Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML
Today, my lawyer threatened to sue me because I can't afford his bill, which he sent to me after getting me out of a lawsuit. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML
Today, a guy hit my car, and I threatened to sue him after he started the conversation rudely. He told me to go ahead, because he doesn’t have any money or a job anyway, then because from his perspective he had nothing else really to lose, he kicked my ass. FML
Today, I answered a call at work from a very irate gentleman. After being shouted and sworn at profusely, I ended the call in a slightly less than civil manner. Turns out that guy is one of our company's biggest clients. FML
Today, a guy came by my house and demanded my fiancé come out and fight. He explained that my fiancé had been stupid enough to not only troll on a local interest forum, but to leave his name and our address, inviting people to "come shut me up if you think you're tough enough." FML
Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML
Today, after the opportunity for a little malicious compliance came my way, and I did exactly what my prick boss told me to do, knowing it would screw him over in about a week, it happened. Unfortunately, he has a good legal team and he just successfully sued me for £100,000. I may have to sell my house. FML
Today, my 50-something coworker followed through on his threat to file a defamation lawsuit against me. All because I jokingly said "pedo" after he bragged to everyone that his girlfriend is a smoking hot 19-year-old. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You should sue him for getting violent and messing up your office. And then you should sue him for trying to force you to take a frivolous case. And then you should sue him for threatening you!
SkoomaKi 28
I'm willing to bet this guy is old. Old people just have a natural thing for complaining. We give them a nice retirement home and a phone call once a month, what could they complain about?
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Comments (164)
tennisrapper1 14
Some people take sensitivity to a whole new level. >.>
pagullarka 9
Well dammit he needs to sue somebody will be the neighbor are you you pick
lemonmilk 8
What?
Michele2luv 8
"Will it be the neighbor or you? You pick?" is what that should have said but he's an idiot and didn't check his comment before posting
evig_fml 16
36- where did you learn to translate derp?
Fruitmonster2 15
Derpology, I presume or was it from the University of Derp?
perdix 31
The reality is that you are the true pansy. If you had balls, you'd threaten the name-caller with a slander and defamation lawsuit, and score a sweet settlement. But, you didn't, . . . pansy.
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
Perdix, were you anybody but PERDIX, your comment would have been downvoted into oblivion.
llamafish 25
Good luck finding a lawyer for that. That'll REALLY get him laughed out of the court.
OffToTheGayBar 9
When my friends and I were kids, we went to a fair and bought hand-crafted wooden swords. We went to a place far from the festivities and people to have an epic sword fight. During my climactic death an elderly man pushed his way through our battle and said, "If you hit me with those, I'll sue your asses." People will sue for anything nowadays. And the shit part is, they win. You should've slapped that bitch, OP. Wait, never mind, not only is violence hardly ever the answer, but your ass woulda been slapped with a subpoena. Verbally slap that bitch, yeah, that's the answer. Be like, "Ah, hell, no!" *Pow* Right in the kisser, orally that is. :D
evig_fml 16
I would have thrown it at him and said my hand slipped, and then I would wish him good luck in trying to sue the forces of nature and physics
rooney0710 5
Suere nice guy ;p
TheTerenity 9
*facepalm*
badmike89 6
Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't illegal for you to discuss this kind of stuff that is against his rights
X_Codes 11
No, it's not illegal. We can't attach this particular line of conversation to any living, breathing people, so it's still essentially confidential. What's more, there's the distinct possibility that the lawyer wasn't actually retained yet, which means that the conversation wouldn't even be confidential, and I'm sure that in some states there's even another exception should the client physically threaten his attorney.
DocBastard 40
It IS against his rights! You should sue! Wait, who is "his"? And who is the lawyer? What, you mean you don't know? Then no one is violating anything, numbnuts.
Levvy 22
Okay, Badmike, here's the test: Can you tell us whose privacy has been violated? I don't mean who in the story. I mean what individual United States citizen. If you can't, then no.
saidoh_fml 26
Attorney-client privilege wouldn't apply if OP refused to take the guy on as a client.
Cad6 24
Tell the ****** to sue you. It'll be him who gets laughed out of court.
X_Codes 11
Betting pool on which state this FML is from: My money's on Kentucky.
ClosetTroll 10
You should have replied with something like, "Your rights end where mine begin".
plaguer 26
I just needed to point out that your picture makes me regret reading FMLs in the dark late at night.