Holidays: Today, I was unloading things into a hotel. As I went to get...

By RoxahTheGreat - 26/12/2009 01:50 - United States

Today, I was unloading things into a hotel. As I went to get a bag out in the hallway, the room door closed and I had no key. When I knocked and asked my family to let me back in, no one answered. The doors are clearly not soundproof. I could hear them debating whether or not to let me back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 367

You deserved it 4 056

Holidays

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Hope springs eternal

Night terrors

By Chad - 27/04/2011 01:20 - United States

Today, my wife bought $80 worth of Glee songs on iTunes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 481

You deserved it 10 442

By mackenzie_cain - 14/01/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to jail for a DUI. In a panic, I rushed to go bail him out. On the way to the jail I was stopped for running a red light. I soon joined my boyfriend in jail with my very own DUI charge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 419

You deserved it 65 459

Smells like victory

By B-rent - 18/03/2011 16:10 - United States

Today, I discovered that the lovely, hunger-inducing smell that's been lingering around the office lately is from the local animal crematory. I've been wistfully inhaling the stench of burning cats, dogs, and other various animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 982

You deserved it 7 054

Going too far

By cad515 - 07/07/2021 02:01

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try role play. She suggested I be a robber, so I went outside and tried to break in my window, wearing nothing but my underwear and a ski mask on. She decided it would be funny to call the cops, because it would, "add to the mood." They came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 392

You deserved it 380

The student becomes the master

By Anonymous - 21/08/2021 20:01

Today, I had my first day being my mum’s carer. She did the biggest shit I’ve ever seen, and when the toilet wouldn’t flush it, I had put a gloved hand down the loo and break it up with my fingers. Start things how you mean to go on, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 67

Observational Comedy 101

By Blue_belle - 19/10/2019 04:00

Today, I was wearing a cute black dungaree dress with a purple top underneath. I thought I looked pretty good, until my son told me I looked like an evil Minion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 308

You deserved it 295

By grossedout - 08/09/2011 06:34 - Reserved

Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9 inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 083

You deserved it 2 539

By Herman - 25/02/2010 00:57 - France

Today, a guy at work told me to, "Relax, dude", All. Day. Long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 838

You deserved it 5 792

Fake it til you make it

By foreveralone15 - 24/06/2021 10:59

Today, I sprained an arm muscle while pretending to lift weights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 708

By Jakub89 - 05/06/2011 20:31 - Canada

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. In order to prove I was human and complete my registration, I had to pass a CAPTCHA. Coincidentally enough, the words in it were "depressed" and "loser". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 001

You deserved it 7 564

By bastardchild_01 - 17/10/2012 06:22 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, after much reluctance due to fear of causing a huge debate, I finally posted something on Facebook about the presidential debates. However, the post sparked an argument with my mom's childhood best friend, that ended with her telling me that my dad isn't actually my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 093

You deserved it 3 735

By FD4 - 15/09/2018 14:30

Today, my girlfriend's parents asked if I could move their car. I started the engine and began to accelerate, not noticing that the automatic transmission was on R. I drove right into a wall behind me, shattering the rear lights. Now I owe them $150 for repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 279

You deserved it 3 107

By undineA - 18/02/2014 20:16 - Greece - Thessalon?ki

Today, feeling magnanimous, I decided to help a frail-looking old lady across a busy street. She managed to "accidentally" hit me in the balls with her cane no fewer than three times before we reached the other side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 001

You deserved it 4 404

By rahrahcakes - 19/03/2012 07:36 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my mum cleaned my room. When I got home she yelled at me for having condoms. I'm 24 years old and in a long term relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 618

You deserved it 12 759

Creepypasta

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 15:48 - United States - Nashville

Today, for the first time, I made a guy get a boner and make out with me. This would've been great if it hadn't been a dream, and if the guy in question hadn't been my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 887

You deserved it 4 679

By amber - 19/04/2012 18:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 668

You deserved it 4 755

By funfettifirework - 18/08/2016 05:08 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, I almost got our office burned down by plugging the wrong charger into a laptop cooling fan. Tried to hide the incident and kept it casual but the smoke detector led it to my area and everyone knew I was the culprit. I'm a new hire too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 261

You deserved it 3 914

By Anonymous - 16/01/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I'm 19 years old and, having never been on a date, I agreed to let my friend set me up. He was adorable, young, with blond hair and blue eyes...and 4 years old. My friend tricked me into babysitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 344

