Money: Today, I got married. I received a beautifully wrapped gift from... - FML

By Anonymous - 17/10/2012 02:48 - United States

Today, I got married. I received a beautifully wrapped gift from my dad. I was full of excitement until I opened it and found two taxidermied rabbits. The ones I had when I was in the fifth grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 909

You deserved it 1 989

Sorry…

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Good kid

By IhateThem - 14/05/2011 05:07 - United States

Today, I found out that my neighbors' 9 year old son has been the one taking a shit on my doorstep everyday. Why? Because Cartman from South Park said that if you keep doing it, the person in the house will move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 989

You deserved it 4 693

By FUCKING POWER - 02/11/2013 21:41 - United States - Wixom

Today, there was a power outage at my apartment. I ended up deciding that the power wasn't going to come on any time soon, and that I should go to a hotel for the night. Just after I unpacked at the hotel, my neighbor called to say the power had come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 466

You deserved it 43 987

By worthless - 10/11/2010 02:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who doesn't wear deodorant and has horrible dandruff, decided to shower for the first time in nearly a week because he got invited out to a bar. He didn't even invite me to go with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 711

You deserved it 39 767

Snaggletooth

By sara - 30/05/2021 11:01 - Canada

Today, I finally got my health insurance after waiting a few months. Now I have to wait at least 6 months before getting my cracked tooth fixed, thanks to the pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 65

By anon - 11/10/2011 11:52 - United States

Today, I realized that the redneck, hick, abusive family that my co-workers always joke about is my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 385

You deserved it 3 955

By googoogaga - 13/03/2010 15:13 - United States

Today, I went to IHOP for breakfast. As we were leaving, I realized a little girl took my Hello Kitty hairclip. For the next 5 minutes, I fought with an 8 year-old for a hairclip. She won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 404

You deserved it 28 799

By tryandtryagain - 28/04/2011 04:04 - United Kingdom

Today, while waiting on tables at work, I was carrying a glass of red wine when I lost balance and spilt it everywhere. After cleaning the floor and myself up and after refilling a new glass, I did exactly the same thing again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 433

You deserved it 29 726

By our kids will be derps - 22/06/2013 19:28 - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 404

You deserved it 6 918

By stupiddog - 15/04/2014 12:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 273

You deserved it 5 258

By Anonymous - 12/02/2010 07:51 - Canada

Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 049

You deserved it 2 715

Priorities

By unknown - 26/04/2021 21:30

Today, I was feeling depressed. I overheard my mom crying on the phone. She said, “If my daughter kills herself, who’s going to do the dishes?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 61

Work anxiety

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 08:00

Today, I got hit by a car walking to work. My first thought wasn't to call 911 or my husband, but to call work to let them know I wouldn't be able to make it in for my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 80

By Zekrome - 05/05/2014 07:53 - Canada - Markham

Spicy

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 377

You deserved it 23 973

Unfair

By Anonymous - 09/05/2021 04:01

Today, I had to do a presentation. No one else in my group showed up, so I had to do it alone. I was given a failing grade for presenting by myself, and therefore not being a "team player". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 50

By terpity12 - 07/08/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I rescheduled my doctor's appointment for a tetanus shot to go camping with my friends. While running on a path at the camp site, I stepped on a rusty nail that went right through my shoe and into my foot. Maybe I should have kept my appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 327

You deserved it 24 311

By Kenton - 15/06/2019 00:14

Today, my older brother called me in the middle of the night to describe to me, in painstaking elaborate detail, the Yamaha commercial he'd just watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 147

By D: - 06/10/2013 17:13 - France - Paris

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 321

You deserved it 3 877

By needanewride - 16/11/2012 02:40 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 227

You deserved it 3 295

By kennarama - 16/02/2010 16:35 - United States

Today, I sat a client down for his haircut. He pulled off his hat and his hair was dripping wet. I asked him if he had just washed it. He responded, "No, but isn't it a hot day out?" No, it's twenty degrees and overcast today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 521

You deserved it 2 530

Hey

By Anonymous - 27/05/2021 00:01 - Canada

Today, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and talk to my coworker because people have been saying I’m too shy. I say, "Hey" to a girl and she made fun of my voice. She’s the one who told me to talk more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 65

By single lady - 15/08/2011 14:45 - United States

Today, at my aunt's wedding, the time for the tossing of the bouquet came and the announcer asked for all the single ladies to gather behind the bride. I was the only one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 277

