Miscellaneous: Today, I had to show my ID to prove I was over 18. I was buying... - FML

By I-love-my-tea - 09/06/2015 22:30 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I had to show my ID to prove I was over 18. I was buying teaspoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 984

You deserved it 1 987

Age difference

Another great day to be alive

Marriage doesn't solve anything

By EosHelios - 27/02/2018 13:00 - United States - Halethorpe

Today, I finally had one of my preschool students observed by the county for aggressive behavior intervention. Of course, he only started hitting my assistant and other students after the observer left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 371

You deserved it 259

By Soverytired - 11/12/2014 13:29 - Australia

Today, I received a gift certificate from my grandmother for a local bookshop. Considering how broke I am, this would be a fantastic gift. If the bookshop in question wasn't a right-wing evangelical Christian Bookshop, and I wasn't Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 041

You deserved it 3 675

By fatman - 10/08/2010 02:29 - United States

Today, my mom signed me up for Weight Watchers as a surprise birthday present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 617

You deserved it 11 489

By joe rogan fucking sucks, dude - 27/04/2014 20:51 - Australia - Warwick

Today, my girlfriend informed me that during the night, I shot up in bed and whimpered tearfully, "I don't have anything for the fancy-dress!" She also decided to share this with all our friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 087

You deserved it 5 078

By Chumpee - 08/06/2016 17:17 - United States - Akron

Today, after years busting my hump for my father's business with the understanding of one day taking it over, he informed me that my nephew, who has never shown any interest in the company, is being brought in to take it over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 719

You deserved it 931

By Anonymous - 24/01/2013 01:44 - United States - Waldorf

Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 612

You deserved it 6 154

By leftwardfoil - 19/08/2011 06:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my roommate sniffing my underwear. He said he was checking if they were clean, so he could borrow them later. Which may have been reasonable, if I weren't still sleeping in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 384

You deserved it 3 344

Nice guys

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 04:01

Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend handed me this month’s rental statement with “Paid” written in red ink. He says it’s my gift, because, "that shit adds up every month" and I should be "grateful" that I have a roof over my head for another month instead of being "materialistic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 404

By Anonymous - 12/04/2014 01:40 - Canada

Spicy

Today, it was my birthday. I only got one message, from my dad, which was a sexual image meant for my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 852

You deserved it 3 438

By liz - 08/03/2010 01:46 - United States

Today, at work, I had toast thrown at me by an old Vietnam vet. Who also happens to have a dead cat in his freezer. I love retirement homes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 535

You deserved it 2 580

By Blondie - 05/05/2011 20:01 - Lebanon

Today, I was trying to convince a friend that even though I'm blonde, I'm not the oblivious or stupid moron everyone apparently thinks I am. Then I smacked face-first into a glass door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 018

You deserved it 31 581

By will - 14/08/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, my 6-year-old son apparently decided to make a game out of clogging the toilet with toilet paper. He won, and now the whole basement is flooded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 437

You deserved it 198

By twnty1 - 31/05/2010 15:43 - United States

Today, I discovered that I'm allergic to band-aids. I now have a band-aid shaped rash around a tiny cut on my leg. Oh the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 131

You deserved it 4 048

By Anonymous - 14/02/2017 04:53 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my girlfriend left me. I have no clue what to do with the holiday we have booked or the ring I was going to propose to her with on Valentine's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 086

You deserved it 626

By anonymous - 25/10/2016 04:29 - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, I got a citation from my landlord because my puppy couldn't make it to the grass and peed in the shrubs. Later in the evening, I got a citation that my music was too loud. Until I'd submitted my 30-day notice yesterday, no one ever had a problem with me FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 561

You deserved it 751

By Anonymous - 18/04/2009 10:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 953

You deserved it 114 907

Now listen here, you lot…

By Angelthecat - 06/03/2020 00:01

Today, I sent out a Happy Snow Day text to 20 of my closest friends. My boyfriend, who doesn't have an iPhone, didn't realize it was a group text. He sent back a text breaking up with me. To all the people in the group message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 825

