Today, I popped into the shower hoping to come out all warm and...

By ohray - Turkey - Kibris

Today, I popped into the shower hoping to come out all warm and clean. Something was very wrong with the pipes, and I came out smelling like sewage instead. FML

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Miscellaneous

Fear factor

Parental guilt

Join in the fun

By Ineverknew - United States

Today, I texted my girlfriend, saying how I hated my job, I felt trapped, and that I was wasting my time working there. A few minutes later, she answered, "That's how I feel about our relationship." FML

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By Yo Mr. White! ... BETCH! - United States - Imperial Beach

Today, I realized I'm so desperate for money that I started to watch Breaking Bad to learn how to make meth. I stopped, not because I decided it was a bad idea, but because it looks too hard. FML

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By Lonely - United States

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got my first speeding ticket. Looking it over, I was surprised to see that the officer listed my height accurately despite never having seen me standing. I complimented his uncanny ability and asked if it was part of police training. He then informed me that he read it on my license. FML

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By HowToGetFired - United States - Tampa

Today, I just finished a driving school that I thought would lower my insurance by 10%. It was 30 hours so I was glad it was over, that was until I found out I took the wrong class. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Blacktown

Today, I won a game of Monopoly against my girlfriend. She reacted by sweeping the board off the table, storming out the front door, and mowing down my mailbox driving away. FML

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By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my step mom sat me down and told me that she doesn't think that my dad is my biological father because she hasn't gotten pregnant from him. I don't think she quite understands the concept of being a step mom. FML

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By Ngbaheir - United Kingdom

Today, after weeks of my crazy girlfriend avoiding me because she knew I wanted to break up with her, I had no option but to do it by text. She told all my friends, who now think I'm a coward who isn't man enough to break up in person. They didn't even ask for my side of the story. FML

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By tdizzlehi - 28/8/2020 02:00 - United States - Boston

Won't someone think of the economy?

Today, after coming out of a meeting during which I promised my employees better wages, I was met at the door by my CEO telling me to lay off all the employees I just talked to. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Walbridge

Today, my mom finally noticed the joke file I have on my PC desktop called "bigcocklovespussy.jpg". It's just a cute picture of a chicken snuggling with a cat. She didn't actually open the file and just deleted it. She won't believe my explanation and grounded me for a month for "looking at porn". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to make up a story about my "friends" at school so my mom doesn't keep telling I'm a loser. FML

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By Tanner - United States

Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boss told me that people from work have been complaining about me. Apparently, I'm not doing part of their jobs for them, and the other manager sometimes does. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ran into my parents bedroom after I heard my name and what sounded like painful screams. When I opened the door my parents were on top of each other laughing hysterically. They needed me to find the key to the handcuffs. FML

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By wtf - United States

Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browsing history popped up. The first thing was "Best positions for a small penis." FML

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By Anonymous

Oh, hai Mark!

Today, my boyfriend's antisocial father actually decided to talk to me. Too bad I couldn't respond, due to the fact that I still had his son's penis in my mouth. FML

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By Cicie - United States - Weatherford

Most good songs are

Today, I discovered that one of my favourite, relatable sad songs is actually a song about gay sex. FML

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By ms piggy - United States

Today, stepping on a scale for the first time in years, I had to lift up my stomach to see the number. FML

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By Shelby

Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a week, because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

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By mandosfriend - United States - Pomona

Today, I got yelled at by a man for not opening my store 10-15 minutes before the scheduled opening time, which made his 84-year-old wife shit her pants waiting to get in. It didn't matter when I explained I had no way to know she needed to use the restroom. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, my wife and I went shopping for new glasses at a local store, but we didn't really get to actually buying one. On our way back, she warned me that my glasses of choice should in no way be 'those big arty ones'. When I asked her why not, she told me that I 'look gay enough already'. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I caught two kids passing notes to each other in my class, so I told them to see me afterwards. When one of the kids eventually came up, I noticed he was crying. He looked up at me and sobbed out, "I was trying to make my first friend!" FML

