Today, I popped into the shower hoping to come out all warm and...

By ohray - 11/12/2014 16:09 - Turkey - Kibris

Today, I popped into the shower hoping to come out all warm and clean. Something was very wrong with the pipes, and I came out smelling like sewage instead. FML

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Miscellaneous

Ghosted

The student becomes the master

Fairytale ending

By Dog_Lover - 18/12/2012 15:30 - Canada - Montreal

Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2009 22:40 - United States

Today, I was on the bus going to formal for my sorority. I was sitting in the 5th row of the bus when I felt raindrops on my face coming through the open window. I then realized it wasn't raining, but the girl in the 1st row was throwing up out her window and it was coming back in through my window. FML

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By izhamilton - 20/2/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, after flying halfway across the world to see the man I love, he admitted cheating on me several days before I arrived, not only with someone I know, but with someone I hate. FML

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By anonymous - 22/4/2011 10:50

Today, I was on the train to work. I was up late the night before, causing me to doze off. When I woke up, I was at my station. I stood up, went to walk out of the door and fell flat on my face on a platform full of people. Someone had tied my shoelaces together. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2009 08:11 - United States

Today, I was going to surprise my boyfriend at his family birthday celebration with a $2,000 trip he's always wanted, Ireland. Right before my gift, he had opened his mother's gift, an envelope containing a plane ticket. Guess where it was going? FML

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By anonymous - 28/12/2011 18:03 - Canada

Today, while driving home from basketball practice, I noticed an old lady struggling to get up from a fall. I stopped to help her up and make sure she was fine, and in the meantime, a teenager decided to hop into my car and crash it into a telephone pole and run away. FML

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By SugarMyBalls - 19/12/2012 23:31 - United States - Winder

Today, I had been trying to text my girlfriend all day, but no reply. After a while, I became worried so I called. She picked up and said, "Can't talk, busy." Not even a minute later, my best friend says to me, "Dude, tell your girlfriend to leave me alone. She's been texting me all day." FML

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By Langdon - 15/5/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, I went to the midnight premiere of Angels and Demons. A hobo wandered into the theater and sat down behind me. I paid $10 to spend two and a half hours listening to a crazy man talk to himself and kick my chair while he loudly masturbated. FML

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By truecountrybitch - 9/5/2020 23:00

Anger management

Today, my boyfriend got frustrated trying to take my entertainment center into the basement, for the kids' game room. It didn't fit, thanks to the horrible design of the house, so he Spartan-kicked it down, breaking it into 15 pieces. FML

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By eggman 583 - 13/9/2016 21:12 - United States - Massapequa

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was, "trying to change her." A week ago I asked her to stop talking to the 6 guys that have all previously asked her for nudes. FML

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By dammit - 9/6/2009 12:16 - United States

Today, my father's company shut down his branch, leaving him without a job. This is followed by a letter from my school's financial aid office, saying I'm not getting a penny because my family's income level is too high. FML

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By whatthefuck - 27/12/2016 23:22 - United States - Providence

Today, I had a dream where I was having the best sex of my life. With Donald Trump. My boyfriend hasn't stopped laughing. FML

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By ScoozieBooze - 20/12/2012 18:17 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I caught my dog chewing on a tampon applicator. I tried to grab it from him, but he wanted to play "keep away" and ran outside. Like a dumbass, I chased after him in my underwear, earning myself the attention of my neighbors on each side of my driveway. FML

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By Angelica - 28/10/2011 01:48 - United States

Today, I had to sit patiently at the checkout at work, listening to my own father rant about how the twinkies he was buying were "twice the size back in my day", and how "you could buy a dozen of these suckers for just 10 cents." He didn't stop there. No, he tried to haggle over the price. FML

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By Sleep Deprived - 25/12/2011 05:27 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my wife, once again. It seems that whenever I stop snoring, she thinks I died so she has to wake me to make sure I'm still living. She does this almost every night, every hour. FML

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By marlow - 15/1/2009 02:25 - Canada

Today, the guy sitting beside me on the bus fell asleep and just drooled on me. FML

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By fthislyfe - 18/7/2011 07:09 - Netherlands

