Love: Today, I got more excited when two Kit-Kat bars fell at once...

By jakewr - 02/07/2011 04:14 - United States

Today, I got more excited when two Kit-Kat bars fell at once in a vending machine than I did when I got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 334

You deserved it 19 850

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 02/09/2012 13:38 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 307

You deserved it 5 123

By Wheresthecreamfilling - 03/11/2016 06:03

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 091

You deserved it 1 898

By anonymous - 05/05/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 378

You deserved it 59 696

By Phoenix0614 - 25/01/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store, and I realized that all I bought was cat food and $30 worth of protein bars. Yes, I have become THAT single woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 433

You deserved it 7 300

By newlyengaged - 08/01/2017 18:11 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my mother excitedly jumped up and down, announcing that one of her sweet younger coworkers got engaged. I wished she'd had the same reaction to my engagement when I announced it to her a few days earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 861

You deserved it 585

Smooth talker

By Anonymous - 29/05/2021 07:59

Today, instead of my boyfriend calling me his Kit Kat like he normally does, he called me his "Kit Kat Chunky". When I asked him why, he said it's because I'm now 20% chunkier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 295

By Username - 16/12/2011 06:31 - Canada

Today, I hit a new low when I caught myself eating the chocolates that were meant to be part of my boyfriend's Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 653

You deserved it 33 226

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 03:59

Today, my husband excitedly came home from the gun show with a new lower receiver. I, however, had to go back out and get my own birthday cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 118

By bunintheoven - 23/10/2012 04:21 - United States - Seligman

Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 435

You deserved it 5 102

Damn

By zzzgrady - 27/10/2010 02:46 - United States

Today, after having the worst night of my life, my boss chewing me out and acid reflux all morning, I went to the snack machine at work to get the only thing that makes me happy, Reese's PB cups. I had just enough money to buy the very last one in the machine, and it got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 146

You deserved it 4 142

DJR_fml 2

Saturday 2 July 2011 11:57

Mmmm kitkats

chefinheels88 5

Saturday 2 July 2011 11:58

I'd reevaluate your marriage

Comments

iloveparc 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 9:39

maybe you shoild marry a kit kat bar

lorafadora 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 9:50

you have a problem!!

iHateThisLife 10

Sunday 3 July 2011 12:39

that's pretty sad man.

Mxpxdude189 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 13:41

Maybe you married the wrong person.

Thrasher91 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 18:06

And why didn't you say no at the altar instead of whining about your relationship on fml?

justbigbs 6

Monday 4 July 2011 4:53

Lucky bastard, ummmm kit kats

Beast_Hoff 0

Monday 4 July 2011 6:33

Your destiny is to become that trident layers commercial guy! except with KitKat

cheetahcake19 0

Monday 4 July 2011 7:51

Marriage counseling? Self reflection? Lol I can't imagine kit kats being better than being tied to the man I love.

RebeccaLynnBoch 0

Monday 4 July 2011 8:15

FAIL! Your gonna get fat and their gonna divorce you anyways,,so what's the big deal? KITKATSFORLIFE!!!XD

tchaikovsky93 0

Monday 4 July 2011 10:03

Well, that IS pretty exciting.

Keywords

Health Poopoo peepee Jewelry Awkward Fight Family Kids Love Relatable Students Work Animals Birds Sleep Noise Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Cheating Pregnancy Relationship advice Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Intimacy Sex Revenge Food Cats

The Top

Today, I went indoor rock climbing with my uncle and his 5 year-old girl. I'm about halfway up the hardest ascent when my arm cramps up. As I stretched my arm, my cousin yells up at me in her tiny voice, "Prove you're a man and climb that wall!" I fell off. I was emasculated by a 5 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 609

You deserved it 5 760

Today, I arrived at a camp and met one of my roommates. At bedtime, I had energy still, so I did push-ups. The guy was asleep or so I thought because he was facing the wall. The guy thought I was jacking off and told everyone I did it in the middle of our room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 816

You deserved it 2 837

The Top

Today, my girlfriend punched me in the face, then broke up with me because apparently she'd proved that I’m a pussy who won’t stand up for myself or fight back if attacked, so if we were robbed on the street, she wouldn’t trust me to protect her. What kind of logic is this? Good riddance, psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 639

You deserved it 160

Today, my dad forgot me at cross country practice. When he got there two hours late, instead of apologizing, he said, "Hey, that's only the third time I've forgotten you at practice. You should be congratulating me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 750

You deserved it 2 815

Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping… or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 952

You deserved it 428

Today, my wife, who NEVER wants to have sex, decided that now is the time. I, of course, had to take antibiotics that make me so bloated I can’t move without extreme pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 647

You deserved it 148

Today, my boyfriend broke things off, because he says I have a "horrible, horrible personality" and that I'm only really fuck-buddy material, which is a problem because he wants something long-term. We've been dating for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 183

You deserved it 3 914

Today, my cat got his head stuck in the handle of a plastic bag while snooping. Unfortunately, it was the bag I use to put his turds in after scooping them from the litter tray. With the bag trapped around his neck, he got spooked, then ran around the house, spreading turds from the bag as he fled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 797

You deserved it 403

Same thing different taste

Smooth talker

Thanks, I hate it

Damn

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