Health: Today, my boyfriend was diagnosed with a UTI. He thought men... - FML

By Darth Spasticus - 14/11/2015 09:12 - United States - Flower Mound

Today, my boyfriend was diagnosed with a UTI. He thought men can only get UTIs by "catching" them from a woman, so he blamed me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 606

You deserved it 1 751

Walk the line

Balls

Unfortunate

By tracy4191 - 18/09/2016 05:21 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 446

You deserved it 709

By Anonymous - 11/05/2010 15:04 - Netherlands

Today, an old lady asked me the way to the shopping mall. The shopping mall was not too far away, but I could see that the lady could barely walk so I offered to drive her there. She smacked my car's door into a pole while getting in my car. She didn't even notice that she'd done something wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 704

You deserved it 5 692

By jimboxo - 26/04/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, my fiancée got out of the shower, completely shaved. I went over to her, wrapped her in a hug and asked her what the occasion was. She pulled away and said that she had a gyno appointment. My fiancée will clean up for the gyno, but not for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 577

You deserved it 10 829

By lacsmac2 - 01/11/2015 14:10 - Australia

Today, there was a huge spider on my ceiling, so I grabbed a shoe to deal with it. Just as I jumped up to smush it, my idiot brother flicked the light off. I missed the spider, but it didn't miss my face as the impact caused it to fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 538

You deserved it 2 646

By sincerely - 03/06/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally called me after a week of barely any communication. He wanted to talk to my brother about Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 598

You deserved it 5 588

By killer - 16/05/2009 12:21 - Latvia

Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 762

You deserved it 59 851

By Anonymous - 27/01/2011 02:53 - United States

Today, I got my phone fixed and the lady who was working on it somehow resent all the old text messages in my outbox. One was to my ex saying "I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 032

You deserved it 4 171

By touche :/ - 07/07/2013 21:27 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I went to a big job interview. Eventually, the guy subtly enquired about my political beliefs. He seemed pretty laid-back and cool, so I told him, at which point he just chuckled and told me to leave. When I threatened to report him, he just said, "Who're they gonna believe, you or me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 671

You deserved it 8 207

By notagoodjoke - 25/12/2016 01:01 - United States - Vincentown

Today, Christmas Eve, I told my wife she has three presents to choose from: one large, one small and one tiny. She immediately responded, "is the tiny one in your pants?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 640

You deserved it 2 166

By Anonymous - 10/11/2009 06:43 - United States

Today, I got a paper back that was given a zero for suspected plagiarism. Everything I wrote was my own thought and analysis. My instructor basically thinks my paper is smarter than I am. He won't listen, even when I explain my thought processes throughout the piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 594

You deserved it 2 719

By Anonymous - 04/12/2011 13:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 017

You deserved it 11 177

You BARBARIAN!

By Anonymous - 07/12/2020 10:57

Today, my flatmate was once again passive aggressive and angry at me, despite being sweet and pleasant to everyone else. My crime? Putting a baking tray in the dishwasher without scrubbing it first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 285

By ThanksMum - 14/02/2012 11:56 - United Kingdom

Today, the only card I got for Valentine's Day was in my mother's handwriting, and she posted it through the front door herself. She still won't admit it's from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 513

You deserved it 2 775

By Emmy - 02/10/2011 06:36 - United States

Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 284

You deserved it 3 348

By Anonymous - 17/01/2012 06:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend shared with me his anxiety about death, so I shared with him one of my ridiculously irrational fears. He thought I was making fun of him and now won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 891

You deserved it 5 600

By Username - 12/09/2010 14:46 - France

Spicy

Today, I went to a gay club with my supportive straight best friend to find me a date. Somehow, she managed to go home with a guy and I'm still decidedly single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 947

You deserved it 6 489

By Emily - 03/07/2010 18:57 - Australia

Today, after spending a great evening with the guy I really like, he dropped me off outside my house. When he pulled into my driveway, his lights shone onto my drunken mum taking the garbage out in nothing but her black panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 075

You deserved it 3 125

Family Fortunes

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 22:00 - Australia - Baulkham Hills

Today, I met the family of the guy I’m seeing, and they are all amazing. I’m scared to tell him I have a schizophrenic mum and a raging alcoholic dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 684

You deserved it 97

By sicky - 27/01/2016 05:02 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I learned that I have a sinus infection, ear infection and bronchitis so bad it was on the verge of pneumonia. My work won't let me call in sick. I work with kids. Lovely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 321

