Miscellaneous: Today, I popped into the shower hoping to come out all warm and...

By ohray - Turkey - Kibris

Today, I popped into the shower hoping to come out all warm and clean. Something was very wrong with the pipes, and I came out smelling like sewage instead. FML

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Miscellaneous

Boom, headshot

They're everywhere

Pull your shit together, Bezos

By Anonymous - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML

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59647

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By Elizabeth Ann

Today, after months of planning, I finally got my first tattoo: my cat's paw print. I love it so I showed my friends pictures. One said it looks like poop and the other said it looks like I have a disease. FML

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2343

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By Lovesickgal - United Kingdom

Wrong number

Today, my ex-boyfriend texted me, saying, "I love you." Stupidly, I was very excited and replied, "At last! I still love you", to which he replied, "wrong number sorry, I don't love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2858

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By anon - United States

Today, I was fired from the restaurant I work at because I missed my shift. I missed it because I was in the hospital for food poisoning from the meal I ate at work last night. FML

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42997

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By Fox - United States

Today, while driving extremely fast on a road in the middle of nowhere, I started to go down a hill. Noticing a police car at the bottom, I slammed my brakes and blew a tire in the process. It turns out the police car was an old cutout used to trick people. FML

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12326

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got the nerve to tell my parents that I'm no longer going to pay them a flat percent of my salary, but only what they need to cover my expenses. Their response: "Better find a place of your own then, you freeloading bastard." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19777

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By xtammyle - Australia - Lower Plenty

Today, I walked in on my dad straightening my dog's fur. His excuse? The dog needed to feel pretty. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had a few drinks with a female friend after having a bad week. I got so wasted that I wound up ending the night by giving my boyfriend a rimjob. He thoroughly enjoyed it and thinks it's going to be a regular thing now. FML

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By fmyactuallife - 3/5/2020 08:00

Sludge factory

Today, I'm on my second day of a week of antibiotics to treat a bad urine infection. Incidentally, the pills seem to be giving me extremely loud, frequent, gut-wrenchingly painful and smelly diarrhea. Only 5 more days to go. FML

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1499

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By Anonymous - Germany - Ahaus

Today, it's been three weeks since I moved to Germany with my own money, after my company's offices in Spain shut down. I was given a job at the headquarters here, only to have just found out that the whole company is now set to go into liquidation. FML

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By shitty situation - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

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By Face_loser - United States

Today, I had to break up with my girlfriend on her request because she "didn't have the heart to do it." Within twenty minutes I'd received 4 calls from mutual friends, including my best friend, telling me what a jerk I am. And one from my mom. FML

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By Lucille

Pants on fire

Today, while going through my daughter’s room, I found a pair of pants with the security tag still attached. My daughter is a thief. FML

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1398

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By Ouch - United States

Today, the vibrator I ordered online was delivered. I'd paid extra to make sure it would be here before the weekend, so I could sneak it into my room while everyone was gone. My dad decided to stay home all day and answer the door ahead of me. FML

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33579

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By annoyed - United States - Wyoming

Today, I finally got to attend the concert I have been anticipating for weeks. The band was great. The drunk guy sitting behind me yelling profanity and out of tune lyrics in my ear throughout the entire show, however, was not. FML

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23064

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By fallsdownplenty45 - Taiwan

Today, I went biking. I attempted a large hill and lost control, slipped, and fell ten feet into a sewage pit. Riding home covered in crap, my sock caught my chain and I flipped over my bike. My dad had to spray me with the garden hose, bloody and shitty, in the front yard. FML

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72762

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By JazzyandAlice - United States

Today, I went to babysit eight kids under the age of ten, all by myself. After five hours of Hell, the parents finally came back from the ASU game. I got paid $5. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51857

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By Josie - United States - Florence

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend. There's a short cut to my house by jumping a fence but he insisted that we take the long way because, "Girls don't jump fences." To prove him wrong, I jumped the fence. I fell and broke my leg. FML

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17170

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By mm - United Kingdom - Warrington

Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31761

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By chocobo

Supreme Betrayal

Today, I discovered that my family routinely waits until after my bedtime to order a pepperoni pizza, my favorite food. If that wasn't bad enough, I'm 17 and still have a strictly enforced bedtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4389

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By dating a moron - United States - Dearborn

Today, as I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, she started doing stupidly fake moaning, which then went really high-pitched like a little girl's, killing my hard-on. She says she thought that because I'm Japanese-American, I'd only be able to cum if she copied "those Japanese pornstars". FML

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44354

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By hating my life - United States

Today, I managed to accidentally drop an entire cake on my laptop's keyboard. There's so much frosting stuck under the keys, I have no idea how I'm going to clean it out. FML

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21644

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By Economess - United States

Today, after expressing some of my reservations about the amount of work I have to do to accomplish my thesis on time, my graduate advisor compared my search for knowledge to Tom Hanks' odyssey in the movie "Castaway". FML

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24870

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By leena - United States - Encinitas

Today, my two best friends that I've known since middle school broke up. I'm glad I'm no longer a third wheel but now they won't talk to each other and both use me to complain about the other. FML

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18512

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By not a whore! - 30/8/2020 07:05 - United States - Madison

Can't catch a break

Today my sister was complaining about all the inaccuracies in Grey's Anatomy and how it negatively portrayed nurses. I’m a massage therapist. Almost everything portrays us as cheap whores. I’ve even been propositioned several times. When I pointed this out, she and the rest of my family laughed. FML

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1600

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By FML - United States

Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML

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30342

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By Fml - United States - Lynn

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex; I know that some women are great multitaskers, but I'm guessing it was a bad sign when she started to go over the shopping list. FML

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51075

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By kkbb - United States

Today, I figured out it's the first time my roommate has done the dishes after living together an entire year, but I got to clean up the bubble waterfall that came pouring out of the dishwasher because she couldn't figure out where the detergent was supposed to go. FML

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23420

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2545

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By lovehurts - United States

Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I recieved a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three foot range. FML

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18799

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By leez - United States

Today, my roommate has gone home for the weekend. She forgot to turn her alarm clock off. Her door is locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33972

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1821

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By FML - United States

Today, I blushed when a fortune cookie said "You have the attitude of a winner." My self esteem is so low. FML

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27676

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4749

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By alix - United Kingdom - High Wycombe

Today, my dog was diagnosed with depression. I got him to help with my depression. I guess we can just be miserable together. FML

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33211

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3078

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By VampiresSayRawr - Canada

Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML

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98432

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By caleighrossi - United States - Ottumwa

Today, I was working my shift at our local nursing home. I was assisting a "sweet", "innocent" 100-year-old lady, and she had a bunch of used tissues balled up in her lap, so I offered to dispose of them in the waste-basket. She told me that if I touched them, she would kill everything I love. FML

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48506

You deserved it

5357

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I kissed my husband and said "I love you." Thats when our 5 year old son said to my husband "How can you love her so much if she's so ugly?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

64548

You deserved it

4161

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Love Hurts

Today, I learned that one of my friends is in love with me. How did I find out? A punch to the face from the boy she's supposed to be in a relationship with, for "coaxing her away" from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3727

You deserved it

230

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I dropped my blackberry, but thanks to the protective gel case that I just purchased for it... it bounced and fell right into a sidewalk drainage sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45260

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5594

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By sexytime - United States

Today, my best friend who I've had serious feelings for for over a year decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost 2 years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up 6 months ago. 3 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28662

You deserved it

4177

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By stupid - Lithuania - Prienai

Today, I was taking a bus ride home, listening to some music. The music stopped and I assumed my iPod's battery had run out. Turns out someone managed to steal it, leaving my earphones in. I didn't feel a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52905

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2020 23:04

Love don't pay the rent

Today, I begged my dad for money, for the first time ever, because even with two jobs I still can’t make rent. When asked why he sent way too little, he replied, "You always said you’d prefer to get love from me rather than money." FML

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1223

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Top comments

By RoseCrystal | 17

#6141735 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:17

I read the first line as, "I pooped in the shower..."
I wasn't totally wrong.