You deserved it 215

By Anonymous - 31/03/2013 20:34 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, what started as a fun family Easter egg hunt turned within minutes into my mother-in-law's big chance to be a dramatic cow by screaming at my 5 and 7-year-old daughters for participating in a "vile pagan ritual" and saying that we're all going to hell. They're still bawling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 802

You deserved it 2 630

By Anonymous - 09/08/2013 23:29 - Switzerland

Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 426

You deserved it 7 797

By foreverAlone - 04/04/2016 19:40 - United States - Chesapeake Beach

Today, I met a cute girl. She seemed really sweet and I was heartbroken to find out that she had fallen on hard times and was living in a shelter. I asked her if I could take her out to lunch. She said, "No." I can't even get a date with a homeless girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 326

You deserved it 5 191

By Anonymous - 13/08/2010 02:21 - United States

Today, while at work at a new job, my brother comes and takes my car. Along with all my money, my phone, and whatever else I had in my purse. His message to me through one of my co-workers was "walk home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 384

You deserved it 3 484

By apparentlythereisnokarma - 01/01/2013 21:00 - Canada - Didsbury

Today, my roommate stumbled in drunk at 5am with 3 Big Macs, and passed out on the floor after eating them. This happens almost every night. I stay in, study, work, and go to the gym almost everyday. And she still has better grades, a better body, and makes more money than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 645

You deserved it 4 549

By AGeeksWife - 12/09/2012 07:03 - United States - Saukville

Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 256

You deserved it 4 183

By pissed off - 17/05/2014 00:33 - United States - Brentwood

Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 644

You deserved it 14 921

By Anonymous - 21/06/2016 01:59 - United States - Fulton

Today, I might have ruined my co-worker's relationship with her fiancé, with whom I share a name, because we "work together too often" and now he doesn't know who's she's saying during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 041

You deserved it 1 076

By Anonymous - 25/08/2018 20:30

Today, I spent half an hour on the phone with four departments at my college due to a mistake on my tuition bill. The last guy I talked to told me to call the financial aid office and hung up before I could respond. That was the first office I called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 621

You deserved it 147

Parenting is exhausting

By ThreeWeeksWithoutSex - 28/12/2015 05:43 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, our daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid-blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 221

You deserved it 2 858

By wowthatwould - 04/12/2011 21:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was watching porn when I heard my mom call for me. I closed my laptop right as she walked in my room. The sound, however, kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 349

You deserved it 46 554

Shut up

By brad3720 - 14/04/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, I was working as a manager of the local movie theater. A six year-old came in with no parents or anyone else. When I asked him where his parents were, he looked at me and said, "Shut up white boy, I don't have to listen to your shit." I just got told by a six year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 449

You deserved it 7 522

Running late

By albert - 13/05/2009 12:36 - United Kingdom

Today, we were running late for school so my mum shouted at me to hurry up and get in the car. I put my school bags in the boot of the car and my mum drove off. It wasn't until she got to my school and told me to get out that she realised I wasn't there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 285

You deserved it 4 127

Annie's Song

By David - 11/10/2019 02:00 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, I was finally having a conversation with my granny, who I don't get to see often. First thing she tells me was that she was going to have surgery soon, because her "women's insides" were "dangling out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 279

By nolife - 29/12/2011 12:03 - United States

Today, I was so bored that I began searching for videos of people popping their pimples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 093

You deserved it 41 576

By Gw - 28/10/2009 19:03 - United States

Today, my fiancée and I were going on our honeymoon. Our flight was delayed by two hours. It landed when our connecting flight to St. Lucia was taking off. The airline said they were holding the flight for us, so we sprinted from D gate to A, in time to watch the plane pull away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 108

You deserved it 2 868

By Mojo - 14/12/2009 17:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 468