You deserved it 4 605

Do as I say…

By Anonymous - 25/08/2020 02:08 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my mother woke up again in a bad mood due to the quarantine and went off on how us siblings complain about each other all the time. Truth is, she's the one complaining non stop about whichever sibling is not in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 312

You deserved it 106

When feral kids attack

By GracieGirl - 04/10/2019 06:00

Today, while waiting for my name to be called at the doctor's office, a little boy threw a Dixie cup full of water at me, making it look like I wet my pants. His mom just laughed and dragged him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 560

You deserved it 101

By fuckit - 31/01/2013 20:27 - Italy - Rome

Today, my pants ripped while I was at work. I had to keep my balls to the wall while I dodged customers and edged ever closer to the break room. Before I could call my wife and ask her to bring a new pair, my boss burst in, got pissed, and made me go back out and deal with irate customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 056

You deserved it 2 471

By Anonymous - 11/09/2010 23:15 - United States

Today, I asked my mother if we were eating supper soon so I could take a nap. She said "no" so I went into my room and fell asleep. When I woke up, everybody was gone. My entire family of 6 went to Olive Garden while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 725

You deserved it 4 675

Needs more training

By catlady'sdaughter - 03/07/2020 17:01

Today, my mom read online you could train cats to relieve themselves in the toilet. Without reading any further, she took away the litter tray. My house reeks of cat piss and shit, and she still refuses to give the cat its litter tray back, insisting it'll work eventually. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 111

We could be heroes…

By Fired - 08/04/2011 11:58

Today, I stepped outside my office building for a smoke break and I witnessed a mugging so I ran over to stop it. I succeeded in getting mugged instead of the original target. I then couldn't get into my building until a coworker left an hour later. My boss was mad and still doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 031

You deserved it 5 664

By Anonymous - 29/08/2014 16:16 - United States - Port Lavaca

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 113

You deserved it 3 958

By K-9cop - 09/09/2009 23:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because I hadn't popped the question to her yet. For the last six months, I have been respectfully trying to convince her over protective father to give me his blessing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 929

You deserved it 5 079

By Anonymous - 18/04/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I was responsible for taking care of Hoppers, the rabbit belonging to my sons 3rd grade class. Tomorrow my son returns Hoppers so the next student can care for him. That won't be happening because Hoppers hopped out my 5th story window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 632

You deserved it 15 777

By Dulieu - 10/02/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. When she asked me to pick up her thong from behind my bed I realized there were two. I didn't pick up hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 211

You deserved it 168 123

By Anonymous - 21/10/2015 12:12 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 810

You deserved it 3 724

Not funny anymore

By Anonymous - 29/11/2019 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today at work, the security threw out an old man in his 80s that had been caught masturbating while hiding in the ladies changing room. I thought it was funny until my manager told me to clean up that very same changing room with the old man spunk all over the wall and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 199

You deserved it 1 762

By Anonymous - 25/07/2009 02:35 - Brazil

Today, my long-distance boyfriend was at my house for a 10-day visit. He told me that we'd never spent so much time together, so he didn't know me well and now, he'd finally met the "real me". He doesn't like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 667

You deserved it 9 617

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, at the job I've had for eight years, I finally got the raise I was supposed to get a year ago. One hour later I found out the store was closing and we were all out of a job in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 404

You deserved it 2 230

By d0pey - 20/02/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I realized that there are more framed pictures of my mom's dog than pictures of me around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 817

You deserved it 3 430

By rawkdinosawr - 09/05/2009 15:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a massive argument with my boyfriend in which he called me stupid repeatedly. I stomped out of his house and sent a very angry text to my best friend about him. She didn't text back. Then my boyfriend texted. 'My girlfriend is so stupid she can't even text the right number.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 992

You deserved it 76 919

By burned_away - 19/08/2009 18:10 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend was leaving for work. From the other room I heard him call out, "see you soon beautiful." Touched, I went to give him a parting kiss. He stopped me and said, "I was talking to the cat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 679

You deserved it 4 784

By Shelbitchh - 28/07/2011 09:11 - United States

Today, my mom decided to take away my TV after noticing that I watch the show True Blood. Apparently, since I watch this, I must be "curious about sex." I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 624

