Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML
Today, after fasting for 24 hours and drinking 2 buckets of laxatives, my doctor's office notified me that my colonoscopy had been cancelled. I'd just finished the prep by taking the fart pills, and now have the cleanest colon ever. A lot of time spent on the toilet that I’ll never get back though. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, my colon got perforated during a routine colonoscopy. Apparently, it's a rare complication and I have no legal recourse. So now I'll need to use a colostomy bag for the next 6 months until I can get surgery to fix their mistake. FML
Today, because of my life situation, I was told I'll have to have a colonoscopy without anesthesia. FML
Today, I had horrible pains in my stomach area so I went to the doctors. They couldn't find anything wrong and sent me to the Emergency Room for X-rays. After spending the entire day in the hospital, they tell me I'm slightly constipated. I had to pay $400 to find out I had to take a shit. FML
Today, I found out after a lot of panic and a visit to the gynecologist that the lump in my vagina isn't cancer. I was just constipated. FML
Today, after months of random vomiting with no apparent cause, I finally got some tests done. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me and that it's all just in my head. Great. FML
Today, I had my anus probed twice by two different doctors. I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. I'm a 22 year old guy and have to schedule a colonoscopy for next week. I guess there's a first time for everything. FML
Today, I was informed by my proctologist that my colonoscopy has been rescheduled for my birthday. FML
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Top comments
mubaki 18
My colonoscopy results showed that I had crohn's disease. If you're unhappy with yours, let's trade
yrkamurka 4
What what in the butt.
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Comments (203)
cheetahbaby96 8
At least there was nothing terribly wrong.
Il_Maestro 6
Today I was uncomfortable for a bit before finding out I'm healthy. My life must really ******* suck compared to the people with terminal results FML.
angelofsaturn 23
At least you know there's nothing wrong. I had to go thru 6 months of tests on my thyroid before they finally just cut a baseball sized growth off of it and found out that it was just a growth. On the plus side I look like I survived a Quickening.
melons 44
I just misread baseball as basketball...
runnamuk 6
Normally you have to buy them a few rounds to get that, consider yourself lucky
gracehi 33
Not no reason. You know the problem isn't your bowels. The question is now what's the real cause of your stomach pain?
ShyAnn29 15
It still could be, I had several tests done and they all came back normal, then I had this certain test done, and it showed my colon had shut down, so I had it removed. So there is still the possibility that it's OP's bowels.
Fml2012yme 0
safe then sorry
Zomg_Okay 27
Safe than* sorry. Safe then sorry would mean you'd be sorry after finding out you were safe. ... Wait, isn't that what the OP..? Hold on, now I'm confused. Did you make a grammar mistake or was it deliberate? But then... then... *Head explodes*
Finnick_fml 12
Why'd you turn to a colonoscopy right away? You should have asked your doctor about your symptoms/researched them before having a big procedure; especially if you had NO idea what it could have been.
DocBastard 40
Finnick - OP didn't "turn" to a colonoscopy immediately, I assure you. You don't just go to your doctor and say, "Hey, my stomach hurts. I want a colonoscopy." You see a doctor, he runs a bunch of noninvasive tests, and only then does he suggest something as invasive as a colonoscopy.
TheMathMajor 26
I thought that colonoscopies were relatively noninvasive. Isn't it recommended that everyone gets one done once a year after a certain age to check for polyps?
RedPillSucks 33
Colonoscopy is as invasive as non-surgical invasions get
TheMathMajor 26
Well that's what I meant. It's non-surgical and is preformed while the patient is awake.
jmacfan1 16
After 50 every 10 years unless polyps are found the every 5 years
lilacgold 16
You can't call "getting a camera shoved up your butt" non-invasive. It's not particularly risky, unlike a lot of procedures that fall into the "invasive" category, but it's invasive none the less- the camera "invades" the interior of the body.
TheMathMajor 26
I said relatively, I know that it is invasive. I meant compared to other procedures like taking a biopsy where they have to cut out some tissue. I knew that it's a routine procedure to get done after your 50's, that's why I was under the impression that it's not a really big thing to get done. I don't think having a camera up there would be too bad, they aren't cutting in to anything. I do realize, though, that you have to fast beforehand and take laxatives to clear everything out which can be a pain.
ShyAnn29 15
They give you medicine to make you sleep, so you aren't awake, but not asleep like you would be for a surgery. I really hope that made sense!
Jaxx66 21
It did make sense, 153. That's how I would have explained it. I went everywhere from the hospital, to the Gynaecologist, and many others until finally a GI said 'take this pill the night before your visit, and these two an hour before". So no, don't go to specialists first, you are SENT too them when nothing else Is found.
BobbieH 19
It is invasive but by no means a "big procedure". Colonoscopy is a standard medical test for men over the age of 40; or should be, due to the rate of colon cancer. As others have stated, you don't turn to a colonoscopy,your doctor prescribes the test.
jjessen 20
I feel really stupid asking this, but what does OP stand for?
angelofsaturn 23
#22 other people's property. Wait that's OPP. lol it really stands for Original Poster.
snowboarder531 5
24 is lying to you. OP stands for Obese Penguins.
onewaystreetpark 0
OP stands for Opened Portals
THE_A_TEEN 28
Don't listen to the delusional Douchebags. OP obviously means Oreo ****!
Instagrants 8
They're all lying. It really means Orangutan Penis.
Zomg_Okay 27
Optimus Prime, actually.
ebonyirony 29
32- all that cream... Gimme it double stuffed. Then you can just take the top off and lick your way to happiness!
evil_niceguy 4
Orange Prius
trina101 0
No it really stands for Olympic pervert
rockwind_ 5
Old People*
whadduppslut 4
it obviously was for a reason if it needed to be checked out? and it could be something in your stomach...
AnneeSo 6
Would you rather have a infected colon?
omfgitskandyce 0
I had that and trust me nothing is wrong with me