Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML
Today, after fasting for 24 hours and drinking 2 buckets of laxatives, my doctor's office notified me that my colonoscopy had been cancelled. I'd just finished the prep by taking the fart pills, and now have the cleanest colon ever. A lot of time spent on the toilet that I’ll never get back though. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, my colon got perforated during a routine colonoscopy. Apparently, it's a rare complication and I have no legal recourse. So now I'll need to use a colostomy bag for the next 6 months until I can get surgery to fix their mistake. FML
Today, because of my life situation, I was told I'll have to have a colonoscopy without anesthesia. FML
Today, I had horrible pains in my stomach area so I went to the doctors. They couldn't find anything wrong and sent me to the Emergency Room for X-rays. After spending the entire day in the hospital, they tell me I'm slightly constipated. I had to pay $400 to find out I had to take a shit. FML
Today, I found out after a lot of panic and a visit to the gynecologist that the lump in my vagina isn't cancer. I was just constipated. FML
Today, after months of random vomiting with no apparent cause, I finally got some tests done. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me and that it's all just in my head. Great. FML
Today, I had my anus probed twice by two different doctors. I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. I'm a 22 year old guy and have to schedule a colonoscopy for next week. I guess there's a first time for everything. FML
Today, I was informed by my proctologist that my colonoscopy has been rescheduled for my birthday. FML
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Top comments
mubaki 18
My colonoscopy results showed that I had crohn's disease. If you're unhappy with yours, let's trade
yrkamurka 4
What what in the butt.
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Comments (203)
KiddNYC1O 22
Oh Beavis.
jennalicious2 3
I had that too! Turns out I'm allergic to a lot of gassy foods that I thought would be "healthy". Off limit now are apples, pears, peaches, cherries, asparagus, onions, peppers, cabbage, high fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners. Sounds bizarre - but I feel 2000x better now. Hope you feel better soon!
TheMathMajor 26
Oh wow, I feel bad for you, I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't eat apples or peaches :(
TheMathMajor 26
Plus corn syrup and sweeteners must be really hard to avoid, you can't eat any junk food XD I guess that's a good thing, though.
Knotawich 0
The prep makes you think you're going to die, leaves you balled up in tears by the toilet, but you think it's worth it to find the source of your pain. Had one, they found nothing, a month later needed surgery to remove my gallbladder. Still paying off both procedures.
KiwiKitten 2
My boyfriend's little sister had really bad stomach pain like that for months, and it turns out it was her gallbladder as well :( poor thing was only 11 when she got surgery done for it.
KrayKrayGurl117 7
Better to be safe then sorry.
Yaen 18
Dear Morons Who Cannot Read, OP is not complaining about discovering that there is nothing wrong with his colon. He is complaining because he went through an expensive and uncomfortable medical procedure and found that it did nothing to help his chronic stomach pain. For those saying it eliminated some possibilities, the source of abdominal pain can be hard to locate and OP probably has many more uncomfortable tests to endure before he finds the problem. FYL, OP.
THE_A_TEEN 28
THANK YOU. Finally, the voice of reason. It's like everyone forgot the " I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks," part. ******* morons...
nateb123 4
I've had colonoscopies and never got put under. Just some local anesthetic (because no other way will my butthole muscles disengage to allow something through) and it was fine. The worst part is that they can't see anything in your intestines unless they blow air up you so its a bit crampy but if they have to knock you out, its probably because the doctor sized you up and figured you were a huge pussy. Which is why a barely-unpleasant medical test made it onto FML.
mld4657 28
better to get cornholed and figure out the problem rather then non cornholed and have a problem. get well soon
THE_A_TEEN 28
Said the stupid dumb-shite who can't spell
laurenmacias 0
CORNDOG'D!!
PawnShopPenguin 4
Well you wouldn't have known your colon was perfect unless you went through the procedure... look on the bright side and pray that you perfect colon feels better soon!
AliSama 17
they put you to sleep when you get probed. The only problem is when you have to evacuate your bowls with meds or the liquid. This reads like. "Omg i don't have any issues but they stuck something up my ass so fml. "These issues can be anything from divicilotsis to cancer.