and I were supposed to meet. After half an hour he still hadn't arrived, so I texted him. He replied with a half-hearted apology and said he couldn't come because his cat had fallen asleep on his lap and he didn't want to wake it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30926

You deserved it

3173

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By crazyman. - United States - Keller

Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32543

You deserved it

4096

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By sadguyme - United States - Turlock

Today, on the first cold night of autumn, I realized I need a girlfriend because the only way I can stay warm is if I spoon with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21555

You deserved it

5080

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By getajob - United States - Carmel

Today, while working security at a welfare office, I had to listen as a claimant gushed about her upcoming Caribbean cruise. I work two jobs and haven't had a vacation since 2006. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28383

You deserved it

2031

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By Embarrassed - United States

Today, I was in the car with a group of my girl friends discussing sexual experiences when I looked down and realized my Blackberry had dialed the family I babysit for and had left a five minute voicemail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50078

You deserved it

17594

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By Not turnt - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, I realized the only reason my mom trusts me to stay home alone for long periods of time is because I don't have enough friends to throw a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27516

You deserved it

2568

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By anonymous - United States - Roanoke

Today, I was in a good mood for once and my professor looks at me and says, "I don't know what you ate for breakfast but you're really annoying today." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32511

You deserved it

3742

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By terpity12 - United States

Today, I rescheduled my doctor's appointment for a tetanus shot to go camping with my friends. While running on a path at the camp site, I stepped on a rusty nail that went right through my shoe and into my foot. Maybe I should have kept my appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35296

You deserved it

24282

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By omgfmlhard - United States

Today, I walked into Best Buy to buy a 42" widescreen TV I'd been saving up for many months. As I walked in, a man stopped me and handed me my wallet that I'd accidentally dropped. I thanked him. 5 minutes later at the checkout, I opened up my wallet to realize it was empty. He had stolen everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57603

You deserved it

11972

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By Depression... - United States

Today, I had my first orgasm. Unfortunately, it was during breakup sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34985

You deserved it

9069

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2020 23:03

Devious, the lot of them

Today, I was out walking with a cute girl when we passed by a house with a Trump sign. Trying to make her laugh, I went to steal it. Turns out it was booby trapped. I got drenched by a sprinkler when I got close. FML

I agree, your life sucks

437

You deserved it

2034

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By Anonymous - United States - Spokane

Today, I discovered that my stepbrother has been telling his friends that I'm his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50406

You deserved it

3355

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By TheVirginJenny - United States - Spanaway

Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32817

You deserved it

7717

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7948140 - Wednesday 28 October 2020 6:19

Hey, now he knows he's got options.

By rotflqtms_ | 18

#7948242 - Wednesday 28 October 2020 13:40

Maybe it's time to stop hugging your sister's husband... before hugging turns into him accidentally "slipping" into you one day...

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7948140 - Wednesday 28 October 2020 6:19

Hey, now he knows he's got options.

By rotflqtms_ | 18

#7948242 - Wednesday 28 October 2020 13:40

Maybe it's time to stop hugging your sister's husband... before hugging turns into him accidentally "slipping" into you one day...

By TeacherTeem | 19

#7948899 - Saturday 31 October 2020 15:24

THIS ! This is what FML was created for !