Today I had to listen to my father lecture me on all the potential dangers of Halloween. He has a speech for every holiday, every year. I'm 28 years old. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I was confronted by my father after I got back home from a party in the early hours. He demanded to know if I'd been doing any drugs, and then decided to give me a scare lecture on the dangers of alcohol. I'd had a few beers. He had the smell of tequila on his breath. FML
Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that, as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from "sex god to just a dad." I don't know either. FML
Today, my son won’t stop crying, all because I told him he couldn’t go trick-or-treating in April. FML
Today, I heard my dad complaining that he won't be able to go to a concert, because it's happening on my birthday. This is the first time he's even acknowledged my birthday in over ten years. FML
Today, I thought about how my dad went to get me a Halloween costume and hasn't come home yet. That was 11 years ago. We've moved twice since then. FML
Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mother painstakingly spell out to me why broken glass is extremely dangerous. Feeling insulted, I jokingly asked her if she thought I was "retarded". I then got yelled at for "swearing." I'm a fucking adult, but my overprotective and condescending mother seems to think otherwise. FML
Today, my dad had fun embarrassing me as much as possible in my parent-teacher conference by moaning whenever the teacher talked. FML
Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML
Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML
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Top comments
Classlfied 4
Move out
CopeStraight 3
Rule 1: don't take candy from the creepy dude down the street
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Comments (123)
iwadasn 33
If you're still trick or treating at 28 years old, YDI.
happychicka 0
What r yu doing still home? Unless yu went for the holiday...?
SummerFever 8
It makes me wonder what he says for Valentine's Day and Easter.
ndhin831 2
is your dad fire Marshall bill?
lilly98ish 4
Lol he is just looking out for you I'm sure he misses you being young :) my parents tell ne every day and I'm only 13 O-O
DaveMatthewsBand 4
Wow..... FYL
crownlogic 25
But you could turn out to be the next Willy Wonka or something if your dad doesn't let you eat your candy. Innovate!
CTM0 3
Yes but you are a girl and live in Texas, men won't think you have any writes
j_cat187 20
I have no whites
katt_is_here 24
Writes? Really? REALLY? It's RIGHTS you ******* moron.
auddylynne 0
Wow. sounds like my dad
kimmiekimmiekong 0
I could TOTALLY see my dad doing this to me when I'm 28! lol