Today, in an amphitheater, someone hit the back of my head. As I turned around, the guy apologized and said he mistook me for his friend. I changed seats, and after a while, I got hit a second time. He was wrong again. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/2/2012 05:31 - United States

Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML

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By misopower - 25/7/2009 18:50 - China

Today, after 9 months in our relationship, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. We had incredible, mind-blowing sex. An hour later, he broke up with me because apparently "my orgasm face is ugly." FML

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By MyFaceHurts - 3/8/2010 10:40 - United States

Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/1/2014 06:29 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I shut one of my breasts in my car door. FML

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By boredatwork - 29/1/2010 15:33 - Canada

Today, I was caught going on Facebook at work. I was called into my boss' office to be reprimanded, and while he was lecturing me on the importance of staying focussed and the misuse of company property, his computer beeped. It was his Facebook chat notifying him of a new message. FML

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By Tinker-Bell - 21/11/2008 03:41 - France

Today, when I woke up, my husband was already up. Thinking I hear him in the hall I shout out "come on, don't be shy, bring that cock in here right now!". A voice replies: "he's gone out to get some bread". It was my mother-in-law. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 17:46 - United States

Today, I held the door open for an old lady, before realizing she was a teacher taking 20-plus kids to lunch at local burger joint, all of whom got in front of me in the line to order. FML

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By Handblocked - 4/9/2018 06:00

Today, I got a new vibrator, raced all the way home, tore my pants off, took it out of the box, and then my grandmother walked in my front door. Apparently she's spending the night so she can make it to a doctor appointment in the morning. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2015 13:29 - United States - Fairmont

Today, I found out that while my sister can somehow manage to keep an eye on and control her three preschool-aged children at the park, making sure nobody steals my dog from right beside her is just too big of a job. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

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By funfettifirework - 18/8/2016 05:08 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, I almost got our office burned down by plugging the wrong charger into a laptop cooling fan. Tried to hide the incident and kept it casual but the smoke detector led it to my area and everyone knew I was the culprit. I'm a new hire too. FML

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By Tired - 25/12/2018 12:00

Today, was my first day off in almost a month. My husband and I spent all morning arguing then he left to his job saying he won't be back tonight. Apparently I'm being neglectful because I don't have the energy for sex after being the only one working FT, cooking, cleaning, and running errands. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/1/2013 04:23 - United States - Lafayette Hill

Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2010 13:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I was told that all the data on my laptop is unrecoverable after my hard drive crashed. I have been charged £300 for them to tell me this. Feeling sorry for myself, I wrapped myself up in a blanket and turned on my fan radiator as it's so cold... and promptly set my carpet on fire. FML

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By 310 - 9/10/2009 06:42 - United States

It's not?

Today, my boyfriend told me he always thought the female orgasm was an urban legend. FML

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By Jackassed - 12/5/2011 17:53 - United States

Today, as a prank, a friend and I tied a 10 dollar bill to a fishing line, and yanked it away from people as they reached for it. It was going really well until one of our victims pulled a knife and chased us around the block. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2014 21:06 - Norway - Nesoddtangen

Today, after nearly a month, I found out my wife isn't pregnant after all. She was just screwing around to win a bet with her friends on how long it'd take me to figure out the truth. FML

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By Jbheller - 3/5/2015 00:08 - United States - Mountain Top

Today, after resigning from my current job, I was let go from the new job I hadn't even started yet. FML

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By Bece420 - 11/2/2019 12:00 - United States - Zanesville

Today, I decided to try a 7-minute exercise video to start working out and get in shape. I couldn’t make it though the video. FML

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By Amber - 10/1/2010 17:17 - United States

Today, I realized why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10-year-old son has been peeing on the radiator, thinking it's fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/5/2018 20:30

Today, my child told me when she makes enough money to support herself, she's never going to speak to me again. FML

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By insultedguy - 3/1/2011 17:28 - Netherlands

Today, I went to the store and ran into an old friend that I hadn't seen in years. We chatted a little, and just as I was leaving he grabbed his mobile phone. Later, I added him on Facebook. Turns out the last thing he posted was a picture of my back saying: "Look who got even fatter." FML

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Top comments

By RoseCrystal | 17

#6141735 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:17

I read the first line as, "I pooped in the shower..."
I wasn't totally wrong.