You deserved it 1 407

By Thepunchline - 11/08/2010 09:19 - United Kingdom

Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 143

You deserved it 4 202

By France Howell - 10/05/2018 15:00

Today, I rushed my wife to the ER because she was having abdominal pains. She was crying in the car and very faintly said, "If I die, our daughter goes to my sister and they get everything in my will." We later found out she was just having a bad gas problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 763

You deserved it 335

By Anonymous - 09/02/2011 05:19 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I finally found out whether or not my boyfriend is cheating on me. Turns out he isn't. He is cheating on his wife, with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 072

You deserved it 6 416

By kristine29 - 03/02/2010 16:06 - United States

Today, I went for a job interview I scheduled 3 weeks ago. I spent $200 on a new suit to really impress them and practised like crazy every imaginable question they could ask. They already had filled the position 2 weeks ago and forgot to inform me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 330

You deserved it 2 792

By startingover - 18/07/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, I was at work in a lab. I spent all day growing a large bacterial culture. I went to retrieve it, only to find that someone had turned the incubation shaker up too high, and my flask had flown off and shattered. Not only did I lose all my work, but now the whole room is a biohazard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 268

You deserved it 3 582

By Crog - 11/02/2009 11:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally kicked a child down a set of steps. I work in a kids play area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 793

You deserved it 31 772

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 23:50 - United States - Parker

Spicy

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 789

You deserved it 7 648

By Anonymous - 22/09/2011 03:42 - United States

Today, I was feeling unusually self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on makeup for the day. On my way to class, I passed some guys selling towels. One of them jeered, "Wanna be prettier? Buy a towel, and throw it over your face!" There goes my self-confidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 045

You deserved it 4 558

By Anonymous - 17/06/2016 03:00

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was ecstatic. Apparently, she'd been trying to figure out how to break up with me for the past four months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 543

You deserved it 1 538

By jigglypluff - 19/11/2014 05:27 - United States - Omaha

Spicy

Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 135

You deserved it 4 909

By Anonymous - 26/01/2013 22:20 - Denmark - Fredericia

Today, my husband quit his stable job of 12 years at the bank to pursue a career selling kites. If we don't end up homeless because of this, god knows we will when he has a real mid-life crisis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 447

You deserved it 3 640

By Anonymous - 09/08/2009 13:27 - Canada

Today, I worked at my job at an amusement park at one of the roller coasters. I have to go around and make sure that every seat belt is around the passenger. I saw my boyfriend in a seat and ran over to say hi. I saw a girl next to him. I had to strap down my cheating boyfriend and the new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 834

You deserved it 3 880

By DerrickUhl - 19/06/2012 04:28 - United States - Napa

Today, I finally turned 21 so my friends and I decided to go to a club. There, I met this hot waitress and we were really hitting it off. I decided to order a drink. She replied with, "No problem, kiddo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 719

You deserved it 6 907

By theyreallydosmell - 04/02/2011 00:59

Today, I came home from a vacation. It had snowed, so I decided to shovel the front walk. While shoveling, I found a dead skunk frozen solid on the sidewalk. I tried to pick it up with my shovel, but it stuck. It won't move 'til the ice melts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 587

You deserved it 3 043

By seriously? - 22/12/2012 22:19 - United States - Spring

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, he got upset and accused me of making up words to make him feel stupid. All because I used the word "vapid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 468

You deserved it 7 566

By Shelly P. - 29/01/2012 00:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 448

You deserved it 3 517

Enjoy yourself

By Anonymous - 17/05/2021 14:01

Today, I woke up after a 16-hour shift, and my back is out. I worked it in order to "enjoy" my 2 days off. I can barely move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 80

Internet doctor

By ThatYourDoctor - 25/08/2021 00:01

Today, a patient came to the ER at 4 a.m., but left complaining I wasn't treating him properly. I treated his toothache with painkillers that would get him through the night so he could contact a dentist the next day. He showed me a TikTok video of the tooth surgery that he supposedly needed instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 49

By Anonymous - 06/10/2011 20:35 - United States

Today, my new coworker asked if I knew her daughter. I responded yes and asked how her pregnancy was going. She didn't know her daughter was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 707

You deserved it 6 816

By reallyson? - 12/01/2015 05:28 - United States - South Hadley

Spicy

Today, I got undressed in front of my boyfriend for the first time. His reaction? "You're chubbier than I expected". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 380

You deserved it 4 717

By california - 14/03/2009 20:55 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and noticed a man in ripped clothes with a cup out asking for money. I was on my way to the movies but I felt like this man needed it more that me. Right as I gave it to him, he pulled out his blackberry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 381

You deserved it 17 762

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Top comments

Idiotskillme 20

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Sunday 15 November 2015 6:03

I wonder if someone could catch stupid from him...

