Today, I went to Starbucks to use the bathroom. After I knocked on the door and turned the handle, a little old lady ripped the door open and yelled, "I WAS TAKING A DUMP. YOU WANNA COME IN AND WIPE MY SHIT? DO YOU?!" and then continued to ask me the same question for five minutes. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was at work at McDonald's, at the front counter when an elderly lady came up to me and whispered, "I just shit everywhere in your restroom," then turned around and walked out the door. FML
Today, I was using the restroom when a little girl tried to open my stall. It was locked, so she slid under the door and tried to have a conversation with me while I was pooping. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom in a mall. As I was in the stall, a woman tried to open it. I yelled out that's it was occupied but she kept shaking it to open it. It came up to the point where she had to crawl under the door to see that I was there. FML
Today, I was using the bathroom at Costco when a janitor forced my door open so she could mop, then didn't bother to close it again. Apparently, the handicapped stall was too big for her to see me sitting in the corner, and I had to awkwardly squat-walk all the way to the door to close it. FML
Today, I had to stop at a gas station to go to the bathroom. A sign on the door told people to knock since the door didn't lock. As I was peeing, a lady walked in on me. Rather than simply saying sorry and shutting the damn door, she opened it wider and stepped in to apologize. FML
Today, I was at a new shopping mall. After an hour, I desperately needed to use the bathroom. Spotting one, I ran inside, locked myself in a cubicle and relieved myself. The toilet paper was out so I knocked on the cubicle beside me to ask for some. A lady's voice answered. She needed some too. FML
Today, my friend and I were having a conversation in the ladies’ room. Suddenly, we hear banging from one of the stalls and, “Can you talk somewhere else? Some of us are trying to poop.” FML
Today, I had to use the bathroom really badly in a drug store. After I did a #2, just as I realized the handle on the toilet was broken, a knock came at the door. I tried fixing it for ten minutes, before slipping out the door, to come face to face with two employees coming to fix the toilet. FML
Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
strandedinalimo 0
DO YOU??
Quest_ 13
YDI for being one of those people who don't wait for a response after knocking and before entering. Knocking means "Is it okay if I come in?", not "I'M COMING IN NOW!!!"
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (165)
strandedinalimo 0
DO YOU??
mkylem 0
I don't think anybody would like to wipe another persons ass. Or their shit. That's just plain wrong and has no point to it. Also, she probably woke the occupant of the stall and the woman started asking the question redundantly because she was too lazy to do it herself.
khloe_sophia 3
bahahahahahahahahaha I think this is hilarious. I would laugh my as off if an old lady said that to me. lmao right noww
strandedinalimo 0
I don't think that a generalization of the entire human population should ever be used. There is always someone somewhere who wants to do something.
afarr 0
it never even says its the stall, the lady might have been ******** in the sink
StoryOfTheYear 14
snickerdoodle's gingervitus medication must be malfunctioning, she still has red hair any an annoying personality
StoryOfTheYear 14
and*
qzamml 0
Maybe she was hard of hearing, and REALLY wanted you to wipe her. =)
Smackaho 0
Story, I loled for an hour.
NIRVANAfan123 0
@33 yes!!
Blondie08_fml 0
ur the ass for standing 5 minutes
KyleSays1 0
lol. trauma???
ImaginaryFoe 0
I was waiting for someone to say that, Blondie. Unless she was using an adjacent stall and the woman kept shouting, she should've just left and found another wc.
ilovechocochipz 0
hahahaha but dont they hav stalls there
ReyEr9412 0
Why would you stand there for 5 mins? Just put a bunch of heavy shit in front of the door and tape a sign to it saying "this bathroom is out if order"
GeoThermalSleuth 0
... I would've fled Starbucks. I don't think I could stand there next to a lady asking me questions ... Like that, without enduring a series of Painful Mental Scars. Seriously why did you stand their and listen to that for 5 minutes?
hisbabygurl1 0
haha I know right!! crazy old people
SanadB 0
ydi for not answering her question
applz_fml 0
hahahahaha tru dat
153rdTrooper 0
Maybe five mins. was an exaggeration? it could've been one or two...
Felendris 0
there's no way she/he (I'm not gonna bother looking) stood there for 5 mins taking shit from that old lady. lol. (I think there's a pun... o.o)
deathsupon1 0
You finally said yes and continued to wipe her @$$.
Pointy130 0
Haha I know ild people that do stuff like this just to mess with people.
u_killed_kenny_ 0
@29 really? who ***** in a sink?
StoryOfTheYear 14
*raises hand* *looks around* *notices everyone staring awkwardly* *slowly puts hand down*
skillz3333 4
I am ashamed of my race
NatandAlexrhot 6
I agree with number 20. I'd laugh my ass off if that happened to me.
SaraLovesMyChem 0
#20, so would I. XD
TexasBitch 13
Sarcasm? I hope
YDIoveragain 4
ydi y u need to knock if it locked. obviously someone in there.
love_the_fame 0
Op mentioned that they knocked, and THEN tried the handle. Nothing wrong there to me.
BlueJeans2626 0
I agree with number 30. i would have just walked away if I were you
cookiepenguin 0
¿what was a grandma doing at starbucks?¿Was she hyped on the caffeine?
Quest_ 13
YDI for being one of those people who don't wait for a response after knocking and before entering. Knocking means "Is it okay if I come in?", not "I'M COMING IN NOW!!!"
JohnLovesFMLs 0
the old lady opened the door, read more thouroughly next time.
Quest_ 13
The OP began turning the handle initially.
succubusprime 0
they normally blast music at starbucks, I suspect maybe the OP didn't hear the old hag grunting inside.
ImaginaryFoe 0
I completely agree with Quest. I hate it when people do that.
st0815 9
It's Starbucks, so I'm sure their bathroom has a lock which indicates whether it's occupied or not. So there is no reason whatsoever to annoy the person who is busy wiping her ass, by knocking and trying the handle. The old lady has it right - OP you deserved it, stop being so annoying.
fmyluff 7
If starbucks has locks on their doors, then the old lady should lock the door, and when op tried to open the door it shouldn't have bothered her at all
EwahWeeWah 21
I know, right? I was on the toilet once and this guy pulled the handle down. Then he tried again, and then again. If it's not opening someone is obviously in there, ******* idiots.
PedoBearSaysYES 0
yes I first want first to first wipe first your first ass :D lol find the hidden message and u should have just pushed past her and did ur thang
tyheron 0
Fail
PedoBearSaysYES 0
lol u didn't find it did u
The_Norwegian 2
That is indeed the naughtiest name/picture I've seen on the interwebz so far..
taycandy96 2
You failed so bad
misskity6 0
bullshit. so fake. fake screen name
yake12 0
ya besides why would she stand there for five minutes while some ole lady yelled at her...
ImaginaryFoe 0
Fake screen name? So "misskity6" is on your birth certificate?
fournineteen 0
wow the visuals
DeadHorseman 11
why the **** were u standing there for 5 minutes? were u expecting her to shit out gold?
evi661 0
omg that's fricken hilarious
fisheatsbear 6
sometimes the person inside doesn't answer though, and your led to beleive that noone is in their
yake12 0
wow snickerdoodles I just love reading the essays that u write in the comments...
succubusprime 0
backed. try the men's room next time, maybe a dude will let you shake it off.