By stupid me - 28/10/2020 06:02 - Israel

Freudian slip

Today, while hugging my sister's husband, I accidentally let out a "Mmm…" sound in front my whole family. FML

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382

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Mom of the year

Medicare for all, please

Haircut, haircuuuut

By HairyBoobs - United States

Today, I nearly sliced my nipple off while shaving my chest and had to go to the ER. Turns out it was a teaching hospital so I got to explain in front of two doctors and eight med students how, even though I'm a woman, my nipples are so hairy I have to shave them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43299

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6855

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By ThatsNotRight - United States

Today, I put on my favorite booty shorts and walked outside to smoke a cigarette. My dog had chewed a hole in the middle of my shorts, and I was standing on a balcony that's located on the busiest street in town. FML

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8860

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By Leo_RxXx - United States

Today, I was getting off of work, talking to my boss and I asked if I could get a ride home, since my usual ride was too lazy to come get me. He said, sure, but to be really careful since he just had his car detailed. I was getting in the car, tripped and threw my hot cocoa all inside of his car. FML

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48053

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21477

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By jobless - United States

Today, I got an invitation to my "going away lunch" the company is throwing for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

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34601

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1975

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By LuvShawn - United States

Today, I walked home from a guy's dorm early in the morning, still wearing my dress and heels from the night before. I walked by a mother and her little daughter, who said "Mommy, why is she so dressed up so early in the morning?" and the mom replied "Because honey, she makes bad decisions." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25319

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67301

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By cars hate me - United States - Compton

Today, my car was rear-ended and totaled. Last year, during the same month, my previous car was rear-ended and totaled. I should just stop driving during the month of February. FML

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6080

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408

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By rickjameson - United States - Kill Devil Hills

Today, I made a point of talking to our parachute riggers, and thanking them for all they do. Today is also the first day I had to pull my reserve chute because my main chute didn't open correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13082

You deserved it

1013

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Chester

Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML

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46871

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4950

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By graham

Very mean

Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML

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1773

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328

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By Anonymous - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, I mixed up my chapstick and cork grease. Now my clarinet smells like cherries, and my lips smell like a gym floor. FML

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32377

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7162

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By nerd

Today, I understand the finer points of the government in Star Wars better than I understand the U.S. government. FML

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8938

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2562

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2020 17:02

Too much of a good thing

Today, after my girlfriend warned me she has the condition hypersexuality and like a fool I thought I’d landed on my feet, or on my back as it were, do you have any idea how bad sex is when you have it between 5 and 10 times a day for over a year? It’s basically a chore at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1436

You deserved it

485

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By thecatlady - Australia - Kambalda

Today, I realised the extent of my wife's cat obsession when I received an $850 bill for the air conditioner she leaves on for our 5 cats while we are at work. FML

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30702

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By Anonymous

Now I ain't saying she a gold digger...

Today, I was forced to sit silently through my 20-year-old daughter's wedding to a man who is 8 years older than I am. FML

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3704

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413

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I came out to my father. He seemed to be totally okay with it, as long as I'm the "man" in my relationships. FML

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33206

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9219

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By creeped_out_ - United States

Today, I am currently grounded for three weeks, have no car, cell phone, or television privileges, and am not allowed to spend more than 10 minutes on the computer a day. The reason why: I was seven minutes past my 9'oclock curfew. I'm 18. FML

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85718

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13488

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By muddygal - United States

Today, while driving with my family, the car got stuck in a large patch of mud. My family of seven decided that I, the fifteen year old girl, would be best suited to push it out. After slipping, falling, and getting completely covered in mud, they finally called a tow truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37115

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3796

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By ballerphilip23 - Austria

Today, I was standing on the packed bus home when I had a speck of dust in my lenses. As I couldn't rub it out, I tried blinking it out for the next five minutes. Then the hot girl opposite me screams "Stop winking at me, you bastard! Don't even think about it, you ugly fuck!" FML

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39805

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2942

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room... where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML

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24891

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By Alexis - United States

Classy.

