Miscellaneous: Today, I popped into the shower hoping to come out all warm and...

By ohray - Turkey - Kibris

Today, I popped into the shower hoping to come out all warm and clean. Something was very wrong with the pipes, and I came out smelling like sewage instead. FML

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Miscellaneous

Walk the line

Fancy a pint?

Time's up

By Anonymous - 13/5/2021 00:01

Get creative

Today, I was put in charge of painting a storage shed. The company owner ordered me to paint it a shade of blue. The site manager order me to paint it red. My boss ordered green paint. FML

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928

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By fuckmyjob - United States - Lake Charles

Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML

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45922

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By Anonymous

Triage

Today, while at my job as a nurse in the ER, someone came in with a hangnail. They threw a fit that they had to wait because we were managing a heart attack, a man with colon cancer and a kid with appendicitis. FML

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1700

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By maryfaithh - United States

Today, I tried to open a can with a potato peeler. For a minute I forgot what a can opener looked like. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10487

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25918

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By chuchundra - United States

Today, I got back from a two-week vacation. During my vacation, I had a friend from work watch my puppy. My puppy now likes him more than me, and won't stop whining sadly since he left. FML

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43625

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By Anonymous

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to jump out from behind the bedroom door to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. I slipped and broke two ribs when I hit the ground. Instead of a sexy birthday evening, he got to take me to hospital. FML

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4368

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By not drunk - 21/7/2020 08:01

And I oop

Today, I was at a restaurant. I turned around looking for the restroom. I almost walked into the men’s room, then corrected myself and stumbled in the hallway looking for the ladies’. The employees thought I was drunk and kicked me out. I hadn’t had a single drink. I’m just clumsy as shit. FML

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1402

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Halstead

Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend when he suddenly got down on one knee and proposed. A waiter tripped over him and spilled our food all over him. FML

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5521

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485

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By historyrepeats

Today, I woke up to a Swastika, "Go home" and "Trump2020" spray-painted on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2510

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291

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By DroopyDog - Netherlands

Today, I bought a puppy. I just found out I can't bring it on the family trip. To save me the trouble of finding a friend to take her in, my mum handed her back to the pound. FML

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35868

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By friendless1004 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I gave a group presentation. Because I didn't know the last names of my group members, I'd put fake ones in, intending to replace them later. I forgot to change them and I ended up giving a presentation alongside a very angry Greg Penishead and Josh Acne. FML

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By HotelClerk - United States

Today, somebody stopped by the front desk at the hotel I work at to report a vehicle had its headlights on. I wrote down the info, including the plate. Hours later, after my shift was over, I finally realized that it was MY vehicle. The battery was dead. FML

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8094

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By snoozlagist - United States

Today, while on the bus, I began to fall asleep. Suddenly, a man next to me started laughing very loudly, scaring me and jolting me out from my nap. I was so scared, I reflexively punched the girl in front of me in the face. I was pinned down by three other men while the cops were called. FML

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28411

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years asked my dad if he could marry me, and my dad agreed. He then tells me that he's not going to propose for maybe another year at least, he "just wanted to get that out of the way." FML

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31996

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2021 07:59 - United States - Rochester

Toxic community

Today, I donated money to a gaming streamer I like(d) who's been struggling. He later yelled at me and timed me out for "derailing the stream" with "dumb" questions. Then I found out a troll community that follows him doxxed me, and people are dunking on me and calling me "retarded" on social media for donating. FML

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796

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331

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2020 02:02

Heartless

Today, I received a positive Covid-19 test. Despite being largely asymptomatic, the company I work for decided that I've behaved with "gross neglect" by coming to work in an attempt to support the company's ambition, and promptly fired me with no benefits. FML

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1579

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I have been dating an incredibly gorgeous woman. She had a poor self image and after the longest time, I finally convinced her to seek counselling to help her self esteem. It worked. So well in fact that she just broke up with me because she "finally realized she could do so much better" FML

I agree, your life sucks

37873

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5412

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By insomnitude - United States

Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML

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41703

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13771

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By Trey - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend over to her first dinner with my family. My gramps spent the entire dinner telling my girlfriend how the Illuminati are plotting to take over the world and use microchips to control everyone. So much for being taken seriously now. FML

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27439

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3300

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, my neighbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumped by her boyfriend. In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard. It's been going on all day. Now I know why he dumped this idiot. FML

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55096

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By menerethrr - United States

Today, I sent my best friend Mike the link to a porn site we were talking about at a party. Turns out the name "Mom" is right next to "Mike" in my contacts list. FML

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15915

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By Wisconsin love - United States

Let me Slytherin

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

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45871

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By thatwasembarrassing

Today, at a dinner I'd been planning for months with my fiancé to talk to our families about the wedding for the first time, he told me he didn't want to get married. I cried in front of both of our families and a dozen of strangers. FML

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3152

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403

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML

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29850

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By AbandonedHouseWife - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I woke up and found a little note where my husband should have been. It said, "We've had some good times, hun, but it's time for me to move on." We've been married for 15 years, and have 3 children. FML

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47088

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By montanadinosaur - United States - Tampa

Today, I was watching porn, and ended up bawling because the girl in the video looked like my ex. FML

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35065

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By Immature - 10/1/2021 05:01 - United States - Hesperia

You big child

Today, my girlfriend of six years burst into tears and said yes repeatedly when I presented her with a ring. I then had to explain that it was a promise ring, not an engagement ring. She looked me in the eye and dumped me on the spot. Apparently, promise rings are for teenagers, not couples in their 30s. FML

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419

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7718

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By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, someone whistled, so I turned around. The guy behind me then said, "Did you seriously think that it was meant for you?" FML

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39755

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5025

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By nurse - Norway

Boing!

Today, I was giving a patient an injection when I heard a cracking sound and the needle was gone. Panicking, I got a doctor to have a look. The patient was sent to have x-rays to find the needle in her thigh. I then noticed the springback system in the syringe. FML

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1122

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961

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By Anonymous - United States - Roanoke

Today, my mom found a new fad, and now styles herself as some kind of modern druid. Normally I'd just roll my eyes and deal with it, except she's forced the entire family to go vegetarian, threatening harsh punishments if we refuse to stop "poisoning" our bodies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41890

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3401

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By ktinanic - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, severing all forms of communication but one: Words With Friends. FML

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28008

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By Anonymous - United States - Decatur

Today, I drove across two states to see my brother, who's had a history of heart problems. My mother had sent me a long e-mail saying he was on his death bed and wanted to talk to me to "get his affairs in order." When I arrived worriedly, he was fine. My mother guilt-tripped me to come visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25625

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By undoable - United States

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

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30081

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By lolk - United States - Little Rock

Today, my boyfriend and I were on my bed when things started getting hot and it began to shake. My little sister called the entire family to the hall to listen to "the frogs in the wall". FML

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22657

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By lil_munchkinjen - United Kingdom

Today, my mum decided that me being bisexual meant that I was "deciding whether or not to be a lesbian" because supposedly, no man will have me. Thanks mum. FML

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34377

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5896

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By nosleep

Today, like every other day since I moved into this apartment a year ago, the construction crew started their noisy work at 5:30 in the morning. When I moved in I was promised it was a quiet neighborhood; only offices. What have they been building in the meantime? Three nightclubs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3492

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256

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the love of my life, who I've been going out with for two weeks only, asked me out because he lost a bet. Apparently I'm the punishment for not being able to eat 10 hot dogs. FML

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56084

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By kinkicali - United States - Maple Valley

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16436

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36346

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the school I work at, to set up my new classroom. I'm 5'1" and I was carrying a backpack full of fun educational posters. I also have a new boss. When we met for the first time he was yelling at me because "there were no students allowed in here yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50286

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By bootycall:( - United States - Oxnard

Today, I went on what I thought was my fifth date with a guy. We finally got intimate and it was amazing. As soon as it was over, he said : "Sorry babe, I should get going. I have a date tomorrow and I'd hate to be tired for it." FML

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8804

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Top comments

By RoseCrystal | 17

#6141735 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:17

I read the first line as, "I pooped in the shower..."
I wasn't totally wrong.

