Today I had to listen to my father lecture me on all the potential dangers of Halloween. He has a speech for every holiday, every year. I'm 28 years old. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was confronted by my father after I got back home from a party in the early hours. He demanded to know if I'd been doing any drugs, and then decided to give me a scare lecture on the dangers of alcohol. I'd had a few beers. He had the smell of tequila on his breath. FML
Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that, as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from "sex god to just a dad." I don't know either. FML
Today, my son won’t stop crying, all because I told him he couldn’t go trick-or-treating in April. FML
Today, I heard my dad complaining that he won't be able to go to a concert, because it's happening on my birthday. This is the first time he's even acknowledged my birthday in over ten years. FML
Today, I thought about how my dad went to get me a Halloween costume and hasn't come home yet. That was 11 years ago. We've moved twice since then. FML
Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mother painstakingly spell out to me why broken glass is extremely dangerous. Feeling insulted, I jokingly asked her if she thought I was "retarded". I then got yelled at for "swearing." I'm a fucking adult, but my overprotective and condescending mother seems to think otherwise. FML
Today, my dad had fun embarrassing me as much as possible in my parent-teacher conference by moaning whenever the teacher talked. FML
Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML
Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML
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Top comments
Classlfied 4
Move out
CopeStraight 3
Rule 1: don't take candy from the creepy dude down the street
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Comments (123)
Tsitsicharb 1
Omg my dad does the exact same thing and i'm 28 too!!! He still tells me when i should wear my jacket! Lol
JakeTha_A01 5
He just loves ya!!!! lol
StromyG2 10
Easter: Don't trust a man/woman wearing a bunny suit, no matter how harmless they seem. Their intention could be to harm you. The oblivious victim is an easy target. Columbus day is not a real holiday in my family.
Chelsealynn93 7
my dad does that too!!! im only 18 but i havent lived with my dad since i was like 9.
l0vech33r 0
Maybe you shouldn't be living at home at age 28
doglover100 29
I want to know what the dangers are for Easter and Valentine's day.
umpire28 0
If it is the same speech for a different holiday by now you should be able to recite his speech word for word
dhooks111490 8
Sounds like a Jehovah's Witness.
ironfist32 2
you are 28 and you still go trick or treating you deserve it
CrazyLaughs4Me 17
First of all move out! Second get a life! Third why the ffück are you with your parents on Halloween? especially at that age. If you're still living with your parents, obviously you can't be out on your own so it's okay for Daddy to give you a few helpful words. YDI