Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML
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Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, I woke up on my boyfriend's bedroom floor. When I asked him why I was there, he said I'd gotten too hot, so he rolled me off his bed. I have the flu and a fever. FML
Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML
Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML
Today, my teenage son caught COVID and has passed it on to me. He's completely unaffected, and joking that he wants to catch it again, to get another week off school. I'm lying in bed, with a pounding headache, shivering so violently I'm shaking. FML
Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML
Today, I woke up with the flu. My wife thinks I'm faking it so we don't have to go on date night, even though I've been on the toilet all day. FML
Today, my adult son is visiting, sick on my couch with influenza A. He's spent all week screaming about how anti vaxxers are stupid, but admits that he didn't get a flu shot because, "they don't work." I got my flu shot and still got sick because I'm immunocompromised. He fails to see the irony. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
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Top comments
MateRicks 18
Smart kid.
Zeishah 26
Such a creepy sight to wake upto:|
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Comments (128)
iseebearbears 27
Really? Most 15 year olds would just cut class if they didn't want to go. Sounds more like an 11 year old to me.
kodyyblue 19
Yes, and then he'll be in trouble with the school, and if it's a regular thing, trouble with the law. That's a way better plan
glabberfasted 16
When I was 15 my high school would call my parents if I missed just one class.
siggy_mcsigx 22
Yeah the high school I'm from we perfected "bunking"....98% of the class still went to university
worldclassrager 39
Who wouldn't mind missing school? Get well soon OP...sure hope it doesn't come down to it but lock yourself in a room if needed...
perdix 29
Stupid kid! If he had any brains at all, he'd be collecting all your phlegm, mucus, saliva and sputum and shoving them in all his orifices. Kids, today! Always looking to get what they want the easy way!
FracturedMinds 21
This one made me giggle and gag at the same time. That's impressive.
JMichael 25
I faked being sick many times to get out of school. Luckily for me tho my parents were nice enough and gave me and my sister 4 free days a semester to play hooky from school.
nikkiluvzglen 16
What a pleasant sight to see when you wake up
MissJojo_fml 4
Sorry he had to go to that trouble. We have a snow day here in D.C....
Izabushel 65
People forget how horrible being really sick is. He might just regret catching the flu on purpose. If he does get sick, enforce strict bed rest, with no phone/internet/xbox/computer/tv. Once he starts getting better, get his school to send his homework over. Add in some home flu treatments (look up flu bomb). It may cure him of his stupidity for a little while.
Izabushel 65
Flu Bomb 3 cloves of garlic - crushed 2-3 tablespoons honey Juice of 1 lemon 1/2 teaspoon grated ginger root Few drops of eucalyptus oil 1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper (add extra for teenagers deliberately trying to get sick) Mix all the ingredients together and store in fridge. Will keep indefinatly. Take 2 large tablespoons of mixture in 100 mls warm water at onset of cold/flu symptoms. Then 2 times a day while you have symptoms. Just the thought of taking the mixture makes you feel better. Your body will get better just to avoid taking it. It's the most revolting thing I have ever tasted but it works. You also want to avoid breathing on anyone who you want to maintain a good relationship with after as well. Once when our whole family was coming down with the flu, my father had an important Homecoming address he had to give. It was going to be televised and seen by thousands. He did not believe in our 'witches brew' as he called it, but he also needed his voice. He was completely cured by the weekend.
Dumb_dude 35
I have had that before. It works but it's truly horrible. It might be classed as cruel and unusual punishment if OP makes her son take it. Then again, if OP takes it as well, say at half strength, then she will feel better and her kid cannot complain.
Rababco 29
Ick, I think I'll stick to taking Zinc when sick.
_Minato 8
Clever boy eh?
FracturedMinds 21
If we could get AIDS from being breathed on, we'd all be screwed.
Nastorrian 11
At least this is not yet another FML about a child beating up their parents and the parent not doing anything about it besides coming on here to complain because they don't know how to discipline their children. That has been a ridiculous fad here lately and I'm glad it's finding its way off this site or at least not being featured on the front page. So OP I'm glad he was just trying to get sick and not kick your ass.