Today I had to listen to my father lecture me on all the potential dangers of Halloween. He has a speech for every holiday, every year. I'm 28 years old. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was confronted by my father after I got back home from a party in the early hours. He demanded to know if I'd been doing any drugs, and then decided to give me a scare lecture on the dangers of alcohol. I'd had a few beers. He had the smell of tequila on his breath. FML
Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that, as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from "sex god to just a dad." I don't know either. FML
Today, my son won’t stop crying, all because I told him he couldn’t go trick-or-treating in April. FML
Today, I heard my dad complaining that he won't be able to go to a concert, because it's happening on my birthday. This is the first time he's even acknowledged my birthday in over ten years. FML
Today, I thought about how my dad went to get me a Halloween costume and hasn't come home yet. That was 11 years ago. We've moved twice since then. FML
Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mother painstakingly spell out to me why broken glass is extremely dangerous. Feeling insulted, I jokingly asked her if she thought I was "retarded". I then got yelled at for "swearing." I'm a fucking adult, but my overprotective and condescending mother seems to think otherwise. FML
Today, my dad had fun embarrassing me as much as possible in my parent-teacher conference by moaning whenever the teacher talked. FML
Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML
Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML
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Top comments
Classlfied 4
Move out
CopeStraight 3
Rule 1: don't take candy from the creepy dude down the street
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Comments (123)
apocalyptic_1125 0
Perhaps you should stop living with your parents since you are almost thirty, a grown man. Then you wouldn't have to listen to any speeches. But since you've yet failed to heed this advice, stop complaining.
katt_is_here 24
I reread the fml and I don't see that he claims to live with his parents once. Perhaps you have never heard of visiting family after moving out? Oh, and there is this new fangled thing called a telephone. You can call people on it and talk to them! Isn't that amazing?
NinaKL 3
Come on, not only he never said that he lived with his father (maybe he was visiting him or the other way around) but even if he does, who are you to judge if he should move or not. No one knows the context. Anyway, it is more sweet that FML.
AliSama 17
:) yeah. also it is a female. Dad's are overprotective over their daughters.
AliSama 17
StromyG2 (woman) oh. wait. People here do not read and downvote. I forgot!
Pool8oi 0
I think its time to move out.
SucksToBeYou12 7
We could be long lost siblings! My dad has a speech for every holiday as well loves to tell me why I shouldn't listen to Lady Gaga. I moved out when I turned 18, I'm now 23.
StromyG2 10
I moved at 18 too. Idk wheret the idiot commenters read that I live with my parents
itouchuser77 8
You can't change tradition!!!
bubo_fml 11
"Honey, there's a big difference between ****** & horrors!"
pottymouthpanda 0
you cant be too safe nowadayss! sugar overload u kno :)
BonerTooLong 1
He must think u r stupid or something it's been 28 years and he still doesn't think you got it
shadow2903 11
At least he cares about you?
Sonalis 9
Dude, you're 28! You don't have to listen to his ramblings.