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By grizzlybear - Mexico

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I had a penis, our relationship would be better. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, after taking my clothes out of the washer, I noticed at the very bottom of the washer my boyfriend's USB stick I found a couple of days ago. The USB stick contains his English essay, and his novel he has been working on for almost six months. FML

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By sluttyfox

Today, I was excited to finally receive my Halloween costume in the mail after the one I ordered back in September got lost in transit. Upon reaching my mailbox, I saw the lock had been broken off and my new costume had been stolen. The party is tomorrow. FML

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By ccrex

Today, I put my phone on top the car while putting my daughter in her car seat. Told myself not to forget it. Then I drove away, and it flew off the top of the car on the freeway. It got ran over. FML

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By StellaSanguina - United States

Today, a buttmunch customer brought in $7 worth of pennies I had to count and roll. As I was putting them in the deposite box at the end of my shift, I fumbled and dropped the rolls. All but one broke, spilling their contents on the floor. FML

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By whateven333 - United States - Gibsonia

Today, I told my cousin that I would gladly help him through the loss of my aunt. That is until he started flirting with me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went downtown with my friends. A group of guys came up to us and started hitting on everyone but me. Then, one of them said: "Do you girls hang out with her to make yourselves look better?" FML

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By fuck the man-dominated construction business - Finland - Helsinki

Today, I won an argument against a sexist co-worker. When I left later on, I jumped into my car to drive home, but managed to reverse it into a parked excavator. Guess who's going to hear virginal jokes about women drivers from now on. FML

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By child - United States - Avon

Today, my mom was driving with my brothers and sister in the back seat. She was turned around talking to us, when my sister told my mom that she missed the light. She ran it, then screamed at us about not paying attention and noticing your surroundings. FML

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By Jogger - 19/8/2020 14:01

Stealth bomber

Today, I was standing in line at a coffee shop when the guy stood behind me let out a huge fart, then walked away. The rest of the line turned around, thinking that it was me. An old lady started to lecture me about being rude, while the guy who did it laughed behind his mask in the corner of the shop. FML

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By Judy69 - United States - Dekalb

Today, things were getting heated between me and the guy I like, and we were about to have sex. I told him to turn the TV off so we can get started. His response? "But I like this show." FML

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By papertrains - Singapore

Today, I went to the hospital to get my ingrown toenail removed. The doctors put me on a little surgery table and told me to relax. They then injected anesthetic into my toe four times and used a pair of scissors to slowly cut through my nail. Only, the anesthetic hadn't started to work just yet. FML

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By ThanksAsshole - 28/3/2020 20:00

Tonight, on Asshole Bosses…

Today, I got fired from a business I ran for almost 6 years. Why? The new owner refuses to close, despite our governor ordering non-essential businesses to close, and for people to stay home. I told her I wasn’t comfortable working, and that it was technically illegal. So she fired me in a group chat. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to convince a girl to come back to my place for a bit of fun. Unfortunately, I was wearing cheap new black underwear, and some of its fibers had stuck themselves to my knob, making it look like a weird fleshy caterpillar. I didn't get lucky. FML

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By ILoveLamps - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that my friend's family has been using red paper to help his little brother with his potty training. "Aim for the red!" they would say to him. I guess today was a bad day to wear red pants. FML

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By malicious_melons - United States - Santa Paula

Today, my mother had a full-on hissy fit because of the clothes I was wearing. Not because she thought they were inappropriate, but because I was "stealing her look." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML

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By Staples - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally stapled my finger to a piece of paper. It hurt, but I took it out and went to restaple it. I did it again. FML

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Top comments

By RoseCrystal | 17

#6141735 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:17

I read the first line as, "I pooped in the shower..."
I wasn't totally wrong.

