Today, I had to slowly explain to my best friend that when babies are born, the umbilical cord is attached to the baby's belly-button, not the mother's. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was babysitting a little girl down the street. She pulled out her 'memory box', which contained many childhood treasures. After pulling out a variety of dresses and baby pictures, she says, "... and here's my belly button!" and plops an umbilical chord in my hands. FML
Today, I had to explain to a patient that no, her nipples were not slowly getting smaller. FML
Today, my 5 year old son asked me to explain how he was born. After I told him I had a C-Section, he went to school and told everyone he was born at sea. I found out when the teacher called me. FML
Today, at the hospital I work at, I had to deliver my best friend's baby. I later found out that my ex boyfriend was the father. Normally this wouldn't faze me, but it did because we broke up last month. FML
Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML
Today, my father made his bellybutton talk. In front of my new boyfriend. FML
Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML
Today, I visited a friend and her new baby. The baby had a tight constrictive headband and a clearly wet cloth nappy on. I tried to give some friendly advice on why this was bad, but she shot me down, saying what would I know, I don't have a kid. She's 17 and I'm a 26-year-old practicing midwife. FML
Today, I had to listen to my best friend explain how to properly unstick one's balls from one's leg. I'm a girl. FML
Today, I showed the kids I was babysitting a picture of my daughter, and the little girl asked, "You have a baby in your belly?" I said, "No, she's not in my belly anymore," and the little girl replied, "But it's BIG," and patted my stomach. FML
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Top comments
krazyapples9 4
And that is why we don't drop babies.
mintcar 10
Today, I had to explain to my 18 year old brother why babies do not drown in amniotic fluid. I share your pain, OP.
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Comments (69)
LittleGreenPaola 23
It happens. Last year I had to explain to a friend (20 years old) that hair only grows from the root, not from the end.
AlexaWuzHere 31
This is why I wish they would make health class a requirement again.
sofiq 3
Still is in some schools
xZoeAmethystx 12
she's going places in life...
docscientist 10
You learn something dumb every day.
alkerh 8
Pretty sure I've never had "health" class, we did however have biology. And common ******* sense.
DoxIxHAVExTo 10
So... things like sex-ed and learning about living with a healthy diet just came naturally for you when you burst from out of the womb?
ebonyirony 29
24- my health class was all about smoking and lung cancer. That's it. My school was too catholic: they didn't talk about sex, just abstinence and it was stupid as hell. If I can exercise responsibility and do not share your same views, teach me to roll the condom, dammit. I hate explaining to guys "yes I'm a *****. No, put it on. I don't know how"
alkerh 8
No, like I said... Biology. Once you're taught basic stuff there common sense will fill in the rest.
AlexaWuzHere 31
I took biology and health the same year. The main difference is in my health class we really did go in depth on how to live a healthy life. We learned all about child birth, sex, the gruesome STDs, how to get the best workout, the "commandments" for a healthy diet, and more. Biology is the study of life, and health is just a class on how to be healthy. I guess you have your parents to teach you that, however some parents have a problem teaching their children the in and outs of sex and child birth (Like what so clearly happened here) which is where health comes along.
kissandcontrol01 20
In California we learn a brief sex Ed in 5th grade. Males have a penis females a ****** and periods. 6th grade it was taught for weeks! Then in high school had Heath class that included STDs and prevention. Our a biology went into the category too. Notvto mention that 12th grade anatomy and physiology!! Whew!
TheMathMajor 26
28, there are instructions on the condom box for how to put one on. You can also look for instructional videos online. It's an important thing to know if you are sexually active :)
ebonyirony 29
40- all I know is to get the air out of the top. It's too awkward a thing for me. Besides, it keeps the guy more involved.
doglover100 29
My health class was about smoking, drinking, eating well and making good choices. All I know about sex is from the Internet, tv, movies and other teens. I still don't know everything. School has failed me in so many ways.
pbonham 22
Yeah, that's definitely a common misunderstanding.... NOT!!!
perdix 31
You mean it's not connected to both? I should have paid attention in sex ed. I got distracted when they explained what a "********" was.
lilicoco_fml 5
Nope. The cord is attached to the placenta. Which is in return attached to the uterine wall. That's where it receives the nutrients for the baby. :)
Annis_x3 7
58- It was a joke. Just laugh.
ellytoad 13
I get the impression that explanations wouldn't make much sense with people like that.
Andree_Hi 2
You my friend , need to find a smarter bestfriend.
FWG420 2
really? people on a whole nuther level of stupid!!!