Today, I asked my 'friend with benefits' if she'd consider actually dating me regularly. She said yes, but only if I joined the Republican Party, because she "would never date anyone who didn't fight for morality." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was talking with my newly-single male friend, who I've had a crush on forever. He was rattling off his list of what he looks for in a woman, like, "Must want kids, must eat meat…" I got excited thinking I might have a shot until I heard, "Must be at least somewhat right wing." Fuck. FML
Today, I asked out this girl I've been spending a lot of time with lately. She told me she was only hanging out with me because she thought I was gay and wouldn't try to get in her pants. FML
Today, the person I was seeing asked to be just friends. A few hours later, they tried to talk me into having sex. FML
Today, my now-ex girlfriend showed me a picture where she was 120lbs overweight and asked me if I would still date her if she ever looked like that again. Being honest, I said “No.” She broke it off with me because of that. Apparently I lack “good moral character” and “it’s giving red flag.” FML
Today, it's been a year since my wife agreed to an open marriage. A friend said at the time that she would get a lot more sex than me, and would end up leaving me. I ignored him because he's a basement dwelling Trump supporter who's never had a girlfriend. Turns out he was completely right. FML
Today, I went to a party where a girl I like was there. I wanted to dance with her. She rebuffed me and said, “Consent matters.” Later on, I saw her grinding with another guy she'd just met. So apparently “consent matters” with me, a friend of two years, but not for a complete stranger. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to stay just friends. Not only did I get denied, apparently we're also "just friends." FML
Today, my coworker began flirting with the new guy at work and accepted a date with him. I’ve been trying to get with her for months and she'd told me, “Sorry, I don’t fraternize with colleagues.” I called her out on it and she told me, “OK, I’ll spell it out for you: I do fraternize with attractive colleagues.” FML
Today, my friend dragged me out of a movie because they swore a bit and there was drug use. Apparently, she's a Mormon now, and, "doesn't want her values compromised." This from the same girl who tried to get me to try crack a few weeks ago. FML
Today, I had a friend "dump" me over Facebook. She apparently thought we were dating. I'm a gay man who's lived with his partner for 5 years. She says I have commitment issues. FML
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Top comments
jrn 14
Dodged a bullet
RichardPencil 32
Really? Many constituencies in the GOP would not consider being an FWB is moral. Lots of them are hypocrites anyways.
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Comments (10)
RichardPencil 32
Really? Many constituencies in the GOP would not consider being an FWB is moral. Lots of them are hypocrites anyways.
jrn 14
Dodged a bullet
Kristoffer 35
More like artillery tbh
Yudith 28
You know your girlfriend cannot spy you in the voting booth, right? You could date her and be the only Republican to vote like a Democrat.
juggalo2 22
It's nice of her to be open upfront that this is a deal breaker. Much better than letting you into a relationship and then nagging you or being passive aggressive about it.
Matthew Irmen 11
If you don’t think it’s a good idea then walk away because the arguments down the road will be awful. If she wants you to do it because of morality she is already a lost cause
bl3ur0z3 17
It's ok, I couldn't date a Republican because I can't stand hypocrites who feel morals only apply to other people.
Nicolette Carpenter 5
This has got to be a troll...Republicans, moral 🤣🤣🤣🤣 they’re the party that mostly advocates for eliminating abortions. When asked how they plan to help prevent pregnancy or support expectant mothers, they don’t advocate for free access to birth control, comprehensive sex education, or social programs to help the poor, thus putting expectant mothers in a difficult place during pregnancy: either hope they have a strong support system to help with baby or suffer nine long months of pregnancy and give your baby away to someone you barely know.
julfunky 29
What’s the point in this abortion tangent? We are all well aware where Republicans stand. And no, not a troll. It sounds exactly right. People who spout off about morals seem to do so in the most immoral way possible.
newwitch2010 11
Morality??? The Republican Party??? 🤣
Jonkbaby 23
Tell them that your union will supply the benefits, henceforth
WistayShlaio82 13
The fact that your fwb already knows what side you’re on makes me believe you two have been making moves to be in a relationship for a while now