Freudian slip

Quality family time

Today, my family and I were visiting an aunt. While helping my aunt to set the table, my sister remarked that from behind I look exactly like her. I reflexively blurted out, "Well fuck you too." Very awkward silence. FML

Are you OK?

Today, while thinking about something cringe I did, I accidentally said, "Oh fuck!" aloud during someone's speech. The room besides me and the speaker was otherwise quiet. FML

Today, my wife had a nip-slip. At my family reunion. In front of everyone. FML

Today, while I was eating, my younger sister came over and sat beside me. She started clipping her toenails. Disgusted by it, I turned and opened my mouth to tell her to move somewhere else, just as one flew inside my mouth. FML

Today, I accidentally farted really loud. My 4 year-old brother heard me and started crying, and stopped talking to me for a whole hour. Now he tells everyone about "that time his sister farted." FML

Today, my sister and her new husband invited our family and my fiancé over to look at their wedding pictures. Turns out, I caught the bouquet and flashed the world in the process. FML

Chemical warfare

Today, while sitting on the couch with my husband, I farted quietly. Not a big deal, except it's hot out and our fan was blowing in his face, and it stunk. FML

Never enough

Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered into my wife's ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud, because I was embarrassing her. FML

Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML