Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML
Today, after fasting for 24 hours and drinking 2 buckets of laxatives, my doctor's office notified me that my colonoscopy had been cancelled. I'd just finished the prep by taking the fart pills, and now have the cleanest colon ever. A lot of time spent on the toilet that I’ll never get back though. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, my colon got perforated during a routine colonoscopy. Apparently, it's a rare complication and I have no legal recourse. So now I'll need to use a colostomy bag for the next 6 months until I can get surgery to fix their mistake. FML
Today, because of my life situation, I was told I'll have to have a colonoscopy without anesthesia. FML
Today, I had horrible pains in my stomach area so I went to the doctors. They couldn't find anything wrong and sent me to the Emergency Room for X-rays. After spending the entire day in the hospital, they tell me I'm slightly constipated. I had to pay $400 to find out I had to take a shit. FML
Today, I found out after a lot of panic and a visit to the gynecologist that the lump in my vagina isn't cancer. I was just constipated. FML
Today, after months of random vomiting with no apparent cause, I finally got some tests done. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me and that it's all just in my head. Great. FML
Today, I had my anus probed twice by two different doctors. I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. I'm a 22 year old guy and have to schedule a colonoscopy for next week. I guess there's a first time for everything. FML
Today, I was informed by my proctologist that my colonoscopy has been rescheduled for my birthday. FML
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Top comments
mubaki 18
My colonoscopy results showed that I had crohn's disease. If you're unhappy with yours, let's trade
yrkamurka 4
What what in the butt.
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Comments (203)
kpa21 2
Honestly, get the **** over it. I dont think you understand the severity of what could be there. When I was 14 in a matter of 6 months i was diagnosed with UC, had at leadt 5 hospital stays, two blood transfusions, and eventually had my entire colon taken out. Due to complications i was in and out of the hospital every week for the first month after my first surgery. Luckily they decided to go ahead with the next surgery which went ok. After my second surgery things still werent better and another 5 months later i hadYou should be glad that they didnt find anything and stop complaining about it. The fact that they didnt find anything means that its likely you dont have a disease, just an infection in your upper gi tract. Fyi this means you'll probably have to have an upper endoscopy. If i could go through at least 15 conoscopies in a year where half the time thu dont know whether its an infection or my UC and Im unnecessarily put on drugs tht dont do anything, you can get through one goddamned colonoscopy where they dont find anything. Never have I ONCE complained about what I went through and you need to ******* shut up and be glad its not what I have or worse. Shit happens. Get over it.
ruby5173 1
There's probably nothing wrong with you. Stop wasting taxpayers money on investigations and start living a healthy lifestyle (exercise daily, healthy diet, stop worrying about your bowels)! You'll feel better!
Kamirose 4
This one reads to me like "I'm healthy. FML"
Sam_El_B 5
Meh. Colonoscopies are really not that bad. You're in a twilight sleep so it's not like you know what's going on, and when you wake up it's not like your ass hurts or feels stretched out. The only bad part of the whole thing is having to drink so much Miralax mix. I had one, they didn't find anything wrong, and then the doctors moved onto the next possibility.
XxHoodieBearxX 5
Oh sorry for being healthy. Next time tell them to find cancer or something else more interesting.
kpa21 2
Honestly, get the **** over it. I dont think you understand the severity of what could be there. When I was 14 in a matter of 6 months i was diagnosed with UC, had at least 5 hospital stays, two blood transfusions, and eventually had my entire colon taken out. Due to complications i was in and out of the hospital every week for the first month after my first surgery. Luckily they decided to go ahead with the next surgery which went ok. After my second surgery things still werent better and another 5 months later i had another surgery. You should be glad that they didnt find anything. If I can get through 15 conoscopies in one year, you can go through one goddamned colonoscopy where they dont find anything. Shit happens. Get over it
robert76 5
Seriously dude, that sucks. But it doesn't warrant your response to OP. Yeah, f your life, but that doesn't mean people who don't have problems as bad as yours don't have the right to be upset by them. My grandfather has skin cancer. I was recently diagnosed with psoriasis. So, by your logic, because my grandfather has a significantly worse skin condition than I do I can't be upset about mine. Dude, get off your high horse. Seriously!
Scott411 9
You could have celiac disease. Stomach pain is a ridiculously difficult thing to diagnose.
fuckmebutdontfml 16
welcome to the last 4 months of my life
fuckmebutdontfml 16
I agree Crohn's is bad but I would swap with you anyday because at least you're getting treatment, OP and me are just suffering without being able to get help because the cause isn't obvious...I am actually suspected of Porphyria...GL with your pain though
fuckmebutdontfml 16
I don't know what happened, this was an answer to number 6
cybermolly10 7
Are you getting enough sleep? Chronically tired people, especially people who work night shifts have stomach pains.