Today, I spent 12 hours in an airport rather than go back to the apartment of the man I traveled to see for the weekend. Instead of wine, dine, sixty-nine, he took me to a tailgating event and introduced me to two girls he had a threesome with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3966

You deserved it

635

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By embarrassed much - United States - Orlando

Today, I was talking to my new boss while on speakerphone. Then, my sister yelled for me, asking me to check whether she had a yeast infection or not. FML

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20307

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2628

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By Anonymous

Today, a large number of people at my office don't realize that if the door to a stall is locked, it's occupied. While I can somewhat deal with people needlessly asking if it's occupied, what I can't deal with is someone looking over the stall to check. FML

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4704

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223

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I frantically chased a customer down the parking lot, because they had left their package at my register. Only to find out that the whole time I was chasing the wrong person. FML

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25471

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By Anonymous - United States - Pittsfield

Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML

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37397

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By hannah

Today, I discovered that every time my period ends, I queef loudly and uncontrollably. I’m literally too embarrassed to see a doctor about this. FML

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1664

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339

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By Laurita

Today, we started building our dream house. Next to my parents-in-law. FML

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3262

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750

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By skiittlez713 - United States

Today, my boyfriend refused to go down on me because I smelled of baby lotion and it made him feel like a child molester. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44164

You deserved it

16509

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By Faaccckkk - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to whimsically serenade me by throwing rocks at my apartment window and singing. He got the wrong window. Another guy answered, and now he thinks I'm cheating on him. FML

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41840

You deserved it

3309

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By ositsranielle - United States

Today, while I was painting, my little nephew came in and started watching me. I left to clean my brushes. When I came back into the room, my nephew had spilled paint all over the carpet making a rainbow. It took me 5 hours to clean it up. FML

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23140

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8155

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By Username - United States

Today, my wife and I almost got a divorce over a game of Yahtzee. FML

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30995

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16434

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By Firstborn - Canada - Halifax

Today, I got into a major fight with my parents over my younger brother stealing from me. Their response was to get angry at me for my "tone" with them. My brother is 18 with an obvious drug problem, but my tone is the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5163

You deserved it

265

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I got pulled over for going a few miles per hour over the speed limit. The cop asked for my license and registration. I happened to look down at my wallet while he was processing everything and saw my license in my wallet. I gave the cop my fake I.D. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8698

You deserved it

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By skipper - United States

Today, I listened to my room mate having sex from 3 A.M. until 6 A.M. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

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47629

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By FML1994 - United States

Today, my family was discussing the new rules of the house we are moving in. They told my sister she couldn't have any boys in her room. They didn't tell me I couldn't have any girls in my room. Even my parents think I can't get a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44189

You deserved it

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By Tray

Con Artist Kitty

Today, I had just finished making myself an ice cream cone when my cat puked all over the floor. I set my cone on the counter while I cleaned up, and when I finished, my cat was licking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2789

You deserved it

598

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By Andrew - United States

Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50225

You deserved it

11669

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By justsingle - Philippines

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me through Skype, with the message "my penis wants more, but my heart and mind don't want to hurt you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40288

You deserved it

4296

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By lxygrl - United States - Phenix City

Today, I was told I have kidney stones, kidney infections, and a bladder infection and that I have to get admitted into the hospital. I let my boss know, and she replied, "But you're still coming in for your shift tonight, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2172

You deserved it

106

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By pissypants

Maybe he's into that...

Today, at the movies on a date, I drank all my soda and waited too long. I couldn't take it anymore and quickly got up, knocking my dates popcorn on the floor, and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t make it and went home in shame. It’s better he thinks I stood him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2071

You deserved it

3308

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By Anonymous

Today, my best friend told me he loved me, so I reminded him that I'm a lesbian. "That's just a phase, just wait till you suck my dick," was his reply. He was serious. FML

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2910

You deserved it

298

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7948140 - Wednesday 28 October 2020 6:19

Hey, now he knows he's got options.

By rotflqtms_ | 18

#7948242 - Wednesday 28 October 2020 13:40

Maybe it's time to stop hugging your sister's husband... before hugging turns into him accidentally "slipping" into you one day...

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7948140 - Wednesday 28 October 2020 6:19

Hey, now he knows he's got options.

By rotflqtms_ | 18

#7948242 - Wednesday 28 October 2020 13:40

Maybe it's time to stop hugging your sister's husband... before hugging turns into him accidentally "slipping" into you one day...

By TeacherTeem | 20

#7948899 - Saturday 31 October 2020 15:24

THIS ! This is what FML was created for !