Kids: Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that no, the dishwasher... - FML

By wow - 23/06/2011 08:53 - France

Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that no, the dishwasher didn't make the glasses shrink, I'd bought smaller glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 807

You deserved it 6 203

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Same thing different taste

Irony failure

By alcoholic - 31/10/2009 14:30 - Estonia

Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 822

You deserved it 51 682

Psycho

By deadgirl - 15/05/2021 01:59

Today, I accidentally broke one of my mom’s favorite glasses while she was away. My dad saw and offered to tell her instead that he broke it, because, "let’s face it, if she knew it was you, she’d shove the glass shards down your fucking throat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 564

You deserved it 118

Get the message

By thelandofoz - 14/10/2009 14:36 - United States

Today, I noticed that my clothes had shrunk. My mother seemed to be having trouble with the new washer and dryer so I tried to show her exactly how they work. After my explanation she said, "I know how they work. I shrank your clothes to give you some incentive to lose all that belly you got." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 885

You deserved it 7 663

By Anony-moose - 11/10/2011 09:43 - United States

Today, I had to explain to a patient that no, her nipples were not slowly getting smaller. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 141

You deserved it 2 570

By DeepFriedLettuce - 29/04/2016 01:33 - United States - Vashon

Today, I had to explain to my seventeen year-old daughter that deep frying food doesn't "melt the calories." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 442

You deserved it 1 518

By smarterthanmymum - 26/05/2011 09:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain very slowly to my mum why she cannot put metal cutlery in the microwave. She did it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 265

You deserved it 2 984

By Anonymous - 30/03/2014 10:04 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I asked my daughter to buy me two pints of milk. Apparently, the shop only had four-pints, so she got that and poured half down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 773

You deserved it 6 912

Time out

By Starfucks - 17/12/2015 02:55 - United States - Bensalem

Today, I was in Starbucks with my daughter when she noticed a travel cup she liked. She picked one up and asked for it, but I said no because it was expensive. She angrily slammed it back into its stand and in the process, knocked over a display of ceramic mugs. I had to pay for each broken mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 867

You deserved it 4 538

By Anonymous - 31/05/2016 15:30 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 244

You deserved it 1 837

By Glassless - 26/05/2017 20:00

Today, I lost my glasses. I don't have spares but my girlfriend said I could borrow hers. She doesn't understand why this won't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 140

You deserved it 486

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Top comments

alki_fml 5

Thursday 23 June 2011 16:03

its not so cute when its your teenage daughter....maybe if it was a 5 year old..

enonymous 8

Thursday 23 June 2011 16:27

My glasses are made from 100% pure cotton... shrinks every time in the wash

Comments

TessaBella 5

Thursday 23 June 2011 19:05

lol wow. genius much?

Alexxxxxxxxxxxxx_fml_fml 0

Thursday 23 June 2011 19:15

that's adorable. xD

whoa_is_failz 6

Thursday 23 June 2011 19:26

blonde?

alone_unafraid 0

Thursday 23 June 2011 19:28

Well dad/mom, this is your fault. It's either your awful genetics or a reflection of you inability to both reinforce the importance of education or your failure to foster it. I just hope you don't have any more children and that your child continues that trend.

ash1210jas 0

Thursday 23 June 2011 19:29

Make sure you teach her to keep a dime between her knees because she is going to make some dumb babies. Sorry OP but I speak the truth.

aardvarkish 15

Thursday 23 June 2011 19:34

I'm with 1 on this. Sounds totally cute. Like Homecoming Queen cute.

Allymeme 3

Thursday 23 June 2011 19:48

how is that cute #1? it's a teenager. I'd be ashamed if I had a kid that stupid. she might as well give up on life now. there is no hope for her.

Stupend0us 7

Thursday 23 June 2011 19:50

You're daughter sounds like the type that would show up on 16 and pregnant.

adishalala 0

Thursday 23 June 2011 20:04

blonde? fairygirl88 is a surely a blondie! :p

helper420 0

Thursday 23 June 2011 20:08

ohh the sarcasm is unbearable! btw how old is she chick that dumb must be super easy

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Today, I found out the person that I’ve been casually seeing has decided he wants to live with me. I found this out when I asked him to go home after two weeks sleeping over, and he told me he'd already moved out of his mom’s. I sublet a single bedroom and have barely enough room for myself. FML

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You deserved it 148

Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and I was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 760

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The Top

Today, my mom messaged me and was acting weird, we don't have a real relationship. Turns out, she wanted to tell me to stop posting selfies because "it's making her feel bad about her appearance." The worst part? She said, "My husband likes you more than me sexually." That's your big concern? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 86

Today, I got a write-up because I told my boss that it was impossible to have pies, which have a bake time of 1 hour, ready for a customer who wanted them in the next 15 to 20 minutes. Then, when the customer got there and the pies were still in the oven, I got a second write-up for wasting time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 322

You deserved it 119

Today, I found out that my ex-boyfriend stole a pair of my underwear, and still wears them to this day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 606

You deserved it 3 043

Today, since my most recent breakup, I haven’t had sex in almost a year but I’m too afraid to just jump on Tinder for a hookup, because I had to move back into my parents' spare room, and I can’t be bringing a woman back for sex on a fold-out futon with mom and dad in the next bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 025

You deserved it 395

Today, I'm dating the perfect guy. He's smart, considerate, charming, funny, good looking and we have a ton of interests in common. He also can't get it up. At all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 739

You deserved it 237

Today, I saw the guy I've been seeing passing by my dorm. I called out to him, but he covered his ears and crossed the street. Well, at least I have ice cream in my fridge. FML

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You deserved it 1 042