You deserved it 5 156

By tramp - 10/11/2013 05:51 - United States

Today, I met my brother's girlfriend. We got talking, and we got onto the subject of tattoos. I said how much I hated tramp stamps, and how they make girls look trashy. She said, "Like this?" and showed me hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 264

You deserved it 19 561

By no love - 01/01/2016 22:41 - United States

Today, I celebrated my 4-year anniversary with my girlfriend. We didn't have sex and we didn't even kiss. All I got to do was cuddle the stuffed Minion she got me for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 327

You deserved it 3 303

By Jorgen - 18/12/2015 01:45 - United States

Today, at my workplace, $200 checks were given to every employee for how well the corporation was doing. The temps didn't get any. Guess who was the only temp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 747

You deserved it 2 322

By danii - 04/10/2011 01:19 - Reserved

Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 254

You deserved it 54 565

Paranoia

By Anonymous - 22/11/2020 05:01 - Australia

Today, I offered help a customer to record his details, as he didn't have a scanner. He just stared at me, saying that he would never give any of his details if I typed them on my phone, as I could "do something else" without him knowing. He ended up canceling his orders and got upset on his way out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 101

By Wheredigowrong - 21/10/2013 04:18 - United States - Ankeny

Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 108

You deserved it 5 435

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 10:48

You won't be saying "FML" if you were to accidentally kill yourself with those spoons.

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 10:54

"Those spoons look mighty dangerous. I'm gonna need to see some ID"

Comments

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 10:46

Gotta love the UK

livelaughlovepie 22

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 10:47

Spoons can be super dangerous! A man was once killed, when another guy hit him in the back of the head with a dessert spoon.

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 10:48

You won't be saying "FML" if you were to accidentally kill yourself with those spoons.

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 11:01

You're right. They wouldn't be saying anything if they were to accidentally kill himself with those spoons.

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 10:51

Maybe the cashier thought you were cute and wanted your name :)

tchopper1969 16

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 11:01

or was a stalker lol

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 12:04

I'm a cashier, and people often stalk me too... That's why I cut of my last name from my name tag :) I see what you mean

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 16:00

Or you know not could be a rational thing like op used a credit card and policy dictates they match up ID with card.

littlekellilee 45

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 17:38

That isn't a worldwide policy, especially if the credit card has chips and pins.

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 18:11

I meant it as the company policy dictates you show it, not worldwide or country wide or state wide. As far as I know it's completely optional worldwide.

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Thursday 11 June 2015 16:29

I always check for I.D. if the credit card isn't signed. Could've been the case here.

tyza 7

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Thursday 11 June 2015 19:11

This is exactly what i thought :p probably facebook'd her name or something afterwards.

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 10:54

"Those spoons look mighty dangerous. I'm gonna need to see some ID"

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 11:03

"Tea is typically burning hot, fuck, can't trust a minor with tools to stir it!"

Steve_Dudley_UK 10

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 11:00

Maybe cashier had heard that only over 18's should be spooning in bed.

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 11:02

cocaine measuring teaspoons I bet, that was very correct of the cashier

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 12:50

Did you also purchase a butane lighter?

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 11:02

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 11:09

"Spooning" is serious business. It would've probably been advisable to also get condoms at the same time prevent unwanted pregnancy

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 11:12

I agree. Spooning is very serious. It's a gateway activity to forking.

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 11:40

But you should only do that with really "knife" girls

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 11:13

I'm almost 18 and look much younger. Some days I get my ID checked to get into rated R movies. Other days I get away with buying pool chemicals that you have to be 18 to buy without having to show ID. Teaspoons though? That's ridiculous.

onlychildFTW 33

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Thursday 11 June 2015 10:41

A few days ago I got IDd buying an M rated video game. And I'm 21. I don't know how he thought I looked 16 or under. I think it just depends on the person who's there.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 170

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 2 744