By sunnyray812 | 42

#6141741 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:19

I read this as "I popped in the shower," and thought, "What the hell???"

COMMENTS

By Snake1105 | 20

#6141701 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:09

That sucks

By SandpitNinja | 10

#6141703 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:10

Bet that was a shitty shower.

Sandsh8rk | 36

#6141757 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:28

And there it is...

pooldude | 24

#6141841 - Friday 12 December 2014 2:35

so predictable!! there is always that one guy -.-

kangx1 | 28

#6141905 - Friday 12 December 2014 4:00

"that" guy strikes again -.-

smackaroonial | 20

#6142308 - Friday 12 December 2014 15:17

At first, I thought it said they pooped in the shower. And it totally makes sense why they would smell bad...

By jitterbug123 | 11

#6141704 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:10

Oh dang. That really stinks

orbit | 22

#6141940 - Friday 12 December 2014 4:51

It probably would stink, literally. Wouldn't you be able to smell it before popping in the shower?

By imapartypooper | 15

#6141722 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:13

That's kinda poopy.

pooldude | 24

#6141844 - Friday 12 December 2014 2:36

we got another one over here!

thevelociraptor | 31

#6141969 - Friday 12 December 2014 5:20

Quick! Get the net!

By DanShowsNoMercy | 13

#6141729 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:16

Might want to check your pipes.

pooldude | 24

#6141846 - Friday 12 December 2014 2:38

That's a good advice. Obvious, but good.

teresa96706 | 29

#6141907 - Friday 12 December 2014 4:03

No shit.

Vitotaylor36 | 13

#6141966 - Friday 12 December 2014 5:13

Actually, there was a lot of shit...

redneck66 | 11

#6143582 - Saturday 13 December 2014 21:28

thats just an awesome reply to a comment^

By RoseCrystal | 17

#6141735 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:17

I read the first line as, "I pooped in the shower..."
I wasn't totally wrong.

Im2Shy | 16

#6141742 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:20

Lmao, so did I.

netflixislove | 32

#6141891 - Friday 12 December 2014 3:39

Lol I did too

Soleia_Grace | 15

#6141914 - Friday 12 December 2014 4:22

I think we all did

live_love98 | 1

#6141926 - Friday 12 December 2014 4:39

Same here.

Vitotaylor36 | 13

#6141967 - Friday 12 December 2014 5:14

Am I the only one who read "popped" and knew exactly what she meant?

redneck66 | 11

#6143584 - Saturday 13 December 2014 21:29

haha yeah i was like...WHY?!

Evilmonkey585 | 3

#6515241 - Wednesday 20 January 2016 9:00

At least I'm not the only one.

By sunnyray812 | 42

#6141741 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:19

I read this as "I popped in the shower," and thought, "What the hell???"

cdawg69 | 10

#6141900 - Friday 12 December 2014 3:52

I bet you didn't really think that......

sunnyray812 | 42

#6142006 - Friday 12 December 2014 6:58

Honestly, I did. Just because others said so before me (which I didn't know put the same thing as I validated my comment) doesn't make me a liar.

sunnyray812 | 42

#6142008 - Friday 12 December 2014 6:59

And now I just realized my autocorrect changed "pooped" to "popped" on my comment. Oh, well. Everyone knows what I meant.

By wvcheesehead | 13

#6141743 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:21

Did your shower have a tank and a bowl? You may have gotten confused.

By denwing82 | 4

#6141751 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:26

You poo in the toilet bowl then take a shower after to get clean, not at the same time...

B1ackthesun | 31

#6141901 - Friday 12 December 2014 3:53

Op said popped not pooped. Though you're not alone, I had a few seconds of confusion before I read it again.

DoubleDosexo | 12

#6142009 - Friday 12 December 2014 7:00

#28 when I first looked at it I saw pooped and so I went to read it to see that it actually said popped ._.

By Dimps94 | 9

#6141760 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:29

I read it as pooped not popped