Today, I had dinner with my boyfriend's family. His 3-year-old nephew came running for a hug. At the last second, he darted past my arms and bit me on the ass. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was eating with my boyfriend and his family at a high-end restaurant when, suddenly, I screamed, thinking a dog had just bitten my leg. I am terrified of dogs. I kicked my under-the-table assailant as hard as I could. It was my boyfriend's adorable five-year-old sister. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML
Today, I was pretending to be an angry bear while babysitting a 3 year-old boy, and an 19 month-old girl. I was chasing them around the house, having a great time. Just when I bent over to pick up his sister for a diaper change, the 3 year-old decided it was his turn. He bit me square on the ass. FML
Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML
Today, a little kid accidentally ran into me at the pool. He apologized by biting my leg. FML
Today, I went to dinner with my husband's family to celebrate our nephew's birthday. He spent the entire dinner flirting with his sister, then got offended when I said that his behavior was weird. FML
Today, I was playing with my 3-year-old nephew when he suddenly got up and ran to his mom to tell her I was "touching in bad spots". I was tickling his armpits. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
Today my boyfriend tried to be sexy and rip off my underwear. Instead, he bit a chunk out of my hip. FML
Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
"I /knew/ meeting your family would bite me in the ass!" "What do you mean? That seems more like an excuse to make a pun than something that has relevance to what happened." "I… I don't know. Wow. What if we're just characters in an FML comment and none of this is real?" "Don't say things like that. It's ******* horrifying."
GlennGuagmire 20
What a tasty ass
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Comments (31)
whatahatuis 7
that bites
cupcakekate9 14
Man that kid is a buttmunch
Brit_Tiny17 6
Even if there wasn't a shell on it, it still would have exploded. You have to break it up first. I know this because my sister tried to reheat a hardboiled egg without breaking it up first. At least yours exploded in the microwave. Hers ended up all over her and the kitchen hahah
Tripartita 45
I know this was posted on the wrong FML, but it's so much funnier in this context.
scififemme 23
What a cheeky little bastard.
johnspa 6
I guess he didn't know that cake isn't served 'til after dinner.
caliguy08 17
Sorry but that's just funny.
jakendrick3 6
Read the author name first, didn't expect this post.
Mudge 11
what
aqua8992 11
So he is a literal pain in the butt.
WildChildRocker 11
What a little pain in the ass.