Money: When it rains, it pours.

When it rains, it pours.

By BadKarma - 28/08/2018 07:00 - United States - Douglas

Today, my washing machine, dryer, vacuum cleaner, and laptop all stopped working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 253

You deserved it 146

Money

Another great day to be alive

Leave me alone!

Not the sharpest tool

By jack - 08/10/2012 18:36 - United States - Mcnabb

Today, my girlfriend of 3 months got mad at me because I thought she was attractive. She has an identical twin, and she says if I think she's attractive, I must want her twin too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 920

You deserved it 2 525

By foreveralone - 09/06/2015 15:15 - Australia - Perth

Today, someone finally told me that they couldn't live without me and that they love me more than anything. It was a student in my year 1 class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 218

You deserved it 2 210

By Username - 21/04/2011 13:55

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 441

You deserved it 10 157

By -_- - 22/04/2015 15:06 - United States - Amherst

Today, my boss gave me the job of dealing with the guys doing the roofing at our store. His reasoning is that since we're all Hispanic, I'm perfect for the job because "You guys all know each other." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 425

You deserved it 2 720

By :| - 25/04/2012 18:46 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 818

You deserved it 2 365

By Shrimpy - 16/03/2019 20:00

Today my girlfriend and her 3 friends walked in on me doing a solo performance on myself. They stood their quietly and videoed it unknown to me. And then afterwards laughed and made fun of how small I am. And to make it worse forwarded the video to everyone. Now everyone calls me shrimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 019

You deserved it 475

By Emily - 01/08/2012 05:44 - Canada - Baden

Today, my husband told me that occasionally I pick my nose while I sleep. I didn't believe him so he showed me the video he took of it. He wants to post it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 767

You deserved it 3 274

By Nikse - 29/07/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 313

You deserved it 51 920

Awkward

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 02:01

Today, I saw my friend's ex and noticed she had gained a ton of weight since he dated her and had been dating someone else. It reminded me of my friend, so I messaged him and made a joke about her being unrecognizable. He informed me that they started seeing each other again last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 1 144

Captive

By Anonymous - 05/04/2020 20:00

Today, while eating dinner, my girlfriend looked at me, smiled and said, "I can't tell if this is love or Stockholm Syndrome, but either way I'm happy." I'm not sure what to make of that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 187

By Anonymous - 04/05/2014 21:07 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, it's my first day working the graveyard shift at a local hotel. My new boss thought it would be hilarious to sneak up behind me while dressed like the Grim Reaper. I screamed like a little girl and soaked my pants. Apparently he does this to all the new people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 659

You deserved it 6 697

By nsb124 - 28/01/2015 08:07 - United States

Today, it was my brother's birthday. I was short on money but got him a present anyway. After opening it, he looked at it and said, "I didn't really want this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 736

You deserved it 2 800

Rage Quit

By Redsnation - 08/08/2017 05:02

Today, my older brother said that if he beat me in a game of NBA 2k17, he would get to keep my PS4. I beat him so badly that he got angry and destroyed my PlayStation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 666

You deserved it 502

By Anonymous - 16/10/2013 17:37 - United States - Romulus

Today, I found out my handwriting is so bad that people think I write in Arabic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 329

You deserved it 10 381

By DayamyWuzHere - 24/11/2009 22:47 - United States

Today, some girl punched me in the face and left a huge purple bruise. Apparently her boyfriend has been cheating on her with me because she always sees him walking me home. Her boyfriend is my older brother who didn't bother telling her who I was because "he wanted to see what she would do." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 937

You deserved it 2 654

Victim blaming

By whatjusthappened - 06/09/2013 00:46 - United States - Loveland

Today, I was asked by my neighbor to stop jogging in our neighborhood because he keeps catching his son whacking off while watching me. His son is 28 years old and still lives at home. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 415

You deserved it 4 627

Dates that matter

By mee - 19/02/2012 11:37 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend sang "Happy birthday" to my vagina. It was my birthday last month and he forgot, but he remembers the date of the first time he went down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 742

You deserved it 4 638

By anonymous - 14/09/2010 07:57 - United States

Today, while at dinner with my current boyfriend, my ex walked in with his new girlfriend. The waiter put them at the table next to ours, and the two of them had a front row seat to me spilling an entire guacamole salad on my lap out of nervousness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 235

You deserved it 6 894

By addictedtofml - 24/02/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 300

You deserved it 19 833

Doin' it for the 'gram

By My sister is a scumbag - 09/04/2021 17:00

Today, my sister refuses to talk to me because I didn't post her a "Happy birthday" in an Instagram story. It seems that the iPhone 12 I gave her as a present is just not enough. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046

You deserved it 94

By photofaint - 23/02/2012 12:11 - United Kingdom

Today, we had our whole staff photo. We all had to stand up in rows in height order, as I'm tall I had to stand in the middle, at the back. I'm horribly claustrophobic and ended up fainting in front of 100 colleagues, taking down 4 people around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 214

You deserved it 3 613

By embarrassedhubby - 18/09/2010 03:48 - Canada

Today, when I came home from work, I saw my wife in nothing but black boots and a Santa hat. My boss and coworker were with me. I now have guys wanting to have a threesome with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 391

You deserved it 6 383

By Anonymou$ - 06/11/2014 23:37 - United States - Daphne

Today, I spent over $2,000 on a big flatscreen TV. My dad insisted I let him mount it on the wall instead of paying someone to do it. All seemed fine, until the TV came loose and smashed onto the floor. My dad refuses to accept responsibility, and says I should've had a professional install it instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 971

You deserved it 7 775

Just say no

By Dan - 20/10/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 1 131

Which toppings?

