Today, I had to sit my 13-year-old son down and explain to him that I'd noticed that his pajamas feel a little "crispy" when I pick them up to do the laundry, and ask if he could start using tissues when having some "alone time." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was gathering laundry around the house. I forgot my son was almost 13, and grabbed the very stiff socks from under his bed with my bare hands. FML
Today, my 12-year-old son came home after a week with his father. He was still wearing the same socks and underwear I sent him out with. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 7-year-old son that it's not okay to smell others' "wieners". FML
Today, I grabbed a fresh hand towel from the drawer in the bathroom. I wiped my hands and noticed they smelled like shit. My 6-year-old had wiped poo from his finger onto the dark grey towels. I guess he sometimes helps the poo out. Good to know. FML
Today, I found all my missing underwear that I have been looking for for months, and have been replacing. They were all hidden in a pile in my 14 year-old son's bedroom, covered in crusty stuff. When confronted, his response as to why was, "Hormones…?" FML
Today, I discovered that my 20-year-old son has been using my bras for his jerk-off sessions. FML
Today, there was a laundry basket of my clothes sitting in my room. My dad asked me if they were clean or not. When I said I didn't know, he picked up a piece of my clothing, sniffed it, and said it smelled fine. That piece of clothing just so happened to be my underwear. FML
Today, a man walked through my line with a XL bottle of lotion and many boxes of tissues. As I was ringing him up, the customer broke the silence by saying, "Yeah my son won't stop using the cooking oil for his 'personal time'", finger-air-quotes and all. FML
Today, I pulled several socks from under my son's bed. I spent far too long trying to figure out why they were so stiff before I finally realized. FML
Today, after finishing the laundry, I took clothes out of the dryer and took a big whiff of their delicious clean scent. That was when I noticed that my mom was watching me, and I had just smelled my dad's still-stained underwear that was on top. FML
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Top comments
greatbigc 0
Well its normal for everyone to do.. But id imagine that just but uncomfortable!
jbfan23100 0
Hmm expect to see a lot of tissues next time you walk past a bin.
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Comments (280)
Clamcreepy 7
Your going to have a shit load of "Cum-rags" over loading the bathroom toilet
saIty 17
Is his pornstar name Hans Solo?
teague95 16
if he was a pornstar he wouldn't be using his hand
saIty 17
I meant to say like what he would call himself if he was a pornstar. Like mine would be Muy caliente squirrel. Plus he could go into the receiving handjob category ;)
teague95 16
In that case he would be receiving handjobs and would still not need his hand.
teague95 16
........4. my jokes are never funny.
MissMae93 23
Okay, 13, you really need to stop thinking about this 13-year-old CHILD as a **** star. It's REALLY creeping me out how much "thought" and time you're putting into it.
mybabaygirl 0
Obviously that means your not raising him right. Your son is an irresponsible pervert. # guys are creepers
teague95 16
you seem very understanding
bitter3ulogy 0
And you are stupid.
whatz_going_on 24
I'm not sure if you were trolling, being sarcastic, or even worse, serious when you made that comment...
saIty 17
28- there are three things you should know about me. 1) I am NEVER serious on FML 2) I like giving candy to kids while strolling the park 3) SQUIRREL!!
badactor009 0
Get him a spooj rag or a "love sock". That may contain the mess and keep the household stock tissue from being depleted. You may want to have him handle his own laundry. If he is old enough to wank off he is old enough to sort and do his own laundry.
CptZoe 10
I'm pretty sure that is normal for a boy of that age. The majority of parents go through this at some point. Therefore, I really don't consider this an FML...
robc32ca 4
He's being green. Why use a tissue and that has to be purchased when you can use a washable cloth... Think of the environment!!!
BeautyBaby099 18
Ew?
Pelreskovich 11
Seems like a pretty normal conversation to me.. At least you're cool enough to acknowledge it like that.
mynameisshow 4
Im not even a guy and I agree, a least she's not telling him that he'll go blind if he keeps doing it
that1skaterxX 0
Hahaa kids :)
godofswag 6
wow this is funny because when I was 13 my mom told me to use condoms when having sex
jmalaer 5
Unrelated topics are unrelated.
CaptainPickles72 18
Good for you..?
RileyTheCoyote 6
Are we supposed to be impressed or alarmed..?
kohen_fml 0
Yeh, I say wet dreams and he probably doesn't even realise it's happening. If u have a son that likes to wank off into his pjs and then sleep in them then yes...FUL
rattusrattus 19
I guess it depends on where the crispiness is. If it's in the ankles, it's either from masturbating or your son is bad-slash-fic!Draco Malfoy.
hermitknut 22
rattusrattus - I got that joke, even if those who thumbed you down didn't. Oh, fanfiction. :D