You deserved it 5 347

By ninja_blasphemer - 25/07/2011 19:24 - Ireland

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly nice guy I met online. He was drunk when I got there. Within the first 10 minutes, he had told me I was "like Hitler but with boobs", and I was "offensive to the ninja community." Then he said I just wasn't all he had hoped for and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 984

You deserved it 7 774

By justgivemethed - 25/04/2013 07:55 - United States - Westminster

Today, I was tutoring a band member. Whenever I ask him to play a D or any D scale, he stops just to snicker and say, "Ha ha. D." He still sucks. I hate his guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 790

You deserved it 5 549

By Anonymous - 17/08/2018 14:30

Today, I called my boyfriend and a woman answered. Turns out, she's also his girlfriend. She broke up with me on his behalf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 449

You deserved it 201

Footloose

By Imnotfromhere - 16/06/2021 10:59

Today, my neighbor told me to stop pushing the elevator buttons and opening doors with my feet. I bitched him out, because he's been making a huge issue out of it for months. Right after, I realized I forgot my keys inside and he's the only person around that can let me in the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 1 667

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Top comments

figurey 0

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Saturday 26 December 2009 9:34

so? go down to the bar, get a drink and have it added to the room bill.

Tigg3r 3

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Saturday 26 December 2009 9:12

Sounds like my family.

Tigg3r 3

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Saturday 26 December 2009 9:12

Sounds like my family.

GeorgeBoosh 0

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Saturday 26 December 2009 19:15

…and mine. I got even tho. Ha ha ha ha ha…did I ever get even! The jail time was worth it too.

ilovefatcats 12

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Sunday 7 February 2010 7:06

ii don't belive that ur family wouldn't let u back in >:(

catalystics 2

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Thursday 19 August 2010 18:17

you shouldve Spartan kicked the door open and smacked them down

CinderChicken 0

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Saturday 26 December 2009 9:20

woop dee do. family antics. obviously you made it back in anyway. this is really not an f my life.

chanprice 0

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Wednesday 30 November 2011 3:12

Don be such a douche

subiedude08 17

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Thursday 5 September 2013 10:13

Oh really how would you feel if your family did that to you

dudeitsdanny 9

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Saturday 26 December 2009 9:33

Hahaha, that sounds like something I would do. Your life is good. It's not like you were naked.

figurey 0

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Saturday 26 December 2009 9:34

so? go down to the bar, get a drink and have it added to the room bill.

The__Redneck 7

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Sunday 27 December 2009 1:01

And then, when they see the bill, act like you have no idea how it got there. "I was with you guys the whole time, right? Right?"

tamoodielovesmar 1

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Monday 23 May 2011 6:15

win

bigz2k 0

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Saturday 26 December 2009 10:16

...And? Were you naked? Did you get kicked out of the hotel for vagrancy? Family left you phoneless, moneyless, and friendless in a faraway city forcing you to beg on the streets next to people who have been without a roof of any kind over their head for years just you could scrape together enough money to afford an hour at the internet cafe and tell the world of the indignity you've suffered? Why is your life F'd? Why should we care?

iEatGuppies 0

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Saturday 1 October 2011 19:51

oh yeah. family doesn't love you. no FML right there. dumbass.

catatonicsleep 17

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Saturday 26 December 2009 10:28

maybe because it seems her family doesn't want her, that would feel really bad.. "should we let her in?" "nah we don't want her here". If they wanted her there there would have been no debate they would have just opened the door

MiaKong 0

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Saturday 26 December 2009 11:00

Or maybe people need to learn to take a joke. They may have only been debating on whether to play a joke on them or not. Geesh. They're just being whiny and this is hardly an FML.

catatonicsleep 17

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Saturday 26 December 2009 11:40

if they were joking wouldn't they have let her in and laughed about it and she wouldn't have posted it here?

swartm34 0

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Saturday 26 December 2009 10:56

Maybe you're an awful person? Work on that

twitchyyy 0

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Saturday 26 December 2009 11:03

lmfaoo that sucks ass!

analltimelow 0

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Saturday 26 December 2009 12:32

You should have made the best out of the situation: 'should we let her in' 'naa i dont like that' 'well fuck you i'm going down the the bar and charging it to you tab' *LAUGHS EVILY AND PROCEEDS TO GET PISSED* the end.