Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was playing tennis. As I hit a powerful serve, I suddenly woke up due to having slapped myself in the face. FML
Today, I had a dream where I whacked my head against my shelf. I woke up immediately after, freaked out and whacked my head against my shelf. FML
Today, I had a dream that my mom hugged me and told me she loved me. I woke up to her banging on my door, barging into my room, inspecting it, and then telling me to “just fucking kill yourself, because you're genuinely a bad person” before slamming my door. My room was perfectly clean and tidy. FML
Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML
Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML
Today, while having a bad dream, I went to punch a bully in the face. Mid-swing I wake up and punch the solid concrete wall to my basement bedroom FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML
Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML
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Top comments
sweet2u22 9
This is probably one of the funniest FMLs I've ever read.
jackassiddy 8
I guess be glad she didn't say she was gonna beat you till you shit your pants?
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Comments (92)
jaredjudd21 2
So while you were dreaming you punched yourself in the face woke up got knocked out then woke back up with a messed up jaw? Thats pretty amazing if you ask me.
biglittlehead 12
Herp a Derp
RebelYell14 4
Good thing you didn't tell her you were going to jump out a fourth-story window!
YagerMiester95 8
Wow you taught yourself a lesson.
Rinafbby 0
Omg thats so funny. I laughes for like 5mins straight!
cdogLuvs2golf 0
I once did that but I humped the air ha
SMDhaterzFML 2
I dont even get up when the alarm goes off..
strife1313 4
"how many lumps do you want?" awww three or four
5t3ff1k4h 47
Whoa! Why do you have that bruise? What did you do? It's a long story, mom...
jackdaniel61709 0
Ur a dumbass!!