By sunnyray812 | 42

#6141741 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:19

I read this as "I popped in the shower," and thought, "What the hell???"

COMMENTS

By Snake1105 | 20

#6141701 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:09

That sucks

By SandpitNinja | 10

#6141703 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:10

Bet that was a shitty shower.

Sandsh8rk | 36

#6141757 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:28

And there it is...

pooldude | 24

#6141841 - Friday 12 December 2014 2:35

so predictable!! there is always that one guy -.-

kangx1 | 28

#6141905 - Friday 12 December 2014 4:00

"that" guy strikes again -.-

smackaroonial | 20

#6142308 - Friday 12 December 2014 15:17

At first, I thought it said they pooped in the shower. And it totally makes sense why they would smell bad...

By jitterbug123 | 11

#6141704 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:10

Oh dang. That really stinks

orbit | 22

#6141940 - Friday 12 December 2014 4:51

It probably would stink, literally. Wouldn't you be able to smell it before popping in the shower?

By imapartypooper | 15

#6141722 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:13

That's kinda poopy.

pooldude | 24

#6141844 - Friday 12 December 2014 2:36

we got another one over here!

thevelociraptor | 31

#6141969 - Friday 12 December 2014 5:20

Quick! Get the net!

By DanShowsNoMercy | 13

#6141729 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:16

Might want to check your pipes.

pooldude | 24

#6141846 - Friday 12 December 2014 2:38

That's a good advice. Obvious, but good.

teresa96706 | 29

#6141907 - Friday 12 December 2014 4:03

No shit.

Vitotaylor36 | 13

#6141966 - Friday 12 December 2014 5:13

Actually, there was a lot of shit...

redneck66 | 11

#6143582 - Saturday 13 December 2014 21:28

thats just an awesome reply to a comment^

By RoseCrystal | 17

#6141735 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:17

I read the first line as, "I pooped in the shower..."
I wasn't totally wrong.

Im2Shy | 16

#6141742 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:20

Lmao, so did I.

netflixislove | 32

#6141891 - Friday 12 December 2014 3:39

Lol I did too

Soleia_Grace | 15

#6141914 - Friday 12 December 2014 4:22

I think we all did

live_love98 | 1

#6141926 - Friday 12 December 2014 4:39

Same here.

Vitotaylor36 | 13

#6141967 - Friday 12 December 2014 5:14

Am I the only one who read "popped" and knew exactly what she meant?

redneck66 | 11

#6143584 - Saturday 13 December 2014 21:29

haha yeah i was like...WHY?!

Evilmonkey585 | 3

#6515241 - Wednesday 20 January 2016 9:00

At least I'm not the only one.

By sunnyray812 | 42

#6141741 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:19

I read this as "I popped in the shower," and thought, "What the hell???"

cdawg69 | 10

#6141900 - Friday 12 December 2014 3:52

I bet you didn't really think that......

sunnyray812 | 42

#6142006 - Friday 12 December 2014 6:58

Honestly, I did. Just because others said so before me (which I didn't know put the same thing as I validated my comment) doesn't make me a liar.

sunnyray812 | 42

#6142008 - Friday 12 December 2014 6:59

And now I just realized my autocorrect changed "pooped" to "popped" on my comment. Oh, well. Everyone knows what I meant.

By wvcheesehead | 13

#6141743 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:21

Did your shower have a tank and a bowl? You may have gotten confused.

By denwing82 | 4

#6141751 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:26

You poo in the toilet bowl then take a shower after to get clean, not at the same time...

B1ackthesun | 31

#6141901 - Friday 12 December 2014 3:53

Op said popped not pooped. Though you're not alone, I had a few seconds of confusion before I read it again.

DoubleDosexo | 12

#6142009 - Friday 12 December 2014 7:00

#28 when I first looked at it I saw pooped and so I went to read it to see that it actually said popped ._.

By Dimps94 | 9

#6141760 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:29

I read it as pooped not popped