Intimacy: Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband...

By H8TR - 26/08/2010 13:32 - United States

Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 651

You deserved it 54 226

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 11/01/2015 05:56 - United States - Silverdale

Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 179

You deserved it 7 837

By noname1025 - 04/09/2012 16:44 - United States - Lamar

Today, I realized my husband and I have been fighting a lot lately, so to show him how much I care, I got a tattoo with his name on it. He hates it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 617

You deserved it 54 230

Deep ink

By Wanderlei Santos - 09/07/2020 14:03

Today, I'm going to get my first tattoo. Too bad it's inside my colon so the surgeon can mark the section to remove. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 108

Jumping the gun

By Kelsie - 26/08/2023 16:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I got a tattoo with my boyfriend's name on it. As we're coworkers, I showed it to him thinking he’d love it. He told me he couldn’t continue the relationship anymore since he realized he wants to fix things with his wife. Three hours of pain and 2 years down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 2 045

Grossed out

By anne - 07/01/2016 12:00 - Germany

Today, I recently burned both my hands at work so I had to ask my husband for help changing my tampon, but he refused saying it would make him feel sick. This from the man who routinely sticks his tongue in my asshole when we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 254

You deserved it 4 824

By branded - 14/05/2009 19:57 - United States

Today, I found out the tattoo symbolising my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 497

You deserved it 60 639

By Chronicus Ironia - 17/10/2018 07:30 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife is leaving me for a tattoo artist. I was in rehab and she met him getting a tattoo as a surprise for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 097

You deserved it 361

Nice mental image

By Maggie - 17/03/2020 17:00

Today, I had no choice but to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 647

You deserved it 343

By UnluckyInk - 18/02/2013 08:50 - United States - Manlius

Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 324

You deserved it 49 753

By Buggga - 22/08/2009 09:07 - Australia

Today, I was instructed to shave my back in preperation for my first tattoo. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 094

You deserved it 12 609

nasek718 2

Thursday 26 August 2010 20:18

Iguess this is a FMA not FML

soccerguy77 0

Thursday 26 August 2010 20:03

negotiation buttseks??:O

Comments

gallaeo 21

Sunday 21 July 2013 5:46

I guess you could say that was...a shitty bargaining chip.... Anyone? No? Maybe that was just a shitty pun....

gallaeo 21

Sunday 21 July 2013 5:50

Still....the best comment I saw on here was "well I guess it's not "FML" more like FMA" lol.

gallaeo 21

Sunday 21 July 2013 5:55

Ok...last one.....at least she wasn't being a tight ass about the situation

Elle_Fox 2

Tuesday 3 September 2013 0:42

that's........nice......

mikewally 6

Sunday 5 January 2014 15:34

You got the ink...he got the stink. lol

Nederlander95 14

Thursday 20 February 2014 16:27

I'm pretty sure you can get any tat you want...

MinaGermania 12

Friday 7 March 2014 18:45

He probably didn’t even care he saw the Chance and grabed it. ...or your butt in this case

shootmeintheboob 7

Monday 19 May 2014 9:25

Or you could be your own person and not be domesticated

alaen23 23

Monday 9 June 2014 19:45

Well isn't he an asshole *ba dum ts* oh wait, it's not funny, ok

martin8337 35

Friday 4 July 2014 4:39

Anal negotiation.

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, as I sat down for my flight, I realised that the passenger I had to sit next to for the next seven hours was wearing a necklace made from tampon packaging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 153

You deserved it 2 078

Today, my boyfriend snuck into my house and hid in my closet. Knowing that I have a phobia of people jumping out of closets, he nonetheless thought it would be funny to see how I'd react. I had a panic attack and was taken to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 331

You deserved it 6 860

Today, I had to pick my grandma up because she was drunk, at church, at 9am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 411

You deserved it 2 505

Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 193

You deserved it 4 528

Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 016

You deserved it 7 890

Today, I was at the airport to pick up my mother since my baby is due soon. As she arrived, I smiled wide and opened my arms for a hug, but she walked right by me. Apparently, being pregnant makes me unrecognizable. My husband and I had to tell it her was me, her own daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 271

You deserved it 3 020

Same thing different taste

Deep ink

Jumping the gun

Grossed out

Nice mental image

Top comments

Comments