By sunnyray812 | 42

#6141741 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:19

I read this as "I popped in the shower," and thought, "What the hell???"

COMMENTS

By Snake1105 | 20

#6141701 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:09

That sucks

By SandpitNinja | 10

#6141703 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:10

Bet that was a shitty shower.

Sandsh8rk | 36

#6141757 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:28

And there it is...

pooldude | 24

#6141841 - Friday 12 December 2014 2:35

so predictable!! there is always that one guy -.-

kangx1 | 28

#6141905 - Friday 12 December 2014 4:00

"that" guy strikes again -.-

smackaroonial | 20

#6142308 - Friday 12 December 2014 15:17

At first, I thought it said they pooped in the shower. And it totally makes sense why they would smell bad...

By jitterbug123 | 11

#6141704 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:10

Oh dang. That really stinks

orbit | 22

#6141940 - Friday 12 December 2014 4:51

It probably would stink, literally. Wouldn't you be able to smell it before popping in the shower?

By imapartypooper | 15

#6141722 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:13

That's kinda poopy.

pooldude | 24

#6141844 - Friday 12 December 2014 2:36

we got another one over here!

thevelociraptor | 31

#6141969 - Friday 12 December 2014 5:20

Quick! Get the net!

By DanShowsNoMercy | 13

#6141729 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:16

Might want to check your pipes.

pooldude | 24

#6141846 - Friday 12 December 2014 2:38

That's a good advice. Obvious, but good.

teresa96706 | 29

#6141907 - Friday 12 December 2014 4:03

No shit.

Vitotaylor36 | 13

#6141966 - Friday 12 December 2014 5:13

Actually, there was a lot of shit...

redneck66 | 11

#6143582 - Saturday 13 December 2014 21:28

thats just an awesome reply to a comment^

By RoseCrystal | 17

#6141735 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:17

I read the first line as, "I pooped in the shower..."
I wasn't totally wrong.

Im2Shy | 16

#6141742 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:20

Lmao, so did I.

netflixislove | 32

#6141891 - Friday 12 December 2014 3:39

Lol I did too

Soleia_Grace | 15

#6141914 - Friday 12 December 2014 4:22

I think we all did

live_love98 | 1

#6141926 - Friday 12 December 2014 4:39

Same here.

Vitotaylor36 | 13

#6141967 - Friday 12 December 2014 5:14

Am I the only one who read "popped" and knew exactly what she meant?

redneck66 | 11

#6143584 - Saturday 13 December 2014 21:29

haha yeah i was like...WHY?!

Evilmonkey585 | 3

#6515241 - Wednesday 20 January 2016 9:00

At least I'm not the only one.

By sunnyray812 | 42

#6141741 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:19

I read this as "I popped in the shower," and thought, "What the hell???"

cdawg69 | 10

#6141900 - Friday 12 December 2014 3:52

I bet you didn't really think that......

sunnyray812 | 42

#6142006 - Friday 12 December 2014 6:58

Honestly, I did. Just because others said so before me (which I didn't know put the same thing as I validated my comment) doesn't make me a liar.

sunnyray812 | 42

#6142008 - Friday 12 December 2014 6:59

And now I just realized my autocorrect changed "pooped" to "popped" on my comment. Oh, well. Everyone knows what I meant.

By wvcheesehead | 13

#6141743 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:21

Did your shower have a tank and a bowl? You may have gotten confused.

By denwing82 | 4

#6141751 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:26

You poo in the toilet bowl then take a shower after to get clean, not at the same time...

B1ackthesun | 31

#6141901 - Friday 12 December 2014 3:53

Op said popped not pooped. Though you're not alone, I had a few seconds of confusion before I read it again.

DoubleDosexo | 12

#6142009 - Friday 12 December 2014 7:00

#28 when I first looked at it I saw pooped and so I went to read it to see that it actually said popped ._.

By Dimps94 | 9

#6141760 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:29

I read it as pooped not popped