You deserved it 3 710

By AD240Z - 16/12/2016 11:39

Today, while walking my dog in the darkness, I bent down to pick up his poop. I screamed like a little girl as his morning turd leapt up my arm, covering my hand and jacket sleeve in soggy poop. My dog had curled one out onto a dozing frog. I skipped breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 519

You deserved it 623

By Anonymous - 18/09/2010 14:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting picked up by my dad after I had been swimming. I saw his car, so I walked over to it, got in and started talking about how I'd seen my brother. It wasn't until after I had put my seat belt on that I realized I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 376

You deserved it 29 314

Cloud Cuckooland

By Perry85 - 04/03/2020 03:02

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend's husband heard us having sex, but he's so naive, he believed her when she said we were just watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 2 984

By Anonymous - 01/02/2010 19:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a class presentation, when I suddenly sneezed so hard I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 820

You deserved it 4 099

By Stupid - 22/04/2013 06:58 - United States - Post Falls

Today, after a few weeks of my friends pestering me to spend time with a mutual friend, I realized we had a lot in common. We both love shoes, peanut butter, and it appears that my boyfriend of three years is her boyfriend of four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 008

You deserved it 5 235

By Lincoln - 20/01/2009 01:23 - Australia

Today, I had to sit here for 8 hours copying and pasting thousands of product codes on a frigging spreadsheet. My job title is not data entry, I'm a graphic designer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 246

You deserved it 2 784

By Lebac - 14/04/2015 08:33 - United States - Burlington

Spicy

Today, I went to feed my neighbors' chickens while they were on vacation. I noticed the TV on inside, so I peeked in to see if the place was being messed with. Guess who found the neighbor home early, fully naked, and jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 654

You deserved it 4 052

By KCHS - 11/12/2014 18:20 - United States

Today, the power went out at school. As a senior, I don't show up until third period. When I got there, I signed in as usual. The office secretary waited until I signed in to tell me that if I hadn't, I wouldn't have to attend classes that day. Now I have to sit in class doing nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 993

You deserved it 3 553

By Anon - 29/09/2015 03:18 - Canada - Calgary

Today, at 8:00am, I walked into the kitchen and stubbed my toe. That's quite a normal occurrence, but this time, I stubbed it on my drunk, passed out, 53-year-old father's forehead. He's mad at me now and has cancelled my allowance. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 011

You deserved it 8 995

By Nobody - 17/10/2010 17:17 - United States

Today, my best friend was doing my hair. She got frustrated and exclaimed, "It won't stay!" I replied with, "Just like your mom!" It was then that I remembered her mom had just left her dad and moved out of the house to be with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 162

You deserved it 58 400

By Unknown - 18/10/2011 04:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off my bra and insisted that he'd figure it out on his own. He gave up a couple seconds later and played video games instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 779

You deserved it 6 370

By it_IS_just_me - 17/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I Googled my ex-husband only to find that in the years since we've split he now fancies himself as a stand-up comic. His material? Our sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 135

You deserved it 9 283

By floff - 19/09/2017 04:30

Today, I broke a toe. It was not too bad and I can still walk, but the doctors had to tape it to the next toe to help it heal. Turns out I am allergic to the glue on the tape. The pain of the blisters covering two toes and the itch is worst than the break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 449

You deserved it 216

By Anonymous - 27/07/2012 19:04 - Norway - Rakkestad

Today, my daughter proudly showed me her new tattoo sleeve, which is made up of an angry cupcake, hemp leaves, and a My Little Pony character. She's almost 30, still unemployed, and still lives in my home. I now have no hope of her ever becoming a productive member of society. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 228

You deserved it 8 312

By Anonymous - 15/08/2016 17:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found myself sneaking into my apartment to avoid the old lady that lives next to me. Funny enough, I moved into my own apartment because I was tired of sneaking into it to avoid my mom who lived with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 277

You deserved it 1 742

By mn167109 - 09/12/2014 05:45 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I asked my dad why we didn't have any baby pictures. His response was, "They got lost in the flood of '93." I was born in '95. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 274

You deserved it 2 649

By creeped_out_ - 24/06/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, I am currently grounded for three weeks, have no car, cell phone, or television privileges, and am not allowed to spend more than 10 minutes on the computer a day. The reason why: I was seven minutes past my 9'oclock curfew. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 749

You deserved it 13 495

By AlwaysTired - 28/11/2015 03:21 - United States - San Carlos

Today, I was officially diagnosed with OCD. My mother's reaction? "That's not possible, she's a fucking slob." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 266

You deserved it 2 566

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 06:37 - United States - Conover

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 834

You deserved it 40 144

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:04

Dig up his grandmother for his birthday.