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Sunday 15 November 2015 6:03

He needs to do some research. Its not like an STI, you can't pass it from person to person like that.

Comments

weallknowwho123 6

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Sunday 15 November 2015 6:02

first comment

Idiotskillme 20

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Sunday 15 November 2015 6:03

I wonder if someone could catch stupid from him...

blackonblight 32

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Tuesday 17 November 2015 11:43

There is a virus that lowers brain function about the same as intoxication, if I remember right. So in theory you can catch stupid.

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Sunday 15 November 2015 6:03

He needs to do some research. Its not like an STI, you can't pass it from person to person like that.

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Sunday 15 November 2015 6:06

I think some UTIs can be spread sexually though, well the bacteria anyway. Most are caused by poor hygiene.

turtle_darkness 17

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Sunday 15 November 2015 6:06

Actually it can be passed person to person like that.

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Sunday 15 November 2015 6:09

whoops, maybe I need to do some more research :)

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Sunday 15 November 2015 6:11

research done, and it cannot in fact be passed through sexual contact. gotta love the internet!

Dynosaur_dollie 38

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Sunday 15 November 2015 7:06

There's also lots of causes and poor hygiene is not the most common cause. Other health issues may also raise the risk of uti such as diabetes, or in my case a spinal injury. Also majority of females will experience a uti at some point in their life... doesn't mean they're unhygienic. Come on people research, it's handy.

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Sunday 15 November 2015 7:38

No it is not like an STD.

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Sunday 15 November 2015 8:15

I thought a man could pass a UTI onto a woman, but not the other way around because I man's urethra is involved in sexual intercourse, but a woman's isn't. Or did "The Green Mile" lie to me?

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Sunday 15 November 2015 11:16

I don't think men pass it along, but women can get UTIs from having sex generally if they don't pee afterwards to get the bacteria out of the urethra, since bacteria can get shoved up there from...the, yknow, motions.

9a_1z 12

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Sunday 15 November 2015 12:19

UTIs can be a recurring problem for some women, the last thing they need is the stigma that they're dirty and unhygienic people, check your facts before you start spreading that silliness please.

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Sunday 15 November 2015 12:38

No, the reason he couldn't have intercourse with his wife in the movie is because it was too painful.

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Sunday 15 November 2015 16:10

I completely agree #3. However the boyfriends research likely consists of tv shows as I've personally seen a tv sitcom mention that UTI's can only be caught by men during sexual intercourse with an infected female. I know that's not true but most people will assume a tv show does their research.

militarybrat 21

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Monday 16 November 2015 5:16

You can get a uti from sex though.

pirup 13

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Sunday 15 November 2015 6:03

I've heard that too, it's a popular theory. Still pretty rude of him to call you out like that.

invadermaythe1st 35

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Sunday 15 November 2015 19:03

How did he call her out, if there isn't a possible way she could've given it to him? Dumbass.

pirup 13

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Sunday 15 November 2015 23:28

Well, he did call her out by blaming her for it. It was just a false accusation

FredTheFHRITPGuy 10

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Monday 16 November 2015 3:32

The community for this app is fucking hilarious. Everybody takes everything so seriously like your calling him a dumbass for saying that he called her out lol.

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Sunday 15 November 2015 6:04

Most idiotic thing I've heard in a while

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Sunday 15 November 2015 6:04

He probably needs to catch some common sense

lexred 30

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Sunday 15 November 2015 6:16

He surely must have been very tensed then to say such a horrible thing to u. Dont Worry...talk among urselves and sort it out.

R2Y2 22

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Sunday 15 November 2015 9:03

OP's boyfriend sounds fucking stupid. OP should tell him how it is and if he can't swallow that pill, well too bad.

oiler 21

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Sunday 15 November 2015 6:17

Good thing you didnt get his stupidity

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Sunday 15 November 2015 6:25

He also got stupidity disease

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Sunday 15 November 2015 6:26

This isn't normal stupid...this is advanced stupid.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 46

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 98

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 35