By sunnyray812 | 42

#6141741 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:19

I read this as "I popped in the shower," and thought, "What the hell???"

Comments

By Snake1105 | 20

#6141701 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:09

That sucks

By SandpitNinja | 10

#6141703 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:10

Bet that was a shitty shower.

Sandsh8rk | 36

#6141757 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:28

And there it is...

pooldude | 24

#6141841 - Friday 12 December 2014 2:35

so predictable!! there is always that one guy -.-

kangx1 | 28

#6141905 - Friday 12 December 2014 4:00

"that" guy strikes again -.-

smackaroonial | 20

#6142308 - Friday 12 December 2014 15:17

At first, I thought it said they pooped in the shower. And it totally makes sense why they would smell bad...

By jitterbug123 | 11

#6141704 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:10

Oh dang. That really stinks

orbit | 22

#6141940 - Friday 12 December 2014 4:51

It probably would stink, literally. Wouldn't you be able to smell it before popping in the shower?

By imapartypooper | 15

#6141722 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:13

That's kinda poopy.

pooldude | 24

#6141844 - Friday 12 December 2014 2:36

we got another one over here!

thevelociraptor | 31

#6141969 - Friday 12 December 2014 5:20

Quick! Get the net!

By DanShowsNoMercy | 13

#6141729 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:16

Might want to check your pipes.

pooldude | 24

#6141846 - Friday 12 December 2014 2:38

That's a good advice. Obvious, but good.

teresa96706 | 29

#6141907 - Friday 12 December 2014 4:03

No shit.

Vitotaylor36 | 13

#6141966 - Friday 12 December 2014 5:13

Actually, there was a lot of shit...

redneck66 | 11

#6143582 - Saturday 13 December 2014 21:28

thats just an awesome reply to a comment^

By RoseCrystal | 17

#6141735 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:17

I read the first line as, "I pooped in the shower..."
I wasn't totally wrong.

Im2Shy | 16

#6141742 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:20

Lmao, so did I.

netflixislove | 32

#6141891 - Friday 12 December 2014 3:39

Lol I did too

Soleia_Grace | 15

#6141914 - Friday 12 December 2014 4:22

I think we all did

live_love98 | 1

#6141926 - Friday 12 December 2014 4:39

Same here.

Vitotaylor36 | 13

#6141967 - Friday 12 December 2014 5:14

Am I the only one who read "popped" and knew exactly what she meant?

redneck66 | 11

#6143584 - Saturday 13 December 2014 21:29

haha yeah i was like...WHY?!

Evilmonkey585 | 3

#6515241 - Wednesday 20 January 2016 9:00

At least I'm not the only one.

By sunnyray812 | 42

#6141741 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:19

I read this as "I popped in the shower," and thought, "What the hell???"

cdawg69 | 10

#6141900 - Friday 12 December 2014 3:52

I bet you didn't really think that......

sunnyray812 | 42

#6142006 - Friday 12 December 2014 6:58

Honestly, I did. Just because others said so before me (which I didn't know put the same thing as I validated my comment) doesn't make me a liar.

sunnyray812 | 42

#6142008 - Friday 12 December 2014 6:59

And now I just realized my autocorrect changed "pooped" to "popped" on my comment. Oh, well. Everyone knows what I meant.

By wvcheesehead | 13

#6141743 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:21

Did your shower have a tank and a bowl? You may have gotten confused.

By denwing82 | 4

#6141751 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:26

You poo in the toilet bowl then take a shower after to get clean, not at the same time...

B1ackthesun | 31

#6141901 - Friday 12 December 2014 3:53

Op said popped not pooped. Though you're not alone, I had a few seconds of confusion before I read it again.

DoubleDosexo | 12

#6142009 - Friday 12 December 2014 7:00

#28 when I first looked at it I saw pooped and so I went to read it to see that it actually said popped ._.

By Dimps94 | 9

#6141760 - Friday 12 December 2014 1:29

I read it as pooped not popped