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:04

Well that was very thoughtful of him! Does he hate you?

Comments

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:04

Well that was very thoughtful of him! Does he hate you?

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:41

OPs dad doesn't hate him, maybe it was a gag gift?

lux0rd 18

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 10:00

Giving someone their dead pet as a gag gift is sick.

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 10:01

Oh man, your avatar is da bestest!

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 10:02

28 - Well it's a sick idea for a joke, especially considering those rabbits were pets from her childhood! This type of "gift" is more suited for someone you don't particularly like very much, in my opinion anyway!

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 10:23

Hate is a strong word

mikeofthunder 13

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 10:25

Perhaps he really really really doesn't like her

BellaBelle_fml 23

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 10:41

40- I agree, hate is a strong word. That's why I prefer to say that I, "Passionately despise their inner being to an infinite amount." It makes me sound less bitter :P

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 12:16

Many people actually like taxidermy. Why, I cannot fathom, but they do. Ive heard it's "comforting" to still have the family pet. It's just too bad that OP doesn't. sounds to me like OPs dad was trying to be thoughtful, in his own way.

Metallica36176 16

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Thursday 18 October 2012 4:50

I love how the first half of your comment is all nice and then you went all blunt and horrible. ;)

FATTY_MCDOOGLE 29

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Monday 22 October 2012 21:35

Seems like a messed up thing to do.

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:04

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:21

Seeing as he did it and actually gave them to OP, I don't think so.

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 10:17

ahhh, memories..

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:04

Dig up his grandmother for his birthday.

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:15

That's a little harsh over two dead rodents

thatpeachyperson 12

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:20

Rabbits aren't rodents, actually. I just though someone ought to tell you.

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:39

What are they?

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 10:30

#27: Rabbits, hares, etc. are lagomorphs, which have similarities to rodents.

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 15:15

27 - Mammals.

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 15:50

Well, mammals if you don't want to be too specific.

Metallica36176 16

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Thursday 18 October 2012 4:55

Yeah 21 I remember specifically being taught that they were NOT of the rodent family in school. So very good :)

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:05

"You told me they ran away to help the Easter bunny!"

HyperSquirrel 8

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:05

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

ydi_4_suking 20

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:06

Because they were pets originally...

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 20:13

My guess is they were pets? Oblivious much?

kickass1stbase 7

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:06

Not Bugs and Peter!

kickass1stbase 7

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:10

To clarify I mean bugs bunny and Peter rabbit

ydi_4_suking 20

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:13

Who is Peter rabbit?

kickass1stbase 7

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:14

He's from children's books

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:30

I thought it was Peter Cotton Tail.

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:57

Peter got nothing on Roger! We all know it!

lux0rd 18

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 10:03

#13's comment made me die a little inside

BellaBelle_fml 23

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 10:50

kickass1stbase- I do believe that you are referring to Bugs Bunny and Roger Rabbit. The other children's book with a rabbit is Peter Cotton Tail. I'll admit, at first I didn't even think twice about Peter Rabbit. But then I started to reminisce about my favorite childhood stories and realized it wasn't Petter Rabbit but Roger Rabbit and Peter Cotton Tail.

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 12:00

Peter Rabbit is right, it used to be my favourite children's book. He wore a blue jacket. His sisters name was cotton tail.

Calingaladha 21

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 17:21

Well, Peter Cottontail is a song about a rabbit.

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Thursday 18 October 2012 0:32

Considering that one of the first websites to pop up after googling Beatrix Potter is peterrabbit.com, I'm pretty sure his name is Peter Rabbit. That, and I can still remember my mom saying in a sing-song voice, "Flopsy, Mopsy, Cottontail and Peter!" when she read the books to me many years ago.

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Sunday 19 May 2013 21:18

I know this is over 6 months late, but it's hard to resist... *busts out singing* Here comes Peter Cottontail, hoppin' down the bunny trail!

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:06

he's saving your first dog for when you announce you're having a child

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 10:16

The first child... The dog, a St. Bernard. The dog can be ridden with the kid waving the Rabbits over his or her head. GRANDAD will be so proud

BellaBelle_fml 23

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 11:26

PedroTall; your comments rarely make any sense.

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 12:10

You rarely make sense

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:06

Rabbits are a good luck symbol. Your dad wants you to represent, mate like bunnies and make lots and lots of grandbabies!

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:06

I would be hopping mad.

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 9:13

I find that disturbing and hilarious at the same time

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 6

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 45

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 38