By neverhealthy - 01/10/2019 02:01

Today, I read that food cravings are only supposed to last a couple of minutes. I have been craving and dreaming about pizza for a month straight, and the urge is only getting stronger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 223

By Kfeaaa - 24/02/2009 02:31 - United States

Today, I ran up to my boyfriend and gave him a kiss. I didn't understand why the girl next to him got upset, but it turns out the voicemail I deleted by accident was him breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 884

You deserved it 7 549

By Jif_Creamy - 28/02/2016 05:00 - United States - Washington

Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 811

You deserved it 7 119

By inpain - 17/03/2016 04:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in my self-defense class, we did an attack simulation. As I began to hit my attacker, my fist hit the top of his helmet, dislocating my shoulder. I then spent the next hour in the ER sobbing until it was popped back in. I need to learn to defend myself against myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 826

You deserved it 2 373

By Anonymous - 26/04/2014 16:39 - United States

Today, my dog proudly brought home a rabbit he'd killed. The same rabbit that belongs to my neighbor's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 244

You deserved it 4 623

Between a rock and a hard place

By Anonymous - 25/10/2021 04:59 - Canada - Enderby

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 225

You deserved it 141

By nl4 - 01/11/2013 23:55 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 872

You deserved it 56 121

By Anonymous - 16/09/2012 15:32 - United States - Acton

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. Yesterday, I finally came to my senses and started using birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 776

You deserved it 59 309

By Frazzled - 10/04/2011 10:59 - United States

Today, after three days of hospital camping with my very sick husband, he was finally out of danger when I left last night to get my first good night's sleep in almost 96 hours. He woke me at 5 a.m. with a phone call asking me to bring him comic books because he's bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 471

You deserved it 11 282

By Anonymous - 07/01/2019 14:00

Today, after many, many years of desperate bodily insecurity and therapy, I woke up next to the man of my dreams, who told me the sex was wonderful. Apparently, gin plays wonders with my memory. I don't remember a thing. And that was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 511

You deserved it 836

By StillLoveMyDogs - 09/09/2015 07:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to reach for a long piece of lint next to my dryer. It was a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 649

You deserved it 2 294

By notip - 15/11/2009 20:04 - United States

Today, I was at work, when this guy came in and paid for his ice cream, then handed me a dollar. I've never gotten a tip before, so I looked at him and said, "Thank you so much, I appreciate it." He stared at me with a weird look for a moment, and then said, "Can I just get that in quarters?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 989

You deserved it 5 620

By im_radd - 21/01/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, while in the waiting room at the chiropractor's office, I thought I'd be sexy and flash my boyfriend. Forgetting that my iPhone was in the front pocket of my hoodie, I lifted it quickly and hit myself in the mouth. Now I have a fat bloody lip and a boyfriend who can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 728

You deserved it 46 910

Movie night

By nah - 11/06/2021 11:01

Today, my boyfriend finally convinced me to watch Harry Potter for the first time. I was bored out of my mind the entire time, and by about an hour in, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to punch Hermione for being a rude little know it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 1 613

Not now

By anonymous - 02/02/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Right before I was about to climax, he asks, "Do you remember when you bought the homeless guy with one leg a hot dog?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 220

You deserved it 4 698

By Kelli - 28/08/2010 04:56 - United States

Today, I was taking care of a friend's hamster. Thinking the hamster wanted to make a bed, I put some cotton balls in his cage so he would be comfy. He promptly ate them and died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 141

You deserved it 42 128

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Top comments

JackFaire 27

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Tuesday 28 August 2018 13:14

If another story gets posted "We had a power outage and my SO doesn't understand why nothing works" I'm going to lose it.

Charlie Given 24

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Tuesday 28 August 2018 15:08

Check out your fuses also many appliances have their own fuses built in, sounds like you had a power surge

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Tuesday 21 August 2018 14:59

Sounds like you might have blown a fuse.

JackFaire 27

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Tuesday 28 August 2018 13:14

If another story gets posted "We had a power outage and my SO doesn't understand why nothing works" I'm going to lose it.

real life problems 26

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Tuesday 28 August 2018 13:32

Did you then spontaneously combust?

Charlie Given 24

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Tuesday 28 August 2018 15:08

Check out your fuses also many appliances have their own fuses built in, sounds like you had a power surge

devi_916 39

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Tuesday 28 August 2018 15:45

Damn, you can't even search craigslist to find replacement appliances.

BlueSteele220 31

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Tuesday 28 August 2018 16:08

Maybe you should have just paid your electric bill. Oh, and check the fridge..

ironicsarcasm 8

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Tuesday 28 August 2018 16:58

Are the lights off too?

Mungolikecandy 19

Tuesday 28 August 2018 18:25

Aliens!

wanted_2_want 40

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Wednesday 29 August 2018 6:10

They’re all in a strike. “What do we want ?!!” ...

saffy66 34

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Thursday 30 August 2018 10:48

Did you pay your last electricity bill?

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 5

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 12

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 1 504

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 184

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