Today I had to listen to my father lecture me on all the potential dangers of Halloween. He has a speech for every holiday, every year. I'm 28 years old. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was confronted by my father after I got back home from a party in the early hours. He demanded to know if I'd been doing any drugs, and then decided to give me a scare lecture on the dangers of alcohol. I'd had a few beers. He had the smell of tequila on his breath. FML
Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that, as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from "sex god to just a dad." I don't know either. FML
Today, my son won’t stop crying, all because I told him he couldn’t go trick-or-treating in April. FML
Today, I heard my dad complaining that he won't be able to go to a concert, because it's happening on my birthday. This is the first time he's even acknowledged my birthday in over ten years. FML
Today, I thought about how my dad went to get me a Halloween costume and hasn't come home yet. That was 11 years ago. We've moved twice since then. FML
Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mother painstakingly spell out to me why broken glass is extremely dangerous. Feeling insulted, I jokingly asked her if she thought I was "retarded". I then got yelled at for "swearing." I'm a fucking adult, but my overprotective and condescending mother seems to think otherwise. FML
Today, my dad had fun embarrassing me as much as possible in my parent-teacher conference by moaning whenever the teacher talked. FML
Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML
Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML
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Top comments
Classlfied 4
Move out
CopeStraight 3
Rule 1: don't take candy from the creepy dude down the street
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Comments (123)
th4m4ster 6
for every holiday ? how dangerous is xmas
lilly98ish 4
Haha idk u might get a paper cut from opening present XD or a stomach ache from eating too much yeah... I'm not funny Lol
ibeinpain 5
There's a lot of dangerous things during Christmas. For example: an old, fat man magically getting inside your house and giving you free "presents."
SilentTreatment 7
He's doing it because he cares and wants you to return with some candy..... So he can tax you for a candy bar. :)
truebrotrue 7
Has anyone else noticed that there is no comma after Today?
THE_A_TEEN 28
College, bad economy, just graduated but cant find a job, staying there for the holidays, not financially stable. All valid reasons why he might be there. So, to all the people saying move out, times have changed.
THE_A_TEEN 28
All valid reasons why he might be there. So, to all the people saying move out, times have changed. (damn, my comment was cut off)
P374RD3D 9
Next time, tell him, "cool story bro"
HU4L188 0
That would piss me off imensly
LexBvl 4
My father cares for me. FML.
Sonalis 9
Last time I checked, authoritarian parenting involved less care and more restrictions.
cristalduhh 5
time to move out.
perdix 31
The good news for "kids" who have outgrown trick-or-treating: Live long enough and you'll get another chance. In some places, people over 65 go trick-or-treating for drugs. They're really looking for prescription meds, but if you slip 'em a bag of weed you won't get "tricked." To these thugs, tricks don't mean vandalism, they rat you out to the authorities for violations of deed restrictions and zoning codes.
leadman1989 16
I wish we were allowed to post videos in the comments there's a PERFECT YouTube video for this FML "yes baby gums"